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Originally Posted by Kirsten  I saw under new posts also. I'd like to know what comments would be appropriate if any. Saying nothing feels like ignoring which seems rude. But comments that are made (hopefully) without malice are still often taken as rude. I agree that it is a teaching moment, and I would try (even though it must get old) to respond without anger if the person had good intentions.
The quote above first says recognizing how hard it is is appreciated. But a couple paragraphs down when a woman says just that, it is wrong. I assume a lot is said with tone and expression, but I am curious as to how one could respond without being offensive.
I completely understand wanting acceptance and not pity. How could I show that if we ran into each other at a soccer game or in an elevator?
And since the world is set up for kids with normal hearing, being deaf WOULD be hard. I know that it is still fun, rewarding, etc - but at times hard, no?
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Thank you for asking!! Really
I guess I didn't word that well. In this case, there was no indication at all that his life was hard. She saw him for 30 minutes at soccer, being a normal kid, you know? His hearing loss and speech delay frankly are the absolute least of our worries, although I recognize that the other mom probably had no clue about his lengthy list of other medical issues or the future in front of him due to his syndrome. I also realize that she was probably just at a loss for words, it IS awkward.
Let's see...in this example...
Other mom: "I saw you signing with him, where did you learn it?" [this is a great way 'in' because my answer could be that we do baby signs just because, or in our case I'll answer that we have an in-home instructor to teach the whole family, which we do.]
Then she could say something like "When did you find out about his hearing loss? I've always been interested in sign language...what beautiful eyes he has, by the way!" Or "I think he did a good job kicking the ball, can you show me the sign for good job?" Or, like the example above, "I see his Elmo shirt, my son LOVES Elmo! What's the sign for Elmo?"
So now we've built a bit of a rapport. Once someone has shown some interest in getting to know my child, then if they comment about how hard the overall special needs journey is, I take it a lot better, you know? But to automatically jump to the negative, it does get old. And it brings me down sometimes. If someone instead says "he looks like he's doing so well, I'm sure it's not easy..." that's different.
What's ironic is that I sometimes have trouble approaching other special needs parents in public! You'd think I'd have this down by now, but I don't.
I usually look for some sort of commonality..."I know a little girl in the special needs chat room I'm a member of that has an adaptive stroller just like that, I like the little sparkles on the rim!" And I always make sure to talk to the child, so I"ll tell the little girl "did you help pick out your chair? I like the stickers you put on your tray." Then once you've focussed on the child just like you would a "normal" child, you can say "can I ask why she uses a chair?" Almost certainly the mom will be glad you asked and will explain it. Then, instead of saying how hard overall life is, or instead of saying how sad it is, say something like "I bet you're a pro at fighting with insurance companies!"
I don't know if I'm making any sense...
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