What do you say to those arguments? (daycare benefits) - Page 2

[accidental_hs'er]

I was told the same thing

Unfortunately with my first I bowed to pressure and sent him to preschool for a few months. It was a disaster for him. I suppose he would have eventually resigned himself to being there but none of those things they said would be good for him worked. Yet, now at age 7 he:

[...they need to learn to get instruction from people other than their mother. They need to understand that their mother is not the center of the universe.] ...is perfectly aware I am not the centre of the universe. He has friends, teachers (from activities and programs he goes to) and family who all play a big role in his life.

[...they need to learn that they are not the center of the universe themselves and that there are other kids out there.] ...rotflmao on this one! He has a sibling so for the last 4 years he lived this. I hate the way 'centre of the universe' kids can behave and I only know a few---and they go to school.

[...they need to learn to be in a group of children their age] ...no, they don't. My ds hangs with kids from 3-10 and has a lot of fun with all of them. He tends to hang out with kids based on interest not age. His 10 year old buddy plays Lego and chess. His 5 year old friend(s) love Star Wars and Lego. Etc...

[...they need to learn to follow rules.] ...yes, agreed. Mine do. Do people think all children run wild at home and then turn into model citizens at day/care or school?

[...they do things in a daycare that they would never do at home...] ...hmmm, well this depends on 1) the preschool and 2) the parent. Some parents are okay with messy play time and some are not. Some preschools offer those activities often, others do not. I am not a big fan of paint all over the house and relegate it to outside during warm months and in the hall in a tarped off section from time to time. However, we go to art class once a week at a gallery and my dks still seem to find ways for their creative output. Ds is all about the Lego but draws pictures and comics. Dd colours and loves playdough. This is a very weak argument to keep my dks away from me several hours/days of the week.

Like I said, I temporarily bought into the insanity that the only way my dks would be normal and well adjusted was to ship them off to glorified baby-sitters (not knocking dc/preschool teachers but they get paid to watch, feed, keep clean and play/teach the kids --> which I do as it is) and hours of peer interaction. Well, five years have passed and I can safely say that in that time my dks have turned into children who play well with others, have manners, follow rules and instruction - even with other people (who am I kidding, usually better with other people ) and can generally pass themselves off as normal, well-adjusted kids. And so can all the other homeschooled, never preschooled kids that we know.

[isabchi]

I have a smple argument: --I want my children learn things that are suitable, useful and practical through their life.

Day care are good places when do you need them, but certanly between the care of the love ones and a day care. My vote is the care fro.m the parents
1. ...they need to learn to get instruction from people other than their mother. They need to understand that their mother is not the center of the universe.
That's not sense!. They need to follow instruction because they makes sense to them....
2. ...they need to learn that they are not the center of the universe themselves and that there are other kids out there.
Really??? My kids know they're not the center of the universe. They are sympathetic with others, with the other family members (sibblings, parents, pets, and friends!).Also, not going to a day Care don't mean that their isolate. You meet people verywhere, playdate, playgrounds, parks, libraries, store, name it!
3. ...they need to learn to be in a group of children their age
Whom say that??? Stay a number of day hours with a group of you just age it's artificial. In any work place the co-workers are in a variety of age, genders, and so on.
4. ...they need to learn to follow rules
You have rules at your home. Don't you?...

5. ...they do things in a daycare that they would never do at home - all kinds of creative art activities for example, that due to certain limitations (lots of mess, busy mom, etc) cannot be done at home. So it expands their horizons.
You can do art activities too!, if you want. But, toddler learn mostly from free playing and every day life with their parents.
Toddlers learn for the parents, from the daily routine, language,manners, healthy eating, some cores (simple ones), etc

[Cameron's Mommy]

Originally Posted by sparkygirl74

. I told her that I wasn't trying to hurt her feelings but I felt that those were things that parents who felt guilt about daycare told themselves to feel better.

