Help me Trim Our Daily Schedule...

[tankgirl73]

I just have way too much stuff we're trying to do right now, but I don't see how to trim it any further! It comes out to about 5 hours of "work time" each day, and that's not including stopping for meals and snacks (I do a read-aloud during snacktime, it's one of his favourite times), doesn't included delays for his dilly-dallying heh... I'd LIKE to be able to get everything done in the morning or just do the crafty kinds of things in the afternoon, and let him have free time after that. He has gymnastics training from 5-730 several nights a week, so he doesn't get to just goof off at home most evenings. I think as an 11yo he should have more 'free time' than that. Besides which, most days we don't get everything done anyway, so it's obviously not working.

Anyway. I've been trying to bring more CM and Waldorf ideas into our home. I like CM's short lessons, I like Waldorf's emphasis on art and lesson blocks...

So I've got kind of 3 lists of things we're doing. One list is "core" stuff that needs to be done every day. Not because I'm in a hurry to push him along or anything, but because if he doesn't do it every day, he loses his motivation and slides backwards... he's got sensory issues and ADHD and thrives his best on consistent routines (which is hard for me!)

Most of the the things on this list are short lessons, 15-20 minutes. Then the 'main block' thing might be an hour to an hour and a half.

The next list is "most days" stuff. And the last list is "once a week" stuff.

We are doing two "main block" things right now. One is Mosaic which incorporates history, poetry, and literature. He loves every part of this. The other is NOEO Science, we're on like week 28 of Biology II, we've been in this level FOREVER it seems, slowly working our way through, we're so close to the end we just want to get it done, so I'm trying to do 1/2 hour every day as a kind of lesson block.

I don't want to wait until Mosaic is "done" and not do a second block before then, because Mosaic is actually a full-year course...

Anyway. This is our daily core stuff:

History/Lit -- Mosaic (~45 min)
Science -- NOEO (30 min)
Math -- RightStart Geometry (~20 min)
French -- l'art de lire and Ecoutez-Parlez (alternating, 15-20min)
Spelling -- Sequential Spelling (5 minutes)
Music -- Piano and guitar practice (30 minutes)
Independent reading (20 min)

Several times a week:
Mathletics (online math) - 15 minutes 3x
Copywork/handwriting - 10-15min 3-4x
Form Drawing - 10min 3x
Knitting - 15min 2x
Yoga/Braingym - 15 min 3-4x
Recorder - 10min 3x

Once a week:
Meet the Masters artist study - 30-45min
Painting - 30-45min
Clay/modelling/etc - 30-45min
Other craft - 30-45 min

Everything that's there is there for a specific reason, to work on his sensory and attention issues, to work together with another area, to be something fun he enjoys, whatever... This current list is already pared down (all of the 'several times a week' stuff was "every day" stuff before)... I just don't see how to pare it down any more!

[akwifeandmomma]

So, daily you're at right around 3 hours, including piano/guitar and independent reading, which take up almost an hour.

Out of the following, which does he enjoy most?
Which do you find necessary for sensory/attention issues?

Could you somehow make these less "scheduled-into-your-day/week" and leave them available as free time activities, if the free time is what you sense lacking?

Several times a week:
Mathletics (online math) - 15 minutes 3x
Copywork/handwriting - 10-15min 3-4x
Form Drawing - 10min 3x
Knitting - 15min 2x
Yoga/Braingym - 15 min 3-4x
Recorder - 10min 3x

Once a week:
Meet the Masters artist study - 30-45min
Painting - 30-45min
Clay/modelling/etc - 30-45min
Other craft - 30-45 min

[kittywitty]

I agree with making them free time activities. Have you considered using workboxes for some of the things?

I'm dying to trim my schedule, too.

[tankgirl73]

But if I make them freetime activities, he won't do them... Most of them anyway.

The things he enjoys the most are Mathletics, RightStart math, painting, crafts, Mosaic, and guitar. Left to his own devices, though, the only things he would actually choose to do are RightStart and Mathletics, possible Mosaic.

We've tried letting him determine his own work schedule for the day... I gave him a list of "high priority" and "lower priority but still a good idea if there's time" stuff for him to choose from. He made a great-looking schedule, mostly balanced (with many video game breaks *sigh*), getting MOST of the important stuff in. Then he totally did not follow his own schedule and spent the day whining and stalling. Tried it several times at his insistence, and each time it got worse. By then we're so out of routine that he resists me setting back up any kind of structure.

