desperately need ideas for keeping 1yo busy while I work

[sassycat]

Hello!

I am a little desperate, and I am hoping to get some good advice from some experienced parents here. Here is my situation:

I have a 12 month old girl, and I run a business out of my home. I am having trouble finding time to work. I have a babysitter come here 2 or 3 days a week to play with the baby, and hold her for naps, so that I can get my work done. 2 or 3 days is not enough time for me to get everything done that I need to do in order to keep my business thriving,but I'm really stretching to pay for that much help. I am in REAL danger of my business failing if I don't find a solution soon. (less crucial, but also important - laundry, dishes, and showering are also a problem for me)

I am trying to come up with some ideas to keep my baby occupied so that I can get stuff done when the sitter isnt here. I recently re-arranged my studio and gated off almost half of it, to give her her own space. She wants nothing to do with it after about 5 minutes.

I know all babies are different, and I guess maybe my daughter is just the type that doesnt really like playing on her own for very long.

Also, we co-sleep - so her bedtime is my bedtime - no chance of working after she falls asleep. Additionally, on most days she takes 2 naps. She needs to be walked around in a carrier to fall asleep, and it is very hard to put her down without her waking up. So, I usually let her sleep on me in the carrier - at least i can get some computer work done that way.

Does anyone have any ideas? I know there are other parents out there with similar issues, so I was hoping if enough people respond with ideas, this thread could be a great resource for us!

Here are my ideas so far:

1) try to help her learn to nap on her own, and put a mattress on the floor in her little space. that way i could work around my studio while she sleeps, and i can still keep an eye on her.

2) rotate toys. i think she gets bored easily, so i was thinking that i should change out her toys every day, so she has new ones everyday when i start working.


I would be grateful for any advice that anyone has! This family will be in real trouble if I dont get back on track soon.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Your at a very tough age where they are just learning to be independent. Sometimes they are cool with it, sometimes they are FAREAKED OUT by it. I really dont have any other advice for you, if extending childcare is not a financial option. I can't imagine trying to get any kids of work done at home with my 15 month old. It just wouldnt happen.

[TiredX2]

Moved to Toddlers

[Rowansmama]

That is such a rough age for trying to get work done! Well really, I found everything after about 8 months rough.

What exactly is your business? Is it something that involves customers or clients, or do you just work on your own in your studio? I ask this because I WAH as a technical writer and long ago gave up getting any work done when DD is around. I resigned myself to being very tired and working after she went to bed and before she got up in the morning.

I think it's crucial that you get her to nap and go to sleep on her own, in different settings than co-sleeping or being worn. While these are fantastic and I mourned losing them, in order to get work done it was vital that she sleep away from me, or at least without needing to be on me. By 12 months she should be able to get into a decent sleep routine (not saying it's going to be easy! Just that it can be done with no trauma.) I think it took about 2 or 3 weeks for my daughter to get used to going to sleep in her own bed.

Rotating toys is a good idea too, but once she gets to the age where she's really mobile and talking/asking questions (hello, 2 year old!) you're going to find it pretty much impossible to get concentrated work done. I worked at home for 2 years with NO outside help, but when I go back in 5 months after having DD#2 I'm definitely going to need childcare.

So, a couple of ideas I'll throw out there for you:

- Do you know any SAHMs who could either come over to your studio for a bit while you work or have your DD at their house for a few hours a couple of times a week? Most of my SAHM friends are more than happy to help out once in awhile, as long as I ply them with treats occasionally.

- Where I live there are a couple of smaller childcare centers that have a drop in playgroup option. Basically I can drop her there on a Friday morning for a few hours at a minimal cost. You might look around at some places to see if it's cheaper than having someone come to your house.

- Do you have a partner/DH? If so, what's his schedule like? Mine takes over all childcare duties from supper time to bedtime. That way I can get in about an hour and a half of work. He also does his share of household duties, which is non-negotiable with me.

- I get up about 2 hours before DD wakes up. This is EVIL, painful TORTURE. But on the other hand, I eat my breakfast, shower, sometimes get a run in, and do some work before the munchkin is awake. This is a fairly recent thing, once she started sleeping in til about 7:30 or 8.

- Schedule, schedule, schedule! Seriously, schedule every moment of your day. Put in slots for eating, sleeping, showering, housework, meal planning, grocery shopping, and working. Get a set of really good routines down. I used to use flylady.com until I got a system worked out. I do dusting on Monday, bathrooms on Tuesday, change the sheets on wednesday, laundry and meal planning on thursday, and groceries on friday. Vacuuming is done on the weekend when DH is home. This sounds insane and not fun at all, but it works. It makes household maintenance mindless, so you're never wondering what needs to be done. I also lowered my standards considerably.

