Parents that have had a hospital birth and had a toddler or young child at home at the same time

[DeChRi]

I have no idea if that title made any sense, lol. Mods, hope this is okay here vs in I'm Pregnant or Birth and Beyond. I am looking for a variety of parents that have btdt vs what someone is planning, if that makes sense.

Anyway, we are having a hospital birth in 3 month or so. We have 2 kids now, one will be 11yo when baby comes, and the other barely 2.5yo. The little one has recently weaned, but we have never spent a night away from her. We will have one over night, if all goes well, at the hospital. The hospital is 10 min from our house and we do have one set of grandparents local and the other an hour away (but will probably be here for the birth).

We are trying to figure out what will be easiest on her. The local grandparents see her several times/week and know most of her little quirks and habits. The other grandparents (my folks) see her almost every week and are very, very AP in thier parenting. DHs folks (local) are pretty conservative, but very warm and loving and take good care of her. She starts out the night in her own bed, but usually rolls in with us. My folks would be happy to sleep in our bed, with her, whatever. DHs folks (who are a bit more familiar with her habits) would probably not be as comfortable here in our bed, would prefer her there in the guest room (maybe with 11yoDD in bed with her?). DH's mom would probably be okay sleeping in there with her if she had to.

Or DH could go home that one night and stay, but we prefer he be at the hospital.

Is this one of those things that I am overthinking and should say.....the kids have 4 awesome grandparents who want nothing more than the girls to be happy and they will figure it out in a loving way (which I think is pretty true, though it would be a long night)...or do I try and manage it out a bit?

The going to bed part is pretty easy for her, and DHs folks are pretty good at that. It's the waking up during the night that I am worried about.

Anyone have advice on what they did, that did not work for them, or did work? Or just tell me I am making a mountain out of a molehill and she will be fine?

[Alyantavid]

I went into labor in the middle of the night and we called mil to come stay with our then 4 year old. My mom went to the hospital with us and after ds2 was born, she went and picked up ds1 (mil had to work). We ended up going home that evening, but if we hadn't, dh would have gone home with ds1.

I was very worried about my oldest, not his being cared for, but just the transition. It ended up going much smoother than I'd ever imagined.

[lilyka]

my husband went home with the kids. i had her early and hadn't arranged child care. Everyone was sleeping and he deserved a good nights sleep in a real bed. not a sleeper sofa. he came back in the morning with the kids. we ended up in the hospital for about 3 days which was fine with me (it was rediculously cold out, the hospital was great, there were no toddlers to deal with, I could have stayed there for a month ) and dh went back and forth between work, me and the other two kids, bringing them up for short visits (my 2 1/2 year old was loud and crazy, like I said the wether was horrible and she is the kind of kid who needs to get out and run a little. forget the baby, she just needed to run and scream a bit and the halls in the hall way and big birthing suits seemed like the ideal place to her.) But it all worked out.

my kids were always different with grandma and grandpa anyway. they had thier special beds there and were happy to sleep in them even though they slept with me every night at home. just because...

[Grace and Granola]

I had one 17mo ds when my 2nd ds came. We had MIL staying with us from out of town and I completely trust her to love ds to pieces. I know she wouldn't do everything "right," but she would never hurt him. That said, I was super nervous to be away from my "baby" for the first time. I NEEDED dh to be at home as much as possible. So, dh came to the hospital with me through labor and deliver, stuck around for a while and then went home. It made me feel better for him to be home. After all, I was just sitting in a hospital room nursing and sleeping.

For us, I went into labor in the middle of the night, MIL was already there. So, we left while ds1 was asleep, had ds2 by 1pm that day. DH probably stayed a couple more hours and headed home to have dinner and bedtime with ds1. The next day, dh brought MIL and ds1 to the hospital for a nice visit and then went home for the day. Dh then picked me up the next morning for discharge. (I had to be in the hospital 48 hours.)

I really enjoyed having the quiet bonding time in the hospital and also felt secure knowing dh was with ds1 most of the time.

[Dov'sMom]

MIL lives with us much of the time. DS1 was 14 months old when I went to the hospital to birth DS2, and since I birthed at midnight, DH was not home overnight. DS1 had been used to sleeping in my bed, and I'm not 100% sure what happened that night. I suspect MIL put him to sleep (she watched him during the day so knew how to do that) and when he woke up she just spent the rest of the night with him sleeping on her chest.

This time, my babies are a little older -- 25 and 39 months. They still sleep in my/our bed, but they do not wake up nearly as often (or at all) during the night. If DH is away overnight, I suspect something similar will happen -- they will come out of bed crying for me, she will go to them and cuddle them back to sleep.

[SunshineJ]

I had my mom watch ds for the 3 days we were in the hospital. However, she had watched him overnight before and he was used to it there.

[trillian11]

DS2 is 2 weeks old now...because of h1n1, the hospital didn't allow visitors under 16 at all, so I couldn't see ds1 for 3 days. DH spent days with me in the hospital while my mom played with charlie, and then at night they switched since charlie was used to co-sleeping with daddy, and i needed to know things were as normal and ok as possible for him. It worked out well for us. Good luck!

[anj_rn]

We had DD1 when DS was 2.5 yrs. Our plan was to have my MIL come over during the night if I went into labor (she is closest), or pick him up from school if it was day time. He packed his own "Baby time" suitcase and put it next to mine. He knew he would go stay with MIL when the baby came, but he would get to see her first at the hospital.

He slept on an air mattress on the floor of MILs room. MIL actually was very understanding that he would be extra clingy with the new baby coming and was awesome. I was in the hospital for 3 days, but he and MIL made a poster for me, and had a great time.

[dogretro]

Originally Posted by SunshineJ

I had my mom watch ds for the 3 days we were in the hospital. However, she had watched him overnight before and he was used to it there.

