What do you do when your toddler begs?

[NewMom0208]

Hello,

My two year old usually tries tantrums and some screaming when he doesnt get what he wants, this just doesnt work so today he tried a new strategy.

He wanted to go out for a walk, but I am working and need to take some phone calls, I gently explained we cannot go out. He tried to tantrum but i applied my "I know you are frustrated but mommy cannot go out now"

He surprised me by trying something new, he started begging, tears in his eyes, caresses my faces and blabbered very sweet words with a lot of feeling. He caught me totally off ward and I started crying too, it took a lot for me not to give in...I did the next bad thing, I distracted him with an apple cobbler. I really dont want to use food as a distraction but I know is the only kind of distraction that works, I leave it for real emergencies and this was one.

How do you manage begging, it not only breaks my heart but I dont want to encourage begging as a valid option. I dont want him to get ahead in life by inspiring pity.

Help!?

[mamazee]

There's nothing wrong with reconsidering and going for a walk if you're able, but I understand the world isn't always as flexible as I wish it was. But I don't think a bit of flexibility is going to turn your babe into a begger.

If you can't go, that's fine and don't feel bad about it. Things don't always go how we wish things would go, which is a hard thing for children to learn and can make them sad, but is part of life. I think it helps for them to know we care that they're sad and that we empathize with what they're going through, but I personally am not of the opinion that my job as a parent is to stop or prevent all tears or sad feelings.

IMO the thing to do is to let him know you're on his side by empathizing. "I wish I didn't have this work to do and that we could go for a walk. I'd like to take you walking." And sometimes saying something silly helps, like that you wish you could walk all the way to the north pole and back. Anything silly sometimes makes kids feel a bit better and makes things less heavy. Anyway, the key is that empthazing "I wish we could" seems to work better than just explaining why you can't. In fact, I think why you cant is irrelevant to toddlers and makes them feel less valued (they can't understand why work is so important or how you balance things in your life so it just feels like work is more important than they are), and it's best just to empathize and leave it at that. I do the exact same thing when a child is having a tantrum. Empathize.

[LynnS6]

I do the same thing I do for tantrums - offer sympathy and a hug and move on.

In your case, I would have also set the timer and said "I need to make some phone calls, and do x, y & z. When then timer beeps, we can then go for a walk."

[my_baby_love]

I can't say that it always helps the situation, but when my DS uses his sweetest voice and asks nicely I usually thank him for being so sweet/polite/whatever and then restate my usual answer. I figure that I'm letting him know I heard him ask very nicely, but we still can't do whatever it is right now.

[joanna0707]

Next time, would it be possible to take him for a short walk when he asks and continue your work later? If not, is there something he loves to do, like water play or sand box that you could keep only for those special occasions?

[flower01]

Originally Posted by LynnS6

I do the same thing I do for tantrums - offer sympathy and a hug and move on.

In your case, I would have also set the timer and said "I need to make some phone calls, and do x, y & z. When then timer beeps, we can then go for a walk."

This sounds so nice, but it makes me feel like my daughter's tantrums are not normal. There is no moving on...unless that means you go about your day for the next 45 minutes with a child following you around screaming at you and physically going nuts - either hitting you or running into walls and furniture. Sigh.