I've tried workbox-type stuff before. It worked well... for awhile. He had a book with stickers and a code system telling him what work to do and which order to do it in. For a brief time, it was a miracle. He loved it, and got his work done with joy and speed. Then... I guess the novelty wore off.

I would LOVE to be able to just leave stuff as a 'free time activity' rather than scheduled, but the grim reality is that he just won't do it if he thinks he has any leeway at all. With the exception of the above-mentioned couple of things.

"Which do you find necessary for sensory/attention issues?" The form drawing is important because it's developing his motor control and focus, his handwriting is atrocious, I think there are hand strength issues, he won't hold the pencil correctly, he scrawls quickly to get it over with... Same with knitting, it's fine motor control and focus. Yoga, similar idea, getting him to slow down, stay still, and focus.

Crafts and painting seem really therapeutic for him. I WANT to make those more of a priority. For awhile, when I first started being more Waldorfy, we did just that. Lots of painting, lots of handiwork. His mood was much improved. But we just weren't getting anything else done... I've adapted now so that we're incorporating more drawing into his other work, especially the Mosaic and French.

When he has "free time", all he will choose to do -- unless MADE to do something else -- is play Mario on the Wii, or watch youtube videos of other people playing Mario. Or sometimes other video games. I'm not exaggerating. So if I am going to "make" him do certain things for his "free time", like "you have to do 3 of these 6 workboxes" or whatever, then it's not really his free time to my mind, is it? It's no different than me calling it "school time".

I'd rather not separate "school stuff" from other stuff either. My dearest wish would be to just have a general list of goals and stuff he should be working on, leave it with him, and trust him to find a good balance between work and play. But he can't manage that. He has no self-control, no impulse control, very low emotional maturity (we just had a rotten evening, actually, with NOTHING to do with school work)... *sigh*

[ktmeyer]

I think you do have too much. I'd break it into categories and do ONE thing in each category a day. So do math daily, but on the days you do mathletics don't do the regular math. And seriously, THREE instruments?! I think that is excessive given everything else. So do music daily, but do EITHER piano or guitar or recorder. Do art daily, but do EITHER form drawing, painting, or clay. Does that make sense?

[meetoo]

It sounds like his problem is media. I would limit media to 1 hour a day that he earns by getting his core subjects done with a good attitude and in a timely manner. Then I would leave him to everything else. If he comes to you complaining of being bored, I would then offer one of the activities on the second list. I would also move handwriting to the first list and guitar practice to the second list.

[tankgirl73]

Yes, three instruments! We're a musical family. In all seriousness, the piano stuff he is doing is just beginner stuff, it doesn't take long. He spends a lot of time goofing around on the piano, improvising and picking out tunes he knows, so we've started some 'official' studies as well so he can learn some technique and how to read, figure out chords, etc. It's nothing excessive, maybe 10 minutes a day. I'm actually a piano teacher by profession, but I'm letting him do this on his own because he's old enough now, I just help out when he gets stuck on something.

The guitar is his PASSION. He's going to be a jazz or rock guitarist professionally some day, I wouldn't be surprised! After finally getting his electric guitar last year, he spent a year teaching himself everything there is to know -- watching instructional videos on youtube, reading guitar tab books of songs he knows and thus teaching himself to read tablature, and of course, making up his own riffs and songs. This year we got him some professional lessons, 6 weeks with a local professional guitarist, giving him some technical instruction and help with improvising, etc. If I didn't schedule guitar time, he would still play it for HOURS and HOURS and HOURS heh... So when it's there in his "Core" list, it's not because I'm going to MAKE him do it. It's because he's going to do it, and I count it as part of his core work.

As for the recorder, that's a Waldorf thing, and I think it's good for him to start a wind instrument now anyway. I'm hopeful that someday he'll want to pick up a band instrument (I'm also a band director). He's also teaching himself from a good book and CD, he's really enjoying it, it only takes him 10 minutes, and I don't put it on the list for every day.

As for 'art daily, but EITHER form drawing, painting, or clay' - we already do that, those are the 1x/week things except for the form drawing. Form drawing isn't considered 'art' actually, it's more like meditation and body work.

In fact... I'd like to reduce some of our other work so that there is time for all the music and art we want to do, which I think is just as -- if not MORE important -- than academics. I don't think three instruments is excessive when you're talking about a musically oriented kid -- no more than you would say that reading 3 books at once is excessive for a literature-loving kid.

