My almost 20 month DD has started hitting and kicking lately. Before now, this wasn't a problem (though she went through a hitting faze around 13 months) It didn't start right when her sister was born, but rather, when DD2 was a few weeks old. I'm sure that her sister's birth and the hitting are related though (she's inevitably getting less attention and getting bored more often--both are things i'm trying to work on).
It seems like she's hitting both for my attention and to get what she wants (like today she wanted to take the stairs instead of the elevator. I said I couldn't because I was carrying DD2 in the bucket seat as well and I can't do both--help DD1 down the stairs and manage the bucket seat--at once. She got mad and tried to kick me). I feel like we've done everything in the book ( that we're willing to do at least).
--"no hitting" "hitting hurts"
--"if you're mad, you can hit the pillow, but not people"
--"be gentle" **model being gentle, ask her to show me gentle**
--tell her that if she's going to hit, it makes me not want to do X with her and that I will do something else if she keep hitting
--redirect
--just pick her up and move her to next activity (this was used at bedtime tonight
--walk away
--And when it gets really bad, I give her a warning and then I put her in her room. It isn't really time out because I put her on her bed and tell her that when she's ready to be gentle, then she can come out and join the rest of us. I leave the room and shut the door almost all the way. She cries for a minute or two and then comes out and hugs me.
I feel like the only thing we haven't tried at this point is 'real' time out and spanking. I obviously have no desire to spank her. I don't really want to do a real time out (where I would close her door all the way and go in and get her after X amount of time~90seconds) because A) she gets really upset (crying, gagging) if you do this and B) I feel like we really need to pick a consequence and stick with it and I really don't want to do this every time.
Of course, I'm trying to make sure that she's not tired, not hungry, and not bored out of her mind since this would obviously increase the hitting behaviors. But it occurs even when she's well fed, having fun, and well rested.
Any ideas? I don't want to be extreme or unloving (and not understanding of the fact that she feels....misplaced? by dd2's arrival) in my approach, but we really do need to set some boundaries.
It seems like she's hitting both for my attention and to get what she wants (like today she wanted to take the stairs instead of the elevator. I said I couldn't because I was carrying DD2 in the bucket seat as well and I can't do both--help DD1 down the stairs and manage the bucket seat--at once. She got mad and tried to kick me). I feel like we've done everything in the book ( that we're willing to do at least).
--"no hitting" "hitting hurts"
--"if you're mad, you can hit the pillow, but not people"
--"be gentle" **model being gentle, ask her to show me gentle**
--tell her that if she's going to hit, it makes me not want to do X with her and that I will do something else if she keep hitting
--redirect
--just pick her up and move her to next activity (this was used at bedtime tonight
--walk away
--And when it gets really bad, I give her a warning and then I put her in her room. It isn't really time out because I put her on her bed and tell her that when she's ready to be gentle, then she can come out and join the rest of us. I leave the room and shut the door almost all the way. She cries for a minute or two and then comes out and hugs me.
I feel like the only thing we haven't tried at this point is 'real' time out and spanking. I obviously have no desire to spank her. I don't really want to do a real time out (where I would close her door all the way and go in and get her after X amount of time~90seconds) because A) she gets really upset (crying, gagging) if you do this and B) I feel like we really need to pick a consequence and stick with it and I really don't want to do this every time.
Of course, I'm trying to make sure that she's not tired, not hungry, and not bored out of her mind since this would obviously increase the hitting behaviors. But it occurs even when she's well fed, having fun, and well rested.
Any ideas? I don't want to be extreme or unloving (and not understanding of the fact that she feels....misplaced? by dd2's arrival) in my approach, but we really do need to set some boundaries.
