Birthday parties....

[nia82]

I have noticed that many parents throw huge parties with all kinds of things such as rented petting zoos, jumping castles (sorry dunno the American word for it, they are air filled) or ball pits. Spending $1000 on baby's first birthday seems normal.... With elaborate decoration, many guests, presents and catered food.
Am I wrong to think that's a wee bit exaggerated? In my family we always just make it a family thing. That means well under 20 guests... It's not like a one year old really enjoys a party, kwim? DS even tossed his cake on the floor. We had $10 decoration and that was it.... 5 people including us attended his birthday. Granted, we are thousands of miles from either family so naturally we have a low attendance. But even growing up, it was cake and coffee with the relatives... Once we hit 6 years, we were allowed to invite friends, so maybe 10-30 kids depending on the sibling... And we had cake and cocoa together, then played (tag, hide and seek, monopoly, that kinda stuff) and it ended around 8pm. I was completely happy with that. It appears nowadays the party has to be huge and elaborate and one has to invite the entire class? Is that normal? Am I weird for not wanting to spend a fortune and make a huge deal out of something my toddler doesn't even understand nor want yet?

[ollyoxenfree]

Originally Posted by nia82

It appears nowadays the party has to be huge and elaborate and one has to invite the entire class? Is that normal? Am I weird for not wanting to spend a fortune and make a huge deal out of something my toddler doesn't even understand nor want yet?

You should celebrate your child's birthday in whatever manner you and s/he want. If you prefer a party at home, do that.

We've done all sorts of celebrations - parties at home, parties at playplaces/roller rinks/movie theatres/skating rinks/local parks.... Occasionally, one child will want a more expensive outing (a musical or concert) and will invite just one friend along for a special evening. It's entirely their choice.

Generally, the children are allowed to invite 8 to 10 friends whether it's at home or not, because that is what I find manageable. Their classes at school have been between 18 and 28 students - I have no desire to entertain that many children at once. I have sent in treats on my child's birthday to class, with the teacher's permission.

For a first birthday, I understand the desire to have a celebration. My brother and his partner hosted a lunch at a restaurant and it was a very large gathering for their son's first birthday. Their first child died just after birth, and they wanted to celebrate this special event. I don't judge them at all. And if I don't judge them, then I can't judge anyone else who wants a big celebration.

Celebrate in a way that is enjoyable and meaningful to you and your family. You shouldn't feel that you have to celebrate in the same way that anyone else does.

[Tigerchild]

Is it wrong to wish that everyone around you held the same values and wanted to celebrate in the same way, so that you wouldn't have to feel discomfort or out of place with your own desires/values/practices?

No, it's not wrong to *wish* that, I guess. Your feelings are your feelings. I don't believe that *feelings* are "right" or "wrong", though they can lead you to act in destructive ways if you're not careful.

I do think it would be futile and a waste of time to feel anger/resentment/superiority to those who choose differently from you. Chances are they don't care what you think and negativity is only going to eat you, not them!

You are the one who makes decisions for your own family! Other people really don't care what you choose, even if it's unusual, they'll be thinking about their own lives sooner than you think. So do what you wish to do, don't let your perceptions of "what others will think" dampen your enjoyment--and just let other people enjoy themselves how they wish to, too.

[leaves]

IMHO, i think huge parties for kids of any age are silly. but that's just my opinion, because i wasn't raised that way. we did have fun, themed parties, with lots of friends and family - but my mom did everything herself. she made the cake herself, did the decorations herself, planned the games herself, made the favor bags herself. i think one year my parents rented a snow-cone maker for my sister's birthday, but that's the only time i remember something like that being done. for my son's first and probably second birthday, we plan on having a family and friends with babies no-gifts party, just for a reason to get together and have some fun with people we love. when he's older, i definitely plan on throwing fun parties, but while trying to stay frugal and not go over-the-top.

to each his own, i guess.

[newbymom05]

My bro and I never had elaborate parties growing up either--in fact, we had very few!--but I'm old and things were a lot different then. There wasn't this whole industry of b'day entertainment--bounce centers, rental petting zoos, entertainment agencies, etc. I can definitely see the appeal of letting someone else take over a celebration (and I'm a SAHM w/ theoretically lots of time to plan and organize a party), and I can also see a simple b'day getting out of hand $$ and guest-wise.

We've never done a big party but I don't care if someone else does. I hope they invite us! I think my family spends our money wisely and frugally, but I"m sure many would disagree at some of our choices and think in some things we wasted our time and money. Like the pp wrote, to each their own.

