Bris questions

[tribord]

I'm hoping some Jewish mamas can help me out with some bris questions, and that this is the right forum for my questions.

A little background: DH and I are expecting our first boy. DH is Israeli (very secular) and I am a Jew-by-choice who had a Reform conversion (I was raised Catholic but was no longer practicing). We are minimally observant, with me being more observant than DH, and no longer members at any temple. I would not consider circumcision but for the fact that we are Jewish, and after thinking it over a lot for the last week I am feeling about 95% sure that I do not want a bris for our son. I am hoping to get DH on the same page as me before the in-laws bring up the issue (I'm sure they assume we will have a bris) and would like to make sure I have some facts straight.

1) If we did have a bris, I would want a very good mohel (not just an OB/gyn mohel who basically does a medical circumcision). I assume that would be an Orthodox mohel. Would an Orthodox mohel even do a bris for the son of a woman who had a Reform conversion? For a family that is minimally observant?

2) I have told DH of the difference between milah and periah and the whole "just taking the tip off" idea/history/controversy. *If* we wanted to find a really good mohel who also does just milah (either as a regular practice or would be willing to do it for us) how would we go about finding him? Would such a mohel even exist?

3) How much does a mohel typically charge? If a mohel needs to travel extensively and stay overnight I assume the family pays for those expenses?

4) If we did not have bris for our son and later (adolesence+) he wanted a bris (not just a circumcision), would he be able to have one with a traditional mohel? Would such a mohel be able to provide him with anesthesia? Basically I would hope that if he would choose to be circumcised later in life he could have the option of something as close to a bris as possible and not just a medical procedure in a hospital.

Thank you

[merpk]

Okay, so am answering as briefly as I can. Am not known for brevity, so that means something.

1) Yes, an Orthodox mohel will do a bris for a Reform convert, a Conservative convert, even someone who has not yet converted but is considering it. And your observance is not relevant to any mohel.

2) Not something that is relevant except in the discussions of intactivists.

3) With every bris in the US that I've been involved with (my sons and my nephews and friends' kids) the mohel basically just took an envelope with whatever we put in it. No, he didn't look in the envelope. If we paid him a dollar, because that's what we could afford and what it was worth to us, then that's what we would have paid him. If we could afford more, we paid him more. It was worth a lot to us, and we paid him accordingly. We know people for whom it was worth a tremendous amount but due to unemployment and various issues they had no money, so they paid less.

I can't tell you what a mohel who has to travel will expect, though. I lived in NYC and it was a nonissue.

4) If he chose to have a bris at any time in his life he could have one, with a mohel in the hospital. Happens a lot, particularly as so many folks have come from the FSU who finally have the opportunity to live freely as Jews and want to have a bris, choose to have a bris. Yes, it's in the hospital, and anesthesia is involved, but it is a kosher bris.

Keeping in mind that a circumcision is not a bris, right?

Hoping for you that everything happens at the right time/b'sha'ah tova ...

[tribord]

Thank you so much for your reply.

Originally Posted by merpk

2) Not something that is relevant except in the discussions of intactivists.

Do you have any suggestions on where it might be appropriate to ask this question?

Originally Posted by merpk

Keeping in mind that a circumcision is not a bris, right?

Sorry if I didn't write up that last question in the clearest way; I absolutely know they aren't the same. If I could reword it, I think I would ask if he wanted to have a bris as an adult but not do an Orthodox conversion, would that be allowed? And it sounds like the answer is yes.

Thanks again!

[smeisnotapirate]

Weighing in to add a : to what merpk said, and add a couple of things.

Originally Posted by tribord

Do you have any suggestions on where it might be appropriate to ask this question?

The issue is that the question itself is irrelevant. In Judaism, with brissim, there IS no "periah" or "milah." There is just the bris. They are all done as bris milah. That being said, I expressed concern to our mohel (orthodox) about foreskin function and he took of the halachically minimal amount. It is still bris milah, as DS's glans is bare.

So Jewishly, the question is irrelevant, as "bris periah" is only relevant to intactivist discussion, not to Judaism itself. If you're looking for a kosher bris performed by a mohel, it is bris milah. Period.

Question #3: Our mohel came in from Philadelphia, and charged $600. He did charge an actual amount, to cover travel costs and the bris. Some do it this way, others use the envelope method that merpk described.

Any Jew can have a kosher bris at any point in his life. As an adult, it would be in the hospital, but done the same way.

[tribord]

[QUOTE=smeisnotapirate;15113110]


The issue is that the question itself is irrelevant. In Judaism, with brissim, there IS no "periah" or "milah." There is just the bris. They are all done as bris milah. That being said, I expressed concern to our mohel (orthodox) about foreskin function and he took of the halachically minimal amount. It is still bris milah, as DS's glans is bare.
[QUOTE]

This makes, sense. Thank you. Do you have any ideas about how to find a mohel who would be open to a discussion of taking off the minimum amount as yours did?

[smeisnotapirate]

Originally Posted by tribord

This makes, sense. Thank you. Do you have any ideas about how to find a mohel who would be open to a discussion of taking off the minimum amount as yours did?

Just talk to your local mohel when you schedule the bris. Most do "what LOOKS right" because that's what parents want. If you want the minimal amount allowed by halacha, just let them know.

Just in the interest of full disclosure, it still is absolutely a circumcision that looks like and is a circumcision. You are still removing the largest portion of the foreskin. So if you're not observant and don't want to perform the mitzvah, this is not a substitute. Just wanted to make that clear.