- Finally, keep in mind that this is only temporary! It's going to be crazy busy for a few years, but soon your daughter will be in school and you'll have much more time. That's what I tell myself whenever I get really overwhelmed.

Oh, and check out the WAHM Well forum, or the working and student parents forum. There have been numerous threads like this one over the years. A search will probably pull up quite a few.

[4Blessings]

I think you are asking too much from a 12 month old. They still need you lots of the time (this is a good thing) at that age. If you are unable to spend the time parenting during your working time you might need to find additional hired help..

[Eligracey]

Definitely work on getting her to sleep alone, both for naps and early night-time. It may be hard initially to work on transferring her asleep to a mattress on the floor, but at that age she'll probably take to it pretty quickly. My DS is 13 mo and sometimes wakes upon transfer but if I'm laying him in bed I'll just lay down, a nurse for a few minutes until he's out again and then sneak away. Babyproof the room appropriately, use a rail/pillow, and a baby monitor, and you now have an extra few hours a day. I can never get any computer time when my DS is awake, either.

A daytime option would be switching off childcare by alternating playdates at a friend's house, next time your house, etc.

[mckittre]

I wish I had an answer! I have the same problem with my 12 month old. I have an easier situation, since my husband also works at home. Up until recently, there was a decent amount of time that we could both be working while the baby played by himself (in fits and spurts). Now, I can only work if he's asleep or if my husband takes him somewhere where he can't get to me. Otherwise he's constantly dumping his toys and books in my lap and shrieking. I rotate toys too - it helps some, but not much. I think trading childcare or working when the kid is asleep are really the only options. I cosleep too, and nurse my baby to sleep and then slip away to work in the evenings, and for some naps. I can't do it in the morning, he won't stay asleep.
I'd try transitioning her to the mattress in your studio and trying to get a bit of time when she's asleep.

[sassycat]

Thanks so much for all your thoughtful responses!

Rowansmama - i really appreciate all the time your put into your post. Here are some answers to you questions:

I am a wedding photographer, and I do custom bookbinding. My husband has a 9-6, so he is able to watch the baby while I am gone on weekends. When he gets home in the evenings is when I schedule meetings with clients. (doesn't happen every day). On evenings that I dont have meetings, he prefers, and I agree, that we spend some time together as a family. It usually just involves eating dinner and one of us playing with the baby while someone does dishes. On occasions where i am really backed up with work, I will work for an hour or so in the evening while he is home, but it's not something I see us doing on a regular basis.

My husband is good about doing his share of the household chores. after i go to bed, he tidys up, washes diapers, and does stuff like taking garbage out. Hes a night owl anyway, thank god! none of this would ever get done if he didnt do it!

I think getting her to sleep and then sneaking off in the evenings is totally possible - the only problem is that she takes after her daddy and doesnt finally fall asleep till laaaaate - like 10:30 or 11! and im totally zonked, and wouldnt be able to work anyway.

getting up before her in the morning is totally possible - and a great idea. ( so THATS when i can shower? ) I love, love, love more than anything, waking up with her.. but maybe if I just got up early a few days a week that work out well. She sleeps till 7:30 8ish.

Eligracy - I agree that the key is probably getting her to take naps on her own. i try to put her down occasionally, but havent had success in the past couple months. Although, I just tried this morning and it worked!! I think i will get a small crib mattress or something to keep in the studio, that way I can keep an eye on her while i work. The house that I live and work in is very large and not baby friendly at all, so I really dont feel comfortable leaving her in the bedroom which is pretty far from my studio. (i dont own a baby monitor, but I dont think I would get any work done anyway if I did - I'd probably just stare at it!)

I only have one friend in the area with a baby, and I'm not sure how it would work with switching off days and watching each others kids. I know NOTHING about how to take care of two at once!!! Jeez, is that even possible! hahaha

I guess the thing that frustrates me the most, is that I keep hearing stories of women who are able to juggle a business and babies with no help. Makes me feel like theres something wrong with me or something that I'm having such trouble. My friends sister worked from home with 4 kids, one after the next. can NOT imagine.

I do cherish this time that I have with her as a baby, and I'm certainly not wishing it away. I know I will miss this time when she becomes more independent. At the same time though, in this economy, I really have to put in extra effort with my biz. I'm feeling hopeful that the ideas you all gave me will at least buy me enough extra time during the week to get alot more work done! I was so desperate yesterday, I was in tears. I really feel alot better now about it. Thank you!

