Who gives a 14 year old a nudie mag?!?!?! - Page 2

[LionessMom]

Originally Posted by philomom

Honestly, I gave my teens something my parents would have choked on... The Joy of Sex. Drawings of real people and lots and lots of good advice of a practical sort.

Originally Posted by Mountaingirl79

I have "The Joy of Sex" and "More Joy" in our big bookcase in the living room, so whenever my kids become curious, I'm sure they could figure a way to borrow it and read it. That wouldn't bother me either.

i will be looking for these books.

Originally Posted by claddaghmom

I just wanted to say that I also view pornography as a disordered process of sexual gratification and I would be upset if my young teens were learning about sexual pleasure and relationships from those sources such as internet porn or mags.

But his innate curiosity is definitely normal and healthy. So I guess as a parent what you need to ask yourself now is, what fills that curiosity? You could find some matter-of-fact books on "Life" that show nudity, sexual intercourse and pregnancy/delivery. I know my parents have an oldie but goodie, but I forget the name of it. It is a collection of full color photos that show sexual intercourse, conception, development of the human and delivery. The only complaint I have is that it shows a hospital birth.

For Catholics, there is a man going through the nation on fire right now. His site is www.christopherwest.com. He is emphatic about sharing the good news about sex. His theme is that we are sexual beings, God made us that way, and God did good. My 15 and 18yo brothers are actually going to one of his lectures in a couple months.

Perhaps now would be a good time to introduce relationship concepts to him as well. You could collect a couple books from Harley (www.marriagebuilders.com) on how to go into a relationship with honesty and cohesion. The PAIRS program is great for teaching open, non-violent communication in a relationship. Allowing him to volunteer at pregnancy centers could get him into the topic. Maybe he could watch some videos of birthing, too.

Thank you for this. I knew I was not alone in my opinion.

I appreciate everybodies input. The reason i post here is bc I like to hear all the opinions. It forces me to look at things in a different way.

[eclipse]

So, did you say to him all the things you said in your post (#19)? I think being open with him about real women vs porn women is really important. However, I also think it's important for him to know that real women, moral women, do enjoy some of the things he's seeing in those magazines. Some women prefer to shave, some women enjoy bondage or anal sex, etc. If all you do is talk about how what he's seeing is perverse, I really worry for what his opinion of future partners or wife would be if she was interested in trying some of those things - or his opinion of himself, if that's the direction in which his sexual desires trend. I think you need to walk a really fine line here between communicating your values and giving him a negative view of sex. I think it's fine to explain to him why you have a problem with porn. I don't have a problem with it, but I get why some others do. However, I think it's important not to allow those feelings about porn to bleed over into judgement of what real people do in real life in the context of real, loving relationships.

[KaylaBeanie]

I agree with you (OP) actually, which makes me an awfully prudish 20-something

Interest in sex as a teen is totally normal. The issues that come into play with porn/most nudie mags is that it sets young men(and women!) up for unrealistic expectations of what sex really is. I see it in my generation and among my friends all the time. Most women are not a size two. Most women don't have EE fake boobs. Most people are not limber enough, nor strong enough to contort themselves in some of those positions. The average penis is several inches smaller than that of porn stars. For a young man or woman who hasn't experimented yet, porn then becomes the norm for sex standards.

That being said, my teenage self read those smutty romance novels and cosmo.

I remember seeing on some TV special that there is a magazine similar to Playboy in that it doesn't show genitals up close and personal, and the women cannot have had any plastic surgery. Something like that, which depicts real women (real as in natural), I wouldn't have a problem with.

[philomom]

Originally Posted by eclipse

So, did you say to him all the things you said in your post (#19)? I think being open with him about real women vs porn women is really important. However, I also think it's important for him to know that real women, moral women, do enjoy some of the things he's seeing in those magazines. Some women prefer to shave, some women enjoy bondage or anal sex, etc. If all you do is talk about how what he's seeing is perverse, I really worry for what his opinion of future partners or wife would be if she was interested in trying some of those things - or his opinion of himself, if that's the direction in which his sexual desires trend. I think you need to walk a really fine line here between communicating your values and giving him a negative view of sex. I think it's fine to explain to him why you have a problem with porn. I don't have a problem with it, but I get why some others do. However, I think it's important not to allow those feelings about porn to bleed over into judgement of what real people do in real life in the context of real, loving relationships.

Yes, a lot of things are acceptable as long as they are consensual. I've been married 22 years, you have to pick up a few tricks to keep things fresh.