I second this!!... and these reasons are ridiculous! I never went to a daycare and I turned out ok! I think many of us mamas on here didn't go to a daycare ourselves.. its crazy that people today think that a toddler needs to go to "school", you ARE the cener of their universe as they are yours and it should be this way.
I'll just add that I worked in a couple different daycares before DS was born and it was heartbreaking, all they wanted was their parents! A child doesn't understand money or bills.. and they don't have a grasp on the concept of time. I saw some children there 8 hour days... 7 days a week! I decided well before I had children that I would never send them to a daycare

[CParker]

I agree wholeheartedly with what everyone else has already said, and have heard similar arguments myself.

The thing that sticks out most in my mind is that two year olds don't actively socialize with one another. Sure, they'll steal each others' toys, but otherwise they're still in that solitary or at best parallel play stage.

Another thing: Most parents with kids in childcare will tell you that their kid is CONSTANTLY SICK. Constantly. I have one neighbor who took her DD out of a childcare center to pay for a private nanny because of the illness factor. DD would get sick, then pass it to the rest of her family. Fun times...

[skueppers]

First of all, I should comment that I have sent my children to a play-based preschool from the time they turned three. The reason I have sent them to preschool is because the language-immersion environment at this particular preschool was something my husband and I both thought would be extremely valuable to our children (they already spoke this language with me at home, but we felt they would benefit from speaking it with other adults and children).

Because of this, I feel that I have gained insight into both the pros and cons of preschool.

Next year, our son will continue at preschool while our daughter will be at home for K.

Originally Posted by sophi4ka

1. ...they need to learn to get instruction from people other than their mother. They need to understand that their mother is not the center of the universe.

This is a ridiculous notion. There is no reason why a child at 2, 3, or 4 needs to learn to "get instruction from people other than their mother." This argument falls into the general fallacy of thinking that if kids don't learn something when they are toddlers and preschoolers, they will never learn it.

Furthermore, they will naturally encounter environments as they get older when they "get instruction from people other than their mother" even if they never go to school. They will have play dates. They will participate in scouts, sports, etc. They may take individual classes in various subjects.

They will not go to college or get a job and suddenly encounter the need to "get instruction from people other than their mother" for the first time.

That said, it has been interesting to see how my daughter has responded to the authority of her teachers in school, and to the school environment in general. I do actually think it has been beneficial to her to deal with the expectations of the preschool environment (cleaning up at a particular time, going together as a group to the gym/swimming pool/library, etc.) So I do think it's true that this aspect of preschool can be beneficial, but I certainly wouldn't send my kids to preschool in order for this to happen!

Originally Posted by sophi4ka

2. ...they need to learn that they are not the center of the universe themselves and that there are other kids out there.

Again, there are many other ways that kids can learn this. First of all, if they have siblings, they will learn this at home. When they participate in playgroups or other social opportunities with other kids, they will experience this.

This is not an area where I think my kids have benefited from the preschool environment. I think a regular preschool playgroup we've done with the kids, fully supervised by their own parents, was much more beneficial.

Originally Posted by sophi4ka

3. ...they need to learn to be in a group of children their age

I consider this to be a major disadvantage of daycare, preschool, and school in general. I tend to think putting kids who are all the same age together tends to bring out the worst in every age.

One of the things I like about my children's preschool is that the classrooms have kids from ages 3-5 in them, but even that doesn't seem ideal to me. I think they'd be better off with at least a 5:1 studentcher ratio in addition to the mixed ages. Hmm, that's starting to sound a lot like a family or playgroup...

Originally Posted by sophi4ka

4. ...they need to learn to follow rules

I do think there's something about the group environment in preschool that encourages kids to follow the rules and go along with what the group is doing.

But of course you can also learn how to follow rules at home. I definitely wouldn't consider this to be a sufficient reason to send a child to preschool.

Originally Posted by sophi4ka

5. ...they do things in a daycare that they would never do at home - all kinds of creative art activities for example, that due to certain limitations (lots of mess, busy mom, etc) cannot be done at home. So it expands their horizons.

Hmm. The only activities they do at my children's preschool that are substantially different from what we do at home are activities that pretty much require a large group to do them. Things like putting on a performance, or painting large pieces of scenery.

We do plenty of art projects at home.

I definitely don't feel that this has been a significant benefit of sending my kids to preschool. In fact, I am confident I would take them on more "field trips" to museums, the zoo, etc. if they were not in school.