[JessieBird]

I am going to be brutally honest. I'm afraid of offending you so please know that I am only speaking from my own limited experience - I have a 15 mo and I have had my own business for many years, but never at the same time. I don't mean to judge your decisions at all.

What you are proposing would not be workable for me. At all.

For three reasons:
- When I am in the same space as DS, I feel that he should have most of my attention. I definitely do chores or prepare food or sometimes casually read the paper or do some artwork while being with him but I am chatting to him and I am connected with him throughout. I am happy to drop everything if need be and he is still at the front of my mind. When I try to do something that has a deadline or requires more focus or precision, I psychologically push him aside and I'm sure that I'm visibly ignoring him. Deep down inside, I wish he wasn't there and I'm sure that he can pick up on this. I can't fake it. Don't get me wrong, I don't dote on DS like a little king. I take time for myself and I do other things when I'm with him, just not "work" in the sense that we are talking about here.
- The stress and anxiety that comes from rushing to use a certain window of time to get something done, from hoping that he won't wake up (or whatever), and from the guilt of wishing DS would let me get some work done, etc. There is no breathing space to concentrate on work and the pleasures of our work (I'm assuming that you like what you do, as I did too when I was self employed in a creative discipline) when there is a toddler who wants my attention or who may want my attention at any moment around. This stresses me out too much. My mama-instinct tells me it's wrong and this leads to guilt.
- Toddlers change quickly. I might find a solution that works for DS and I at one point in time and everything would go great for a while. Then his needs and interests would change and everything would be upside down. All of a sudden we might go from being on a roll to unable to meet deadlines, etc. They change from day to day too. Planning to work during nap times when naps might not happen every day or for as long each day would be no fun for me. I do not want to get frustrated with my son if he won't nap well one day, I would rather be able to go with the flow and do some other quiet restful activity without being stressed that my work is falling behind.

Before I had DS, I was 100% certain that I would use the opportunity to quit my office job and go back to self employment. Well, within a few months of my mat leave I realized that my utopic picture of DS playing quietly in the corner of my studio was totallly ridiculous. It wouldn't be fair to either of us. He is a very easy baby - as easy as they come I think - but still I believe that he needs me to want to be with him when I choose to be with him. Know what I mean? And I need to feel that I am available to him, even if we are able to sort of do our own things.

So the solution for me would be to get more childcare and plan to work only during those hours. I would find childcare that is professional and reliable and something that DS would also benefit from and enjoy. I would consider a little extra time during naps or in the moring to be bonus but I wouldn't count on it. In a nutshell, I would have to approach self employment at home as any other job away from the home.

I really hope you don't mind me saying all this stuff. When I made this realization and therefor the decision to go back to my office job until we can afford enough childcare for me to go back to self-employment, it was hard. I was disappointed. But it was also liberating. When I do work from home for myself again, it's going to be win-win for DS and I and I'm going to know that my work time will be predictable and uninterupted.

[gbailey]

Vtech makes a computer toy for babies that used to keep DD quite busy. She's nearly two and it still keeps her busy.

I get freelance work on occasion and when I do, I wake up an hour before DD, I skip my morning workout to get the work done and work during her nap. I would try this if it's possible for you. It would also be great if you can swap time with another mom in order to get the work done. Good luck and please report back what works for you

[crunchy_mommy]

I wrote a very similar post just last week or so after a particularly trying day, but for the most part WAH is working OK for me. I work 8-5 (set hours). DH has shifted his hours to be 6-12:30 so he's home by 1pm MWF (Tues & Thurs my sister is here in the afternoons & he works longer days to make up for the hours he's missed) -- Does your DH have any flexibility to do something like that? We still get to spend our nights & weekends together as a family which is awesome. So on an average day, I am working 8-12 without help, then I have lunch, then 1-5 someone is here to help so I can focus more on my work, take client calls, etc. All my work is on the computer. So at 8am I sneak out of bed, grab the laptop, and climb back in bed next to DS. If I'm lucky he'll sleep until 9 or 10:30 (not so much lately! LOL!) and if he wakes up earlier then he usually takes a nap in the morning. He nurses to sleep on the boppy & I continue working on my laptop the whole time with him in my lap. I have a little laptop stand to make it easy for me to do so. When he's awake, I play music for him & read books etc. as I'm working (I like multitasking!) We don't have an office at the moment so I work out of the bedroom most of the day. The mattress is on the floor & the whole room is baby-proofed & lots of toys are in the corner, so when he actually plays by himself (rare, he's very high-needs!) I don't have to worry about him getting into trouble. Ahhh I'd like to write more but I can't right now, but if you have questions etc. or want to brainstorm with me for more ideas, let me know!

