Extra-curricular activity for spirited, sensitive and perfectionist child

[4Marmalade]

How's that for a title?

We are on the lookout for an extra-curricular activity for my oldest child. He is 7 years old. We have always done swimming lessons and cross-country ski lessons and those are fine. The past two years he has played soccer but he doesn't really seem to enjoy it much. He much prefers to run around and likes the idea and routine of going to soccer but no real interest in engaging in the game. Each year it gets a bit more competitive and they look for the kids to at least gain some knowledge of the rules but ds doesn't have that interest. I think he actually touched the ball once last season.

Anyway, he does not like the idea of any competition (unless it's with his sister ). He is a perfectionist and making errors or being wrong in front of people is not a good scene. He is intense, sensitive and has a high activity level. He likes routine and does not necessarily like "new" things but once he gets into it he can and does enjoy it.

We do not want to over schedule him and this activity would occur after ski lessons and swim lessons are over for the year. I am just curious as to what activities have worked out really well for those who might have a child kind of like ds. I am wondering about some sort of martial arts as it would be very routine and not very competitive. I've also heard it can be good for self-discipline which could be very beneficial for ds. Although I admit to not knowing much about it.

[velochic]

How about horseback riding lessons? Dd rides, and although she is not like your ds, there are many children at the stables where she rides that sound very similar. The horses are very calming and take a lot of focus and patience to tend and ride. It takes a lot of self-discipline, too. Where dd rides, she also has to care for the animals, so she has times that she's mucking stalls, but mostly it's grooming the animals and learning how to care for them. There is a higher level of responsibility there that is good as a form of... "therapy" for lack of a better word. Anyway, I'm suggesting it because it's something we love here and it's been such a hugely positive experience for dd. The connection she has with one particular horse is almost spooky. It seems the bonds are something special, too, between horse and rider. Dd just turned 8, btw.

ETA: although many kids do show for competition, we, too, are not interested in competition and so dd has never gotten into that aspect of riding. Maybe later when she's old enough to really be excited about it.

[ollyoxenfree]

Martial arts is a good idea. I'd make sure the dojo is not competitive though. Some are a little scary with their intensity level.

My dd enjoys horse riding too - it's a good suggestion.

Other possibilities are music lessons or drama, but it sounds like you are looking for an athletic activity.

[LynnS6]

Music lessons (you can just take lessons and practice, you don't have to perform)
Horseback riding
Martial arts
Bowling
Gymnastics
Fencing
Golf
Tennis
Raquetball
Running
Cycling
Skateboarding


And my sensitive, introverted, perfectionistic son discovered recently that he likes: Theater! So, if you can get him out of his comfort zone (ds did this as part of the after school program and was just sort of placed in there), you might find some other things.

[4Marmalade]

Originally Posted by LynnS6

And my sensitive, introverted, perfectionistic son discovered recently that he likes: Theater! So, if you can get him out of his comfort zone (ds did this as part of the after school program and was just sort of placed in there), you might find some other things.

Funny you should mention this. For the first two years of school ds didn't even like going to assemblies. A couple of months ago he actually volunteered to go up on stage to teach a dance . I was so taken aback.

We live in a smaller rural area so we are limited in some of the things as not all are available to us. Dh talked about he and ds going mountainbiking once/week as dd1 will be going to soccer once/week. I think he will like that.

Horseback riding is an option but one year ago we went to visit a friends horse and he did not want to ride him at all.

We have been discussing piano lessons for a while too. Ds is coming around to the idea that he might not actually know how to play. I mean I appreciate his confidence but for a couple of years he always replied with "I already know how to play the piano"

Thanks for the ideas.

[Tjej]

My (younger) DD with similar tendancies has done very well with swimming and dance. And if he liked teaching a dance in an assembly, dance might really be his "thing".

Tjej

[mommajb]

I have ideas but need to run. Hopefully I'll be back soon.

[Marimami]

My DD (5.5) is very similar in personality. She's been taking horseback riding lessons since she was 4, and it's been wildly successful. But she had wanted to take lessons ever since she was about 2.5-3 years.

We had a few bumps because her instructors think she has true natural talent and so she got slightly caught up in wanting to do shows. DD was really torn because she got caught up in the excitement, but she really dislikes the competitive side of it.

So, we recently all came around and re-grouped and decided that really wasn't at all what she wanted to do. She's been much happier again since we relaxed again.

I'm just mentioning this because horseback riding can take a competitive edge to it, but it's not at all necessary.

