What do you say to those arguments? (daycare benefits) - Page 3

[sapphire_chan]

Maybe see if your area has a mom and toddler group? Our local school system has a "play and learn" program that's basically a chance to get your LO a chance to play with other kids and to make messes, but with a parent.

It's really great for us because our closest friends near to Lina's age are about an hour away and Lina really thrives on playtime with other kids. But it's something that we wouldn't need as much if we had closer friends.

[olien]

Subbing...so I can keep close all of these great responses as I get hounded with these comments also.

Everyone has made excellent points & I dont have much to add. Follow your heart - listen to your inner mama.

I was at the hosp having an US for baby #2 & was utterly in shock when the tech asked how old #1 would be when the baby comes. I said 20mo. Her immediate comment was: Oh great! Old enough to be put in school so you can have time with the baby.

The thought never crossed my mind! He's my baby too!!

[claddaghmom]

Well we are planning to at least homeschool and I definitely want to unschool, so my response would be, "No, they only need to learn those things so they can be institutionalized for 8 hours a day in school."

Or if I wanted to fight fire with fire, I might be snarky. "Oh, sounds like what they learn at the park. I guess parents these days don't have time to take their kids to the park huh."

Or if I was angry at the sexism: "DH is the center of her universe right now. Check in next week for an update."



On a random positive note.... I was just at the zoo today and a zoo employee smiled at DD and said, "Well hellooooo cutie!" DD turned around and grabbed my legs. The zoo employee turned to me and said, "Well aren't you just a good mom! You've taught her to trust you and to realize this world is very big! I'm sure she'll blossom soon enough!" I almost passed out haha.

[waiting2bemommy]

Well....my honest answer is that I think it depends on the child/family. I think there are some situations where the child could benefit from a few hours a week of preschool, and there are lots of situations where the child is better off at home with mom.

When people start criticizing my parenting, especially by telling me what THEY did with THEIR child, I like to say with a big smile, "I'm so glad that worked out for you guys! It's wonderful that you're so in tune with your child's needs. They're all so different, aren't they?" big smile. Because it really is true. My son is asking me to go to school. He told me last night "I want some friends, mommy." And he is 2, and he has interaction with other children very regularly, but he WANTS to go to school. a friend of mine has one child who excels in school, and two who do not and would be much happier homeschooled with their mom, if she were financially able to swing it.

But it's no one else's business where your child spends his days. You don't owe them an explanation or an excuse for your parenting decisions.

[lmk1]

Originally Posted by claddaghmom

I was just at the zoo today and a zoo employee smiled at DD and said, "Well hellooooo cutie!" DD turned around and grabbed my legs. The zoo employee turned to me and said, "Well aren't you just a good mom! You've taught her to trust you and to realize this world is very big! I'm sure she'll blossom soon enough!" I almost passed out haha.

WOW! Every time ds hides his face, we hear "oh he's shy". Umm, no, but maybe he doesn't like random strangers getting in his face? Especially when he's just waking up from a nap? Sounds like the zoo employee must have a little kid of his own...what a great reply.

[r&mmommy]

Originally Posted by lmk1

WOW! Every time ds hides his face, we hear "oh he's shy". Umm, no, but maybe he doesn't like random strangers getting in his face? Especially when he's just waking up from a nap? Sounds like the zoo employee must have a little kid of his own...what a great reply.

This drives me nuts. We have family that we don't see often and they will label my youngest dd as "shy" simply because she isn't all over them. Um, she sees you twice a year, please.

As for the OP, you've gotten great advice. You know what your child needs.
This thread is somewhat timely for me. I have become really disheartened with the way we are encouraged to seperate from our children at a young age. If we don't, we are stifling them, not allowing them to grow etc. etc. And it bothers me when I tell people what I do for a living (in home child care provider) and they say things like "I couldn't do that all day, my kids drive me crazy and I'm only with them on the weekends!" Because if their own parents don't want to be around them, what does that say about our society?

[triana1326]

Originally Posted by meetoo

Seriously if daycare is so wonderful, then why is it everyone I know who has worked in one refuses to send their children to day care?

LOL. That's me in a nutshell. I worked at a high-end daycare for 6 horrible months right out of college. I vowed after leaving that my children would never experience the stuff I saw and heard. Searching a 3 y/o for rocks because he threw one at a co-worker and broke her nose is not something I would want my children to see. I've seen such sweet kids start daycare and then turn into holy nightmares because of the stuff they see other kids doing on a daily basis.

On a funny side note - my DH and I used to work for the same agency. I quit to SAH w/ DD. They still ask him what his plans are regarding our daycare situations. Uh, duh, I am the daycare.

[Honey693]

Originally Posted by MyZymurgy

I'll add to your list of pro-daycare arguments I've heard that "toddlers need to get exposed to germs now to build up a strong immune system."

One time replying with "that's why I let them lick the floor at the grocery store" and no one will bring it up again lol.

