If I don't nightwean soon Im gonna go nuts

[FoxintheSnow]

DD (22 months) is still nursing through the night like a newborn. We cosleep and she wakes up constantly to nurse. Not only that, she wants to switch sides constantly- back and forth back and forth. It's really making me start to resent her. I need more sleep than this. I feel like a zombie a lot. No energy and I lose my train of thought a lot. Im also starting to gain weight because I have zero energy to exercise. How long can a person go on with a few hours of broken sleep a night?

Ive tried refusing her at night, having her sleep on the other side of dh, having her sleep in her own bed. Nothing works. She just screams bloody murder and tantrums. I mean I don't blame her, this is all she knows. At night to her mommy is a buffet and always has been.

The last thing I can think of trying is sneaking off into the guest room before bedtime and sleeping in there. DH says if I go out at night with friends he can put her to bed fine. If I'm home she has to nurse to sleep.

Any other suggestions? Commiseration?

[Baby_Cakes]

Jay Gordon's Nightweaning link


We used Dr Jay Gordon's nightweaning advice with a lot of success when DD was about 14 months old. She was the same as your LO - constantly needing to switch sides, wanting a new boob every time she woke up, which was like 10 times a night! I needed relief!!

She's completely 100% nightweaned now, at 17 months. It took about a week or so, no tears. It was another week, maybe two, before she started to wake up less, but settle herself easier. She still wakes up a few times, but she's easy to put back to sleep. We still co-sleep/bedshare most nights.

I still nurse her to sleep, b/c I don't mind that. I like having that one last nursing session and then we don't nurse again until maybe morning the next day -- or probably nap the next day. She's all but dropped her am nursing now.

HTH! Good luck!!

[mamabutterfly]

You leaving for the guest bedroom could work, many people I know have nightweaned by switchng to their partners doing nights for about one week.
For us this would have to be a week when dh is off work, so that's been our obstacle. He has a break in March though, so that's my plan.

good luck, I agree it's hard to function long term on bad sleep.

[FoxintheSnow]

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes

Jay Gordon's Nightweaning link


We used Dr Jay Gordon's nightweaning advice with a lot of success when DD was about 14 months old. She was the same as your LO - constantly needing to switch sides, wanting a new boob every time she woke up, which was like 10 times a night! I needed relief!!

She's completely 100% nightweaned now, at 17 months. It took about a week or so, no tears. It was another week, maybe two, before she started to wake up less, but settle herself easier. She still wakes up a few times, but she's easy to put back to sleep. We still co-sleep/bedshare most nights.

I still nurse her to sleep, b/c I don't mind that. I like having that one last nursing session and then we don't nurse again until maybe morning the next day -- or probably nap the next day. She's all but dropped her am nursing now.

HTH! Good luck!!

Ive read that method before but my question is what happens when they are screaming blood murder, gagging themselves climbing all over you, pulling at you, running out of bed tantrumming?

Cause that's what happened last time I tried it. Have you experienced that?

[Laur318]

i love this idea i am going to try it. my son only swicthes bck and forth when he's playing around, or when he has a wet diaper. do you check her? i know some ppl dont want to get in tha habit of changing in the night but it keeps my LO one and he pops off and on and goes side to side like yours.
i put my son in the crib most nihts when we do thjis. we indtedned to c/s half the night but i get more sleep when he's in the crib. just a though. your baby is old enoigh that a cirb shouldn't be too lonely, i hope.

[~savah~]

Originally Posted by FoxintheSnow

Ive read that method before but my question is what happens when they are screaming blood murder, gagging themselves climbing all over you, pulling at you, running out of bed tantrumming?

Cause that's what happened last time I tried it. Have you experienced that?

First off I.can't.stand. the switching back and forth it makes me wanna so I get you on that one. As far as the Jay Gordan method it didn't work for us either. My DD would do everything your did and hit and try to bite and pull hair. Not a pretty sight. I'm not sure how verbal your DD is, but what finally worked for us was I told her that the "mee-mees" were going to sleep when she did and when the sun came up they would wake up.

The fist night was rough, she cried for probably longer than I'd like to admit, probably 20 minute - a half an hour, but I held her and rocked her unless she was being violent, then I would set her down. After she stopped crying I sang to her and told her stories until she went back to sleep, about two hour later. The second night I explained every thing to her again and when she woke up she cried about half as much as the first night. I just pick her up and rock her and tell her I love her and the mee-mees would wake up soon. Each night it was the same thing except a little more crying. By the fifth night she just went back to sleep with no crying. Then she got really sick on top of getting her two-year molars and it sat us back a bit, but nothing like the first night.

DD is almost 26 months so I'm not sure if it would have worked at 22 months or not. Good luck, I know how frustrating it can be to have a toddler who nurses all night long.

[NJKim]

That sounds exactly like my 21 month old so we did just night wean. Mainly because I still haven't have my period yet and would love to start working on #2.... and having more than 1-2 hours of sleep at a time would be really nice!!

