how do i teach myself to stop thinking about the time

[sewcool]

im always rushing, how do i fix that i mean im rushing them when walking, when its time for bed, when were getting ready to leave teach me to relax and slow down

[D_McG]

Leave more time to get places? I'm always rushing, too and so I've started getting ready 15 minutes before it's time.

Same with bedtime. I allow longer now. So bedtime doesn't change but the pace does.

[hakeber]

Originally Posted by D_McG

Leave more time to get places? I'm always rushing, too and so I've started getting ready 15 minutes before it's time.

Same with bedtime. I allow longer now. So bedtime doesn't change but the pace does.

That really is good advice. But then once you are short on time, you can't turn back the clock and you're stuck again resorting to your rushing ways. Ican SO relate!

I got some advice from a taxi driver in NYC once that really changed my rushing attitude. I was always rushing, and always worried worried worried about the consequences of being late or not getting things done "in time"

Then I was genuinely late for a flight and I was in taxi in bumper to bumper standstill traffic on the Tappenzee Bridge in NY and I was FLIPPING OUT! I must have been truly unbearable as a passenger.

The driver turned to me and he said: "There is usually little point in worrying. If you can change it you will and if you can't worrying will not help you."

I don't know why that stuck with me for long, but it has really helped me realize that I was wasting a heck of a lot of my time and energy worrying about doing things on time, to the point where I was showing up to appointments 15 minute early and worrying about people standing me up when it was still 10 minutes away from when we were to meet.

It taught me to breathe a little...so DS gets to bed a wee bit late? Big deal? I can't turn back the clock now and give myself more time to do the routine and the routine takes about 30-40 minutes. No point in stressing If I try to rush him it will only result in tears and yelling and it will still take 30-40 minutes if not longer with all the fighting in between. If we wake up late...no point in freaking out, either play hookey or get there when you get there. Freaking out, I have learned, will simply not make it happen any faster, just more unpleasantly.

I think it is equally important to be on time, and I haven't stopped valuing that to my core, but once the time has gotten away from you, rushing, IME, never really helps get you finished any faster, and often it takes EVEN LONGER because the stress of all the rushing makes you forget things, do things poorly and have to start again, fight with loved ones who feel confused and frustrated...it's just not worth it. Either pick up the phone and tell whoever it is you are meeting that you will be late, or choose to skip it.

It helped me a lot to realize that my worrying and rushing was actually counter-productive. I was rushing to feel better about the time and make myself feel IN CONTROL of the situation, when if fact all that rushing and stressing was having the OPPOSITE effect.

Now, of course, you should know that I still rush when I feel things are out of control, it's my natural coping M.O., but I TRY to keep myself in check. It helps that my partner knows the root of my weakness so he can either step in and help manage the situation, or confront me and force me to chill the heck out.

[starlein26]

I would imagine that you were rushed a lot as a child, is that right? If so, I think you probably find it hard to *be* in that moment, your neurons just fire off into action mode right away. You can try to re-train your brain by being aware of that feeling to *GO* and fight it with some type of self talk.

[ann_of_loxley]

Could you get rid of the clocks? - Even for just a little while? Or is that just a dumb idea? lol

[hakeber]

Originally Posted by ann_of_loxley

Could you get rid of the clocks? - Even for just a little while? Or is that just a dumb idea? lol

Oh my god...just the thought of that makes me palpitate. I feel like I could hyper-ventilate, seriously.

Get RID of the clocks? Are you MAD, woman?!

[Meksmama]

Originally Posted by hakeber

T
The driver turned to me and he said: "There is usually little point in worrying. If you can change it you will and if you can't worrying will not help you."
t

I am going to try to think of this when I start to get upset that I might be late (I seem to still end up early).

OP: I feel that way to and am trying to stop... I even give us leeway and then rush and get stressed sometimes when we haven't used the leeway up but are coming close. I am starting to just count to ten and breathe, try to relax because as hakeber said does it get you there sooner? probably not and if it does its more stressful to all involved...

Its easier to type that..

[_betsy_]

I often feel the need to slow down. It's their childhood - it's a journey, not a race.

For me/us, the story might be a bit different because I work, FT, nights. So we actually DO have to do some things at certain times.

For me, I kind of just recently came to the realization that I value being able to eat lunch at 12:30 one day and 2 the next without the kids flipping out. It's important to me that they be flexible like that because *I'm* go with the flow on that sort of stuff. And I don't want to be stuck on some rigid eat-now, sleep-then schedule each day; I value the spontaneity of being schedule-less. Which is great. Right up until it bites me in the butt because *I* need to be somewhere and I need the kids to cooperate with me in order for that to happen.

I think I'm learning to let the little things go. I'm not much of a worrier, but right now, we don't have anything we "have" to do most days - no preschool or mommy and me classes I'm paying for that I don't want to miss and lose money on. If I get to the grocery store 30 minutes later than I intended because the girls made me detour to play in the snow, well, so be it. Their fond memories will NOT be of me rushing them off to the grocery store, they will be of me letting them play in the snow, taking a few minutes to chill out (literally and figuratively!), let them be kids, and enjoy life with them. Plus, the more I try to rush her, the slower my DD1 (now almost 3.5) goes. So why do it? It just ends up with both of us frustrated and probably takes longer than just letting her dawdle.

One thing I'm trying to remember is that this *is* life. There's no waiting for things to change/get better/"wait till they get older"/"wait till we're in our own house," etc. If I'm constantly waiting for the big things in life to change before I enjoy life, I'm going to miss out on the little things - my babies - who are changing everyday. And I need to learn to enjoy that as much as possible, because it doesn't matter if we're in our own house with our own yard or not - they are growing up and I don't want to look back in a decade and not be able to remember anything, to think of their babyhoods as a blur.

[NiteNicole]

Just leave yourself more time. It's nice to change your philosophy or have some ways to calm yourself when you're unavoidably late (traffic, weather) but it will be easier on everyone if you prepare ahead of time as much as you can (get your stuff together the night before), be realistic about how long it takes to get out the door and get where you're going, and start earlier. Sometimes things just start when they start and you have to be there (for us, church and doctor appointments are high on that list - I have to drive over two hours one way to make one of her appointments, if I am late and miss mine and they can't fit us in...it's two more hours home and then doing the whole trip over again later).

I generally double the time it SHOULD take us all to get dressed and plan to start the process of getting in the car about fifteen minutes before I actually need to leave the house. I don't like being rushed and I don't like being in a car load of grumpy people when we all have to rush. I also don't like getting to my destination and remembering that I left some vital thing at home because I forgot to gather it up in the rush.

It's less about figuring out how to manage your reaction when you're in a rush and more about avoiding it in the first place.