[MyZymurgy]

Originally Posted by Honey693

One time replying with "that's why I let them lick the floor at the grocery store" and no one will bring it up again lol.

That's awesome!

[aikigypsy]

I am currently thinking about daycare for DD (now 2.3) and am dragging my feet. I am planning to work for the census for the next few months, and I think that between my mother and DH we can cover childcare, but I'm not 100% confident that they'll be able to do so many hours in the week. I've visited a couple of places, and none of them feels quite right. The last one I went to was almost good enough... but the woman running it (just her and about 8 1-5 year olds) is a big advocate of super-late "child led" toilet training. We've been doing EC, and while DD is not quite a grad, I'd hate to have her stuck in wet diapers all the time. She's so close.

The EC/potty training issue might not be a deal-breaker on its own, but the 8-hour days, extra exposure to colds (we get plenty at playgroups as it is) and cost are all stacking up against it.

That said, I do plan on sending her to pre-school at least 3 days a week in the fall. She's an extremely active, extraverted child, and we're hopefully going to have a new baby later this year. I think she would really enjoy preschool -- but I can't stir up any enthusiasm for daycare before age almost-3.

[blizzard_babe]

Wow. This thread is really awful to read as a working mother. Seriously.

DS goes to childcare (a home daycare provider) two mornings a week and... honestly, it's great. He has access to toys we don't have at home (space and money limitations), has one more loving adult in his life (in addition to DH, me, and a whole herd of our friends and family ), and comes home exhausted and ready to take an uber-nap.

But from reading what has been written, REPEATEDLY, here, I'm just being "defensive." Maybe I need thicker skin... but it's not "warehouse care," as someone so *kindly* put it, and DH learns no less (or more) there than he would learn with me (or DH, since he's generally been the SAHP in our system). DH will likely go back to being a full-time SAHD next school year because of the new baby, and I'm considering seeing if he can continue going to our DCP two mornings a week because... he loves it.

Yes, I'm a little pregnant and hormonal, but REALLY?! It's. Not. That. Bad. Sure, no one should be hounding you to send your kids when there's no need to do so, because yeah, you're providing your kid with everything they need and more at home. But at least where we take DS, it's a toy-cluttered living room not unlike our own, with a few more kids. Maybe I'm lucky and we stumbled upon a great DCP (with the added bonus of only going two mornings a week because DH and I work mostly-alternating schedules), I don't know. But really, honestly, it's not as horrible as everyone seems to think it is.

There's just a really negative anti-childcare vibe to this thread and it's hard to shake.

[Pippi L.]

My daughter goes to daycare two days a week when I work. She loves it. She tells me all about what she does there, all about the little boy she plays with, and is proud to show me her artwork when she gets home. I love that she's built a strong, healthy attachment to her daycare provider and I love the way she treats my daughter like family. For my daughter and our family, daycare is a bonus because we found an excellent one that supports our values and our daughter's personality. She really, truly has benefitted from it -- though not necessarily for the reasons the OP was given.

Would she be deprived if she didn't have this experience? No. Mama and Daddy time is also fantastic. She would have had other wonderful experiences. I would have no guilt if my daughter didn't go to daycare and neither should you, OP!

Daycare isn't a necessity for every kid, but I will say that for some kids and families it can be wonderful experience. It depends on the kid and the daycare. But then maybe I'm biased. My preschool teacher was a special guest at my wedding and I'm looking forward to seeing her again when I'm a guest at her son's wedding. I'm hoping my daughter's daycare provider will still be involved in our lives when my daughter is 30 years old.

[r&mmommy]

Originally Posted by blizzard_babe

Wow. This thread is really awful to read as a working mother. Seriously.

DS goes to childcare (a home daycare provider) two mornings a week and... honestly, it's great. He has access to toys we don't have at home (space and money limitations), has one more loving adult in his life (in addition to DH, me, and a whole herd of our friends and family ), and comes home exhausted and ready to take an uber-nap.

But from reading what has been written, REPEATEDLY, here, I'm just being "defensive." Maybe I need thicker skin... but it's not "warehouse care," as someone so *kindly* put it, and DH learns no less (or more) there than he would learn with me (or DH, since he's generally been the SAHP in our system). DH will likely go back to being a full-time SAHD next school year because of the new baby, and I'm considering seeing if he can continue going to our DCP two mornings a week because... he loves it.

Yes, I'm a little pregnant and hormonal, but REALLY?! It's. Not. That. Bad. Sure, no one should be hounding you to send your kids when there's no need to do so, because yeah, you're providing your kid with everything they need and more at home. But at least where we take DS, it's a toy-cluttered living room not unlike our own, with a few more kids. Maybe I'm lucky and we stumbled upon a great DCP (with the added bonus of only going two mornings a week because DH and I work mostly-alternating schedules), I don't know. But really, honestly, it's not as horrible as everyone seems to think it is.

There's just a really negative anti-childcare vibe to this thread and it's hard to shake.

