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I am so upset! -Update

post #1 of 41
Thread Starter 
I saw my midwives this morning, and my fundal height is now lagging 3.5 to 4 cm behind my gestational age. I am 37+4.

My daughter was an emergency induction at 38+3 for IUGR. She was born full tem weighing 4lbs 13oz. We never figured out why. For the record, I am 5'10' and my husband is 6'4". We are NOT small people, and we have no idea why we ended up with such a small baby.

I have an appointment scheduled for Fri to have a NST and an Ultrasound to see what is going on. My husband is out of the country until Sunday afternoon.

I am so terrified. I am so upset. I told him not to go on this stupid trip. He didn't think it was a big deal, and didn't even ASK not to go. Now I feel totally abandoned as I am dealing with this whole s**t storm again. My daughter's induction was horrible, traumatizing, with a whole crew of people yelling at me and I have never been treated so degradingly in my life, and now I am possibly facing it all again, but worse, because I'm by myself. EVEN worse, because now I have my 3yo to worry about and only one guy around to help with her. She has already been having a hard time with daddy gone, and she has been coloring on the furniture, and pouring water and drinks on the floor and on her toys, and breaking things, and crying "mamamamamamama" in a baby voice all the time. I was already feeling stressed, but now I just want to curl up in bed and cry for the rest of the day.

My husband was out of town last week, too, and when we has home for 1 day this weekend, did he help me dig out our old box of baby clothes or install the new carseat? NO, he dragged me around to look at houses, and we put an offer in on one. So now, I am left to call the bank, do the inspection, and deal with all that by myself this week. And I will have to move when this new baby is brand new, and scrub the apartment we live in.

Now I am wondering WTF was I thinking. Why did I want to have another baby with him when we never figured out why our DD had problems? Why did I agree to marry a soldier in the first place? He just missed our 4th anniversary, and he already missed our 2nd and 3rd. He missed our DD's 1st and 2nd birthdays, and now, if the NST is no good and I am facing an induction or c-section Fri, he may miss the birth of this daughter. We have spent less than half of our marriage actually TOGETHER.

I wanted a husband, not a freaking pen pal. It was one thing when I could just blame the Army, but he is not even in anymore, and I am feeling totally abandoned. And I am so worried about this baby. I desperately wanted a healthy sized baby this time. I am feeling so let down by my husband, so let down by my stupid defective body. And I am writing it here because I don't even know anyone in town yet, so I don't even have any friends I can call to come over to talk to.
post #2 of 41
Man, what a lot to have to deal with right now. I hope things end up not being too serious and stressful with your little one, I know I'd be just as freakin' upset as you with my dh right now.

We're dealing with selling/moving stuff too and it's just so much exhausting work lately for me too - you have a lot of my sympathy on dealing with that alone (heck, I've been packing boxes for like a week to clear out our place, I'm totally exhausted and eating lots of donuts and coffee - not good for the heartburn or anything else - and now dh is working like a week straight all 12 hour shifts and I get to clean everything up, at least he's around to deal with some of the work we've got to have done. hah! and then there's the going to have to move with the new baby afterward too. . . I don't know what we're thinking trying to do that later, I just remember spending all my time lying on the couch before trying to rest when we had a new baby before, yk?).

With the possibility of another induction and all, any way to find someone to be doula/labor support in your tribal area? We actually just recently were able to find free doulas through the hospital system here (even at the 36 weeks I'm at too)- so there just might be something like that that could help you somewhat? And p.s. insist on getting a professional cleaner, if you can, for the apartment. With all this, I'd think you deserve that.
post #3 of 41
I would lay in bed for a while and cry. It might help you feel a bit better.
I know how devastating it can feel when you think your body has failed you. It is a depressing thought. What I do is plan how I am going to fix things when everything is over. Maybe starting to plan how you will take care of a tiny baby and how you can go the extra mile to take care of them will help you feel more empowered. Also having had this problem before may make it less traumatic as the first time.
As far a the hubby thing goes....I'd be pissed too. You can't change what happened in the past (though it can still hurt) but you can demand better treatment now.
I wish I could be there with you on Friday, but know that many women around the country will be thinking of you and sending positive energy your way.
post #4 of 41
Maybe baby has just dropped, it is normal for you numbers to be low at this stage due to babies head being engaged.

Hang in there
post #5 of 41
I'm sure your midwife must have checked this, but is it possible that the baby is just moving down into position? My fundal height hasn't changed for a couple of weeks and my midwife told me that it's not unusual for it to stay the same or even decrease in the last couple of weeks as baby gets lower.
post #6 of 41
I was at 32 when I was at 32 weeks and also 34... my next appointment is tomorrow, but the baby feels lower to me. For what that's worth...
post #7 of 41
I'm so sorry!!!!
post #8 of 41
I'm so, so sorry there's so much chaos and stress in your life right now!!!

Obviously, IUGR is a very real thing for you. And I certainly don't mean to minimize this AT ALL.. because it could be a possibility (again) and the pain of reliving what you went through before must be nearly unbearable...

But.. it *could* be something not quite as traumatic (at least we can all hope)... Fwiw, I'm 5'11" and my dh is 6'5". We're not small people My babies have always been on the larger side also (just over and just under 9 pounds.. and 21-22 inches) ... that said, for this pregnancy I've been measuring a week or two (even three) behind for a month or two. My midwife doesn't seem concerned (and actually about a month ago, after feeling my belly, thought the baby simply had his/her head kind of tucked under and in .. thus making me measure smaller). .... So... I don't even know that my story adds anything.. but... I'm hoping for the best for you.