But I think I'm starting to understand the idea posted above about making some things 'freetime' activities... if I know he's going to do his guitar practice anyway (I often have to drag him away from it in order to do other things), then I don't have to worry about scheduling it to be done before he's allowed free time... I'm still hesitant, though, because of his lack of self-regulation... but maybe it's worth a try...

And I did have handwriting on the 'every day' list, I just moved it over in my attempt to make more free time. He HATES handwriting practice. Well, HATE is a bit strong. But it's certainly not something he would do on his own.

The suggestion of reducing the math to one or the other each day -- I've already reduced it, it used to be both, every day, and since we're also starting Teaching Textbooks Pre-Algebra, it was going to be all 3 of them once or twice a week. I've changed it to RightStart every day, except once a week Teaching Textbooks instead, and Mathletics just a few times a week. Mathletics is a "fun" thing, not part of his curriculum at all, it's practice and reinforcement, and he's working with it at a much lower level than his curriculum (ie, practicing adding 2-digit numbers in his head). Besides, he does LOVE his RS math (hallelujah), I think he'd actually be disappointed if he didn't have it every day! I agree with you in principle, though... I just tend to think he'd get bogged down too much, whereas right now he's "on a roll"... this is the problem we have, actually. If he's used to doing something every day, he doesn't fight it, and he enjoys it. The stuff that's only a few times a week or occasionally, he's more likely to resist, even if it's something he likes, because it's not his routine. It's like each time we do it, we have to get all geared up for it again before he'll do it, which ends up taking more time than if we did it every day and just kept the gears running, so to speak...

[tankgirl73]

Okay, so taking into account things that he's likely to do on his own vs things he's not, the new 'daily core' list becomes -
Mosaic
Spelling
Science
French

Plus whatever 1-3x/week things are scheduled for that day. After that, he has 'free time', but during the free time he's expected, at least most of the time, to do his music practice, math, and reading. Maybe... once he has free time, he has an hour of media time, but in order to get more, he has to finish the other stuff too?

I'm still not sure if it's too much time... but maybe it's partly because I'm counting the more 'fun' stuff that other families do anyway but don't count as part of their school time? If I just count the academic stuff, it's more like 2.5-3 hours per day.

Well I'll give this idea a try and see how he takes to it.

[Smithie]

You're definitely on the right path here, but:

"But if I make them freetime activities, he won't do them... Most of them anyway."

...is a problem that you've created for yourself, by allowing an 11 y.o. with ADHD way to much access to time-sucking, designed-to-encourage-fixation recreational media like video games.

(And don't get me wrong - my kids are playing on Nick Jr. right now! And they watch some TV every day. I am not opposed to media. But when your son made a daily schedule that included multiple video-game "fixes," that was a big red flag for me. As you know, ADHD kids often fixate. My ADHD kid doesn't happen to fixate on video games at this point, but there are other things we have completely removed from his environment because he can't self-regulate. Certain movies, certain imaginary games, certain foods... with every kid it's different.)

If you want a child who spends his day on a few hours of core schoolwork, a few hours of artistic/musical pursuits, a few hours on athletics, and the rest of his time on things like free reading, playing with other kids, and playing by himself, then maybe the only media he need to be using right now is educational media. Honestly, I'd cut off the cable if I were you, and get rid of the console if he uses one. For one thing, it seems more fair if the adults in the house also adhere to the media fast, and for another, if it's accessible but he's just not ALLOWED to use it, that's going to lead to longer-term whining and sneaking than if it's simply GONE and there's no way to get to it, so he might as well turn his attention to something else.

[Bluegoat]

I agree with the pp who suggested only one musical instrument.

You said that guitar was his passion - well then maybe it is up to him to pursue it, or suffer the consequences if he doesn't. And the recorder seems nice, but still an extra, and you have time issues, so you will have to make choices.

It may be that part of the reason he doesn't choose such activities for recreation is because you will enforce them for school. But if he is really powerless against the video games, then I'd just get rid of them. It seems a bit unfair, but to me allowing them would be like telling a gambling addict he can gamble if he controls how he does it.

[tankgirl73]

Heehee... Sorry, I had to giggle at that a bit, because I completely agree with you... but that's actually totally not our house.

First, we don't have cable.

And most of the time, I *DO* severely limit his media... he went a whole week not long ago where he wasn't allowed to do ANYTHING related to Mario whatsoever -- no Mario games, no watching Mario videos, no playing Mario theme songs on the piano, no drawing Mario-inspired pictures. Like you said, he fixates on something. During that time, the only video games he was allowed were calmer or educational types... like Endless Ocean or Civilization.