[limabean]

We like simple backyard parties in our family, but it doesn't bug me when other families choose to have big blow-out parties. It doesn't make me feel inferior or superior -- we celebrate the way we like to, and they celebrate the way they like to.

[lifeguard]

I do find it to be the norm around here for birthday parties to be pretty big, all-out events but I do find it to be over the top. We had a VERY low key family thing for ds' 1st birthday & will probably continue to do so for several years. I also try to avoid going to the birthday parties for our friends' little one's 'cause I find it all to be too much.

[cappuccinosmom]

I have noticed that many parents throw huge parties with all kinds of things such as rented petting zoos, jumping castles (sorry dunno the American word for it, they are air filled) or ball pits. Spending $1000 on baby's first birthday seems normal.... With elaborate decoration, many guests, presents and catered food.

These things are totally outside of our reality.

Thus far we haven't even had more than a joint, family party (all my boys birthday's are within 7 days of each other). We eat cake and ice cream, have a few presents, and enjoy the time with relatives.

This year we *might* invite some friends. But it will still be more like a playdate than a big party. They will just have more people to roll around in the grass with since their grownup relatives don't tend to do that. One of my sons really, really wants to go to a skating rink for his birthday. We might do that but not as a party. I would probably go with the boys and an auntie or two, and let them have fun. No way could we afford to take a whole group of kids.

[Alyantavid]

We don't do any of that. We've always done family parties until my oldest son's last bday (when he turned 7). We did the family party and also had a friend's party at a local gokart track. We don't invite the whole class, we invite a few friends and it's very low key. Family parties are usually ice cream and cake and sometimes we'll do dinner as well.

We'll do the same for our younger son as well.

[mtiger]

Diff'rent strokes, really. I found that kids had as good a time at the big blow-out parties and at the more modest "old fashioned" ones. My kids have had some of each - we did the zoo and the train museum. And bowling. And skating. As well as pool parties at my parents (since they have the pool!). And parties at home... actually, the BEST party my daughter had was a scrapbooking/sleepover party. Well, except for the Halloween party when I let them TP the house. LOL

Do what feels right and comfortable for your child and family. 'Cause that's who the party's for.

For example, my (nearly) 16yo and her brother have been to a ton of Sweet 16 parties. Some are big bang-up affairs at the country club, some are quiet, small at-home deals. They've had fun at each. My girl's is going to be in-between. Her "theme" is "I'm 16 and I'm going Green" and most of it is based on reduce, reuse, recycle. It's going to be either at home or the local VFW. No DJ - she and my son will come up with a playlist and we'll bring our own speakers. She's asking that people NOT buy new clothes, but to wear something they already have. In lieu of gifts, donations of clothes for the local shelters. Instead of having it catered, my mom, some of my friends, and I are cooking. Her friends are unbelievably excited.

So do what works for you.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

When the kids were toddlers, we did family parties with grandparents and that was about it. When they started preschool, they naturally wanted to have "friend" parties. I find it very hurtful for kids to invite only part of a class, so we always invited the entire class, though in all the years we have done so I've never had more than about 60% actually come due to schedule conflicts. Some of these have been at home and some at party locations. Through preschool and early elementary school this was pretty much the norm, though sometimes parties are just all the girls/boys. Now that DS is getting older (4th grade) I notice that there are fewer "all class"parties and more "2 or 3 special friends and a special outing" type parties.

Birthdays are a very personal thing and each family probably finds a way to make them special and celebrate them as they are comfortable and able. I have always liked being able to invite the entire class as that is the vast majority of each child's friends and it seems to work well for us. But that doesn't mean you have to do what everyone else is doing -- especially when your child is too young to have an opinion. Once they are older though, I do think there is something to the idea that the child should have at least some say over what their birthday celebration looks like.

[a-sorta-fairytale]

I think some of the really huge parties with multiple things (I went to one for a 2 y/o with a bounce house, ponies, clowns, tons of rented games etc) can be kinda overwhelming and not my style. I do see the draw in having an out of the home party.

We did the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd b day at our house. these were fun parties with family (which i have a ton of) and playgroup friends. They were a blast but wore me right out. I had to deep clean and move furniture around before the party. After the party i was scrubbing cake out of the carpet, and had to spend hours re-cleaning the house.

For her 4rd bday we did a party at a gymnastics place and her 5th we did it at a mini golf place. The food cost the same at our house as it did at the party places. The only additional cost was the venue. It was worth it to me to pay a little $$ to not have to clean my house twice. I got to bring the cake and food and then leave after the party. The guests and my kids like both types of party.