Co Sleeping Danger??

[Mawood]

Hi-
I am very upset. My husband and I co sleep with our 4 weeks old daughter. I am very tired and sleep deprived since I can't really take naps during the day - just won't fall asleep. This morning I woke up with my daughter in my back instead of her being in front of me. I remember turning to the other side to switch breasts for feeding and I must have fallen asleep before facing my baby. This is so strange and scary since I have a very light (and obviously not enough) sleep since sleeping with her. I feel so bad and wonder about my instincts. Just the picture of her laying all alone and innocent in my back when I turned over to her makes me feel so guilty and bad. How could this happen? Should I quit co sleeping altogether? She doesn't sleep in her bassinet though. I feel like I am all prepared and confident for daytime parenting but I really have a hard with nighttime parenting and am not happy with how we do it so far. It is just so hard when I am so tired myself and she wants to nurse or be at the breast all night. Of course she comes first now and I have to figure out my sleep but it just hasn't fallen into place yet. Any advice for me?

[lonegirl]

Ok....I think you really need to try and nap when the baby does....or at least have a good zone out to try and refresh yourself....
I know I would be scared too if that had happened to me. I too would probably contemplate not co sleeping.....can you sidecar her crib so she is somewhat separated from you, yet still within arm's reach?

[odoole]

Yeah, I'd say there's definitely more risk of rolling onto your baby if your back is to her. Co sleeping is scary with such a young baby, and since you're so sleep deprived, I'd say don't do it. We had a snugglenest around that age and it worked really well. It has plastic sides so she's protected, but you can still just reach and touch her while you sleep.

I remember once doing the same thing -- waking to find myself with my back to my baby. From then on I made sure never to turn my back to him, even if I'm wide awake.

ETA

[AFWife]

Try lying down with her to nap during the day...maybe you can at least doze.

I'm sorry I don't have any better pieces of advice...

[lemontree]

I second the snuggle nest. It gave me peace of mind when my son was that young.

Sounds scary mama-

Maybe try your hardest to resist the urge to get things done while the baby naps and make yourself nap? You sound really really tired.

[Sheryl1678]

I second the sidecar or moses basket. Being severely sleep deprived can put you in a similar state as if you drank or did drugs. You can sleep so soundly when you finally do sleep that you are not aware of your new baby the same way you would be with adequate rest.

I could tell with my first daughter when I was just too sleep deprived and I KNEW I would sleep too soundly if/when I finally fell asleep. I put her in a bouncy seat next to the bed on those nights. I would still bring her up to nurse but I knew I could relax and sleep more soundly knowing she was not in danger.

[mkksmom]

I agree with the other mamas. You have to trust your instincts and if you have this nagging feeling that you shouldn't cosleep *right now,* then listen to yourself. I had a situation where I swore my LO slept too soundly next to me. I woke up 3 times thinking that she wasn't breathing. Those times, I had to wiggle her and call her name thinking she was gone to get her to even stir. The underneath of her nose was cold, not warm. I finally stopped co-sleeping at that point and put her in her crib with a baby sense V monitor on to alert me if she stops breathing. I honestly can't wait until she is big enough to sleep with me. But for now, it just makes me so nervous. I was the same way with my 5.5 yo and I started feeling comfortable cosleeping with her again when seh was about a year old. She is still in my room on her own mattress now. She's in and out, just depending on our needs at the time.

As for getting her to sleep in the bassinet, have you tried swaddling? It works wonders for my LO, but we are now trying to stop because she is learning to roll on her tummy and got to her tummy swaddled the other night, which makes me nervous.

[texmati]

We also didn't co sleep without a snugglenest for the first month or two. DS was just too little, adn we were just too tired. Now we cosleep every night and love it!

Trust your instincts, mama.

[justKate]

Originally Posted by texmati

We also didn't co sleep without a snugglenest for the first month or two. DS was just too little, adn we were just too tired. Now we cosleep every night and love it!

Trust your instincts, mama.

I third or fourth the snuggle nest. If the baby needs skin to sleep you can put your arm in it next to her. It will get better!

[lalemma]

I think people are skipping over the part of your post where you say that you can't nap during the day...?

So I won't suggest that.

Nthing the Snuggle Nest. We used ours for about a week, and then we felt confident that we weren't going to roll over on him. But I offer you virtual hugs: I too woke up with my back to my baby once. It's hard to trust yourself when you're losing your mind for lack of sleep.

It will get better! Totally try something like the Snuggle Nest (someone you know may have a very lightly-used one you can borrow? I suspect that this kind of product gets used mostly the way ours did: for a week or two and then never again.) to get you through the most sleep-deprived nights.

[springbride]

I too did that when DD was tiny. Scared me silly! My solution was to move her bassinet up against my side of the bed... kind of side carred, but not really... I could reach in and touch her and get her quickly. I did this for a couple of weeks until I got better at sleeping in snipets. Once we were over the mega sleep deprived newborn stage (about 12wks) I started bringing her back to bed with us. She is almost 8mo now and it's going beautifully.

GL mama.

[Harmony08]

I totally know where you're coming from with the not being able to nap thing. I never ever can either and that it all anybody could ever say to me...sleep when he does etc. Just didn't work. I didn't sleep with my baby until he was four months. Before that I had his crib pulled right up against my bed with the side lowered. I could sleep with my hand on him. I also used an angel care motion monitor because it gave me peace of mind. it is a bummer to have to get up and nurse and I just don't have any good advice about that except knowing that it won't last forever.

Oh and when I did bring my son into bed I got the Respisense. Pricey but totally worth it IMO. I did think he was safe but it allowed me to not worry SO much. I also love Bed Bug rails.