To sum up, yes, I do think kids learn some things at preschool that are positive. However, most of them can be learned just as naturally at home, and the few things that might be easier in a group setting are not so important as to be "don't miss" opportunities. I'm not saying preschool is a bad thing, obviously it's what we've chosen for our kids. But there have definitely been times when I've questioned that decision, and we wouldn't be doing it if we didn't feel so strongly about the language immersion experience.

There will always be things that look good about whatever you're not doing. For example, my neighborhood elementary school offers a Spanish immersion program. I think this program is terrific, and I'm sorry my kids won't be experiencing it. But there are plenty of other things they will get to experience as homeschoolers that the kids in school won't -- and there are school-related problems they won't have to deal with because they're not there.

[zeldamomma]

I'm a little blown away that you're getting this kind of flack about your 2 year old.

IMO, all of those arguments boil down to "You have to send your child to school so she can learn how to behave in school because you have to send your child to school"

The VAST majority of human beings living and dead were with their mothers almost all the time at age 2. I believe it's a well-tested practice.

[ema-adama]

This was just the thread I needed to find now. I am under a huge amount of pressure to put DS (just turned two) into kindy and my IL's are driving me crazy with it.

I unfortunately took the tack of telling them to back off and leave me alone - in a rather aggressive and angry way. It has not helped our relationship, although no one is going to suggest kindy any time soon

I hate that there is so much pressure to do the right thing with a two year old and that I cannot just be left in peace to live my life. I think it is ridiculous that I am required to defend not putting him in kindy. And that people feel they can make a free judgement on my choices when I leave them and their choices well alone.

Thankfully I have found a homeschooling group that we go to once a week. I love it, and DS is getting used to it. Unfortunately he got pulled by a bigger kid and he is now wary of all the kids.... I used to think homeschooling was so extreme and I would never do anything that extreme. Now it just makes sense.

Good luck OP. The responses have been great.

[lmk1]

Yes, there are a lot of benefits to a child to go to a good daycare, and there are also a lot of benefits to the child to stay at home with mama.
One major benefit of staying home with mama is cost. Mama is free if she's not working. Another benefit is not having your kid sick all the time. I was actually thinking of sending my ds to daycare because I work and it's pretty hard to write computer programs while your kid is pulling your hand and wanting you to play with blocks all the time. But when he started wheezing with every cold, I nixed the idea of daycare.
See below in a diff color for my answers:

Originally Posted by sophi4ka

My daughter is 2 and I start getting more and more comments from well meaning people suggesting me to send her to a daycare for at least few days a week. The arguments that are used sound pretty rational and I don't know how to answer to them. My intuition doesn't agree with those arguments, but I don't know to logically explain why. Even to myself.

So what would you answer to those arguments?

It is good for a 2-3yo to go to a daycare because...:
1. ...they need to learn to get instruction from people other than their mother. They need to understand that their mother is not the center of the universe.
At any given time, you have a couple of people in your life that mean the world to you. Currently my kid's most important people are mama, papa and baba (grandma). He seems to take instructions when they go along with what he wants to do. Do I want him to be able to get instructions from a complete stranger on the street? Um, no. So, not a skill I'm really interested in him developing.
2. ...they need to learn that they are not the center of the universe themselves and that there are other kids out there.
Yes, because my kid is locked in the closet all day and never sees other kids! Hah, seriously, my ds LOVES playing with other kids, and can't get enough of well behaved ones (that don't try to take his Thomas train from him)...he sees them every day at the library, at the playground, at other play areas. I think he's figured out that he's not the center of their universe
3. ...they need to learn to be in a group of children their age
WHY? I think it makes sense for kids to be exposed to all ages. So they learn how to be gentle with babies and how to play with older people.
4. ...they need to learn to follow rules
And apparently only a complete stranger can teach them that!
5. ...they do things in a daycare that they would never do at home - all kinds of creative art activities for example, that due to certain limitations (lots of mess, busy mom, etc) cannot be done at home. So it expands their horizons.
I'm trying to figure out what that would be now that I've found soooo many craft ideas for free on the internet.
If all this is true, then a daycare would be a great idea. But I really don't want to send DD there. I am confused...
If you don't want to, then there's your answer! What you could do is go visit at a few (pretending you're thinking about it) and see if there's anything really missing from what your dd is experiencing at home. And if so, then how you could do to expand her horizons yourself...whether finding a good playgroup or doing more crafts or whatever. Personally when I went to visit a recommended daycare a few months ago with ds, I left thinking "how boring it was", "how I didn't feel the providers were respectful enough to the kids - just didn't like their way of discipline" and "how I didn't need my ds learning how to bonk people in the head with heavy wooden toys" (I got bonked hard enough to bleed by a little boy). And then we both got sick - every single kid in there had a major runny nose that no one wiped in the entire hour and a half we were there. Obviously there are better daycares...but I didn't see any kind of learning that we don't do better at home.
Sophie

