2 weeks into tandem nursing, need some advice (xposted in gentle discipline)

[sarahtdubb]

Hi!

I have a 2.5 yo son and a 2 week old daughter, and we're tandem nursing. My son was only nursing a couple times a day before his lil sis was born, but now that she is here and nursing all the time, he wants to nurse all the time, too. And he is starting to freak when I say no-- crying, thrashing around, yelling, crawling all over me. Overall he has been AMAZING in this transition--he has stopped nursing to sleep at night, loves to kiss and hug his sister, and enjoys sharing mama milk with her. But the truth is, I need to be able to say no to him when he wants to nurse-- sometimes i don't want to deal with having them both nurse at the same time; other times I just need a break. Last night it became a bigger problem because I feel like he's regressing and is starting to insist on nursing at night again (he nightweaned about 2 months ago).

I hate saying no to him and making him sad, but I also need to be able to say no and have him not completely freak. Even mild freaking would be fine!!!

Any advice on good ways to say no to him? I'm going to get Playful Parenting this week--do you think that will give me ideas? Anyone with experience with this scenario? I know Adventures in Tandem Nursing suggests having a special nursing box for the toddler to play with while baby nurses-- any success with that? But it's not only when she nurses that he wants milk--- he's now back to asking for milk every time he is tired/bored/hungry.

This is making me feel terrible--- I'm doubting whether continuing to nurse him was the right thing to do, feeling like I've set him up for disappointment, like I'm destining our family life to constant chaos. I love nursing him in general, but this is the first time in 2.5 years that I have started to feel any resentment, and I don't like the feeling... My MIL suggested just offering him milk all the time so he has the chance to say "no" to me and doesn't always end up begging--- but mamas, I don't WANT him to nurse all the time.

Ideas? BTDT?

[Cativari]

This is my second time through tandaming. When I get touched out and need to say no or at least not have the older one camped out for half an hour, I sing the ABC's to limt the time. Before we start I tell him after I sing the ABC's it will be time to get down then I offer a snack or a drink. Any song or short thing will do. Most of the time I find the older is just wanting to know they can have it. Good luck

[ChinaDoll]

:

I can imagine your frustration!

Honestly, I remember a period when my nursing toddler nursed more often than the newborn! It is okay to set limits (like the ABC song; I used that one when nursing while pregnant) and it's okay to start teaching basic manners (wait your turn, etc, since the toddler can understand a little more and can be reasoned with a little more).

It really helped me to think of things from the other side, though; ie, if I'm nursing the toddler, I have a better chance of getting both to sleep. If I'm nursing the toddler, I can be sure she's not getting into things while I'm nursing the newborn. And really, that stage of nonstop nursing did ease up a bit for us after the initial 6 weeks. It's a big adjustment for a toddler. Stories never worked well for us, but a nursing activity box did a little. And Daddies are great for toddler-distraction. And videos

There's no right or wrong here, and most of us who tandemed know EXACTLY what you're talking about. Just throwing ideas out there, and especially :

[ps4624]

I have only one babe, so this isn't from my experience, but I saw another mama post this and thought it was brilliant:

She would nurse the older child and say to the wee one "You'll have to wait until DC1 is done - this is his/her special nursing time". I think DC2 might have even been asleep - the point is that DC1 felt like he/she still had special time with mama and wasn't in competition for her attention.

Aren't these MDC ladies super smart?!?!?

[pbjmama]

I found that if I used after your sister is finished or when the timer goes off I got a much better reaction than if I said "no". Something about that word made him think I meant no forever. And the constant need for nursing will pass too, just a thing with a new baby and all that yummy new baby milk I had problems with plugged ducts after a few weeks and my nursing toddler was a pro at getting those out. A full baby won't nurse but a toddler will at any time and he could have my breast feeling better in about a minute!

[ramama]

BTDT! When I was tandem nursing, I couldn't stand to have them nursing at the same time. Ugh. Something about their different latches, different suckling speeds, the sensation of gummy nursing vs. teethed nursing, everything, just made my hair stand on end LOL.

I usually said to DD1 "Let's read a book until DD2 is done, then you can nurse" or something like that. It worked pretty well most of the time I guess that qualifies as sedentary distraction.