Originally Posted by Landover
I have one friend who has four under eight. She is always talking about how "crazy" things are and about how she never has a moment to herself. It just irritates me a little. I always think... "Well, duh?!" I mean, she totally knew what was going to happen, and it is like she just wants everyone else to know just how hard it is.
How did she know what was going to happen?
There is no
way to predict what any of your children will be like, or how they'll interact with each other. I never in a million years imagined that when I had a new baby, I'd still be dealing with a 4.5 year old who pees on the carpet, puts stuffed toys in smoothies, throws things at least 3-4 times a day, and breaks things more than any other child I've ever met (and I have 10 nieces and nephews, all older than him). I had no idea what it was going to be like trying to juggle him and a newborn.
And, the fact is, I love
having a house full of kids. I've been dreaming of having four kids of my own since I was 18 years old. My fourth living child is 8 months old, and was born just under two weeks after my 41st
birthday. This is my dream - the only dream I ever had. I don't see how that means I'm supposed to wash poop off the bathroom walls, while my baby screams on the floor, and the kid who smeared said poop is on the counter in the kitchen, flooding the entire room, with song in my heart and a smile on my lips. I don't see how it means I'm supposed to just smile and say, "oh, well - kids will be kids", while ds2 hits his sister (dd1, not the baby) in the face while I'm nursing - for the third time that day. Sometimes, juggling all these kids and all the things they need, and dealing with the emotional intensity of the squabbles and meltdowns, sucks
- no matter how much I love (and want) them all.
I also had no idea I'd be this tired
. It's not just the sleep deprivation of the new baby - it's the accumulated stress, fatigue, etc. of the whole journey. I almost certainly have adrenal fatigue. I'm pretty sure my iron levels are low. Actually, I suspect I'm just generally depleted, in terms of minerals. So, yeah - this gig is nothing
like I thought it would be, in many ways.
Considering how many people come on here talking about all the things they thought about parenting before they had one, and how wrong they were, I'm not sure why anyone would say "she/you knew what would happen". You don't know what will
happen. I never knew ds2 would happen. I never knew five c-sections would happen. I never knew that by the time I had all the kids I wanted, I'd be too freaking wasted
to parent properly. I'm not gifted with the ability to see the future.
And, using your logic, nobody with kids - one, two, or 12 - has any right to vent or complain ever
. There's more than enough stuff in our culture about lack of sleep, one's body never bouncing back, getting fat, not being able to get a sitter, not having any fun, etc. etc. etc. etc. that everyone having a baby "should" know what's going to happen. So, we'd all
better sit down, shut up, and paint on that smile, because we asked for it
No wonder the effing Mommy Wars rage out of control.