Why does CIO "work"? - Page 2

[almadianna]

Originally Posted by thyra

Poor thing, hopefully she ends up in an emotionally safe place

We are working on that, it is possible she will end up with us actually... which would mean I would have a 3 year old and (basically) 18 month old twins because my son is 18 months old. She has improved greatly in the past few weeks with our children who have adopted her as a little sister... but she has a long road ahead of her still.

I have never felt more strongly against CIO than after seeing what it has done to this little girl, obviously there were other factors in her life as well (hence why she is with us) but her grandparents were SO proud that having her being left to cry for months finally paid off.

[elus0814]

I was allowed to cry it out when I was a baby and now I have awful sleep issues. DH was not often left to cry and he has no sleep problems. That said, when my oldest was around nine months old it seemed like nothing I did was helping her sleep so I layed her down in her crib, she cried for a few minutes, then fell asleep. From that night on she slept on her own and would put her arms out to be put in her crib, has no problems being alone, and sleeps well. Before that night I coslept with her and neither of us slept well. It makes me wonder if I was just not letting her fall asleep the way she needed to when I was trying to be with her every moment. I think she needed those ten unhappy minutes to work through how to fall asleep. I've tried it with my younger kids and it wasn't for them. They both coslept for a long time (one still does) and have never shown the desire to sleep on their own that the oldest showed. Maybe some of these parents (but I really don't think all) had kids who needed to fall asleep alone, all babies are different - why not explore this variation?

[t2009]

I agree with PPs... CIO doesn't work! My family was pestering us for a long time to try it (we just stopped talking about sleep with them) because my sister did it with my neice and now she's is the "perfect" sleeper. But I'll tell you, she's always got circles under her eyes! Someone said it's "learned helplessness" and I totally agree... I swear poor thing isn't sleeping nearly as much as everyone wants to think she is.

[BlueWolf]

My husband will be the first one to tell you that he thinks his emotional detachments and inability to communicate efficiently stem back to his mother making him CIO.

[Birdie B.]

Originally Posted by Barbie64g

I would like to point out my SIL as an example of how CIO DOESNT WORK! Shes almost 17. She was the fourth with 10 years between her and her youngest brother (Hes 27) She was a horrible sleeper. I don't know how often she was left to CIO, but I have heard my MIL make some sort of comment about having to clean up puke. I also know that at the age of three, the boys (HUsband and BILs) would take turns sleeping with her, because she would NOT sleep by herself. To this day, she HATES being home by herself. She gets to scared and freaked out. She still asks to spend the night at my house rather then be alone in her house until 1030pm (At which time her parents would get home from whatever) Just throwing that out there.

My mother was not AP, but her maternal instinct told her letting us cry at night was cruel. She spent many a night sleeping on the floors of our bedrooms. Neither of us have any problem being alone, EVER.

How funny, my SIL (the baby of the family) always slept with someone else (mom, sister or brothers) growing up, and has never been able to sleep alone! I don't think she's afraid of being home alone, but even as a teen would sleep w/mom or her friends. As soon as she went to college she found a boyfriend and they've been inseparable ever since...I don't know if it proves anything, but being left alone to cry is not the only way to make someone unable to sleep alone!

But in all seriousness, I totally agree with everything else you mamas are saying. Sure it would be nice to get a full night of sleep, but not at my daughter's expense. I could never sleep through her cries.

[rzberrymom]

Originally Posted by bandgeek

Most people who do it seem to have to do it more than once, every time baby's schedule is disrupted. Go on vacation? CIO again. Baby over an illness? CIO again. Move into a new home? CIO again. Daylight savings time? CIO again.

I've noticed this too--I have relatives that complain miserably about having to do it over and over again every time there's a little set-back.

And while *maybe* you've got it easier when they're babies, then they have terrible associations with sleep when they get older--I've heard many complaints about once they're too big for the crib, since it gets complicated when you can no longer contain them, they can 'escape' and you have to put gates on the door, lock the door, etc. I've had relatives who can hardly believe it when my DD trots off happily to bed at night since she's not fearful of sleep.

[ecoleman]

I actually found an article and bookmarked it for this exact reason, in case anyone asked why we didn't do it

Here it is: http://www.abc.net.au/unleashed/stories/s2572047.htm

[Autumn C.]

My mother proudly told me how she let me CIO the day we came home from the hospital. She picked a 5 hour window at first and then increased the time frame over some weeks until I was STTN.

I sleep fine now. I like sleep. I LOVE SLEEP. However, I cannot stand to cosleep. I've done it with both of my kids because I find it useful and it was obvious THEY enjoyed it. But, particularly with my high needs littlest, I wished sometimes I had never heard of AP so I could claim ignorance.

Anyway, the thing with CIO is that the damage isn't obvious. It's not like someone CIO and wakes up with an extra head or something. So when you are looking at baby or child that is sleeping more consolidated hours than they used to it might look like a good thing.

That is until they read posts of people just loving the "closeness and bonding" of cosleeping and you have the nagging feeling that you could have maybe felt that way too, if only...