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Who gives a 14 year old a nudie mag?!?!?!

post #1 of 39
Thread Starter 
Anyone?? Didn't think so. Of course no one here would do it. It is insane. 14 year old boys do not need a nudie mag. I personally think it is disgusting and a perversion of nature. But if he was 18, my opinion is void becasue everyone has a right to their own opinion. I dont want my son thinking that it is ok. I also dont want my son to think that that is how things are done either.

How do I give my son a realistic expectation and outlook? I know he isnt having sex yet. I dont want him to not tell me these things either. I want to be there for him and guide him to be be a normal human being with a normal appetite. KWIM?

I am at the end of my rope. I have put parental controls on his laptop bc he was looking at online anime porn. Now he has stolen a nudie mag....from my shed. didnt even know they were there, but he has it. I threw it away and am hunting down the rest of them to throw them away too.

Please help me. I know this seems all over the place. I am distraught. I dont know how to get through to him that this is unacceptable.
post #2 of 39
He wasn't given it though, right? My step-brother and I used to shoplift them from the news stand on our street when we were like 13 or 14. It was pure curiosity. But, fwiw, I know plenty of dads that share their nudie mags with their teenage sons. I don't think it THAT crazy or a perversion of nature in any way shape or form, and at least that way you can steer him towards tasteful content and away from the stuff that really can scar his perception of women and sex, ya know?

May I ask why is it so unacceptable to you? Is it particularly obscene? Children (or child look alikes), animals, bondage? I think rather than approach it as UNACCEPTABLE which will likely drive his predeliction into hiding rather than squash it. Maybe it might be better to have an open, frank discussion with him about why it offends you as a woman, and why you worry about him becoming desensitized to the objectification most porn relies on, ya know?
post #3 of 39
I don't see much wrong with it, but then I think sex and masturbation are healthy and wanting to see naked girls is normal for a 14 year old. I wouldn't buy a playboy subscription for my son, but if he wanted those magazines and paid for them himself, oh well. I would worry more about actual porn, but even with that I can see the attraction and wouldn't freak out.

I'd be more concerned about making sure to discuss with him about what real girls look like and how porn can come between 2 people in a relationship and/or can become addicting.

I used to steal my mom's cosmos from the time I was 12 and read all the "how to make sex better" articles. I wasn't having sex then, but when I did, I felt pretty confident.
post #4 of 39
I dunno, when I was 15 one of my male friends babysat and got paid in nudie mags and beer. There are people out there who find that perfectly acceptable apparently. With your son I think I'd just explain why it offends you so much and how demeaning those magazines are to women and how those pictures stay with you, and will skew his vision of women because normal women aren't as perfectly airbrushed as the ones in the magazines. but I do think his curiosity is normal.
post #5 of 39
Honestly, I gave my teens something my parents would have choked on... The Joy of Sex. Drawings of real people and lots and lots of good advice of a practical sort.
post #6 of 39
Well, here is the thing: Your son is curious + it's normal to be curious at this age + he is going to look for things to satisfy his curiosity whether you are okay with it or not.

* I don't want to sound as if I'm okay with these magazines - I am not.

* I don't mean to imply that I have a solution - I do not.

* All I am saying is that it's not a perversion for a 14 y.o. teenage boy to want to look at a naked female body.

I hope someone has a good advice for you.

What I do know that shaming your son won't do much good. Don't panic over it. Your son is not a lost cause because simply because he is growing up and realizing that he is a sexual being.
post #7 of 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by bandgeek View Post
I don't see much wrong with it, but then I think sex and masturbation are healthy and wanting to see naked girls is normal for a 14 year old. I wouldn't buy a playboy subscription for my son, but if he wanted those magazines and paid for them himself, oh well. I would worry more about actual porn, but even with that I can see the attraction and wouldn't freak out.

I'd be more concerned about making sure to discuss with him about what real girls look like and how porn can come between 2 people in a relationship and/or can become addicting.
Well said.

I might be a little bit more concerned about what he might find on the internet, because there's some pretty nasty stuff out there. But an old nudie mag? I wouldn't worry about it. If anything, I think I would be glad that my child was finding an outlet that didn't involve actually having sex.

ETA: I'm not the mother of a teenager, so take my opinions with a grain of salt.
post #8 of 39
We had an incident awhile ago (can't remember exactly when) in which I found out my ds had searched a relatively innocent term (I think it was boobs or something). I found a few sites that they had hit and was absolutely shocked. We approached it in a very neutral way, telling my ds that it is was perfectly normal to be curious but that there was some stuff out that that was really inappropriate for him to access. Stuff that could potentially scar him (and me if I viewed it). That it was his choice what he viewed elsewhere (at this age we can't and don't want to control his every move) but that there was a basis behind our wanting him not to view it. We talked about the exploitation of the workers, unrealistic expectations of women and sex, our values, etc. We let him know that he was NOT allowed to view stuff on our computer (we only have one desktop) as it could open it up to viruses. We really emphasized not viewing porn on computers as most porn websites carry nasty stuff (virus wise). We also stated that he was NOT allowed to view it on our TV as we would have to pay for it.

We did say that if he was curious, we would purchase some printed material for him. Yes, we are ones that would give our son something like that. Not a playboy subscription, but something that we felt reflected our values. I tried to convince my DH to buy Joy of Sex for him but DH didn't feel he was at that point yet. DS never wanted us to buy anything for him. He was too embarrassed, which is fine, but we wanted to keep the line of communication open. I don't kid myself that he isn't curious and he probably has viewed something else (kids find a way) but at least he has our input. That was how we handled it.