Eh, I think you are reading too much in to it - this *is* a thread about SAHM's who are hounded to get their kids in to DC. So are they a little defesive and snarky? Yes, because they *are* being hounded.

[blizzard_babe]

Originally Posted by r&mmommy

Eh, I think you are reading too much in to it - this *is* a thread about SAHM's who are hounded to get their kids in to DC. So are they a little defesive and snarky? Yes, because they *are* being hounded.

Yeah, probably. I'm just getting a very mommy-war vibe off a few of the replies.

[limabean]

Originally Posted by blizzard_babe

Yeah, probably. I'm just getting a very mommy-war vibe off a few of the replies.

Nah, I saw it too, and I SAH. Some of the comments would be better suited to the SAHP forum than the toddler forum -- I can see how they'd be hurtful to parents who WOH.

[akwifeandmomma]

This thread started in the Homeschooling forum, fwiw. It got moved in post 32!

[kittykat2481]

I have not read every response. Daycare is a touchy issue with me because I HAD to send DS to daycare 3 days a week, starting at 8 months old so I could finish school. Even then, I stopped by during lunch to nurse him, and I cried in the car when I left him. I took him because it was best for our family in the long run, but not because I thought he was better off there than at home with me! Even now, he is 2 years old and thriving in a wonderful Montesssori preschool, with teachers and friends who are practically like family, but I would still give anything just to spend my days playing with him, napping with him, and enjoying him. I think what I would really love is to go to preschool with him. Best of both worlds, right? lol But that can't be right now because I finally graduate in 2 months!

The point of all of this is just that if you need to or want to, a GOOD preschool program can have its benefits (time for personal interests, time to get to know a new baby, time to go to work or school, fun and friends for the preschooler) but it's by no means necessary, nor is it even good in every situation. If you're lucky enough to stay home with your children, enjoy it while it lasts. I know if I could stay home, we would do lots of mommy and me classes, field trips, library story time, playdates, and more. That's how our summer was and I loved it!

[JHopesMomma]

As a WOH mom, my 11 month DD does go to daycare everyday, usually for about 9 hours a day. My baby girl does seem to enjoy her caregivers, and is extremely attached to them (she usually gets very upset when there are subs in her room because someone is on leave/vacation). I've been able to continue nursing her (I pump a couple times at work, and she nurses several times throughout the night), which was something I was absolutely not willing to sacrifice. I think I'm the only mom in her daycare center that is still nursing a baby this age...but it's something I take much pride in. With all that said - I think it's ridiculous for other parents to put pressure on you to put your child in daycare. I would LOVE to spend every day at home with my baby, but it's not an option for us right now (only 16 more months!!!). You really just have to do what is best for your family, bottom line. Every parent has to make so many choices about how to raise their children, and hope that they're making the best decisions for their children and their family as a whole. It's not really for any of us to judge what is the "right" way or the "wrong" way to be a parent. Just be confident in your decisions and ignore all the "noise"!

[TheGirls]

Originally Posted by sophi4ka

My daughter is 2 and I start getting more and more comments from well meaning people suggesting me to send her to a daycare for at least few days a week. The arguments that are used sound pretty rational and I don't know how to answer to them. My intuition doesn't agree with those arguments, but I don't know to logically explain why. Even to myself.

So what would you answer to those arguments?

It is good for a 2-3yo to go to a daycare because...:
1. ...they need to learn to get instruction from people other than their mother. They need to understand that their mother is not the center of the universe.

Why? I mean, yes, my DD (who is not yet two) gets instruction from other trusted adults (DP, her grandparents, a few close adult friends), but there's nothing wrong with me being the center of her universe at age 2. Her universe will expand as she gets older, lol. Most kids in daycare still think their moms are the center of the universe...

2. ...they need to learn that they are not the center of the universe themselves and that there are other kids out there.

I agree, they need to see other kids, but, um, daycare is far from the only way to learn it! Family, friends, parks, playgroups, other group activities....

3. ...they need to learn to be in a group of children their age

That's just silly. Why do they need to do that? Kids are much better off in a mixed-age group, IMO.

4. ...they need to learn to follow rules

Parents don't have any rules at all? My 21mo is learning to follow our family's rules...

5. ...they do things in a daycare that they would never do at home - all kinds of creative art activities for example, that due to certain limitations (lots of mess, busy mom, etc) cannot be done at home. So it expands their horizons.

This one may be true. Sometimes. However, there are other benefits to a 2 yo being at home, and the ability to do big messy crafts is fun for a 2-3yo, but not hardly critical to development, kwim? And they can do SOME of that stuff at home...

Now I should clarify, I have no problem with daycare. There are reasons why some people need to use it, and reasons why some people choose to use it, but I don't think those 5 reasons are compelling reason to send a child to daycare if you don't want or need to. In fact, if you don't need to use daycare, then the fact that you simply don't want to is all the reason you need, lol.