"Well, hon, you were in quite an altered state..."

[sharr610]

I recently received my hospital records from my DS's birth 2.5 years ago. It was a planned HB, failure to progress, blah, blah, blah ending in c/s.

Anyway, in processing what I was reading with my DH, I was mentioning to him all the notes about things that were done that I don't remember consenting to. He said I did or it was "something we discussed" meaning him and the midwives(none of the latter being huge decisions, but still...). I said that I remembered people talking to me like I was a child, not really capable of being rational and how it really pissed me off. He said, "Well, hon, at a certain point", you were in quite an altered state.

He's a good guy, so I'm not writing this to have him flamed, but the comment did honestly make me mad and I told him this. On the one hand, I know that during labor we do go to a place where we are not normally, but does that mean we lose the ability to think clearly? I think most of us would say not. How do we tackle this? I feel like I see it so often in birth stories gone bad and perhaps, have even done it myself with pregnant friends/ones in labor.

I don't know, these are just a bunch of random thoughts, but thought I would throw them out to see what you ladies think.

thanks!

[Jackies Ladybug]

i definitely went into "labor land" but was still coherent enough to ask my midwife to break my water, that i wanted more chicken and carrots in my soup instead of just broth, that i wanted to try getting out of the water to walk around, i remember clearly asking for pressure on my perineum as my daughter crowned and actually applied the pressure myself.

so, i personally would be upset to be told that my "altered state" caused me not to be able to consent to interventions.
everyone is different, but that wouldnt fly in my book. maybe your husband and care providers discussed what would be done, but if you were not consulted then that is NOT consent.

[tessie]

There was definitely a point in my labour when I would have struggled to have told you my name. But everyone is different.

Perhaps it's not so much that you were in an altered state but that you weren't able to communicate your wishes effectively at times? I suppose that's why a good support person who is clear on your birth preferences is recommended?

[MegBoz]

Originally Posted by tessie

Perhaps it's not so much that you were in an altered state but that you weren't able to communicate your wishes effectively at times?

Yes, I've read many stories of mama's saying they felt literally unable to speak and/or somehow just unable to express themselves. I'm sure it happens - and "labor land" exists.

Personally, I didn't go there. I was very strangely "lucid" - so much so that no one believed us when we showed up at the hospital (planned) saying I'd been having pushing ctrx for 30 min! I was able to chit-chat with the receptionist between ctrx! But I am a very strange bird & oddly lucid, calm & clear in emergencies. (it's afterward that I'd fall to pieces & cry, but during, I'm golden.)

[sharr610]

The decisions were small ones, nothing to do with interventions. I don't think that was it, he gets fully where I'm coming from. I talked about epi and c/s and pitocin...I was a part of those decisions...it was more little things like time lines and such that I don't remember discussing one bit.

I think, after we talked about it a bit and thinking about it now, he mistook "labor land" or "altered state" for me really releasing all my power. At some point in my process, I turned every piece of power over to my midwives. I let them make the decisions because I was in a place I didn't expect to be. Hell, so did DH. They told him to call my mom and get her on a plane ASAP and I didn't know until an hour before she arrived.

I am normally a pretty in charge girl. I think seeing me so lost and scared like a child was an "altered state" for me in his eyes.

[velveeta]

I also wouldn't have known what I said during that time. I feel so lucky that my first birth was a home birth b/c if I had been in the hospital, who *knows* what I would have asked for. At home, I *did* ask for an epidural and all that. For subsequent births, I just told the midwife that I was sure to ask for who knows what, so she should just tell me, "Baby is almost here" and so forth. Immediately following my second birth, everyone asked -- boy or girl?-- and I just babbled for a few minutes, not even speaking actual words. It is *hilarious* on video.

I am also (usually) a decision-maker and "in-charge". Yes, in labor? Notsomuch.

[SashaBear]

I freaked out when we decided to go for a csection. They even had to give me something a little extra in my IV. I was apparently very coherent during recovery talking to my nurse and the NICU team, giving them orders and such and my care and my baby's. I don't remember any of it! Apparently I asked for a breastpump, inforned the NICU team a few things and who knows what else.

[DeChRi]

With #1 I was totally with it the whole time. With #2 they could have taken my child out through my ear and off to Neverland and I would not have known or care. I remember every detail of pushing and see DD1 come out in the mirror, being anxious to have her on me, etc. DD2 I barely remembering pushing at all, have no recollection of her coming out, and the only memory I have is hearing the Dr say...."do you want her on your abdomen?" and long moments passing before DH hopped in and said "yes, I think she does" then him holding her there cause I was so shot. I truly do not even remember them weighing, do new baby stuff we had consented to, I don't remember if they wiped her down or we did....I know what was in our birth plan, but I really do not remember much. I had no pain meds with DD2 either. I had never really thought about it I guess, but now I am.