[Satori]

I think its totally normal, I know my brother had those mags at that age (he was about 12) and I remember this because I remember looking at them He of course got them from my dads stash. I can understand objecting to more harder core porn, maybe give him something you do approve of? Say a Victoria's secret catalog? I'd rather a son be masturbating with a mag then having sex with a girl to meet his needs. I would be surprised if a 14 yr was boy was not masturbating and its pretty common for them to use mags, ask your DH if he ever stole his moms Sears catalog when he was a boy

[LionessMom]

Originally Posted by eclipse

So, did you say to him all the things you said in your post (#19)? I think being open with him about real women vs porn women is really important. However, I also think it's important for him to know that real women, moral women, do enjoy some of the things he's seeing in those magazines. Some women prefer to shave, some women enjoy bondage or anal sex, etc. If all you do is talk about how what he's seeing is perverse, I really worry for what his opinion of future partners or wife would be if she was interested in trying some of those things - or his opinion of himself, if that's the direction in which his sexual desires trend. I think you need to walk a really fine line here between communicating your values and giving him a negative view of sex. I think it's fine to explain to him why you have a problem with porn. I don't have a problem with it, but I get why some others do. However, I think it's important not to allow those feelings about porn to bleed over into judgement of what real people do in real life in the context of real, loving relationships.

I know that some moral women do enjoy those things. I am a moral women..... however, most women do not and i dont want him to expect every women he is with to give it up like that. kwim? I do not want to give him a negative view of sex. that is why i have posted here.

Originally Posted by KaylaBeanie

I agree with you (OP) actually, which makes me an awfully prudish 20-something

Interest in sex as a teen is totally normal. The issues that come into play with porn/most nudie mags is that it sets young men(and women!) up for unrealistic expectations of what sex really is. I see it in my generation and among my friends all the time. Most women are not a size two. Most women don't have EE fake boobs. Most people are not limber enough, nor strong enough to contort themselves in some of those positions. The average penis is several inches smaller than that of porn stars. For a young man or woman who hasn't experimented yet, porn then becomes the norm for sex standards.

That being said, my teenage self read those smutty romance novels and cosmo.

I remember seeing on some TV special that there is a magazine similar to Playboy in that it doesn't show genitals up close and personal, and the women cannot have had any plastic surgery. Something like that, which depicts real women (real as in natural), I wouldn't have a problem with.

i read romance novels as a kid, and DH looked at porn. I expect romance novel sex and get... well not romance novel stuff lol. and i am constantly comparing myself to those hot young things that i am not anymore. so i am taking my experience and DHs experience and not wanting that for my son, or daughters for that matter.

Originally Posted by Satori

I think its totally normal, I know my brother had those mags at that age (he was about 12) and I remember this because I remember looking at them He of course got them from my dads stash. I can understand objecting to more harder core porn, maybe give him something you do approve of? Say a Victoria's secret catalog? I'd rather a son be masturbating with a mag then having sex with a girl to meet his needs. I would be surprised if a 14 yr was boy was not masturbating and its pretty common for them to use mags, ask your DH if he ever stole his moms Sears catalog when he was a boy

i dont care thhat my son masturbates. i am worried that masturbating to the mags will further set it into his head that that is how things are.

DH was a latchkey kid. he and his brothers had no supervision at all. they raised themselves. he saw and did way more than i would ever want my child to do :<


i did talk to DS. I told him why i disaprove of the mags and why. why i dislike porn period. i also told him that i would happily give him something i do approve of. more of a learning book like one that was suggested earlier. i myself was reading medical books about it at that age ( i also looked at my dad's mags too). i got a better sense of self out of the book then i did from the mags. so i will go to the bookstore and look around. DS said it would be ok with him if i bought him a book about sex as long as it had some pictures lol.

so besides joy of sex lol, are there any reccomendations for a good how to book with pics?

[Limabean1975]

Originally Posted by claddaghmom

I know my parents have an oldie but goodie, but I forget the name of it. It is a collection of full color photos that show sexual intercourse, conception, development of the human and delivery. The only complaint I have is that it shows a hospital birth. :.

This sounds GREAT! If you ever find out the name of it, do share.

[karika]

I had regular access to Cheri magazine, Hustler, Playboy from about age 8 on... saw 8 mm movies with friends at 13... I read novels that had explicit sex in them from 11 on (no pics in those). I understand the desire to portray women in a more empowered way to a young man, however. Perhaps you get the book, "The Art of Tantric Sex" and other 'classier' books with naked pictures in them? I have them and other ones with drawings like 'position of the day' and such on my shelf, and I believe it is healthy for children to learn about sex. It is a form of enjoyment provided to us by Source. It is healthy and normal for teens to want to experience sex (disclaimer inserted here- with others their own age of course). This society has so many things backwards. Claiming it is better to give a fake food to a baby than mother's milk, claiming putting toxins in a child's bloodstream will create health, and telling everyone to stifle or ignore their sexual urges (organized religion which is a guise to control the masses and keep them in fear, unhappiness and guilt has a lot to do with this one). Children begin to feel sexual urges very early. It is hardwired in our DNA. Watch and read about bonobo apes to see what is natural. The way it was 'meant to be' IMO is for teens to experiment and bear children young, then the 'elders' of the tribe raise them. (Our bodies are designed for this) so of course there are sexual urges by age 14.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by philomom

There's an updated version, just as great as the originals. Funny, I snuck reads at them while babysitting,too. Cause as said, my fundie parents would have choked.