I'll be praying for you. [[hugs]]
post #9 of 41
I don't have any advice, but wanted to offer a . I hope things get better for you soon!
post #10 of 41
I don't have any advice but wanted to offer some and support. I hope things go well for you on Friday. Much love to you and yours .
post #11 of 41
That totally sucks! I think you have every right to be upset... I'm glad you wrote about it here, I always find it helpful to write it down and get those feelings out of my head (at least momentarily).

This too shall pass. Know that we're all sending good vibes and virtual hugs your way.
post #12 of 41
Oh MiaMama, you've got so much going on right now.
I wish I lived near you. Seems like you just need another Mama to be to sit, relax and cry with. I don't have any advice about you and your husbands situation, but I pray that all is well with your unborn little one.
I hope that he comes back and you don't have to go through the birth alone.
post #13 of 41
No words just lots of love and support for you
post #14 of 41
Sending you massive hugs!!! I am so sorry that you are going through all of this right now. First off, I would try to find a doula to support you through your potential induction. I think that would be a good place to start.Then go from there. The doula maybe be able to help with child care?

As for moving, we just moved into a foreclosed property, we offered and it was accepted and the closing date was 3 weeks later, then we moved, it has been so stressful, the cleaning, packing moving and the hiccups and bumps in the road that come along with it, I would not recommend it really to anyone at our stage of the game.
MAybe you're offer will not be accepted, or the closing will take longer. You are in no rush to move right, as you are in an apt.? You could definately take your time.
And I second the apartment cleaner, when the time comes.

I hope Friday goes well for you, I will be thinking of you xoxox
post #15 of 41
Sweetie, I am so sorry that you are going through this. You don't need it right now! Moving is so hard, too. What is the deal with DHs?! Maybe he *thinks* he is helping you with a new house. I think my DH would probably see it that way. He would not realize that moving with a newborn and a toddler is INSANE. I am sure he is motivated by love, his head is just a little mixed up.

I am 39 weeks, measuring 34 b/c of dropping. Maybe you have also dropped? At this stage, measuring is an art and a science. I hope that your check on Friday will reveal good info. I will be thinking of you, and wishing that everything goes great.

I also hope that you will have an opportunity to speak with your DH about how you are feeling. You really need his support. You know you have support here, too.
post #16 of 41
Just wanted to offer my support and hope that the small measurement means your baby has dropped and is not anything else!!

Being separated from your family and support during this time is so tough. It's nice to be able to have at least some on-line support here--sometimes, it just makes you feel better to get it off your chest and receive soothing words.
post #17 of 41

Just offering support!
post #18 of 41
Thread Starter 
Thank you all so much for your support. It really means a lot to me.

We have been tracking somewhat low measurements for a few weeks now, but 4cm is supposed to be the threshold where IUGR should be suspected. I wouldn't be worried, except this baby is now measuring exactly what my daughter was measuring at this stage. Ths baby is still floating high up, and she finally turned to vertex from transverse, so I though before that the low measurement was position, but now it is not as easy to brush off.

Luckily, my midwife this time around will stay and advocate for me if we do need to transfer, and she has a good relationship with the OB she is taking me to for the measurements. Even if she measures too small (although we are praying for 5lbs 8oz, the cutoff for IUGR), we expect her to get good marks on the NST. She moves a lot more than DD did at this stage. Because my older DD was full term when they found the problem, they didn't check to see if she was still growing, or check her well being at all, they just jumped straight to induction. FWIW, the ultrasound estimated her at 5lbs even, and she was 4+13 at birth. She had symmetrical IUGR with microcephaly, which means she had an abnormally small head, so it was a big concern.

The first time this happened, I wasn't worried, and thought DD had just dropped. I have lost my pregancy innocence now, and I finally have 1 risk factor for IUGR, which is a history of it. Luckily, I know a LOT more about it now, and can be a much better advocate for myself. I had been prepping for a natural birth the first time around, and didn't research IUGR beforehand, so I was blindsided and didn't even know what questions to ask.

I think I am just taking my frustrations out on my wonderful husband because I know he/our relationship can take it. He got his flights changed and will be home a few hours after the tests now, best he could do. He really does try to take good care of us. He is the kind of guy who comes home from work and cooks US dinner, and does it with a big smile. The reason it is so hard to have him gone is because he makes us so happy when he is here.

I am really just disappointed that this will confirm that the problem is with me, instead of some placental fluke or prenatal infection. It is unlikely that I will get the three daughters I had been dreaming about now. DH does not want to go through all this again, and I fell incredibly guilty about subjecting my poor defensless babies to the sub-optimal conditions my womb appears to provide. It seems irresponsible to ever get pregnant again, and it breaks my heart that this is it.

I am going to go see a grief counsellor. I did after my misscarriage, but I stopped going after I got pregnant again. I think it is time to start again.

Thanks again for the warm wishes, I have been feeling so alone in this new city.

ETA: Please post up every great thing about your pregnancies! I pray for healthy babies for each and every one of you, and I rejoice in every good sign and healthy babe. I am really happy about no micropreemies in this DDC, and I want to have as much as I can to celebrate.
post #19 of 41
Be gentle with yourself alright? for you.
post #20 of 41
Couldn't read and not
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