Why do WBV always leave me feeling like a failure?

[echoecho1528]

Today was DDs 2 yr appt with her pedi. She has been slow to grow from about 15mo-20mo, then grew a lot, then in the last month she lost 3 oz. She is small 21.5lbs and the doc basically blames extended and night nursing on her growth issues. She told me that I need to seriously consider weaning asap or her health could deteriorate very quickly. I really don't think the pedi is being completely unreasonable. I mean, dd nurses like every 3-4 hours during the day and 1-2 hours at night. I want her to eat more and nurse less too I just don't know how to go about it bc she just won't eat. The pedi appt has me on edge mostly because the doc has made a concern of mine even more real.
Does anyone have any advice or btdt stories?

[Latte Mama]

Same old story, pedi doesn't have a simple answer about weight/nutrition for your 2 year old so immediately blames breastfeeding, sigh. Breastmilk is GOOD for toddlers. I know you're concerned but I don't think weaning is the answer. I doubt if you weaned that your toddler would suddenly start scarfing down tons of food.

Did she gain in height?

[sapphire_chan]

Did they bother to look at her milestones? Or to ask you about her activity levels?

Good grief, my 18 month old MAKES me chase her around and around the apartment.

And she'll stop nursing to drag me to the kitchen to cook her some eggs. She barely eats any of them, but it's not because she's nursing instead (when I had a cold this past weekend I tried soo hard to get her to snuggle up and nurse more so I didn't have to drag my snuffly self out of bed).

[milkybean]

Does your state let you use non-MDs for primary care? While we were doing WBVs, we used a naturopath. So even if she had had some sort of complaint about DS, she had more tricks up her sleeve than just "nurse less".

Doesn't kellymom.com talk about the caloric and fat content of milk, and how it compares to "food"? Could that be a good jumping off point for conversations, if you continue to see this pediatrician?

[echoecho1528]

Originally Posted by Latte Mama

Same old story, pedi doesn't have a simple answer about weight/nutrition for your 2 year old so immediately blames breastfeeding, sigh. Breastmilk is GOOD for toddlers. I know you're concerned but I don't think weaning is the answer. I doubt if you weaned that your toddler would suddenly start scarfing down tons of food.

Did she gain in height?

She did gain in height, but the doc said that when malnutrition occurs it is weight first, then height, then development.
I know for a fact that she will not just start scarfing down food. She has been away from me for 6 hours one time and did not eat any more than she usually would. She usually gets really anxious when she is hungry and nursing a little tiny bit before eating usually tends to calm her down a little bit enough to eat.
The doc said that I need to at least get her to stop nursing at night because "no child drinks anything at night..." She sees this as the answer to all of DDs problems. What she doesn't know is that she only really comfort nurses at night and the meal at which she eats the most is breakfast... does that make any sense?

[echoecho1528]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

Did they bother to look at her milestones? Or to ask you about her activity levels?

She did say anything about her development or ask about her activity levels which are both very normal to high.

Originally Posted by milkybean

Does your state let you use non-MDs for primary care? While we were doing WBVs, we used a naturopath. So even if she had had some sort of complaint about DS, she had more tricks up her sleeve than just "nurse less".

Doesn't kellymom.com talk about the caloric and fat content of milk, and how it compares to "food"? Could that be a good jumping off point for conversations, if you continue to see this pediatrician?

I do not believe our insurance covers naturpaths. I have contacted three n the area and all say that they do not accept insurance. It would be a dream to be able to afford to see a naturpath.
Kelleymom has a really great article/handout on their site that tells of the benefits of nursing a toddler. I took it with me to dd's GI appt but didn't have it with me today. I am generally very intimidated my doctors and I often leave their offices regretting that I didn't say more or stick up for my parenting choices. I hate the way doctors look at me like I'm a complete idiot!

[Parker'smommy]

Why would you take away the biggest source of calories for her right now? The fact that she is nursing at night means she's getting EXTRA calories at night...not less. Weaning would mean she would *maybe* take in more solid food, but it wouldn't mean she would take in more calories, ya know? Keep nursing her....it's the best thing for her. I always felt more at ease knowing I was nursing a toddler and filling in all of the nutritional gaps with my milk and you should too. Good luck...You don't have to go back do you? The appointments over...put it past you and keep on nursing your child!

[blackbird2]

I agree with the PPs that it seems totally irrational to take a way a food source if the concern is weight gain. I would focus on good nutrition for both her and yourself, and have good food choices available but not push it. Everyone's growth is different - she won't starve herself.

[painefaria]

I wouldn't wean, like PP stated she is getting extra calories at night and the benefits of breast milk. Your daughter is benefitting from you milk more than just calories, since my milk dried up in December my DS has been sick 4 or 5 times... little colds etc when he had been sick less than 4 times previously in his entire life. Toddlers eat when they get hungry but if you are concerned I would see if she would drink homemade broth instead of juice or water. At least it would be some additional "good" calories.