Or maybe they told the people you babysat for to put it where you could find it.

[claddaghmom]

Originally Posted by Limabean1975

This sounds GREAT! If you ever find out the name of it, do share.

I saw this on sale at Borders today:

http://www.amazon.com/Life-Lennart-N...7408098&sr=1-4


It's 2/3 about the child in the womb, but at the end has some really cool images of adult human bodies. Probably not enough to function as "the one" book he could learn from though.

I'll have to dig around in my mom's study for the book. I went through it w/ my younger siblings when I was preggers w/ DD. It was a great feeling to see them learning about human bodies, and pregnancy and delivery with such a positive spin.

ETA, I couldn't help but notice some other good-looking books:

http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Smart-Sexu...7408301&sr=1-6

http://www.amazon.com/Talking-Teen-B...408301&sr=1-12

[sapphire_chan]

Maybe he should read Cosmo and Redbook so he'll know what the women he encounters when he grows up will expect him to want? /cynicism

[ollyoxenfree]

Originally Posted by Satori

I can understand objecting to more harder core porn, maybe give him something you do approve of? Say a Victoria's secret catalog?

That's along the same lines as I was thinking. How many boys out there have snuck off with mom's Victoria's Secret catalogue? We have lots of books on art - large coffee table books and reference books. Plenty of nudes to look at, for anyone who is curious - and much better representation of the variety of the female and male forms than you'll find in magazines.

OP, it sounds like you're communicating openly and honestly with your son - that's great.

[russsk]

Originally Posted by LionessMom

I do think that porn and nudie mags are a perversion. I dont want thim thinking that all women are shaved or should be. I dont want him thinking threesomes are normal either. I want him to grow up being perfectly fine with reg sex. I dont want him thinking he has to have porn star sex and looking for ways to fill that expectation. or thinking that all women have anal sex etc. I want him to have a healthy sex life and I do think that they way women and sex are depicted in the mags and the online pics, he was looking at, are unrealistic and setting him up for disappointment later in life. I really do believe that all that perversion is one of the things that is wrong with people nowadays. It is just not natural.

Now I am expressing my opinion and I obviously dont expect everyone to share my opinion.

I really dislike those magazines, but wanted to add my experience. When I met DH, he was 29. His mom had bought him his first playboy subscription when he was 14 and paid for it until he was 18. After that, he renewed it himself. When we moved in together I told him I didn't want it in my home, and he respected that. He threw out any old issues and cancelled the subscription. So that was 15 years of playboy, and he doesn't have any of the issues you're concerned with. I am the exact opposite of a playboy model - small boobs, pubic hair, mommy belly, you name it. DH thinks I'm beautiful and isn't "disappointed" at all. I think men and boys are capable of separating fantasy from real life. And although the fantasy might be intriguing, it's not what they really want. It's just the hormones.

[imagine21]

Originally Posted by LionessMom

I know that some moral women do enjoy those things. I am a moral women..... however, most women do not and i dont want him to expect every women he is with to give it up like that. kwim?

Most women? And you know what most women do in the privacy of their bedrooms how?

[Satori]

Originally Posted by imagine21

Most women? And you know what most women do in the privacy of their bedrooms how?

Not that everyone does whats in those mags but I know my woman friends talk, a lot and frankly I know wayyy to much about what some friends do in the bedroom.

[Juvysen]

FWIW, Dh has told me that he used to *ahem* "borrow" his mother's underwear catalogs when he was a teenager... I don't see it as that different from Playboy (especially the VS catalog - there's slightly more clothing, but for a lot of guys, that's a plus), but he even used to borrow the haines (I think? something basic) catalog. *shrug* boys will be boys? I dunno.

I'd definitely not want my kid to be exposed to some of the, uh, "stronger" sites - like fetishes, what have you. There's definitely some graphic stuff out there, but just naked bodies? *shrug* I'm not sure I'd get too worked up over it, myself...

But then, my oldest is 4. So take it FWIW.

[LionessMom]

so i bought "joy of sex" at the bookstore. it seems to be something i can be okay with. i will give it a good look over but already i have noticed that the pictures are of real people and not porn stars iykwim? i will get a back up opinion from DH. lol. but i think the info presented is in line with what i would like him to know while leaving out the stuff he doesnt need to know.

any other ideas on appropriate material?

[Cherie2]

Originally Posted by LionessMom

DS said it would be ok with him if i bought him a book about sex as long as it had some pictures lol.

I love that he told you that! sounds like you are doing pretty well communication wise

[MariaMadly]

The climate DH and I set is more along the lines of "no mean porn!" I think the Penthouse would bother me more for the unkindness I've sometimes glimpsed than its graphical depiction of any particular act. Then again, I've seen ads in Vogue that strike me the same way. So it seems my issue is mostly about consideration for everyone involved, whatever the interaction may involve.