christians and pagans

[umami_mommy]

i could use some input. i have a friend i was very close with. i even attended the birth of her daughter because he husband would not agree to a homebirth. in the last year she has spoken less and less to me and avoided my invitations to visit. finally she emailed last night saying she had under gone a "spiritual transformation" in the last year and was now wary of spending time with me because of my involvement in "witchcraft." now honestly, we never talked much about my paganism, i lived rurally where everyone seemed suspicious of us just because we weren't from there anyway. i knew she had never met a pagan before and was a pretty sheltered person. so it never came up. until she asked me if i was going to christen my baby. then i gave her a simple explanation of my paganism and growing up jewish. i invited her to a may day celebration to learn more if she was interested. at first she agreed to come and then cancelled at the last minute. (afraid maybe?)

anyway, i just sent her some links with information about neo-paganism and witchcraft which i hope she reads... but well... i checked some online christian resources, and well, they are full of crazy misrepresentations and mischaracterizations. in fact, i don't even really know who most of those articles are talking about. and they keep repeating the same thing over and over... that neo-paganism is made up (okay, but so what?) and that people who follow it are lost, confused and probably crazy. and maybe evil too.

i was married to a catholic in my 20s and discovered my SIL referred to me as a "christ-killer" behind my back, as this is what they were taught in religious school as children. not only did i find this really hurtful, but i was outraged that any religion would teach hate and intolerance towards any other religion.

i am wondering if i should even try. i have many christian friends (of all denominations) who have no issues with my paganism, but her "transformation" makes me leery. if she doesn't know me by now, how can i explain to her that paganism is a gentle, "hurt none," loving and joyous spiritual path?

thanks for any input.

[honey-lilac]

I wouldn't take it personally. Paganism is polytheistic - and not just in the sense that various gods are seen as valid, but rather that we tend to see various religions as paths to the top of the mountain - different strokes for different folks kind of a deal. Sometimes we take it personally that other faiths aren't like that - it's right faith vs. wrong faith - and obviously not being Christian, to that sort of a person, is choosing the wrong path. Rightly or wrongly, you have to respect that. I would let her dictate how close your friendship remains - but that's just me. I would tell her I'd be happy to have her as a friend but if it makes her spiritually uncomfortable or hurts her conscience, I wouldn't take it personally. I wouldn't want someone truly worrying about whether or not it was OK to hang out. That's too much burden on me to know that I'm putting someone through a moral dilemma. It's sad, because I can't see faith as a reason to break off a friendship, especially a close one, but it happens.

That's just my two cents, I'm sure others will disagree.

ETA: I would, however, try to educate her a bit, away from the misinformation - but I wouldn't take it personally if she was skeptical of your point of view. After all, for all she knows, you're a poor, misguided soul. (Please don't read that as sarcasm or anything, just something people DO genuinely think.)

[SunshineJ]

I'm sorry, but I can't say I'm surprised. I've seen countless times where you'll have a person who is Pagan - and let's be honest, we're a pretty much live and let live kind of people, and a person who is Christian. I've yet to see it start out where a Pagan has issues with someone who's Christian (unless they've been through several negative situations with people based on their Christianity), but *some* Christians definitely have issues with Pagans. We are evil, we drink blood and sacrifice babies and have long hair to hide our horns or something. The misinformation out there would actually be amusing if it wasn't so sad and hurtful.

I'd just tell her that I'd read some of the information on Paganism on the Christian sites and was really puzzed by how inaccurate it was and that as always I'd be more than happy to give her real answers if she had any concerns or questions. I'd also remind her that I'm the same person I'd always been, and had always been open with her, and leave it in her court. It's ultimately her decision, and that's about all you can do.

DD is close friends with some kids at school and we've started meeting up for playdates at each other's houses and such. I'm waiting for the bomb to drop when it finally comes out that we're Pagan. Sigh.

[redveg]

So sorry this is happening.

I think if I were in the situation I would let her know that I was open to discussing my path when and if she was open to listening and have a conversation.

I agree with SunshineJ, it has been my experience that Christians that I have known are very close minded about any other path then their own.

Maybe she just needs some time?

[calebsmommy25]

I have pretty much grown up Christian and was taught by my mom what was right, wrong, evil, etc. Paganism was found among these things. BUT my biggest question was and is always, we (as Christians) are taught to LOVE thy neighbor. We are taught to LOVE, and NOT judge, and to be OPEN to sharing our thoughts, ideals, etc. If we want to take being Christian seriously, we are taught the be Christ-like. How are we supposed to share the Gospel with people, if we 'shun' them, or choose not to befriend someone? I feel it is possible to be friends with others who vary from my spiritual beliefs. It has taken a great deal of work for me to be more open-minded and accept people, things in the world and others beliefs because I feel very much of what I have learned over the years was narrow-mindedness. I feel narrow-mindedness is one of *some* Christian's (and others for that matter) biggest flaw.

I'm sorry your friend has distanced herself. I hope she will come to realize what she has lost in a friend like you. If not, her loss.

[umami_mommy]

i understand her needing to cling to something. she has a horrible marriage. she also seemed depressed to me after her DD's birth. she is isolated in country with people who are small minded and ignorant, and horrible people who put crying babies out in the garage to cry. (seriously, this is how her H's family parents) religious beliefs give us meaning and purpose in our lives, we all need this.

however, i don't want her to share the gospel with me. i am very happy as a witch and find joy and fulfillment in my religious beliefs. i want her to accept me as i am: a loving human being who is ethical and compassionate.

perhaps it pains her that i will not find salvation or i will burn in hell. i understand. but i would hope that all my friends and family would trust me enough to allow me to find and travel the path that speaks loudest to my soul.

honestly, as a jew and a witch, i have been plenty wronged by christians, but i don't judge individual people by this. i am always willing to judge each person by their own life and actions... i have plenty of christian friends and know plenty of pagans i wouldn't give the time of day to.

[umsami]

My guess is that she truly doesn't have any idea what you believe, how you practice, and is being fed a bunch of baloney by some "well-meaning" Christians... or through websites.

I like your idea of saying if she ever wants to talk, learn more, you're there and you'll be open to discussing your path.

As for sharing the gospel or not, being Muslim and living in the South, I get that a lot. I usually tell people that I attended seminary before converting, but if they want to.... then I have no problem with it. Sometimes, if I'm feeling feisty, I'll ask for equal time to tell them about Islam... other times, I don't bother. I have no desire to convert anybody, but I would love to dispel some false beliefs that many people have.

Once again, I'm so sorry you're going through this.

[philomom]

Sigh. I wish everyone could just get along. Enjoy this video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_Xdk4PujOE

[mysticmomma]

http://www.guntheranderson.com/v/data/thechris.htm

I consider myself a christian witch.