I will start with some history first. I have anxiety issues. I do not fly, I avoid elevators at all costs plus many more. Yes these limit my life. Yes I have been trying to deal with them my entire life with professional help. No I have not succeeded. My mother once called me the most anxious child she ever met, and she is a teacher. My DH deals with long drives to go on vacation.
About 5 years ago my sister got married. She and her husband to be decided on a destination wedding in the middle of the desert in July (both their families are all in the east). I apologized, said I could not go, sent a present and went to the engagement party. My sister flipped but got over it a little when she a hubby got no thank you's from every family member except their parents. His siblings, aunts etc could not afford the flight and hotel. I could not do a 5 day drive with an infant. After the wedding my mom said it was really really good I did not go. It was HOT and the hotel could not keep up with air conditioning. Not something I should have exposed my infant to. The few "adults" hid in their rooms all day and only came out at night. My sister and her friends spent the whole time drunk and having a big party. The photos are interesting.
A couple of years ago my sister and her husband divorced. At the same time she stopped talking to me at all. I have absolutely no idea why. Even my mother is clueless. I always suspected she was jealous of my being married with kids but I could be totally off base. My sister on and off again talks to my mom but is usually very nasty. This past year I have started hearing from my sister but it is odd. My oldest DS got a present for his birthday. He already had the item so she said send it back and she would get him something else. She never did. She skipped my younger DS's birthday totally. Then she sent me an email on my birthday. Plus she sent Christmas presents for the kids. (big crazy ones that were not really things either boy has any interest in but one says thank you to all gifts). I send photos of the kids now and then and ecards on her birthday and a small christmas present. I almost never get a response.
My mother's theory is that my sister is doing drugs. It makes sense. My mom has spent the night at my sister's and saw an awful lot of odd things going on. My mother is not a saint and has experience enough to see things. She has heard other things on the phone and other things my sister does. We all know she has a drinking problem. All of a sudden just before Christmas my sister starts trying to set up dinner with my mom and my moms friends in NYC then my sister and her boyfriend could meet them. The first time my sister is a no show. They never manage to meet. My mom was pissed and suspected her friends were being used because my sister is too nervous to see mom on her own. My mom has not seen her in over a year. One thing lead to another, they had an email argument etc. My mom finally confronts her "just what are you scared of" about seeing her. Eventually it came out that my sister is getting married again in Aug. I hear this all from my mom.
Two weeks later I get an email from my sister. Two weeks after everyone else already knows about the wedding. "I am getting married! Save the date. etc" Then at the end she acknowledges the photos I sent of the kids last month. I have not replied and do not know how or what to say. My mom sent me the link for the hotel. At least this one is on the east coast. But it would require me taking the subway in, going to a high rise hotel that is one of those with no bottom, just big concrete things holding it up into the air with wasted space underneath so it is an elevator ride to even get to the lobby!, and a wedding at the top (well drunken party of my sister and her friends) and a night in this big scary place. All this with my 7 yr old in tow, or alone. I would have to leave DH and 4 yr old at home.
What do I do?
1. I suck it up and go. Contact the hotel ahead of time and make sure I can access stairs. I cannot even go one floor at times in an elevator. The thought of this is already making me ill. I feel like at least this way she cannot hold my missing her wedding over my head. On the other hand I really doubt this would change her attitude toward me at all. We have no relationship at the moment. I would have to find another hotel to sleep at. Also money is an issue right now.
2. Tell her no and send a present. Invite her and DH to visit us so we can all meet him in a more quiet setting. I like this idea better. Then she can actually see both the kids and interact with them. At a drunken wedding my 7 yr old would be hanging out with me and my mom until we got sick of the party and went to bed.
3. Ideas????
About 5 years ago my sister got married. She and her husband to be decided on a destination wedding in the middle of the desert in July (both their families are all in the east). I apologized, said I could not go, sent a present and went to the engagement party. My sister flipped but got over it a little when she a hubby got no thank you's from every family member except their parents. His siblings, aunts etc could not afford the flight and hotel. I could not do a 5 day drive with an infant. After the wedding my mom said it was really really good I did not go. It was HOT and the hotel could not keep up with air conditioning. Not something I should have exposed my infant to. The few "adults" hid in their rooms all day and only came out at night. My sister and her friends spent the whole time drunk and having a big party. The photos are interesting.
A couple of years ago my sister and her husband divorced. At the same time she stopped talking to me at all. I have absolutely no idea why. Even my mother is clueless. I always suspected she was jealous of my being married with kids but I could be totally off base. My sister on and off again talks to my mom but is usually very nasty. This past year I have started hearing from my sister but it is odd. My oldest DS got a present for his birthday. He already had the item so she said send it back and she would get him something else. She never did. She skipped my younger DS's birthday totally. Then she sent me an email on my birthday. Plus she sent Christmas presents for the kids. (big crazy ones that were not really things either boy has any interest in but one says thank you to all gifts). I send photos of the kids now and then and ecards on her birthday and a small christmas present. I almost never get a response.
My mother's theory is that my sister is doing drugs. It makes sense. My mom has spent the night at my sister's and saw an awful lot of odd things going on. My mother is not a saint and has experience enough to see things. She has heard other things on the phone and other things my sister does. We all know she has a drinking problem. All of a sudden just before Christmas my sister starts trying to set up dinner with my mom and my moms friends in NYC then my sister and her boyfriend could meet them. The first time my sister is a no show. They never manage to meet. My mom was pissed and suspected her friends were being used because my sister is too nervous to see mom on her own. My mom has not seen her in over a year. One thing lead to another, they had an email argument etc. My mom finally confronts her "just what are you scared of" about seeing her. Eventually it came out that my sister is getting married again in Aug. I hear this all from my mom.
Two weeks later I get an email from my sister. Two weeks after everyone else already knows about the wedding. "I am getting married! Save the date. etc" Then at the end she acknowledges the photos I sent of the kids last month. I have not replied and do not know how or what to say. My mom sent me the link for the hotel. At least this one is on the east coast. But it would require me taking the subway in, going to a high rise hotel that is one of those with no bottom, just big concrete things holding it up into the air with wasted space underneath so it is an elevator ride to even get to the lobby!, and a wedding at the top (well drunken party of my sister and her friends) and a night in this big scary place. All this with my 7 yr old in tow, or alone. I would have to leave DH and 4 yr old at home.
What do I do?
1. I suck it up and go. Contact the hotel ahead of time and make sure I can access stairs. I cannot even go one floor at times in an elevator. The thought of this is already making me ill. I feel like at least this way she cannot hold my missing her wedding over my head. On the other hand I really doubt this would change her attitude toward me at all. We have no relationship at the moment. I would have to find another hotel to sleep at. Also money is an issue right now.
2. Tell her no and send a present. Invite her and DH to visit us so we can all meet him in a more quiet setting. I like this idea better. Then she can actually see both the kids and interact with them. At a drunken wedding my 7 yr old would be hanging out with me and my mom until we got sick of the party and went to bed.
3. Ideas????
about the anxiety. I am pretty anxious myself, and its only gotten worse since Ive had children.
