insights into difficulties w/nearly 8 year old...

[mystic~mama]

she doesn't have much of any connection w/her bio Dad, whom she just saw for the first time since she was 3 and that has really effected her. The last visit she had with him she was very emotional and acted out quite explosively.

She has my partner of nearly 4 years in her life...they have a very strong connection who has been like a father to her except for the fact that he came along when she was 4 and each of them has some parts of them that rub the other the wrong way and it is not always easy for the 3 of us to be together.

She has a hard time interacting with both of us quite often. Much of the time when it is just one on one with either of us it goes great.

There are times when I feel like I have to choose between them and I realize there is something there DP needs to take care of and we will be talking to our counselor about that the next chance we have.

DP is on an extended work trip in Asia so it has been just DD and I for a while now...and she is really testing me...

two days this week she has had violent fits where I have to restrain her because she is hitting and uncontrollably angry...I calmly and gently restrain her legs and arms, she also tries to hit with her head sometimes so it takes a lot of energy for me to have to do this but when she is in this mode there is no other option.

She is a brilliantly smart girl...very bright, social and talented. At home with me it all comes out.

I have a counselor who I talk to about this but I want to reach out for more help..I did talk to her on the phone today...

I called 4 people today to get support with this...

I get such good insights on here most of the time I post so I wanted to come here also.

After DD hit me and I warned her that if she does that again she will not get to go to her sleepover and she did it again she lost the playdate/sleepover tonight and she ranted about it for an hour afterwards but I stuck to my word.

I am letting her know this behavior is not okay. setting boundaries and trying my best to unconditional love and nurture her....

it can be very discouraging to have my child acting this way (she is an aries) it can feel like she is very messed up and it is my fault

on top of all this, right now in my life I am going through tremendous self growth and healing of childhood wounds so it is a lot to be doing this not only for myself but for my daughter while navigating a very close intimate relationship with my partner.

I thought some single mama's here may understand some of this.

thank you for reading this.

Na Maste'

[waterproofmascara]

Our dd's sound like they are cut from the same cloth.

My dd, who turned 8 in December, does see her father, but he has very little emotional attachment to her and she is well aware of that. She told me that she feels like a stranger at his house and has been coming up with ways to avoid visitation. I have been supportive of that, because she seems to do better with less visits and her dad really couldn't care less if she is there or not.

She has HUGE meltdowns with me and only me. While she never gets physical, she constantly tests me psychologically to see just how far she can push me before I break, and then gets terribly upset when I do.

I know that I in no way caused this, and I doubt that you did either. My dd was difficult from day one, and I am sure she will be that way her entire life. She seems to just be wired that way. When she was a newborn she preferred to be on the floor looking at the ceiling. She hated the sling, hated to be held, hated to be fed.

The worst thing she ever did was when she was about 2. She did something (I don't remember what anymore) and I asked her to stop and redirected her. She continued to do whatever it was so I sat her in the high chair. She looked directly into my eyes and very defiantly peed all over the high chair and the floor. I was flabbergasted, and just walked away for a few minutes.

I know this was not helpful in any way, but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

[mystic~mama]

actually it was VERY helpful, thank you mama

[meemee]

mystic mama i have a dd who can be difficult (she is 7) if...

- she doesnt get a physical outlet (she is an extremely high energy child and she has a hard time controlling herself if she hasnt done anything physical that day)

- the usual - enough food and rest i notice are still biggies for her. without those her behav slips.

- also personality wise - dd needs a LOT of independence. she needs to feel she is in charge of her life and that she is also contributing to my life too. again this makes a huge difference.

one important thing i have had to kinda separate is that some of it is normal (esp. for her personality) age appropriate behav and not blame everything because of single mom syndrome (you have no idea how many times my friends have helped me see this). it is so easy to blame ourselves, when we have to admit that our children are little people with their own opinions and choices of how to live their life (yes even now).

one last thing. because of your name and you mentioned aries - do you believe in astrology? because right now i think its hard times - struggles for aries signs. if you need more info i can hunt it and find the info.

i have some friends whose greatest regret was what horrible kids they were to their mom and step dad when they were young. even though they are v. close now as adults, they did and said horrible things to their adults.