ETA: Here is the thread I wrote last week, unfortunately it took some weird turns away from what I intended but maybe reading through will give you some good ideas for activities & all!! http://www.mothering.com/discussions...php?p=15075745

[hrsmom]

Originally Posted by sassycat

I guess the thing that frustrates me the most, is that I keep hearing stories of women who are able to juggle a business and babies with no help. Makes me feel like theres something wrong with me or something that I'm having such trouble. My friends sister worked from home with 4 kids, one after the next. can NOT imagine.

I can not imagine, either! I just wanted to throw out that my baby slept on me only until about 13 months, then she napped in bed. Sometimes I get stuff done during naps, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I get stuff done late at night, when I'm totally bleary-eyed, and sometimes I don't! My LO still doesn't play by herself, and I'm a single mama working from home!!! (With two businesses, no less!) I love the idea of trading off with a friend, and am trying to meet some people to do that with!

[sassycat]

hrsmom - wow im impressed! seriously, single mom with 2 businesses - i need to take some lessons from you!

jessiebird - i am not offended. thank you very much for your input. i toooootaly see what you are saying about being there and being connected with your little one. I really do think that is so important. I know that sometimes(not alot, but sometimes), even though we are right next to each other - my mind is elsewhere, and that really does make me feel guilty. Most of the time though, it is just my work that suffers - I simply just dont get it done.

One thing that is just not an option for me, is giving up my business. I have SO much invested in it. (not that the thought hasn't crossed my mind before). It's not just my pride (im sure thats a small part of it though), but we really need the income. Also, I almost positive I wouldnt be able to find other work. At least not work that pays enough to justify full time childcare. That is very expensive here.

I just know if I could afford to have just a little more help, then I could invest more time in my business and I'm sure I could expand and earn a little more. But I jsut cant afford that right now. Its kinda of a catch 22. In fact, according to my back account lately - I really wont be able to have my 2 day a week sitter for more a couple more weeks - unless I get some positive cash flow quick!


gbaily - a family member just got some vtech superoverstimmachine for her b-day. I definitely kept her entranced the one time we let her play with it. We decided to put it in a closet and only take it out for emergencies! That thing was crazy!

crunchy mommy - thats great that your husband had that kind of flexibilty with his hours. unfortunately, mine doesn't. About half of my (office) work is on the computer. The little area that I made for her in the studio is right up against my desk, so I can actually turn my monitor, and sit in there with her and work. That usually doesnt last very long though. At least when she sleeps I can edit my photos and whatever else I need to do on the computer. The other half of my work is very baby-unfriendly. When I am in the middle of binding a book, there is just no way to stop if the baby needs me. So, I only do that when I have help. I will check out your other thread! And yeah I would love to brainstorm ideas.


so about the napping - shes on her second nap of the day.. in bed! The first one didnt last very long though, she woke up much sooner than if she was on me. We'll see how this one goes. And what I am doing on MDC when I should be working!! ?? Actually, I'm also shopping for a crib mattress online so I can try this out in my office.

This is a great thread, thanks everyone!

[summerforever1977]

I haven't read all the responses so please forgive me, but I've only got a few minutes and I just had to respond to your post.

I have a 2 year old son and have taken him to work with me since he was born. My husband and I own a remodeling company and I run the office. I have found it incredibly stressful at times to juggle the business with devoting enough time for my son, but we have managed so far...

The key for me was wearing my DS on my back when he would let me to get stuff done that required movement; DS didn't like me standing still while he was in the carrier so this was the time I would tidy/clean up the showroom. It was crucial that he nap on his own so I could devote some time to work and still is. If he does not nap there is no way I have enough time to do the work I need to get done; even then I often need more time than naps afford. I do buy A LOT of toys for the showroom; we have a playroom/nap area, plus I keep toys up front by my desk. Heck, at this point we have a big ol train table up front, plus a toddler size table and chairs, plus a mini play kitchen. Luckily the showroom is large enough that it doesn't seem too overwhelming. I buy new stuff (cheap stuff) probably weekly since I don't spend more than 10 bucks and that's a lot cheaper than hiring help. I will just keep redirecting him to new toys and this can usually buy me another hour.

At times there have been tears. I have had to teach my son to be quite while I am on the phone and he has not always been happy to oblige. But, I figure that while he and I have made sacrifices and suffered in some ways due to me splitting my time with him and the business, that is better than putting him in day care. Every family has to come up with a solution to childcare and work and this is ours.

