s/o of the name change thread

[Everrgreen]

Did anyone keep their XH's name? My husband and I separated a couple months ago and it's beginning to look like this is going to be permanent. It will be a while before we will actually get divorced though, so this isn't a pressing issue, I'm just curious. I have thought about keeping my name as it is (therefore keeping stbx's name). Mainly because it is DS's last name too and I really want to have the same last name as him. I know I could change both our last names, but that would probably be complicated, and I don't think stbx would agree to that, and DS's name does not go with my maiden name. I also like the last name I have now, just in general, as a last name. But is this weird? What do you all think?

[*bejeweled*]

Hi, I am not in your situation, but if I were, I would definitely keep my XH's name. It is important for me to have the same last name as my child.

I wish you the best.

[Ceinwen]

Each person has a different reaction, so it's really up to what you feel strongly about!

I personally couldn't wait to go back to my family name. My ex and I were together ten years, married one - then divorced.

My girls have their first name, first middle name, my last name as a second middle name, then their father's name as a last name.

So for example: Jane Crystal Smith Jones (with Smith being my family name).

I went back to my original name because I felt no connection to my married name, had only had that name for a year, and I feel no overwhelming need to share a last name with my children.

I chose their first names, and feel much more connected to that. Last names don't identify them the way their first names do... JMO.

[RollerCoasterMama]

I think I know as many people that kept their married name as went back to their maiden name--people with older kids and decently along in their profession seem to lean towards keeping the name. Heck my uncle's ex-wife is still using our family name and she didn't even have kids--but she did get all of her degrees while married, so that probably factored in. They were married about 10 years. That was about 14 years ago!

I went back and forth---lots of pros and cons on both sides, and I landed on the side of taking my old name back. It's not perfect. But for me, once I committed to the decision, it was clearly the right one. We're so amicable (in a no romantic overtones kind of way) that it's pretty similar to our relationship over the past few years (minus the stress). I need this for me - and for STBX - to delinate my new identity in black and white. Having the same name as my son isn't that big a deal to me. Work will be kind of a PITA because when my email changes I'll have to go through the mini-reveal with random people who hardly know me for for probably 6 months before everyone figures it out.

I could have easilly landed on the other side of the decision. But I'm happy with the one I made.

[meemee]

yeah i would agree this is a personal thing.

i have been seperated almost 6 years. have nothing in court. one day we will - no rush.

i still use my ex's last name.

however here is why i am not sure what i am going to do.

ex's family is still my family. i still hang out with them and am in close contact with them. i dont have any family here so ex's family watches out for me. we do TG with them and other gatherings too.

so i kinda dont feel like changing my name is that important. honestly for me my last name is not such a big deal.

plus i like the sound of ex's last name compared to mine.

[bmcneal]

I am keeping STBX's last name. I want to have the same last name as my children, but more importantly, that is who I am now. I can't (nor would I ever want to) go back to being who I was before I was married, and that includes "taking back" my maiden name.

[KalamazooMom]

I never changed my name when we got married so it wasn't an issue for me. But my parents divorced in the late 70s and my mother kept my dad's name. She said she could either keep my dad's name or go back to her dad's name, so she decided she'd rather have the same last name as her kids.

[Sagesgirl]

Originally Posted by bmcneal

I want to have the same last name as my children, but more importantly, that is who I am now. I can't (nor would I ever want to) go back to being who I was before I was married, and that includes "taking back" my maiden name.

This is pretty much where I fall as well. I got married when I was 19 and divorced when I was 28/29 (you know, I don't quite remember which side of my birthday it fell on ). My current last name is mine just as much as it is his. He actually wanted to make me take back my maiden name! I had to explain he didn't get to do that.