Desperate Mama NEEDS help

[afishwithabike]

My 4 yr old son has taken to unbuckling his seat while we are driving down the road. I have attempted to explain to him that it is not just MY boundary but also that the state has made it a rule that he and I must BOTH follow. THIS isn't working.

Here's what I've done in addition:
Make the rides as short as possible (including extra stops so he can get out)
NOT doing all the errands on the same day (so he doesn't feel like he's living in the car)
He has toys nearby to play with
We listen to whatever music HE wants to hear
WE play games like shout out what colour of cars we see driving.. Count the trucks... Count the bus benches... Count no parking signs.


Is there something else you think I could do?

[tessie]

I know some people who have asked a police officer to have a friendly chat with the child and explain that he has to stay buckled in to keep safe. Might work, might not, but it's worth a shot.

Maybe a goal to work towards too? If he stays buckled in for full week he get s small treat?

[Minxie]

Originally Posted by afishwithabike

Is there something else you think I could do?

I once read a recommendation to have a friend help by following you in their car when you leave. As soon as he unbuckles, you pull over and send them home with the friend in their car. This is supposed to be particularly helpful if the outing was something fun that they wanted to do. When they get home, the friend should direct them to their room to play by themselves so it isn't a "reward". You take your time, do something fun for YOU, and then come home and empathize with them about how they missed having fun because they were unable to follow the rules of the car.

HTH,

Minxie

[new2this]

I have no advice but it made me remember when I was with my nephew and he was at that age and I pulled over and said something like you have to stay buckled in your seat if not the cops could take me away and I could get in a lot of trouble how will you get home if that happens. And his reply was easy I will call my mom to come get me with your phone.
I took everything inside me not to laugh and keep my composure to staying on task. I did tell him if he stayed buckled the rest of the way then I would bring him to the park tomorrow. That worked for the moment, but I know it was an on going battle between him and everyone he rode with. His problem was while for the most part was in a carseat when he was in the truck(semi) with his grandparents he was also able to get down and go lay in the back to watch movies at times so he had a hard time between the two.

[Just1More]

Pull over every. single. time. and refuse to go on until he is buckled. Do it quickly, immediately, and without a comment (after telling him plainly the first time that is what you will do). Pick up your book and enjoy a few pages. After he is buckled, continue down the road.

[One_Girl]

Originally Posted by Just1More

Pull over every. single. time. and refuse to go on until he is buckled. Do it quickly, immediately, and without a comment (after telling him plainly the first time that is what you will do). Pick up your book and enjoy a few pages. After he is buckled, continue down the road.

I agree with this. As soon as it is safe pull over and don't go until then. I also talked to my dd about how it is the law, why it is in place, and told her we follow the law in our family. When she unbuckled I would pull over then look at her with a puzzled expression and ask "Are you breaking the law? Why would you do that?"

[mama2cal&darby]

I'm just wondering which carseats these are because there is no way my DS1 could have undone his cartseat by himself. Now he's 5 and in a booster, which he can undo. If he did undo it, I would tell him he has to go back to the carseat until he can responsibly ride in a booster.

[hakeber]

When my DS did this we started by telling him it was the law, and police etc. and he was all, so? Then I told him very matter of factly that if we get hit by a car he could die.

He is now even more seat belt aware than we are, if we even start the car and one of hasn't yet buckled up he insists we buckle up NOW! He's all WAITWAITWAITWAIT Mommy doesn't have her seatbelt on!!

In fairness, we have seen a LOT of road accidents here in Costa Rica, so this was the trick that did it for us.

Another thing that helped him, because I realized later why he was doing it was that he was annoyed by the texture of the seatbelt, so I got a little bit of lambswool and made a cover for the part that goes over his shoulder and across his lap. It's always hot here, so he was shirtless a lot and it was scratching his skin a bit...now he is much more comfortable.