Holli

[mommajb]

Much of your description fits my middle dd.

For her we have tried to pick year round sports and activities rather than 6 week seasons. This allows her to figure out the expectations and adapt before too long.

Focusing on activities where each person performs rather than competes has been helpful. In many ball sports there is competition even on a team for the ball then when one has the ball everyone focuses on that person. As mature adults we know that team sports take a team but in youth sports it seems like the parents all encourage (yell at) the child handling the ball and she cannot handle this. The alternative seems to be hang back and not really participate perhaps by requesting to play positions that don't see much action.

She takes piano and gymnastics rather than baseball and basketball. We do continue to give soccer a try and she enjoys parts without wow-ing anyone on the field.

[Mittsy]

My dd(almost 5) who fits that description almost perfectly LOVES gymnastics.

[4Marmalade]

Originally Posted by Mittsy

My dd(almost 5) who fits that description almost perfectly LOVES gymnastics.

He chose a gymnastics class for winter electives this year at school (4 Fridays) and LOVED it. Unfortunately, the gymnastics program is in another town 40km away so we would have to spend every Saturday driving there and with 4 kids we can't really swing it.

[Mirzam]

I would recommend climbing if you have an indoor climbing gym or a rec center with a climbing wall that offers classes for kids nearby.

[Ellie'sMom]

I want to echo rock climbing, if you have a gym with a low key program geared for kids. My dd (7) is very non-competitive and a perfectionist, and she is loving climbing. Her class has kids of varying ages and abilities and the focus is very much on what each individual kid wants to accomplish.

She has also enjoyed gymnastics and art classes. We are about to start piano.

[bnhmama]

My 7 year old fits that description quite well. We've done Taekwondo for a year now and LOVE it. Cannot stress enough how great it has been for him. I agree that you should make sure that the place you go with is not super competitive. My son's school really tries to instill that they need to have good self esteem and self discipline to help them meet PERSONAL goals. Of course we have the option to go to tournaments and whatnot but it's still very manageable. They never pressure us but do offer lots of individualized help if we choose to go so the child, again, sets their own performance goals and works towards them. Did I mention I LOVE it?

The other great thing is that they will not test a child unless they have evaluated and are sure the child is ready to test up to the next belt. This way you never have a results ceremony with a child who does not test up. (Except some rare occasions for recommended black belts due to different, more complex skills, as I understand it.)

[EFmom]

My older dd does Tae Kwon Do, and it has many of the attributes you are seeking. Her school does have competitions with affiliated schools, but they are entirely voluntary, and most kids don't do them very often because there is an additional fee and it's an all-day thing.

I would be careful about evaluating the master and the teachers if your child is particularly sensitive. Ask to observe classes and talk to a bunch of parents whose kids have been involved for some time. DD's master can be pretty tough on the kids if he thinks they are slacking off. That's been fine for my kid, but it might not be good for a really sensitive kid.

[sanguine_speed]

Our similar dd also loves horseback riding. Though, she has been thrown off and seen her sister thrown off, which was very very hard for her (and me, to be honest). She also likes art class but we had to withdraw from the art school classes for kids because they were time-pressured. I was more into process and they were more into completion .

[DaughterOfKali]

Piano lessons.

Drama/acting.

Art class.

[rachelernst]

I was probably similar to this type of child (I'm now 35). So, I think generally I just wanted non-competitive. Some things that now come to mind that I'm interested in now and probably would have been had someone helped me along with it back then are:
geo-caching


I love hiking, yoga (and would probably like martial arts like hapkido)
I would love to try rock climbing which would probably also require a bit of strength training
Try sports in which you CAN be competitive but don't HAVE to be such as all the new sports in the Olympics such as snowboarding

I loved reading and was ready to try Shakespeare in high school, but didn't even know how to ask for help with it. I needed help. A book club would have been great for me, but a club in which I was challenged by some older people. Maybe not so much a club as a regular adult input.

It's great you are interested. Just that alone will push you to explore your child's world. The fact that you are asking the question is greater than not knowing the answer right now.


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[ChristaN]

Dd#1 (11 y/o) is intense, sensitive, introverted, perfectionistic, and doesn't like competitive sports. For her, individual sports and non-competitive group events have worked a lot better than team sports. She likes swimming, scuba diving, rock climbing, drama, and choir. She also enjoyed ballet for a while. As a boy, he might like martial arts better than ballet, though .

[4Marmalade]

Thanks so much to everyone for their input. It's given us some great ideas to think about and discuss with ds.