I told him all day that at night, the "milks" were going night night and would wake up in the morning. That 1st night, he asked for milk, I told him they were sleeping and I rocked him and held him and he didn't cry. He still woke up a lot but would go back to sleep easily. The 2nd night, he cried for a while but I just rocked him and held him. He wasn't asking for milk, he wanted to go downstairs and eat, even though I had snacks for him in his room. On the 4th night, he slept a 5 hour stretch!!! It was great! But now he's about to cut one of his canines so the past few nights, he's been waking a lot more and even wet the bed which he hadn't done for a while so I'm hoping things will get better after these teeth.

Overall, I think the nightweaning has been good for us. It's definitely tempting to just nurse him back to sleep instead of getting up and rocking him because it takes longer! But I've been pleasantly surprised that he actually CAN go back to sleep without nursing!!

[lifeguard]

We did the Jay Gordon method over Christmas with ds (since dh was off work we figured if we had rough nights it would be better) & it went very well.

The biggest thing that helped us was keeping a water bottle beside the bed. When he wakes we offer the water. Sometimes he would fight it & push it away for a few minutes but once he took it he'd drink some & then close his eyes & go back to sleep.

For putting ds to bed it is MUCH better if I am nowhere to be found at the time.

[Babymybodhi]

me too

I am going through the same thing.DS is 18 months.
It is good to know that others have the same problem. We tried the Jay Gordan method with no luck. DS just screamed and then stayed wide awake.
Nothing would get him to lie down with us and sleep
Even if I could take the screaming (which I can't) I don't have the physical stamina to stay awake all night more than one night.
I just think some children have a much harder time sleeping.
I really want to make a change and nightwean- I think we both need the sleep.
I am looking for ideas and will give it a couple more months maybe and hope things change.
Please post and see if you make any progress!

[Teenytoona]

Originally Posted by FoxintheSnow

Ive read that method before but my question is what happens when they are screaming blood murder, gagging themselves climbing all over you, pulling at you, running out of bed tantrumming?

Cause that's what happened last time I tried it. Have you experienced that?

Yeah, Jay Gordon's nightweaning method very much does not work for us either. She screamed and cried for a long time, until I gave in because I felt horrible. IDK. We're still nursing overnight. We're down to about 2-3 times. She's 2.

[Emily's Mama]

No advice unfortunately, just comiserations!

I haven't come to this forum for ages, but just did in the hopes of finding the same solution for my 18 month old.

She has been progressively nursing more and more at night over the past year probably and I"m getting worn down too. I don't even know if my body will remember how to sleep more than an hour or two in a row!! The few times I've tried to refuse her nursing, she's been VERY unhappy. We live in a small apartment, with thin walls to the surrounding apartments, and part of my reluctance to let her cry and scream (even if I AM still holding her, etc) is waking up the neighbourhood or them being concerned something is really wrong!

GOOD LUCK! I hope you find a solution.

[MamaWillow]

I don't have any advice either, but I can commiserate. DS is only 15 months but I don't know how much longer I can take night nursing. He will sleep for a 2-3 hour stretch at the longest, but then wakes about every hour after that. Lately he has been waking at 9:30 or 10pm, after going to bed at 7, unable to go back to sleep without nursing and then having his arms tightly wrapped around my neck. When I eventually sneak out, he wakes up soon after, throws his bedroom door open, and toddles down the hall, smiling and looking for me.

I'm hoping to try night-weaning soon...I gave myself 18 months as a goal...we shall see if I can do it. I don't tolerate crying very well, although I'm may freak out if I don't start getting some sleep!

[nycmom18]

us too

after reading some others posts though, i'm really thinking my ds's teeth might be a culprit. he has always been a very restless sleeper which i attributed to nursing him to sleep and him not being "trained" to comfort himself, but he used to sleep a lot better until the past week or so. he's almost 22 months btw. he used to sleep the first 3 hours then wake then sometimes sleep for 4-5 hours at a time! now it's literally every hour!

he's a really great communicator, but very stubborn. if i say no "boo-boo" he wont stand for it-thats it. im hoping as he gets older he will start to compromise a bit and i really think the other partner(dad whatever) has a major role in all of this. but we havent really tried anything yet, just thinking A LOT about it!

[lemonapple]

DS (14 months old) and I have enjoyed a WONDERFUL night nursing relationship for MONTHS. (I wasn't even sure if he WAS nursing during the night as I just never woke up enough to know for sure that he had nursed.) For the past week or so, he's been climbing over me throughout the night...needing to switch sides every 5 min....it's driving me INSANE, and I really don't think teeth are a culprit here.

I'm guessing it's because he's suddenly dropped a lot of our daytime nursings...on his own of course...he pretty much shows no real interest in nursing throughout the day unless it's naptime (takes 10 min. of nursing on just one side) or he sees me bare chested. I think I just have a very dwindled milk supply at this point, and he's going a bit frantic at night. *sigh* I doubt there's much I can do, so I'm just gritting my teeth and hoping that this will pass quickly.

I know my story is different than yours mama, but maybe it helps just to hear from others!

[LilacMama]

Go stay with a friend for a couple of nights (or in the guest bedroom or whatever) and have your DH offer her water when she wakes up. Then come home. Tell her, as others have suggested, that your boobs are going to sleep until morning and are not available. Offer her water when she wakes up. Endure any tantrums that ensue. My daughter can throw a hell of a tantrum (like yours it sounds like...) and it's NOT doing her any favors to give in.