I would not give someone else's child anything. That, in my view, would be inappropriate.
post #9 of 39

Ot

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eclipse95 View Post
We really emphasized not viewing porn on computers as most porn websites carry nasty stuff (virus wise).
no pun intended, I'm sure
post #10 of 39
Eh, another who thinks its normal for a 14 year old to be curious and look at a nudie mag. I don't do nudie mags, neither does dh. But I wouldn't call it a perversion. I would be much more centered on talking about the issues surrounding porn that others have already pointed out. I would definitely rather my 14 year old look at porn and masturbate than try to get 14ish year old girls naked and have sex with them.
post #11 of 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by bandgeek View Post

I used to steal my mom's cosmos from the time I was 12 and read all the "how to make sex better" articles. I wasn't having sex then, but when I did, I felt pretty confident.
Redbook for me And my friend and I used to look at my Dad's Playboy mags and his videos too when we were around that age
post #12 of 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by hakeber View Post
no pun intended, I'm sure
Totally didn't catch that....been a long day for me!
post #13 of 39
Another vote for normal and not a perversion. I really wouldn't have a problem with it, I don't think.
post #14 of 39
If you want him to have a better view of what women should look like get something that reflects reality and hide it....he'll find it eventually.
post #15 of 39
I have "The Joy of Sex" and "More Joy" in our big bookcase in the living room, so whenever my kids become curious, I'm sure they could figure a way to borrow it and read it. That wouldn't bother me either.

Nudie mags....while I wouldn't buy one for my son or participate in the purchasing in any way, it probably wouldn't surprise me to find one in their future teenage rooms.

My boys aren't at that stage yet, so it's hard to say.

When I was 14, I was doing real things with boys so...I feel like merely looking at pictures is on the tamer side.
post #16 of 39
I think that it's normal for 14 year olds to be curious & interested. I would be interested to understand more clearly what exactly your objections to the mags/online stuff are. Also, what are your expectations as to how a 14 year old should be exploring sexuality - like, where is the line for you between acceptable vs. not acceptable?
post #17 of 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by philomom View Post
Honestly, I gave my teens something my parents would have choked on... The Joy of Sex. Drawings of real people and lots and lots of good advice of a practical sort.
I remember reading that book constantly as a teen whenever I babysat for one family on my block, once the kiddos were asleep! I would love to get my hands on another copy to read it from an, um, experienced perspective!
post #18 of 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by doulatara View Post
I remember reading that book constantly as a teen whenever I babysat for one family on my block, once the kiddos were asleep! I would love to get my hands on another copy to read it from an, um, experienced perspective!
There's an updated version, just as great as the originals. Funny, I snuck reads at them while babysitting,too. Cause as said, my fundie parents would have choked.

I love sex. Sex is a great pleasure and comfort in my life. I hope my kids have lots of it someday in a committed relationship. I caution them to be picky.. that anyone you sleep with could end up in your gene pool.
post #19 of 39
Thread Starter 
ok, thanks for bringing me back to reality everyone. I do need to calm down a little, which is why i came here instead of blowing up at DS.

First of all, I think that penthouse mag is a little to graphic for DS. There are pics of penetration, and scenarios of bondage in this particular mmag he had. I feel very uncomfortable with him looking at it.

I wouldnt mind a book with real people in it. I guess.

Here, in my state, you can get in trouble for giving an under age child porn.

I understand that curiosity is normal. He is almost 15.

I do think that porn and nudie mags are a perversion. I dont want thim thinking that all women are shaved or should be. I dont want him thinking threesomes are normal either. I want him to grow up being perfectly fine with reg sex. I dont want him thinking he has to have porn star sex and looking for ways to fill that expectation. or thinking that all women have anal sex etc. I want him to have a healthy sex life and I do think that they way women and sex are depicted in the mags and the online pics, he was looking at, are unrealistic and setting him up for disappointment later in life. I really do believe that all that perversion is one of the things that is wrong with people nowadays. It is just not natural.

Now I am expressing my opinion and I obviously dont expect everyone to share my opinion.
post #20 of 39
I just wanted to say that I also view pornography as a disordered process of sexual gratification and I would be upset if my young teens were learning about sexual pleasure and relationships from those sources such as internet porn or mags.

But his innate curiosity is definitely normal and healthy. So I guess as a parent what you need to ask yourself now is, what fills that curiosity? You could find some matter-of-fact books on "Life" that show nudity, sexual intercourse and pregnancy/delivery. I know my parents have an oldie but goodie, but I forget the name of it. It is a collection of full color photos that show sexual intercourse, conception, development of the human and delivery. The only complaint I have is that it shows a hospital birth.

For Catholics, there is a man going through the nation on fire right now. His site is www.christopherwest.com. He is emphatic about sharing the good news about sex. His theme is that we are sexual beings, God made us that way, and God did good. My 15 and 18yo brothers are actually going to one of his lectures in a couple months.

Perhaps now would be a good time to introduce relationship concepts to him as well. You could collect a couple books from Harley (www.marriagebuilders.com) on how to go into a relationship with honesty and cohesion. The PAIRS program is great for teaching open, non-violent communication in a relationship. Allowing him to volunteer at pregnancy centers could get him into the topic. Maybe he could watch some videos of birthing, too.
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