Helping toddler adjust to new sibling (and me too!!)

[VTnurse]

We gave birth nearly 5 weeks early to a new daughter. She is happy and healthy. However, we really weren't prepared for the early arrival. Our 19 month old son is NOT adjusting well. He is upset, crying, and very sad all the time. We have been home for a week. As a result, I am sad too. I am so sad that we don't have our one-on-one time anymore. I am sad that our time alone was cut short. Any suggestions on helping him to adjust to the new baby? How long will it be until things are back to 'normal'... or our new normal? He is still very young to help with her and really doesn't want anything to do with her anyway. Thoughts? Ideas?

[sarahtdubb]

hey mama, I'm sorry you're having a hard time! I'm not a pro but I can sympathize-- I had a baby 2 week ago and I also really miss the one-on-one time with my toddler.

Do you have some help? Something that has really helped us is having someone who can take my son out to have fun/play actively with him here, so that his life can keep going at almost normal--- he gets to go out and burn energy and I can stay home and nurse and bond with our new baby.

Also, time will help. I cried the whole first week, too, and resented the fact that I couldn't keep doing all the things I want with my toddler. But you know what--it won't always be that way! Soon I'll be able to stick the babe in a sling and take my little guy to the zoo again, and even if he gets frustrated sometimes, I know he now has the gift of a sibling.

Other ideas would be to develop special things for him for when you have to do things for the baby... I read in "Adventures in Tandem Nursing" about having a nursing box for your toddler full of cool stuff that they get to play with when your little one is nursing; we are also working at things I can do with him while holding a baby--- playing with puppets, playing with playdough, things like that, where I can interract but can be sitting down, nursing, etc.

hang in there!!!

[ksmith10101]

Sibling adjustment

I understand that the adjustment is hard for both of you. You might try setting some time aside to spend with just your toddler. I know that does not seem possible. My husband and I spent a great deal of time reading about new babies and what to expect. You might try the book below. It can be ordered on line.

http://www.strategicpublishinggroup....byBrother.html

Good Luck.