We've had other times where he was not allowed various media activities for certain lengths of time, because he was too fixated on them. Invariably, by the end of that time he says "you're right, I can entertain myself with other things, there's more to life than video games, I can have more moderation now." But if I grant free access back, he goes straight back to fixated... or very quickly anyway. So there's no WAY he just gets free access anymore. I 'cut him off' all the time. And some things (like his Gameboy) he's never getting back, not until I can see from other areas in his life that he's mature enough to handle it again. We tried multiple times, with the same result each time, so it's gone.

Him making the schedule that included video games 'fixes' is a big red flag for me, too. But I'm trying to teach him moderation -- that he can certainly enjoy some games, but in the right balance. This was his attempt at showing that he could include some games while also balancing it with work. His balance was way off, of course, so I didn't accept his schedule as he first made it.

As for getting rid of it vs. just not allowing it... he actually does whine just as much, if not more. And it doesn't give him any extra motivation to do whatever it is he's supposed to do. Even when he says "I get it, I'm going to do xyz in order to earn it back" -- he just doesn't. That's his lack of impulse control and self-regulation. Then he gets mad because he didn't earn it back, and blames everyone else for the unfairness of it rather than realizing that it was his own doing. *sigh* He still whines about the missing Gameboy at least once a week, and sneaks around the house looking for where I've hidden it. (It's been at least a year since he's been allowed it). And he whines for a DS to replace it. Which he is NOT getting, not until hell freezes over, not over my dead body.

So yeah, I totally agree with you about the designed-to-encourage fixation thing, especially with a prone-to-fixation type like he is. I'd much rather have a "naturalistic" life. That's part of my moving towards Waldorf. But honestly we have much LESS media stuff in our house than most families. "Everyone ELSE has a DS mooommmmmm whyyyyyyy can't I have one you're MEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAN and you don't LOVE ME!!!"

Maybe removing Mario completely from his life right now would be a good thing... but I'm not sure I'd be able to handle the fallout from it right now. We've been going through a rough patch, he's been very moody and angry and sensitive, and I'm at the end of my rope patience-wise, so I'm picking my battles. If we can get by with just limited video games for now, that will be easier on my sanity.

Anyway, I told him about this new schedule idea, and he likes it. We'll see how it goes. If it falls apart -- say, he refuses to adhere to the one hour limit once the time is actually up (which I can totally see happening) -- then I'll reconsider the idea of just getting rid of the Wii completely...

[tankgirl73]

Originally Posted by Bluegoat

I agree with the pp who suggested only one musical instrument.

You said that guitar was his passion - well then maybe it is up to him to pursue it, or suffer the consequences if he doesn't. And the recorder seems nice, but still an extra, and you have time issues, so you will have to make choices.

Well, as a professional musician myself, I also understand the importance of having basic piano skills in order to be a successful musician and composer. I also hate to cut anything that he's actually really enjoying. I do agree though, with not making it part of the "required before you get free time" idea now though.

It may be that part of the reason he doesn't choose such activities for recreation is because you will enforce them for school.

Nah, he's always been like this. We've gone through many phases, including complete free unschooling. This past year is the most rigorous in terms of amount of time and different subjects we've ever had. For the most part, it's gone well, but it's now gotten TOO bloated heh. And we've gone through different kinds of "enforcement", from just suggestions, to no suggestions, to requirements with consequences... it doesn't matter. He won't choose to do anything other than free play and video games unless given a specific thing to do. Not that there's anything wrong with free play or video games in general, I just mean that he is incapable of choosing anything else -- even if at the end of the day he says "oh I meant to do this other thing! Oh no!"

But if he is really powerless against the video games, then I'd just get rid of them. It seems a bit unfair, but to me allowing them would be like telling a gambling addict he can gamble if he controls how he does it.

That's a very good point. I have to think about that...

[ktmeyer]

Ok, I get that he enjoys these things so you don't want to cut them out. I do. But I enjoy a lot of things too, but if I schedule them all everyday then I run out of down time too. So maybe, if you like having things on a schedule, you could schedule "free time". Say, on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, free time is from 4:00 to 5:30, during which time he can play in the neighborhood with his friends, and anything not done becomes homework for after dinner, or the weekend?

[tankgirl73]

I'd love to do that -- making 'homework' to finish later, except he has gymnastics training 3 nights a week, 5-730, when he gets home from that he has about 15 minutes of 'free time' then he's into his bedtime routine. The other 2 weeknights, one he has youth group, the other one is our only night home together! And he spends the weekends with his father, where he has some church activities and lots of free time with his dad, which I don't want to cut into with 'homework'.

