having someone there who "knows what's normal"

[Snapdragon]

this idea has come up in conversation a few times so I wanted to see what those of you who have UC'ed think of it, I am just curious.
(BTW I am 40 wks and 3 days pg with baby #1)

As I have mentioned on other threads I have the option of midwives or UC and am feeling good about all of it.

One question though- I have never been to a birth or seen a birth (other than clips of short videos and read birth stories). So some of my friends say- a number of times and a number of people- that they felt really glad at their first ever birth to have someone there to advise them who also knew what was "normal" or safe in a birth. in other words- it helped them to feel at ease ot have some wise people there who were familiar with birth and if they had been alone with their dh's only that they might not have known how to react to certain situations.

Or more so I think that they would have gotten scared at points but ith having the midwives there telling them this is how it should be, they felt more at ease.

I am curious if this is a universal thing- such as, well of course if I have never been to another birth when it comes down to it I will feel safer with the midwives guiding me.
Or if it may just be a matter of personal preference?

Just curious- passing the time- not to influence what I will do in actuality as I already know I will have the mw's there or not as I see fit.
Thanks for any input on that particular aspect of things.

[Sagesgirl]

I think it is personal preference. My planned UC was my third baby, not my first--and DF & I are discussing UC for baby #4--but even with my first baby my initial reaction to this would have been unchanged: "I will have someone there who knows what's normal. Me." Perhaps if I wasn't an obsessive researcher my outlook would be different, but very early in my first pregnancy I decided it was imperative to be armed with knowledge, as so many birth professionals are not (and it's a good thing, too--turns out the Navy hospital where I had my first two girls was still doing routine episiotomies in 2002!) I think, honestly, that all women--no matter their birthing plans--should put some effort into discovering what's normal.

[Snapdragon]

sagesgirl do you mean that by reading and researching one can know what is normal?
I think what people are saying when they mention this to me is that birth is such a unique experience that never having been through or to one, one might now know what is within safe.
I don't quite understand what you meant and am curious about it!

[cathicog]

Although I am very much in favor of UC, (my third was) for a first birth, I recommend *somebody* being there who knows what's normal and how to keep an eye on things without getting in your space...especially if you have never seen one/been to one...it can be intimidating, in that there is a lot of doubt in transition(is this it? can I do it? will it get worse? etc) and some people end up transporting when everything really IS alright, and the baby is born just fine in the hospital. But it is good to have someone there you can bounce ideas off of, to get a feel for if there are gray areas- How does mom feel, how is baby doing? when to rest and sleep, when to keep going...it's hard to midwife yourself...

[Sagesgirl]

Well, yes you can learn what is normal by researching. Pretty much any book on childbirth gives you a good outline, and reading here at MDC and somewhere like UnassistedChildbirth.com will also give you a great idea.

You may well get a better idea of normal by doing the research yourself than by depending on a medical professional. While I planned to have my third daughter UC, I went to the hospital after about 32 hours of labor because I was physically and mentally exhausted. When she was born, the doctor and nurses present exclaimed that she was a "true knot miracle baby", telling me that the complete knot in her cord meant she was very lucky to be alive. This sounded a little funky to me, so I researched it when I got home and found that while a knot in the umbilical cord can cause problems, it does so in only a very minute percentage of cases.

Another thing I discovered through reasearch (though I don't recall the exact place I read this offhand, as it was when I was pregnant the first time, 9 years ago) is that there is quite commonly a plateau of several hours around 2 or 3cm dilated. This flies in the face of the 1cm/hour "standard" a lot of medical professionals expect.

And also, there is a medical norm that can be quite different from the biological one. We all know that the lithomy (flat on the back) position is still standard for laboring/birthing in the medical community, but it flies in the face of physics and biology.

I'm not saying it's a 100% foolproof thing--there's always the chance that you could have a really unusual variant of normal...but the thing is, if you do have that unusual variant, what are the chances a medical professional will recognize it as normal? (I guess here by 'normal' I mean 'healthy and not dangerous'.) Again, my youngest's cord knot was this. Really weird, but not dangerous.

[KristaDJ]

I think having a UC for your first is better than having had attended births first because only you can know what is right for YOUR labor and baby. Having had other people to lean on and shoulder the responsibility in my other labors gave me problems with my UC. I still had a beautiful birth the words of the doctors and nurses filled my mind. Going into it with your own intuition to count on and trust with no one else's word to go by makes for an easier UC from what I have seen. I have been on another UC board for a couple of years and the first time mothers going for UC seem to have a higher success rate than those who have had attended births in the past.
Read UC birth stories and really get into them, you can learn what is normal without ever giving birth yourself. Study, read, relax and connect with your baby. Never giving birth before is not a disadvantage it is a great opportunity to have a truly unhindered birth. Every birth is new and different anyway

[Snapdragon]

KristaDJ I love that response! That is similarly to how I think I feel. Can you point me to the other UC board you are talking about?

