Originally Posted by eclipse
So, did you say to him all the things you said in your post (#19)? I think being open with him about real women vs porn women is really important. However, I also think it's important for him to know that real women, moral women, do enjoy some of the things he's seeing in those magazines. Some women prefer to shave, some women enjoy bondage or anal sex, etc. If all you do is talk about how what he's seeing is perverse, I really worry for what his opinion of future partners or wife would be if she was interested in trying some of those things - or his opinion of himself, if that's the direction in which his sexual desires trend. I think you need to walk a really fine line here between communicating your values and giving him a negative view of sex. I think it's fine to explain to him why you have a problem with porn. I don't have a problem with it, but I get why some others do. However, I think it's important not to allow those feelings about porn to bleed over into judgement of what real people do in real life in the context of real, loving relationships.
I know that some moral women do enjoy those things. I am a moral women..... however, most women do not and i dont want him to expect every women he is with to give it up like that. kwim? I do not want to give him a negative view of sex. that is why i have posted here.
Originally Posted by KaylaBeanie
I agree with you (OP) actually, which makes me an awfully prudish 20-something
Interest in sex as a teen is totally normal. The issues that come into play with porn/most nudie mags is that it sets young men(and women!) up for unrealistic expectations of what sex really is. I see it in my generation and among my friends all the time. Most women are not a size two. Most women don't have EE fake boobs. Most people are not limber enough, nor strong enough to contort themselves in some of those positions. The average penis is several inches smaller than that of porn stars. For a young man or woman who hasn't experimented yet, porn then becomes the norm for sex standards.
That being said, my teenage self read those smutty romance novels and cosmo.
I remember seeing on some TV special that there is a magazine similar to Playboy in that it doesn't show genitals up close and personal, and the women cannot have had any plastic surgery. Something like that, which depicts real women (real as in natural), I wouldn't have a problem with.
i read romance novels as a kid, and DH looked at porn. I expect romance novel sex and get... well not romance novel stuff lol. and i am constantly comparing myself to those hot young things that i am not anymore. so i am taking my experience and DHs experience and not wanting that for my son, or daughters for that matter.
Originally Posted by Satori
I think its totally normal, I know my brother had those mags at that age (he was about 12) and I remember this because I remember looking at them
He of course got them from my dads stash. I can understand objecting to more harder core porn, maybe give him something you do approve of? Say a Victoria's secret catalog? I'd rather a son be masturbating with a mag then having sex with a girl to meet his needs. I would be surprised if a 14 yr was boy was not masturbating and its pretty common for them to use mags, ask your DH if he ever stole his moms Sears catalog when he was a boy
i dont care thhat my son masturbates. i am worried that masturbating to the mags will further set it into his head that that is how things are.
DH was a latchkey kid. he and his brothers had no supervision at all. they raised themselves. he saw and did way more than i would ever want my child to do :<
i did talk to DS. I told him why i disaprove of the mags and why. why i dislike porn period. i also told him that i would happily give him something i do approve of. more of a learning book like one that was suggested earlier. i myself was reading medical books about it at that age ( i also looked at my dad's mags too). i got a better sense of self out of the book then i did from the mags. so i will go to the bookstore and look around. DS said it would be ok with him if i bought him a book about sex as long as it had some pictures lol.
so besides joy of sex lol, are there any reccomendations for a good how to book with pics?