[Momma Aimee]

Originally Posted by sophi4ka
1. ...they need to learn to get instruction from people other than their mother. They need to understand that their mother is not the center of the universe.

I was thinking about this today as we did our daily stuff.

we went to group for Early intervention where both my boys listen to Miss Cami, Miss Michelle and Miss Emily without a blink.

We went tot he libiary where both boys did as Miss Annette asked, AND replied nicely to Miss Lori (the mom of a peer we see at Lib group).

we stopped at the post office where Big Borth helped Mr Steve open a box and where Little borth listend "not to touch" from Mr Steve the post master ...

My boys are home with me -- well not just home, and ot jsut with me -- adn at 2 adn 4 they are doing just great at having manners and listening to other adults when necessary.

[briansmama]

Sophie,

I'm curious- did someone say this to you about your child or did someone say that daycare/preschool is good for "kids" in general because of x, y, z?

I'm asking because a close friend decided to put her ds in daycare at age 2 and she told me the reason was because it would be good for him to learn how to socialize and the daycare would teach him things.

I remember pointing out to her that my 2 kids were very social and learned plenty without schooling or daycare. Then I felt like I was offending her because she got very quiet. It blew over and we're still friends, but I remember feeling unsure of how to handle that situation.

I would support her in her choice to do what she wants with her own child, but it felt more like a blanket statement and it made me feel defensive, but also like I didn't want to tell her my way was the best either. Everyone has to do what is best for them, and I think respect for eachother's choices is important. I kind of felt like she wasn't respecting our choice by saying those things to me, though.

Is this how you're feeling?

[dogretro]

Originally Posted by sophi4ka

So what would you answer to those arguments?

It is good for a 2-3yo to go to a daycare because...:
1. ...they need to learn to get instruction from people other than their mother. They need to understand that their mother is not the center of the universe.

Mother is not the center of THE universe, just the center of THEIR universe. As she should be.

2. ...they need to learn that they are not the center of the universe themselves and that there are other kids out there.

My kid loves to play w/ other kids & she does when she goes to church or we visit friends. We are not hermits.

3. ...they need to learn to be in a group of children their age

At two? For what?

4. ...they need to learn to follow rules

Because while at home, my child runs around like a heathen all day long doing whatever she darn well pleases

5. ...they do things in a daycare that they would never do at home - all kinds of creative art activities for example, that due to certain limitations (lots of mess, busy mom, etc) cannot be done at home. So it expands their horizons.

Not true. I used to work in a daycare & I am fully capable of doing all of the same activities at home w/ my kid(s). In fact, I can do them better b/c I have only one kid & can focus my energy on doing the project with her instead of rushing thru it b/c 6 other kids want to do it, too. There are many many activity books aimed at childcare that can be read and used by anyone.

I hope I answered all of your questions, lol! I also want to know if the people making these suggestions to you think you are made of money. Now, for all I know, you very well may be, but I know that dh and I are not. The point of me staying home is to take care of our kids and our house. If dd went to daycare 2-3 days per week (not morning preschool, but full daycare), then I would need a part-time job. And there is doubly no way we could afford it for dd to go & me stay home w/ the baby full time. Silly.

Yeah, the world can be a harsh place & there certainly are rules and people do need to learn how to function in a group. This can all be achieved in various ways as a person grows. Ya don't need to start at two or three & ya don't need to feel guilty about it. Guilt is for when you have done something wrong & mothering your child is not wrong

[MamaMonica]

Moved to Toddlers from LAHB

[sophi4ka]

Wow! I didn't expect so many responses! I am so grateful for this forum. Thank you so much for taking time to write!!!