Yup, exactly that. My mother will be coming to our house to pick up dd and aside from coming in once to visit us in the hospital, they will be staying the couple days at my mom's house. Dh will be staying w/ me and new baby in the hospital. This is the arrangement that I want. DD will be well taken care of & I won't have to worry about her or dh having to run home to her.

Any overnight situation is not going to be exactly like it is w/ you & your dh, but her grandparents love her and will treat her right, no matter who she sleeps with. It is tough to think of leaving your current baby, but your older daughter will also be w/ her to help. I think it will go by much quicker than you think & everyone will be okay

[Chryseis]

When my son was born my daughter was about 2.5. She had really only been separated from us a few nights at that point (my husband and I took a weekend trip when I was 34 weeks pregnant). We also don't have a ton of family nearby that she was used to seeing or staying with, so we had my parents come to town about a week early so that my daughter could get used to spending time with them. By the time I had the baby she was having so much fun with her grandparents that my leaving was okay with her.

Once I had the baby I did send my husband home at night. I just couldn't see any reason for him to be super uncomfortable on a fold-out couch. He would hang out with our daughter in the morning, then bring her in with him in the afternoon. Then in the evening she would hang out with her grandparents. Overall I think she had a really fun week.

[BetsyS]

My oldest was 23 months old when #2 was born. He'd never spent the night away from us before.

I had a scheduled c-section, so I dropped him off mid-afternoon, then went to the hospital and had a baby that evening (very odd, but I digress...). My mom brought him to the hospital to visit that night, plus the next day.

I was in the hospital 36 hours (2 nights). He was already sleeeping through the night at that point, and I think he slept through for her. She has an office attached to her bedroom, and he slept in there (I think it was designed as a nursery..it's an old house).

She rocked him to sleep for naps and bedtime (at home, he would just lay down and sleep). But, they did fine, and there were no problems. Dh stayed with me at the hospital.

[ScootchsMom]

DD was 3 years 11 months when we had DS. I had a semi-emergency c-section that required me to check in at the hospital the night before for monitoring, but we were able to drop her off at my Brother's house first. She spent one night there and it was her first time away from us at all. She had a rough night sleeping, but my SIL stayed up with her and DD fell asleep on the couch cuddled up with SIL. DP picked her up around dinner time after the baby and I were settled in and DD was ok. It was a bit rough, but it was one night in a long life and didn't damage her in any way. I felt more sorry for my SIL who got about 2 hours of sleep that night.

After that one night, DP kept her the next 3 days and they were fine. It gave them a chance to find their own groove together and actually created a very nice bond between the two of them. Previous to this, DD had always been a momma's girl.

I think you are worrying needlessly. You have two options that both sound completely fine, with loving grandparents that will care for her with love. She'll be fine!

Liz

[ChinaDoll]

Our DD was 20 months old and had never stayed with anyone for more than a couple of hours before DS was born. We were in the hospital for 2 nights, and she stayed with my Mom, who was awesome and shared a bed with her (even though she had never done it with us)! We tried to ease the blow by letting Grandma splurge on special snacks, and we bought a new playset for her to explore while we were gone, Little People I think, and that helped. Mom said she did wander all through the house looking for us sadly the first day, but there weren't many tears, and she did bring her up to the hospital a few times (where she got to meet little brother and experience tandem nursing!). Overall it wasn't nearly as hard or traumatic as I thought it might be.

[galincognito]

my scenario was almost the exact same as yours: dd1 was 21 months, my parents live about 10 minutes away and see her lots, she starts the night in her own bed and then ends up with us, weaned, never spent the night away from us, goes to bed well, hospital about 10 minutes away.
anyway, dd1 spent the day (i went into labour early morning) with her grandma and auntie and had a blast. spent the night in their guest room. i'm not quite sure if she ended up sleeping all night or if someone went in to sleep with her (it's been almost one year since then!) but everything went just fine! dh and i came home from the hospital the next day with dd2 and dd1 met up with us for dinner. she had a great time!
i really liked having dh with me and i wouldn't have been able to manage overnight without him due to tearing and pain; i couldn't get up to get dd2 and i also needed help turning in bed. i was initially worried about dd1 but they had come to visit late afternoon once dd2 was born and she was obviously having so much fun with grandma and grandpa, i decided that she'd be alright. and sure enough, the next day she was full of grins!
hope that helps! good luck to you!!

[DeChRi]

Thanks so much for all of the thoughts and idea. And mostly for the reassurance that regardless of which great grandparents are here with her, she will be just fine. My 10yo has offered to sleep with her in our bed if that helps, which is pretty darn sweet.

I think I am going to have DHs folks (local) as the first responders, for the middle of the night call, or please come in the middle of the day call. I think I will have my folks be the overnighters, just because they will have driven an hour and probably would plan on spending the night here at the house anyway. Mom is the kind of person that would be stocking the fridge and such at that point.

If there is a second night away for any reason, either DH will come home with DDs, or we will just play it by ear. After hearing positive stories, I think she will be fine, esp with big sister, no matter what.

[mumm]

It sounds like you have people who know her that she trusts and you trust. After the birth you will realize just how big your 2 year old really is. (and dirty. My oldest seemed so dirty after the 2nd came along. He is clean enough but nothing compares to a newborn.

When my second was born we didn't have that. It all worked out ok (I left ds, 2.5 years, at 4 am and was back home for bed that night) but during the day the electricity in our house went out. My mom didn't realize what had happened and just thought she broke the stove, and the dryer and that the bulbs were out. So when the power came back on she almost burnt the house down because she had left food on the stove. My son had to ask what was burning several times and the fire alarm had to go off before she figured out what was going on. My house smelt like a fire for several weeks! We joke about it all the time now.