Besides which, when we've tried similar things in the past, he just didn't get it done. No self-regulation, like I said. He would see that as an open opportunity to not have to do his work now, then also not do it later... heh...

And before someone suggests it, we're not going to cut gymnastics either, that's his other passion (along with guitar and marine biology!). He's a competitive gymnast, provincial overall silver medalist for his level last year, regional level gold medalist for pommel horse this year... Plus he NEEDS the physical outlet!!! Heh...

I know it sounds like I'm just putting everyone's ideas down, I want to make it clear that I really am not... I'm just trying to analyze all the pros and cons of every idea, and explain what I've already thought of and tried, etc. Because believe me, I've tried a lot! We've FINALLY made it to a point where he's willing to cooperate and do quite a bit of work in lots of different areas, for the most part... and learning that he even enjoys a lot of the work... and I'm reluctant to tamper with that... But I've got to do something. I'm grateful for every suggestion, everything gives me something to think about and consider.

[kittywitty]

I'll be the lone voice of dissent and suggest you keep all three instruments. We're a music family, too. It's very important. I would suggest trimming down, though. I have a son with SPD so I totally get what you're saying about media and motivation. But if you can take an inventory of what he does enjoy and what you enjoy doing together, then that can help you cut out things that are unnecessary. No offense, but we did Waldorf for awhile and form drawing is a little unnecessary at his age, IMO, unless he loves it. And science every day? Could you do a science day on the weekend or an art day to trim down the weekly work? Like a "artist workshop" day all about art?

[tankgirl73]

An inventory is a good idea. The Form Drawing is actually a fairly new thing, we started it specifically as something therapeutic for him, since his writing and fine motor control are so sloppy. We're only as far as running forms. I know that in a normal Waldorf classroom, they would be moved on to geometric drawings by grade 6... or I think he'd be grade 5 in Waldorf... but we're doing it as "remedial" work. It was actually recommended to me, before I got at all into Waldorf, in a forum when I was asking for tips to help with his handwriting.

I started off with a 'block' of form drawing where we did it for about 1/2 hour every day, then after a few weeks of that moved to just trying to do it every day but only 10-15 minutes, and realistically we didn't get to it every day, so I've now made it "officially" only 3x/week or so. It makes a good warm-up for his handwriting.

He's actually not very good at some of the forms, which reinforces to me that this is something he needs to do. For instance, everything that's a down motion always goes too far and too wide, like he doesn't actually try to control his arm for that motion but just lets his arm fall. He does enjoy it (when I remember not to criticize him harshly, but encourage him gently) and I think it's doing him a lot of good.

Science day (or other subject) on the weekend wouldn't work because he's at his dad's. We're doing science every day right now only because I want to finish up this book, we're so close to the end! There isn't a "need" to do that, I know... but we've already been at it for 2 years... When we move on to our next science thing (probably McHenry's The Elements) it will only be 1-2x/week.

I've contemplated the idea of having a 'workshop' day on a particular topic, rather than spread over a week. I'd like to try it and see how it goes. The concern I have about it is that he'd "burn out" doing just one thing all day... he seems to do well with the shorter lessons idea of Charlotte Mason.

I was thinking about this some more... I wonder if I need to think of this not so much as "too much school work", but just giving him stuff to do all day which happens to have an ulterior educational/therapeutic motive behind it. As in, if left to his own devices, he lacks the self-determination to do anything useful for himself (even if he wants to) and needs direction for activities. So I give him a craft project, or some french to practice, or a book to read, or some spelling... Just because the schools would call it "schoolwork" doesn't mean it's something that's separate from every day life and learning, if he's enjoying it.

Maybe, as long as he thinks he's getting enough free time to goof off and play on his own, and as long as he's enjoying the activities I'm giving him to do (at least most of them), then I shouldn't worry about it being too much "work"?

[akwifeandmomma]

Originally Posted by tankgirl73

I was thinking about this some more... I wonder if I need to think of this not so much as "too much school work", but just giving him stuff to do all day which happens to have an ulterior educational/therapeutic motive behind it. As in, if left to his own devices, he lacks the self-determination to do anything useful for himself (even if he wants to) and needs direction for activities. So I give him a craft project, or some french to practice, or a book to read, or some spelling... Just because the schools would call it "schoolwork" doesn't mean it's something that's separate from every day life and learning, if he's enjoying it.