Also I wanted to say that even though I saw that my thread was eventually moved to "Toddlers" forum for some reason, I am glad I posted in the "Learning at Home and Beyond". This is where I intended it to be posted as I was particularly interested in the homeschooling community perspective on the issue. I am planning to homeschool and will probably get comments and suggestions of the sort that I got more and more as DD gets older. I wanted to know how to face them - now and in the future. So it would be very nice if this thread gets back to LaHB forum.

Anyway, after reading all the replies I feel kind of silly for my doubts. You are all so right of course! Its just I am this kind of person that doubts everything. Well, almost everything. And homeschooling is a really big deal for me. With all the books I've read on this subject I feel that I am so indoctrinated with the idea institutionalized learning that being in a complete peace with the idea of homeschooling is very very hard for me. So every time I get comments on benefits of school in general or for why I need to send DD to a daycare now, I start questioning myself. I wish that at those times I would have John Holt or Gatto sitting on my shoulder and whispering the right words in my ear. I don't know when eventually the tip-off point will come for me when I will stop feeling so insecure about this and be able to just say that "this is what is right for our family" and really feel that way.

Thank you again for all the wonderful responses!!!

Sophie

[sophi4ka]

Originally Posted by briansmama

Sophie,

I'm curious- did someone say this to you about your child or did someone say that daycare/preschool is good for "kids" in general because of x, y, z?

Both. It is often said to me when I say that DD is not very social. Actually she has some sort of social anxiety. So several people suggested me to send her to daycare to get used to playing with other kids.
And some people say it in general - that daycare is just this wonderful invention that opens horizons, teaches kids this and that and bla bla bla

Sophie

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by sophi4ka

Actually she has some sort of social anxiety.

Maybe. But my son, when he was that young, had a strong aversion to social interaction that didn't fit with his particular personality. He wanted nothing to do with our little neighborhood playgroup except to play with one other little boy he clicked with, and they stayed great buddies up into their teens. He came across as fairly introverted throughout his childhood, partly because he didn't care to say anything unless he felt he had something to say - and partly just because he had a quieter personality - but he always did well one on one with friends he was compatible with. He naturally grew into a very social person later. Oftentimes, adults expect that children are naturally extroverted, but there are a whole lot of factors involved. In fact, come to think of it, I was much like my son was, and I outgrew it too. I'm not necessarily saying your daughter doesn't actually have some sort of social anxiety, but just that things can seem a lot different when a child is so young and has no way of articulating what's what with her feelings. - Lillian

[milkybean]

Originally Posted by sophi4ka

So what would you answer to those arguments?

It is good for a 2-3yo to go to a daycare because...:
1. ...they need to learn to get instruction from people other than their mother. They need to understand that their mother is not the center of the universe.

2. ...they need to learn that they are not the center of the universe themselves and that there are other kids out there.

3. ...they need to learn to be in a group of children their age

4. ...they need to learn to follow rules

5. ...they do things in a daycare that they would never do at home - all kinds of creative art activities for example, that due to certain limitations (lots of mess, busy mom, etc) cannot be done at home. So it expands their horizons.

My son is approaching 6 now. Also, I do enjoy being a hermit. DS does not. DH does not. I am only now getting out and about to new places alone with DS.

And still....

1. DH and I are the center of DS's universe for now. Less so now than before. He's figured out that there are other people that can be important to him, without being in daycare. Amazing how that worked out!

2. DS has known for quite awhile that he's not the center of the universe. We go to Disneyland quite often, and he knows that there are other kids. We went to playgrounds where he knew to wait in line (and would often let others go in front of him...they all flooded the playground after school let out, so I assume they were all in school, and THEY would just shoot right past him without saying thank you, so...yeah...I can do the math there of what group thinks or doesn't think they are the center of the universe...).

3. I see no need to be in a same-age group. Ever. If you go to school, you're with same-age kids for 12 years. And that's IT. Most colleges have other ages; you're a freshman meeting seniors, you're a sophomore and you have older students in your class, etc etc. You're insulated for 12 years and then boom, you're working at the pizza place on campus, learning to talk to professors and taking their nacho orders...being with same-age people is a very small window in our lives, and it's not a necessity.

