Mom of 11 and 1/2 month old.. SO FED UP.

[nicholeraine]

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[claddaghmom]

This is one of the times when I wish we weren't all cyber mamas...I could just drive over there, just be there while you take a shower or nap or eat icecream or something.

Do you have a neighbor or friend or even a local teen who could pitch in?

[kittygrrl523]

Oh my goodness Mama, you have a lot on your plate.

Taking care of a young child 24/7 for any extended length of time is very very difficult and stressful.

It's ok to need a break! It's ok to feel depressed that the situation is making it hard for you to parent the way you want to.

I agree with the PP about reaching out to a neighbor, friend, local teen, etc. If you don't know a lot of people in your area perhaps you could even call the local high school. I bet a guidance counselor there could match you up with a teen who loves kids and would like to make some extra cash. For me, it's hard to pay a babysitter, but even if you paid her $30 to watch Xander for several hours...you could take a long shower, relax with a cup of tea, etc.

Try not to focus on the fact that it's a whole year until you've got an overnight visit scheduled...that will make you feel more depressed. Instead maybe try to come up with a specific plan for how you can get some sort of break a few times each month.

I know everyone has their own opinion on tv and i didn't let DS watch until he was two, but that was what I needed to do in order to get a shower.

You mention how nice it would be if George were to offer you an overnight break. You seem certain he won't offer, but would he refuse if you were to ask him outright. Perhaps you may want to pare down your post a bit and send him a message, or call him and express your feelings. Even something straightforward like "George, I love our son and I love being a parent but I NEED a break for a night or two. Please help me, I need you."

Depending on your ex, maybe it would work.

Another thing that helped me was staying busy. If me and DS had something to do each day it helped provide structure and it took up a portion of the day. So we would go to the library every week, go to the mall and visit the playland, get together with a friend for a playdate, sometimes i would drive to a nature center and we would wander through there...just try to schedule some things into your time that will provide structure for you...this will also help with depression.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best. Know that you are loved and that your son is lucky to have you.

Whatever you do, stay strong. Your son is lucky to have you!

[Minxie]

Originally Posted by nicholeraine

I am so stressed out. I do not WANT to be frustrated, or impatient. I am doing the job of TWO parents 24/7. No breaks, no time for myself. I don't get to step out for a walk when I'm frustrated, I don't get to destress at ALL....

...But I NEVER get a day off, I don't even get to take care of myself anymore. And when you do something all alone, all the time, the stress builds and then somehow even the little things wear you down. I am AT THAT POINT....

I am depressed, tired, stressed. I am at the breaking point. I just want to CRY. And to top it off, I feel like I'm suddenly the world's worst mother and it just keeps getting worse. In the last three days he has choked on a seed he found near the rat cage, chipped his front tooth on the bath tub, AND tonight he slipped in the tub and fell under the water.. he hit his head on the bottom of the tub too. I was RIGHT THERE EVERY TIME. How did I let these things happen??! IN THREE DAYS! I can't even protect him anymore when I'm RIGHT THERE.

I'm sorry for the rant. But I am just tired and at the end of my rope. I just want ONE DAY OFF. Is that so much to ask for?!

Well, it doesn't sound to me like you're depressed; it sounds to me like you're a single parent who realized she is doing this alone. I second the rec to hire a sitter, even if you stay in the house (but a different part). You could also invite another mama over for a sleepover; we did that for New Year's Eve and it was quite fun for all concerned.

Don't stress so much about the protection thing; it will just make it worse. Stuff happens. When my DS was 2, we were wrestling and I cracked his head on the cedar chest; six stitches, a lot of blood, and a small scar to forever remind me. Stuff happens, people get hurt; just do your best and take care of both of you.

Lastly, it sounds as if you are resenting his dad right now. I TOTALLY understand, as I am in the same boat. My advice: forget him and enjoy your son. Anything he does for you all is a bonus but YOU have to make it through the next eighteen years.

Much love and many hugs.

[Theia]

Mama

I am right there with you, I've been doing this solo since DD was 9mo and she is now 2yo. It is rough. But you have to find a way to take care of yourself. I wish I had done it sooner. Please find someone who can help you out. Is there anyone that can keep your DS busy while you do a little something for yourself? You could still be home, but maybe just lounging in the tub or, taking a solo nap. Even if you can just take your DS outside on a walk, it would be helpful.

I still don't get any breaks, DD's father is not involved in anyway. I just this month started leaving DD for 2hours a week with a wonderful woman that I found through a friend. That is my big moment of self care each week. I also have accepted that other things will not be so perfect. Some days I never get out of my lounging clothes or shower. Some days the kitchen doesn't get cleaned. I don't pick up all of the toys off the floor every day. In order to get a shower I have to put DD in there with me. At your DS's age, I left DD on the bathroom floor with a few toys and the curtain open so that I could peek out frequently.

I hope that you can find some way for a break. You will feel so much better if you do. Is there a college nearby? Maybe you could find a student who is studying Early Childhood Education who would be willing to come over and watch your DS while you do other things around the house. Big for you.

