How to Handle Bedtime with 2 under 2

[mrsfrenchy]

Right now, I have a 20 month old who needs to be laid down with to go to sleep and a 4 week old (who, for the moment, just falls asleep where ever and whenever). DH works late at least 3 nights a week, so I'm on my own for bedtime.

Right now, we do this: I lay in DD1s bed (she's on a full matress in her own room) with both kids until DD1 falls asleep (DD2 ends up falling asleep too). Then I take DD2 with me to our room, where I normally end up changing her diaper and chatting with her for a minute before nursing her again (and she falls asleep normally). DD2 is in our room for now, so I don't have to move her anymore.

My issue is that I know that the 4 week old will so become much more alert and not as flexible of a sleeper. She's either not going to want to chill out while DD1 goes to bed (preventing DD1 from falling asleep) or she will wake when I leave DD1s room and then be difficult to get back to sleep. I'm not sure how else to do it though. I don't think DD1 would be quiet enough for me to put the baby to sleep first and since I can't hear her from DD1s room, I'm not comfortable having her in a different room during DD1s bedtime.

Does anyone have some input? DH is quitting his job around the time that this baby turns 3 months old--maybe it won't really become an issue until around that time?

What can I do to not disturb DD2 if she falls asleep while we're in DD1s room?

[firewoman]

Why are you not comfortable putting the baby down in your room before you go lay with DD1? I'm not judging, just wondering. I think it would be nice to give DD1 some undivided attention. I have five children so I have gotten really good at juggling. My two year old often wants me around bedtime. If she needed me and I couldn't hand my younger baby off to DH I would put the baby in her swing which is in my room to sleep her first leg of sleep and go lay down with DD1 in her bed with a monitor to hear the baby in the other room. My baby naps in her swing now and sleeps her first leg of sleep in it at night after which she is in bed with us.

I realize you may not have a swing, but for now, since the baby is so flexible, can't you put her down on the bed in your room and take a monitor to listen to her when you lay down with DD1?

[tracymom1]

I bring my 7 month old into DS's room and put a blanket on the floor and let her sit/lay down with a couple of toys and take care of the toddler. We have been doing this since DD was born and it seems to work quite well.

The older child will adjust to new patterns - I know it seems like any change in the sleep routine will be detrimental - but having to share bedtime with the new baby will soon become the new 'normal' and it will work out just fine. It takes a while to figure out the juggling act with both of them but it does happen. DS was 22 months when DD was born and now he doesn't remember life without her - he always makes sure she is taken care of and helps me with everything! My advice is to have a conversation with your 20 month old explaining in very simple terms that the baby will have to be in here with us during sleeptime and may need mama's attention. I realize that she may be a little young to understand everything but you really never know what their little brains can actually comprehend - it can amaze!!

Good luck and congratulations!

[Katie T]

I went through something similar when I had DD2. My DH was working evenings and my 21m was used to being cuddled/nursed to sleep. I worried how it would go. But they adapt and I never had a problem laying down with both while they are awake and cuddling/nursing them both to sleep.

I would just continue you routine you have now, If there isn't a problem I wouldn't change a thing. You may never have a problem, and when/if you do you can re evaluate them.

Good luck, things have a way of working themselves out.

[mrsfrenchy]

Originally Posted by firewoman

Why are you not comfortable putting the baby down in your room before you go lay with DD1? I'm not judging, just wondering. I think it would be nice to give DD1 some undivided attention. I have five children so I have gotten really good at juggling. My two year old often wants me around bedtime. If she needed me and I couldn't hand my younger baby off to DH I would put the baby in her swing which is in my room to sleep her first leg of sleep and go lay down with DD1 in her bed with a monitor to hear the baby in the other room. My baby naps in her swing now and sleeps her first leg of sleep in it at night after which she is in bed with us.

I realize you may not have a swing, but for now, since the baby is so flexible, can't you put her down on the bed in your room and take a monitor to listen to her when you lay down with DD1?

I laid down once with DD1 in her room while DD2 was in our room and I didn't hear her crying. Our rooms are fairly close but I put a noise machine on when DD1 goes to sleep (and she's so used to it being on, that she'd get upset if I tried to leave it off) and I think it muffled the crying.

DD2 is a pretty noisy baby as far as her grunting, etc goes. I think if I took a baby monitor in with me it would be too noisy. She's easier to keep quiet if I can rub her back while DD is falling asleep.

[OceansEve]

For me two options worked

#1 Lay down with both in your bed, then move DD1 to her bed once asleep.

#2 Get a monitor, put down DD2 first then lay down w/ DD1. If you are concerned about her noises, I would imagine the noise maker would block the grunts and groans from DD2 or you could put the noise maker in the room w/ DD2, that should be enough to drown out the grunts but if she yells you can hear her.

I've had the same thing happen before. We have air purifiers we run as white noise and I felt so bad when I realized I hadn't heard her yelling Hope you find a solution that works.

My advice tho, they will have to start getting used to some noise and being moved when they fall asleep. It might take a while for them to adjust but when you have multiple kids very young it just has to happen.

[jillmamma]

What worked for me when both of my older two were little (granted my oldest was 2.75 when his first sister was born, but still he was VERY attached to mommy), was to do most of the bedtime routine together (bath once she was old enough for the tub, pjs, teeth brushing, books, prayers), then lights out and I would lay down with both of them on my oldest one's bed and nurse one on each side (I was tandem nursing). They shared a room, so that kind of made sense anyway. I would latch the baby on first, then let him get himself into position. If one fell asleep, I would either gently put her in the crib, or extricate myself out from under him so that I could get up and finish nursing her (depending on who went to sleep). As they got older, I got to where I would lay with him for a few minutes, and then he would go to sleep by himself instead of me staying till he was asleep, and I got lucky the second time around having a baby that actually did not NEED to nurse to sleep all the time, so that made things easier too. I say if you have a system that works for now, great! You will be able to figure it out and adapt as your kids' needs change....we did, and now at 7 and 4.5 they lay down, I kiss them good night, and just leave the room and they go to sleep all on their own.