My best school year was 4th grade, when I was sent to a one-room schoolhouse near where my mom worked (Montebello Elementary in Cupertino CA). I was taught by the principal, who taught 4-6th, with one 7th grader whose mom wasn't ready to "send him down the hill" yet. My brother was a 1st grader with 1-3 grades. Only K was alone, and I agree with that, b/c K kids are so little! That was my best academic year, seriously. I learned from the older kids; the older kids got their learning solidified by helping the youngers...it was awesome.

4. DS knows what rules are, in an age-appropriate way! Again, we go to Disneyland. There is no running in Disneyland; that might have been the first rule he could repeat, LOL. There is waiting in line, taking your turn, etc etc etc.

5. Sure, there are things in art class that aren't done at home. But...vague, unformed memories of fingerpainting done 36 years ago...those are worth...what? Not sure. DS has an easel, he has watercolors, fingerpaints...all sorts of things.

Originally Posted by sophi4ka

Both. It is often said to me when I say that DD is not very social. Actually she has some sort of social anxiety. So several people suggested me to send her to daycare to get used to playing with other kids.
And some people say it in general - that daycare is just this wonderful invention that opens horizons, teaches kids this and that and bla bla bla

Sophie

Gotta tell ya...being sent to fend for herself might make the anxiety worse. For me, I need to know I can trust the person/people I'm with. That made me feel safe. Seems to have worked with DS, too. He knew for ages that I wasn't going to leave him somewhere, etc etc etc, and now he can branch out easily.

Since you have an eye towards homeschooling....

We've recently started going to a Homeschool PE class at the YMCA, and he loves playing with the other kids! He likes the gymastics and swimming classes he's in too, and he knows that I'm there. He has done really really well with the classes, interacting with other kids, shying away from the ones hopped up on HFCS (he has a serious problem with corn syrup based things, and can tell "hyper" from "crazy blood sugar spike what is this stuff doing to the body hyper"), etc etc. And he easily takes instruction from others! He sure knows that I don't know how to teach him gymnastics, while Coach Angel does! So he's not confused by being taught by someone else when it's needed; then we come home and talk about short vowels.


And remember. This is all working out just fine for us, and I AM a hermit. Seriously. I've started to talk to a couple women at the Y, but that's it, and I'm exhausted when i get home from the interaction. I really like them, but it takes it out of me, b/c I'm such a natural hermit! But DS is who he is, and he's doing really well, despite having no daycare days.

[MyZymurgy]

I'll add to your list of pro-daycare arguments I've heard that "toddlers need to get exposed to germs now to build up a strong immune system."

It's completely incorrect to generalize and say all 2-year-olds SHOULD go into daycare. Every child and every family is different. Absolutely stick with your gut instincts on this because I think they are right on.

I never ever ever thought I'd be sending my little ones to daycare/pre-school. But my DS is soooooooo social. He adores other children. We live in a neighborhood without kids, and don't have many children in our social circles either. So my 18-month-old goes to pre-school (pre-pre-pre school) three mornings a week for about three hours. He LOVES the time with other kids, and according to the teachers spends much time trying hold everyone's hand, giving hugs, and just having a grand ol' time. Unfortunately, many of his peers are more into "parallel play" - but he still delights in their company and tries to engage everyone in his play. So it was the right decisions for our ds. Again, it wasn't something I ever thought I'd do... but you gotta make parenting decisions based on your actual child- not some theoretical child.

I'm expecting our second in April... and I do not plan to enroll her in the same school unless she shows the same unusually outgoing personality and desires to be around other kids. Assuming she is more 'typical' in that regard, I'll probably not enroll her in any sort of daycare or preschool until around age four.

Again - focus on the needs of your individual child and stick with your gut instincts.

[sophi4ka]

Originally Posted by Lillian J

Maybe. But my son, when he was that young, had a strong aversion to social interaction that didn't fit with his particular personality. He wanted nothing to do with our little neighborhood playgroup except to play with one other little boy he clicked with, and they stayed great buddies up into their teens. He came across as fairly introverted throughout his childhood, partly because he didn't care to say anything unless he felt he had something to say - and partly just because he had a quieter personality - but he always did well one on one with friends he was compatible with.