[treespeak]

Originally Posted by FoxintheSnow

How long can a person go on with a few hours of broken sleep a night?

Aw, sweetheart To answer your question from my experience so far: 32 months and going strong. I've thought this question a lot in my struggle against my son nursing all night. In my quest for answers I've read about monks and others living an ascetic lifestyle who subsist on very little sleep for decades, lifetimes. They are doing fine. Nothing terrible happened. I've come to realize that there is a reason that the Buddhists talk about "waking up" to reality. I've come to see my son as my great teacher who is waking me up. I'm grateful to him. The whole situation shifted when my mind shifted. And strangely, now I can nurse or say no--either is just fine. I am free. It feels good.

[blackbird2]

I'm in a similar place with my 22month old. He seems to be going through a "velcro" stage both day and night, at least as regards nursing. Anyway. I'm not into the Jay Gordon method, and I think negotiation and communication is more important that consistency in dealing with tantrums/strong emotions. But, you can take his advice about just working on one part of the night at a time - for me, we're working on avoiding that first rousing to nurse. Also, I really identify with the PP's comments about changing my own mentality and remembering that I have a choice. Good luck!

[thehappydeer]

I can relate! My DD is 27 months and I think she had an upswing in night nursings around 22 months too. It was a phase and it passed. I am 3 months pregnant now, and while I had plans in my idealist mind to continue nursing #1 all the way through, my hormones are telling me otherwise. I've found nursing so incredibly emotionally and physically irritating that it seems unfair to continue when I feel this way about it.

So, I too am finding my way through the weaning process too, trying to slow down days and nights. We had a few miracle weeks where the baby who had been nursed to sleep every single night for 2 years would magically and peacefully fall asleep next to me without much protest! This gave me the courage to move forward and know that she was ready too. She's had a backswing this week and has wanted to be nursed to sleep again, and gets very upset when I refuse, so I've been working on other options.

Sometimes I nurse as long as I can stand it, and then stand up with her and rock her like I did when she was a newborn. This has been soothing to her and Im glad its working. I've also used Hylands Calms Forte Tablets when she's really upset and I know she's truly tired, but holding out for the boob...These have been magical, and the combination of rocking and homeopathics really works. It still emotionally shakes me up a lot when she gets so upset, but less than nursing past my breaking point.

I'm also offering her water when she wakes up in the middle of the night, and almost every time she'll accept, so I prop her up, let her take some gulp and she passes right back out again....sweet relief!

Also, I've found that when I am dehydrated, even slightly that nursing bothers me, even emotionally a WHOLE lot more. Nighttime is usually when we go the longest without water, so its important for our peace of mind a body to try to stay hydrated, its a real discipline Oh, and some Calms Forte for you couldn't hurt either

Hope its helpful to hear about another path I wish you peace and strength on your journey!

[JanineRivera]

Your situation is exactly like what I was going through with my 19 month old. My dd was constantly waking up and then steam rolling me saying "side" (meaning she wanted the other side). This had gone on for months. She has never been a "good" sleeper and I have always struggled with what to do. I have two friends that just recently night weaned, telling me that it wasn't that bad. I believed that there was no way my dd would go for this I thought that she would be clawing me to death yelling "milk". I finally had a conversation with myself one night while nursing my dd to sleep about night weaning. I had been wishy washy about if and when I wanted to night wean and finally this night I gave up control and decided to trust that I would know when the time was right. And it actually happened to be that night. My dd had steam rolled me about a half a dozen times over a 40 minute period and would just not fall asleep and I just couldn't take it anymore so I told her no more milk and that when the moon was out that milk went to sleep and she could have milk when the sun comes out. She cried and I told that she was going to be okay and that I love her. Daddy was there to and she finally rolled over to him and he sang her a song and she did eventually fall asleep. (I should note that daddy has been laying down with us at bedtime for a couple of months so dd has gotten used to having him there; I think this really helped in the preparation for this). She still woke up quite a bit that night and cried but nothing awful. And she woke up even more on the second night but I know that in some way she was ready for this because it has been pretty easy overall. I do hope for some longer stretches of sleep as we continue. We are still in the early stages and I am sure we have a ways to go before she sleeps through the night.

Hope this helps,
Janine

[spirit4ever]

Hi hon,

I'm right there with you, my dd is almost 20 months, I tried nightweaning a few months ago, half heartedly... but i'm done nursing at night now, night number 1 of nightweaning was last night, it went well for the most part. Some crying, but i told her that num nums were sleeping and she could have some when the sun came up, but by 5:30am she was absolutely beside herself, so i caved, but mainly out of fear that she would wake her two older brothers!!!!!!!!

I'm not home for the evening tonight, so thats always an iffy situation, if i don't nurse her to sleep, do i still not nurse till the morning, or nurse her when i get home (11pm) and then say no num nums till the morning??!!!!!

Good luck....... having been in the exact situation with both my boys I do know that sleep with eventually come....