Maybe, as long as he thinks he's getting enough free time to goof off and play on his own, and as long as he's enjoying the activities I'm giving him to do (at least most of them), then I shouldn't worry about it being too much "work"?

Yes! "Work" he really enjoys won't feel like school/work to him, you know? I posted above about shifting the "extras" into free-time, less scheduled activities, available to him at his leisure. You replied that he would simply choose not to do those things if given the opportunity... I do wonder if simply reframing the way you go about your day might make a huge difference. Have you considered "discovery" (ie. work) boxes for his extra activities? - someone here on MDC calls them Discovery Boxes and I really like that! You could set up the boxes for the day or week and let him choose which he'd like to complete, give him options - set up 6 or 8 or whatever and ask him to complete 3 or 4, ykwim? It might be a way to hone in on what truly is most important to him, as well? Hrmm... just tossing out thoughts here!

The hour a day limit for video games sounds reasonable and healthy, imo! Maybe he can "earn" extra video game time with a positive attitude toward his schoolwork and completion of additional activities?

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by tankgirl73

Him making the schedule that included video games 'fixes' is a big red flag for me, too. But I'm trying to teach him moderation -- that he can certainly enjoy some games, but in the right balance.

Perhaps he cannot handle moderation right now. I'm dealing with this issue right now - as I'm here at MDC.

I didn't allow myself on the internet for 48 hours this weekend. Last night I logged on with 63 new email messages. I worked through those (mostly list serve info) and then spent *too much* time online. And now today I've been online for quite a while. I'm accepting that I need to get offline completely for a while. I'm not at a point to accept moderation, and it sounds as if perhaps that's where you son is. Moderation is wonderful but not always doable. There's a book (the title of which I can't recall at the moment) about "soft" addictions - internet, tv, gossip - and how much time people spend doing those things. It's eye-opening, and it may be helpful to think of it in that way.

As for the things you've listed, honestly some of them may not be appealing. If someone tried to force me to knit, I would rebel. Honestly I would because I just don't care for it.

Some of the other things seem like perhaps you could re-evaluate them. How important is handwriting, ya know? My husband has terrible handwriting, and it hasn't affected his life in any way. He can read it, and everything he does that anyone else may need to read is on the computer.

I don't know that I'd focus on things like drawing or handwriting to build hand strength. I play several instruments, and it seems to me that his hand strength is improving from those efforts. Plus he's doing gymnastics several times a week, which should be building his gross motor control. When I look at your schedule, I just feel lots of duplication, and that may be where some of the resistance originates.

[Bluegoat]

Originally Posted by tankgirl73

I was thinking about this some more... I wonder if I need to think of this not so much as "too much school work", but just giving him stuff to do all day which happens to have an ulterior educational/therapeutic motive behind it. As in, if left to his own devices, he lacks the self-determination to do anything useful for himself (even if he wants to) and needs direction for activities. So I give him a craft project, or some french to practice, or a book to read, or some spelling... Just because the schools would call it "schoolwork" doesn't mean it's something that's separate from every day life and learning, if he's enjoying it.

Maybe, as long as he thinks he's getting enough free time to goof off and play on his own, and as long as he's enjoying the activities I'm giving him to do (at least most of them), then I shouldn't worry about it being too much "work"?

One thing I would be careful of - becoming able to self-direct comes with practice. And that means having the "free" time to learn in. Some things like video games can, I think, actually sabotage that, because they encourage addictive type behaviors and so stop the child having the opportunity to really make choices.

But in general, he will have to learn to maker the choices himself. If he never gets around to choosing some things, he won't learn or do those things. He may ultimately be disappointed by this, but he will have to accept the consequences of his choice - something you say he has trouble with in other situations.

To look at it from another perspective - is it better that he start to learn this now, or in eight years when he isn't at home any more? Where will the mistakes have more serious consequences?

I think scheduling work times, but making sure their are substantial blocks of free time where he chooses his personal activities is important for that reason. Normally I'd say if kids are in school all day they should be free the majority of evenings - so if they are busy most evenings with scheduled activity, free time will have to come in the day. And choosing to do something that doesn't seem productive isn't always really as unproductive as it seems.

[Grace and Granola]

Originally Posted by meetoo

It sounds like his problem is media. I would limit media to 1 hour a day that he earns by getting his core subjects done with a good attitude and in a timely manner. Then I would leave him to everything else. If he comes to you complaining of being bored, I would then offer one of the activities on the second list. I would also move handwriting to the first list and guitar practice to the second list.