Oh wow, that sounds exactly like my daughter!

Originally Posted by MyZymurgy

I'll add to your list of pro-daycare arguments I've heard that "toddlers need to get exposed to germs now to build up a strong immune system."

Yeh, I forgot that one. I've heard it too, more than once

[Bellabaz]

Originally Posted by sophi4ka

My daughter is 2 and I start getting more and more comments from well meaning people suggesting me to send her to a daycare for at least few days a week. The arguments that are used sound pretty rational and I don't know how to answer to them. My intuition doesn't agree with those arguments, but I don't know to logically explain why. Even to myself.

So what would you answer to those arguments?

It is good for a 2-3yo to go to a daycare because...:
1. ...they need to learn to get instruction from people other than their mother. They need to understand that their mother is not the center of the universe.

DO you have a dp or dh? Other family that your dd sees? Then I suppose she probably already knows you are not the only person in the world. Plus so what if she is close with you? She is still very young.
2. ...they need to learn that they are not the center of the universe themselves and that there are other kids out there.

3. ...they need to learn to be in a group of children their age
DO you guys have family or friends with kids the same age? Go to a playgroup, library activities, vacation or church of some sort? Then she is probably aware of other kids. She is still pretty young to be expected to interact much with others.

4. ...they need to learn to follow rules
You have rules at home?[COLOR="Red"[/COLOR]

5. ...they do things in a daycare that they would never do at home - all kinds of creative art activities for example, that due to certain limitations (lots of mess, busy mom, etc) cannot be done at home. So it expands their horizons.
We paint, use playdough, finger paint, make jewelry, picture frames. We use washable markers for body art. We use old newspapers, smocks and old stained clothing or go naked if there is a huge mess to be made. We dance, sing, go on walks and look at leaves, flowers new bugs. We collect rocks and leaves for art projects.


If all this is true, then a daycare would be a great idea. But I really don't want to send DD there. I am confused...

Sophie

If you are happy and your dd is happy at home then you can basically tell everyone to mind their own business. Daycare has not been around for ever by the way and it doesn't mean our generation or the generations before us are socially inept, uncreative people who can't follow rules and worship our moms.

I should add that dd1 will be 3 in a week and a half. She currently goes to preschool here. Part of our motivation was the language. But we also felt she was ready. It was the right decision for us. And she loves it. But if for some reason we/she didn't want to then she would be at home with me and dd2.

[butterfly_mommy]

I had decided when DS was born and started to seriously research schooling options (Have always tended towards homeschooling) that I wanted to keep him home to learn as long as this was also what he wanted. I have worked in childcare for many years and I did not want to send him to group care at all under the age of about 2.5.

People have sort of been bugging me for the last year about sending DS to preschool when he is "old" enough. Yeah I will be keeping him home as I feel that children can really benefit from been home schooled.

Fast forward to today I care for my friends daughter who is 3 and she is in a really wonderful preschool that is child directed emergent curriculum, very sensitive experienced dedicated teachers who have been there for a long time, GD (actually use the "How to talk..." strategies and run a parenting course on it) It is a cooperative pre-school so there is always 2 teachers and 2 parents in the classroom everyday, etc. Lets just say that there philosophies gel very well with mine. Also I have been doing the parent volunteer part for my friend and I bring my 2 year old with me. he LOVES it! He asks to go to school now all the time. We go to lots of drop-in centres, singing circles, library reading group, and activities throughout the week but he loves school. He loves the teachers and he just really has a great time there.

So I hemed and hawed and now I have decided that he will go for 2 mornings a week in September when he is 2.5. Now I feel like all the "pre-school pushers" won But I still set against full day 5 days a week kindergarten

I also now do see how there will be some benefits for me and DS.

I can work out, shop etc
DS gets to socialize with peers but still in a child led (as much as home anyway, still have to get stuff done )
He will learn that he can have some of his needs met by others outside of the family
He will get access to activities that I only do occasionally daily (like arts and crafts)

However if he was not begging to go to school and if the school was not what it was I would not be in any hurry to get him into preschool/daycare and I feel that there are other ways and other times for him to get the above mentioned benefits.