WWYD? DH needs to go away for a few days v soon after birth.

[redvlagrl]

I need some advice please.

DH needs to go away to a conference on May 15 for 2-3 days. My due date is April 29th. It's extremely important for his tenure case.

My parents live overseas and won't necessarily be able to be there (my dad is having health problems). MIL would possibly come over (on other side of the country), however she is arthritic and not necessarily able to lift DD etc (though she would be helpful with cooking etc).

My fear is that as a VBAC it's in the realm of possibility that I might need another C section. I would be totally stuck with a newborn and a toddler (DD will be 19 mths) if I had to have a c section.

We are fairly new to the area and do have some friends and I am sure they would help out but many of them are back to work or have toddlers so wouldn't be able to stay over should I need help.

WWYD? Hire a postpartum doula who is able to stay overnight and then rely heavily on friends? Have MIL come over? Beg my mum to come over even if it's without my dad?

Thanks so much for your advice. I'm kind of freaking out here thinking about it!

[elus0814]

My DH was overseas when I had our third child. It's not that hard. Yes, you will be exhausted but it's only a couple days. I spent four months alone with two older kids and a newborn. Just make sure your house is baby proofed so if you have to sit with the baby to nurse or whatever your older child isn't getting into anything. If you really don't think you can handle it then hire a mother's helper or call a friend. It seems like you are concerned about overnight but that should be the easy part.

[Dov'sMom]

Two-three days should be doable. In the worst case scenario, DH makes up a bed/mattress on the ground floor, you have enough easy food in the fridge for the whole time (2-3 healthy casseroles that can be microwaved or eaten cold + "junk" for your toddler -- shelled chestnuts, healthy-ish granola bars, bags of cereal, pre-washed berries, frozen peas), transport the newborn by pushing along in a moses basket with your foot, and tell your toddler you're camping out. Have several "surprises" ready at arm's reach for you but in a sealable container for toddler meltdowns, skip baths, spend all day in pajamas if need be.

[kltroy]

My husband travels for work, so I have BTDT. Also had a VBAC, though my mom was able to be there for it (success!). I would probably make due with friends and possibly a postpartum doula if you end up with a repeat c-section. If you have a vaginal birth you should be able to swing it without much help. If you could make a request of friends and neighbors, it would be to have them bring over a few dishes of food that will give you enough leftovers to not have to cook for a few days. Best of luck!

[Mamabeakley]

I would imagine you might also be concerned that you won't have had the baby yet, depending on how long you tend to cook your babies.

DH had to be away for work for 10 days starting on my EDD with DD. I was concerned he might be gone while I was in labor and had to wrap my mind around that. I planned that if that occurred I would go to my M&FIL's and invite all the women I could get to come. I've seen births like that and thought I wouldn't ever do it that way UNLESS DH couldn't be there for some reason. I tend to have my babies early and in fact, she was born at 36.4 so was already several weeks old when he had to go.

Actually, though, he took our two DSs away for 3 - 4 days (vacation they had really been looking forward to) when DD was only about 3 days old. My mom, who lives several hours away, came and stayed with me and DD. It was a beautiful bonding "Girls only" time. My mom came back when DH went away for work. That was not such a beautiful thing. In retrospect, I should have gone and camped out at MILs if I felt overwhelmed.

It all depends so much on the personalities involved, though, and the timing, and what kind of birth you end up with (easy vaginal, difficult vaginal, cesarean could all be rather different recovery scenarios). I think if I were you, I'd look around for an excellent postpartum doula if I could afford it. I think I'd find out if she'd be okay with being "on-call" but only coming if you felt you really needed it (probably would be if you paid her either way ).

[redvlagrl]

Thanks so much for the encouragement! DH has actually asked his mother to come on over as I was quite anxious. We're guessing that it's pretty much at the end, end, end of the possibility of my being pregnant. I suppose we would try (natural and alternative) forms of induction at around 41 weeks.

I have no idea how long this pregnancy will be becauase DD was a c section due to PROM with a failed induction at 38 weeks

Thanks so much!