[ArtsyMomma]

Awwww nicholeraine, accidents happen! When DS was about 9 months old, I had just worked a 12 hour shift on MOTHERS DAY - we got home, I put him down, he crawled into the bathroom and pulled the clothes iron I had left on the counter by the cord and it hit him in the head. I had worked all day, then had to take him to the ER. It was 8 hours of sitting there until the cut on his head was super glued and the CAT Scan cleared (the iron wasn't hot...just left a 1/2 gash on his forehead). I felt like the worst mama ever - and I spent all of Mothers Day working or sitting in the hospital.

It's so hard to do it all alone. Could you try to find a moms group? Or a mothers day out program? MOPS maybe? I don't know what is available in Canada, but maybe if you make some mom friends you will have someone you could rely on when you need a day/night off.

I found a teenage sitter (through word of mouth) who CLEANS! She is a bit pricey, but it's great to come home to a clean house and happy kids. It's worth it.

[karika]

s I want to help you. I am out here without my family but I have dd1's father to give me 10 min breaks every now and then. dd2's father is not involved. I know this is not ideal, but you sound desperate enough that it may make you feel a bit better. At a local grocery store there is a child play center for parents to use as they shop. I used it once when I was single and needed to make some serious phonecalls to lawyers about bankruptcy (I stayed in the store and shopped while on the phone of course). You get an ID bracelet and so does the child. I am in Spokane and would love to hang out if you are close enough. I have zero friends out here and have tried unsuccessfully for years to find tribe...

[nicholeraine]

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[meemee]

here are my suggestions.

you just want to relax.

a good way to try to achieve that is by changing how you view things.

i was still married. hah!!! worse than being single because on paper i had help but in reality i didnt have any.

by 5 pm i was DONE!!!! really DONE!!!! i was exhausted, blah, blah, blah. i recalled one evening i was trying to finish this short email and i could not for over two hours. so i went to the living room far away from bedroom and just SCREAMED!!! my top floor neighbour came running and offered to help watch dd, except i wouldnt trust them.

anyways dd didnt want to be away from me and i did not have ANY help. so getting a break wasnt even an option. none whatsoever. so one day i decided - dont ask me why that even entered my head - i decided does my break have to be away from dd. i decided to just sit and watch my dd play on the floor. not interact, not play with her but just watch her. OMG!!!! unbelievable. it was almost like meditation. i just sat and watched dd. my tiredness, crankiness everything disappeaered. instead i felt this love just well up within me. i watched as she played adn returned smiles but she played by herself. i dotn know how long it was. half hour? an hour? but i just sat and watched her.

mind you i had been involved WITH her, but never ever sat down to watch her. i would once in a while, but not this total concentration of really watching her. it was amazing. seriously my life completely changed. most of that exhaustion, crankiness, frustration really disappeared for me. dont ask me why. to this day i do not know why. BUT those are the sweetest memories i carry with me all the time. i dont need them on paper, or a photograph. but just those little things, her typical pout as she concentrates that she does to this day at 7 years old, the way her ear cartilage is shaped, her chubby thighs, her almost drooling as she concentrates, that will stay with me till my grave.

parenting after that became more like worship for me. everything totally changed. i sooo became a better parent. i almost always see my dd for who she is - this little person trying to figure out the world. she is not my dd or ex's dd or any blood relation. but just a unique human being who is silly, happy, yappy and tenacious. it surprised me when a friend of mine asked me how i can stand dd's whiny voice (she is a close friend who can ask that). seh cant stand whiny. and i told her i dont even notice the whine behind the request.

after that one evening, parenting became an adventure - not work. as much as i enjoy doing things by myself, i really, really miss dd because i am curious what her perspective is. we truly are a team. the 3s and 4s and 5s were hard. but i could see she was trying to figure things out. so i never really got frustrated by her. mind you this is a high needs, high energy child who has always been over sensitive and intense. my friends with many kids - 4 - 6 kids have told me how easy they have it and how difficult it must be for me. mainly coz even with teh kids they get a break. the kids enertain each other. with dd i am the one entertaining her.

she is tenacious so today you get a continuous line of questions. all the time. life is just amazing. my single friends borrow her but can only handle her to a certain degree. then she exhausts them.

so seriously even though much after seh turned 3 her dad started coparenting and i got time off FINALLY, i really didnt need it. i still dont. i get many friends offering to take her now that she is 7, but seriously if i was a solo mom i still wouldnt need the break. during the holidays i do become a solo mom because she chooses to stay with me and only sees her dad when she misses him which could be once in two or 3 weeks.

most of the guys i date end up becoming my good friend so they meet dd and we hang out together so i dont feel the pressure of need dating time.

[K1329]

Hang in there! I have found with dd and ds that that overwhelming feeling goes away as the kids get older. They do get easier. That said, you want to be the best parent you can be, and part of that is getting a break. I needed a break last summer (different reason - health issues) and found hiring a mother's helper to be an affordable alternative to time away. A friend's 12 yo dd came over, while I was home, and watched and entertained the kids for 15$ a day. Well worth every penny. While she wasn't mature enough to watch them by herself (IMO), she was more than capable of watching them with me at home. It really worked out better than I could have hoped and might be worth a try.