Getting so excited

[NettleTea]

My first birth was a UC and I'll tell you, I just wouldn't have had it any other way.

[zoebird]

i would sat that it is not universal because it doesn't apply to me.

i knew that UC was right for me long before becoming pregnant, and i knew that we would UC our first. While i never attended any births in person, or even watched many movies or videos, i just felt confident in my body's ability to birth and my own ability to know when to get help.

while a lot of people leveled the "but you don't know about it" situation, i didn't think that that should bar me from doing what i felt was right for me. I knew that i didn't know about it, that i didn't have any experience of it, and for whatever reason, i knew that it was ok to be in that position. i knew that, for me, it was safe to be in that position.

so, it wasn't an issue for me.

and during the birth. i never really had a point of panic and a need to know if it was normal. everything felt fantastic at every level of being. late in the night--after being in labor for about 22 hrs, just before going into "hard labor" or really the birth itself--i was just tired and wanted to sleep. i had a bit of a fuss then (whine really), and then shortly after, i started the ecstatic dance to the birth (two hour process).

it was fine, perfect. i knew i was doing the right thing.

[Pirogi]

More issues:

1. How do you define what is "normal?" Different care providers have different definitions based on their training, experience, bias, fear of litigation, fear of birth, etc. Is "normal" the same thing as "average?" For every average, there are women who made up the low and high points that actually created the average mean value. Are those women "abnormal?" What is the "normal" value based on? Hospital births? Births after induction, augmentation, or pain medication? Births where the mother's space is invaded and hormones are not performing optimally? Older moms or younger? Moms with purple polka dots?

2. Because each birth is unique, it is quite possible that you would have a complication that would normally be an automatic transfer for a provider, but that may be completely fine with your unique birth. I have heard so many instances of higher risk conditions found after an uneventful birth of a health baby (undiagnosed twins, undiagnosed breech, velamentous insertion, partial previa ...) that I am absolutely convinced that just having some higher-risk condition does not necessarily equate to a bad outcome all of the time.

3. What sorts of things would the provider be able to catch, and if caught, would it change the outcome? How often do these things occur? You then have to weigh this against the possibility that just having another person in the birth space could alter the mom's experience enough to lead to a more complicated birth.

Ultimately I guess it has a lot to do with how you process the fear of the unknowns that come with birth, especially for your first. Some women can read and intellectually come to terms with the specific risks and probabilities and be fine without outside help at the birth. Some women can process the fearby withdrawing into the spiritual realm. Some women feel better with someone else there. It reminds me a lot of the Hathor comic about the way women gave birth.

[basje]

hmmm

I had a UC a few months ago, it was my first pregnancy and I had never been to a birth. I did an enormous amount of book research, UC form reading, and youtube video watching to prepare. The only moment I didn't know what was going on was early labor, trying to figure out if it was BH or the real deal. Here's what I learned on that one... if it's labor it won't go away

I had the worst case happen, and I am still glad I choose to UC. I had a major pp hemorrhage, after transferring to the hospital to get three second degree tears sewn up. My birth was incredible, I had my daughter on my bathroom floor and delivered her into my own hands. There was not a moment where I was worried about knowing what to do. I knew what was normal, and even before she started breathing I knew she was healthy. I was very blessed to a most wonderful birth. The massive hemorrhage I had required emergency exploratory surgery, a D&C (although they found nothing), blood and plasma transfusion which caused respiratory failure and I was put on a ventilator for two days before being able to breath on my own. And yes, I have no question having a UC was good choice for me. In fact, had I had a homebirth with a midwife I would not have gone to the hospital where I had the sudden blood loss and would have died in my home before ever getting into an ambulance. My UC likely saved my life and my preparation for it. I knew what I could do myself and what I needed to consult a medical professional for. Each women has her own comfort zone, stay true to yours.

If you choose to UC ...do your research, be prepared for the worst case and enjoy the ride. Because no one can figure own why I had the rare and deadly complication I had, sadly it's likely that I won't be having another UC. I'll be walking into any other pregnancies high risk, and with complications furthered by the major blood transfusion I had. It's a whole different ball game. But I am so grateful for the UC I did have.