[TopHat]

Maybe instead of finding a non-MD, you could find a different kind of MD. Like a family practitioner instead of a pediatrician?

[laohaire]

Breastmilk is the most calorie dense food you can offer her.

I don't think it matters whether you choose another ped, a family practitioner, a naturopath or a medicine man with a drum, but having a relationship with a professional that you trust and who also treats you with respect and support is simply invaluable.

You really didn't gain anything out of that visit except these feelings of failure and fear and not knowing what to do. Imagine if you had left the appointment either feeling that everything was fine (and I can't judge that, but it certainly seems like a possibility to me) OR that you have an action plan that makes good sense to you, that you are confident with.

I actually have never really found that in a general practitioner yet, but I found that in a dentist so I know how it feels. I've had good dentists and bad, but even the good ones weren't like this one. He explained everything to me, he would show me in a mirror and say "see that?" - and I WOULD see it! And I walked out knowing what to do about it, and it made sense to me! He asked me the questions I really wanted him to ask, and was interested in the answers! And he knew what to DO with those answers!

Anyway, I dunno if you'll find that in a doc but I'd sure as heck dump that one. You can definitely do better than that.

[KristyDi]

So in order to get her to gain weight the ped wants you to take away the food you can pretty much guarantee that she'll eat? That's illogical.

As a pp said your milk is the most nutrient dense thing you can offer her. Here's the chart off Kellymom showing fat and calorie content of your milk and other common foods.

I would try to make sure that the solid food you're offering is high calorie/high good fat.

And do try to find a dr who treats you with respect. You deserve it.

[Honey693]

Our ped is worried about DD's weight too. She's was only 20.5 lbs at 12 months. She got taller though and is hitting most of her milestones so I'm not worried. Plus out ped didn't take into account the way DH and I are built. We're both fairly tall and thin and DH was always a very skinny child so it makes sense our kid is tall and skinny.

[Shami]

You know how toddlers sometimes only eat a handful of things well. For example, my kiddo will def. eat cheese, yogurt, crackers, green beans, and tomatoes. I have heard that you shouldn't worry if the variety of foods they eat is small. Just give them what they will eat, as long as it's healthy.
If breast milk is one of those foods, why in the world would the doc tell you to stop? Oh, wait a minute, you must stop giving your breast milk so that you can start her on cow milk. Sure that makes good sense.

Why, oh why, don't some docs see that breast milk is better than cow milk?

I know you are a concerned mommy and if your gut tells you to investigate, then by all means, do it. But, please keep giving her that wonderful milk of yours. Just view it as, instead of giving her a glass of cow's milk, she's getting a glass of mama's milk, via breast.

[echoecho1528]

Thank you all for replying.
I am on the hunt for a better doc for DD, however; I am even more worried now than ever about her overall health.
We took her to a holistic dentist because she had large white spots on her four top front teeth. He basically told me that her teeth are suffering from malnutrition and going through a decalcification process I feel absolutely horrible for DD, and it leaves me wondering what I have done wrong. I'm at a loss as to getting her to eat more, and I don't really know what to do other than that.

[starlein26]

Originally Posted by KristyDi

So in order to get her to gain weight the ped wants you to take away the food you can pretty much guarantee that she'll eat? That's illogical.

Yeah, completely illogical.

[lizziebits]

How much does she normally eat in a day?

I have heard really good things about feeding therapy (I think that is what they are called) that help kids who for whatever reason just don't eat enough.

I don't think weaning is the answer, but you may want to explore other reasons for her not getting enough to eat.

Worrying about your child getting enough nutrition is awful, I know. Just remember its not your fault -- you didn't do anything to cause her to not like eating!

[echoecho1528]

Originally Posted by lizziebits

How much does she normally eat in a day?

The amount that she eats varies GREATLY, which I know is normal. Usually she eats very little. Like maybe the equivalent in size to like 2-3 chicken nuggets of food per day. But, every once in a while out of the blue she will eat 3x that per day for a week or so. She has been sick these last few days and I can't get anything into her at all (except breastmilk, of course). Her belly is looking distended and she is looking even thinner. But, last week, she was eating more than I have ever seen her eat. Too bad she got sick , we may have been on the way to a healthier baby

[jecombs]

Has your ped talked to you about possible texture aversion issues in your DD? If this is what's going on, just taking away BM is not going to make her eat. She may need oral therapy from a speech therapist or occupational therapist.

I hope you get this issue resolved Mama! I know it can be stressful!

[echoecho1528]

Originally Posted by jecombs

Has your ped talked to you about possible texture aversion issues in your DD? If this is what's going on, just taking away BM is not going to make her eat. She may need oral therapy from a speech therapist or occupational therapist.

No, she hasn't, but I'm not sure that is the problem. She eats a moderate variety of things soft, crunchy, sauces, toasted - it is more the quantity that is a problem. She will eat two or three bites at each sitting, if we are lucky. It is usually just one bite of each thing on her plate.