Ok, with all that being said I am due with baby number two in a month and have hired a mother's helper five days a week, for four hours a day. Plus, DS will be starting pre-school for one day a week in September (I will go with him until January when he turns three). We need the help now, but honestly I think we managed just fine (stressed to the max at times!) until now.

Good luck to you and working through this tough time juggling work with your child. You are not alone.

[ElsieLC]

Originally Posted by sassycat

I only have one friend in the area with a baby, and I'm not sure how it would work with switching off days and watching each others kids. I know NOTHING about how to take care of two at once!!! Jeez, is that even possible! hahaha

My friend and I did this this summer, and it was fun! Our kids were 1.75 years old and it was a little strange in the beginning but then we all got into a groove and it was terrific for everyone: the kids played together and wore each other out, my friend and I got to chat a little at pickups and dropoffs, and we each got time to ourselves! We'd still be doing it but my friend moved away. It gets easier all the time as the kids interact together more and more--I even got some light housework done with the two kids in the next room.

Start with just an hour and agree that you won't do anything "important" that first time when it's your turn to have time off--just go to a coffee shop and enjoy the time.

[tangledblue]

Totally second what ElsieLC said. Full days may not be an option, but you could give each other a couple of half days and see how that goes.

[redvlagrl]

I haven't read all the answers (just skimmed) but could you perhaps hire a "mother's helper" to watch her while you work? It could be a young high school student who isn't quite ready to babysit yet. That way you'd still be in the house should an emergency arise though they would entertain your child.

FWIW, my DD is quite an independent player, but she does go through her stages. You could def rotate toys or try and find something that will keep her interested for quite some time. DD has loved nesting cups since the age of 6 mths.

Also I agree with a PP that you might try to get her to sleep or nap independently which would at least give you a couple of hours during the day plus some evening time.

[claddaghmom]

This was just delved into on another post w/ almost identical issues.

And I'll say the same thing I said there:

It is not right to expect a one year old infant to play independently while you, the primary caregiver present, are working. It is not allowed in daycare centers or schools. It is not conducive to developing a healthy relationship and it is not conducive to the infant's physical, emotional and mental development.

I'm not saying this w/ any judgment in my heart, nor am I speaking from some high horse of naivete. I go to school full time and I have my own business. Right now I have a 15 month old and I'm pregnant. So I have been there, I feel the pressure.

But it needs to be said.

[summerforever1977]

Originally Posted by claddaghmom

This was just delved into on another post w/ almost identical issues.

And I'll say the same thing I said there:

It is not right to expect a one year old infant to play independently while you, the primary caregiver present, are working. It is not allowed in daycare centers or schools. It is not conducive to developing a healthy relationship and it is not conducive to the infant's physical, emotional and mental development.

I'm not saying this w/ any judgment in my heart, nor am I speaking from some high horse of naivete. I go to school full time and I have my own business. Right now I have a 15 month old and I'm pregnant. So I have been there, I feel the pressure.

But it needs to be said.

What do you do with your 15 month old while you work and go to school?

[feminist~mama]

Originally Posted by claddaghmom

It is not right to expect a one year old infant to play independently while you, the primary caregiver present, are working. It is not allowed in daycare centers or schools. It is not conducive to developing a healthy relationship and it is not conducive to the infant's physical, emotional and mental development.

I don't know that I agree with this- in fact, I really think I don't! Children of course need love and attention- but your expectation seems to be that it is needed constantly. As per your example, daycare centers and schools certainly don't have the resources to engage every child for every moment of every day, and teachers often get children involved in activities and then turn to their own work of lesson prep or cleaning or whatever- or they are engaged with another child!

I think that in a Utopian society, we would all somehow *know* exactly what type of attention and nurturing would benefit each individual child the most and provide that to them. But we don't, and so we do the best we can as parents. The OP stated that she needs income provided from this business, and that honestly is important too. I think the OP has stated clearly that she feels her business is suffering, not her DD, so she's just looking for a way to get her business needs met too.

I don't see anything wrong with trying to find a way to "do it all" and looking to other mamas for help! Lots of us are trying to juggle our financial needs with the needs of our children- myself included!

**********************************

As for the original question- my DD was totally interested in mirrors when she was a bit older than yours and would spend quite a lot of time posing in front of the floor-length mirror next to my desk. She'd talk to herself, dress up, etc.

Otherwise, I'd work on an earlier bedtime. That might translate into up earlier in the morning, but it actually sounds like maybe she's not really getting enough sleep if she's going to bed at 11 and is up at 8... ?

Best of luck to you OP!