[claddaghmom]

Originally Posted by mama2cal&darby

I'm just wondering which carseats these are because there is no way my DS1 could have undone his cartseat by himself. Now he's 5 and in a booster, which he can undo. If he did undo it, I would tell him he has to go back to the carseat until he can responsibly ride in a booster.

Could be an individual thing. I know my sister could buckle herself in and out by 3yrs. It was kinda necessary b/c she was all the way in the back. She was docile though and never unbuckled at the wrong time.


DD can undo her clip and push on the red button, but she's not strong enough to push hard enough and pull at the same time phew. She diligently practices during every car ride so I'm sure we'll be here soon enough.


To the OP, have you considered showing him youtube videos? Those crash test dummies can really get the thought across. I show all the dummy videos to my siblings and we talk about carseat safety frequently. They even catch me and remind me to buckle up!

[Llyra]

It's happened to us, a few times, with DD1. What I did was to immediately pull off the road to a safe place, get her out of the car, get down to her level and very clearly and seriously explain that we could NOT drive if she was not buckled in, because she could get badly hurt. Then I put her back in the car, and buckled her in, and we kept going. We got a few miles down the road and she tried it again, and we repeated the whole scenario. She stayed buckled in the rest of that ride. We did it again on two other occasions, on different days, and then the point was made. It worked very well for us.

I think that by 4, too, a child has enough imagination that watching some really dramatic crash tests would be an effective tool in helping the child understand. We let DD watch the traffic report on the morning news for a few days, so she could see what a car crash really looks like.

But nothing replaces your ABSOLUTE REFUSAL TO CONTINUE DRIVING until the seat belt is buckled properly. You want your child to understand that this is non-negotiable, that you mean it with all your heart and soul, and that you are fully prepared to wait forever if that's what it takes, but that you will not under any circumstances budge on the issue.

That's why I don't reward for staying in your seat. Staying in your seat is not something special you do that warrants a treat. It's a non-negotiable fact of life. I would be afraid that the child would get to a point where he would only stay buckled when there were treats on offer.

[Toolip]

I always use the pulling over technique when I need to, which isn't very often.

I've heard of people putting the pokey side of velcro onto the part of the clip that you squeeze. It makes it harder for little fingers to get unlatched.

[rainyday]

Originally Posted by Llyra

But nothing replaces your ABSOLUTE REFUSAL TO CONTINUE DRIVING until the seat belt is buckled properly. You want your child to understand that this is non-negotiable, that you mean it with all your heart and soul, and that you are fully prepared to wait forever if that's what it takes, but that you will not under any circumstances budge on the issue.

That's why I don't reward for staying in your seat. Staying in your seat is not something special you do that warrants a treat. It's a non-negotiable fact of life. I would be afraid that the child would get to a point where he would only stay buckled when there were treats on offer.

Absolutely this. Staying in the seat is not something that is done for a reward. It's done because that is the only way we ride in a car, and it is absolutely not negotiable.

Another thought that may not apply to you, OP, but I thought I'd throw it out there because I've seen friends try it in various situations. I would not try to cajole him into leaving it buckled. Cajoling and trying hard to convince kids often gives them the message that this is something unpleasant, and that there might be some wiggle room to get out of it for them. I've found that when I say "please" about something absolutely non negotiable, it sounds to children as if it's possibly optional, and they do not really get the seriousness of the issue. (I'm specifically thinking of a friend who used to plead with her child to not run into the street, but who did not unequivocally say that the behavior was absolutely not acceptable and who did nothing to prevent it from recurring--other than say "please, honey...") Again, OP this may not apply to you, but I thought it was worth mentioning!

[lil_miss_understood]

No help here. We're dealing with this in my 2 1/2 year old. I got some good ideas! Thanks for posting this thread.

[LynnS6]

I agree with the "pull over and stop" until he's buckled in again. Every single time. Bring a good book.

(FWIW, my dd could unbuckle her Britax Marathon by the time she was 3 1/2. Fully harnessed, properly installed.)