How to stop being angry?

[Robyn79]

Just like the title reads...how did you stop being angry?

Exh and I have been separated/divorced for just over 5 years now, although our custody agreement was just finalized a month ago (long, messy and very expensive process!) Most days I am ok with things, I've moved on and have met someone new and wonderful and am happy with my new life. But when I see exh and his new wife (the woman he left me for) I can't help but still feel incredibly angry. Unfortunately we have to see eachother several times a week, and most days I just put on a happy face and am civil. However they are both very rude and rarely even say a word to me unless forced. It makes it awkward and uneasy for everyone and difficult for the kids to see us unable to get along. Part of my anger is that I don't feel like either of them have anything to be angry at me for...I was the one that was left!

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Im not a single mama, so I hope you don't mind me responding....

But would it help to remind yourself that if he did it to you, chances are pretty good he will do it to her too?

[Robyn79]

Originally Posted by Barbie64g

Im not a single mama, so I hope you don't mind me responding....

But would it help to remind yourself that if he did it to you, chances are pretty good he will do it to her too?

Of course not! I'm open to any thoughts on this!

I used to. And it made me feel better when people would say "it will never last, rebound relationships never work out!" or that "he you for her so she can't feel all that great about being chosen second"

I think I struggle with it more on some days because my dp is currently living 4 hours away from us. And while we are working on finding him a job that would have him home with us more, I stuggle with seeing them have their happy live together. Maybe I'm even a bit jealous...

[Wolfcat]

Originally Posted by Robyn79

Unfortunately we have to see eachother several times a week, and most days I just put on a happy face and am civil. However they are both very rude and rarely even say a word to me unless forced. It makes it awkward and uneasy for everyone and difficult for the kids to see us unable to get along. Part of my anger is that I don't feel like either of them have anything to be angry at me for...I was the one that was left!

Here's a thought for you: They may not be trying to be rude per se. They may be feeling awkward because of guilt and it comes out as rude and withdrawn.

[Freedom~Mama]

^that is a good point.

I just wanted to say it sounds like a really tough situation and I totally understand why you would feel angry. I think it is healthy to not block emotions and feel what we need to feel...to move on and heal. I find for myself that hard as it is sending out love and compassion makes me feel less angry, depressed etc and better about life and myself. I know it can be very hard sometimes though.

[meemee]

anger is good and bad.

the bad part is its still a big thing in your life no matter how far you have moved on. it is still a part of your life.

the good part about anger is it is an action emotion. i really dont think all anger is bad. i think in your case it is more about continued frustration.

anger is a way of grieving too. i really see it as the other side of sadness.

the whole process requires time and anger is part of the process. some move fast through that stage, some take time.

i think the whole fact that you want to be done with the anger is reason enough that in time you will be done with that emotion.

what has really helped me was just focus on ex the dad. he is still rude to my face and incredibly mean to me, but he tries really hard with dd. so i have learnt to ignore that side of his behaviour because these days he is important to me as the father of our child. his behaviour does not affect me any more. i just make sure i focus on his relationship with his dd and nothing else. he to me behaves like a 4 year old and when i see him is see the 4 year old in him. and that automatically brings compassion towards him. so sad that a person has to live his life with so much anger and disgust. every time i see him i am sooo much more grateful how peaceful my life is no matter what is happening on the material level.

when teh time is right you will leave the anger behind - forever.