Originally Posted by Landover
A-Wha??? How did you *not* know what was going to happen? I mean seriously, despite the temperament of a new baby, did you really not think that having a high needs baby (or a high needs four year old) was a possibility? Further, even if a newbie is a great baby they are still...... a BABY? Not trying to be rude at all, but you didn't think a four year old might break and throw things? Seriously, I imagine that said four year old was also probably a high needs three year old when you got pregnant.
Yes. He was. However, he was considerably less high needs than he'd been at two, and there were certain environmental factors involved (this household was pretty stressed after my son was stillborn, and it had an impact on all my kids, including ds2). I had no idea he'd still be this rough to to deal with by the time he was four...no idea at all. And, no - I didn't think a four year old would break and thrown things, at least not more than occasionally, because it's outside my experience with kids.
|Being that tired sucks, but you are making my point for me here. You are exhausted, depleted, and strung out because of all of the kids you have. Anybody who thinks it through would have been able to predict that you would be overly tired and stressed (which is precisely WHY most people do not have that many kids).
Actually, I'm this exhausted, depleted and strung out for a lot of reasons related
to having kids, but not because I have them. Each of my siblings has four children, and neither of them is this physically wiped out (well, my sister is...but she also had major bypass surgery in December).
|I am sorry you are tired, but my ONLY point is that it was a very foreseeable thing. And... complaining about being overly tired and stressed when you have a houseful of kids might put someone off a little. That's my sole point.
If it puts someone off, that's their problem, not mine. I don't happen to like listening to career women (or men, for that matter) go on about how busy they are, and how they can't keep up, etc...doesn't mean I need to get nasty about how they "asked for it" and/or "should have expected it".
|This is funny because I am about to have my third kid in four years, and we are not done. I think having a large family is a decision that must be made with your eyes wide open to what is going to happen (or what could happen) and the DESIRE to take that on. When someone who has many children starts to complain I just have to wonder... isn't this exactly what you signed up for?
I live my vocation cheerfully and with a sense of honor and purpose. My husband and I decide together each month if we should add another baby to the family. Involved in that decision is my state of being and whether or not I have the time and energy to properly cultivate another child at the moment (mentality, spiritually, etc). I do not think large families are something to be romanticized and then once someone has one they say.... "How was I supposed to know I would be this tired and stressed! I am going to complain about my situation and choices to everyone around me!!" I am a devote catholic, and I have many friends who have 7 or more. Do they get stressed, you bet. Do they complain all of the time about crazy lives, business, fatigue, and stress. No way. They live their vocations with joy because it is exactly what they CHOSE with their eyes wide open.
That's great. If you're able to get through life without ever venting/complaining about your stress, that's truly great. Not everybody can do that. For me
, I do better when I vent off sometimes.
|I think it is wonderful that you wanted a large family. But, I do not think you can claim for one minute that you didn't realize that you might have to deal with a four year old that needs a lot of attention *and* a newborn who also needs a lot of attention at the same time.
Well, as a matter of fact, I can "claim" that...because I didn't. I had no idea whatsoever that I was going to end up with one
child who needs more time, attention and crisis management than my other three combined...or any of my nieces or nephews. Yes - it was a possibility, but it's one I failed to think about.
I guess I shouldn't complain about my stillborn son, either...we all know that could
happen when we get pregnant.
FWIW: Over the years, I've had several moms of 3 and 4 kids tell me it gets easier
as the family gets bigger. I tended to assume they knew what they were talking about. I had no reason to think having a third or fourth child was going to make things exponentially harder. And...joy is very, very hard for me. I only experience it in flashes.