Help me Trim Our Daily Schedule... - Page 2

[tankgirl73]

Originally Posted by Bluegoat

One thing I would be careful of - becoming able to self-direct comes with practice. And that means having the "free" time to learn in. Some things like video games can, I think, actually sabotage that, because they encourage addictive type behaviors and so stop the child having the opportunity to really make choices.

But in general, he will have to learn to maker the choices himself. If he never gets around to choosing some things, he won't learn or do those things. He may ultimately be disappointed by this, but he will have to accept the consequences of his choice - something you say he has trouble with in other situations.

See, this is actually part of the problem that we have. We have done this, often and over and over again. He does not seem to learn from the consequences of his choices at all, not just in certain situations.

He can be aware of the consequences before he makes the choice, then makes it anyway. Then he's disappointed by the result, and swears he'll change. The very next day, he makes the same choice.

I totally agree that he has to learn this, and 'if not now then when'... but for the most part, he seems utterly unable to control even the most basic of those kinds of decisions. He acts utterly on impulse, without forethought, and without hindsight (remembering what happened when he did that before).

We're dealing with this again right now -- he hasn't been behaving well in gymnastics, bothering the other boys, goofing off as soon as the coach turns his back. We can't afford to keep sending him if all he's doing is socializing and playing. We offered him the choice -- if he just wants to socialize, we quit gymnastics so he has time to play with the neighbours. If he just wants to play in the gym, we do recreational gym instead. No -- he's adamant, he wants to continue competitive training. So he knows the consequence -- if I don't see a swift and continuing improvement, we're done once this term is up.

Will he actually change? I honestly don't know. Once he's in there with the other boys, I won't be at all surprised if he forgets everything and gets swept away with the excitement.

I think this is deeper than just video games for him. We have ALWAYS had this issue, even when we did not have a gaming system. They certainly don't help and we are going to continue to restrict them, for sure, but they're not at the root of it, they're more of a symptom than a cause.

So if you're talking about letting him make choices about what he's learning, in terms of 'school' stuff -- he actually just won't care. He'll spend all his time learning about guitar tech -- which is great, I won't be surprised if he makes a career of that -- but nothing else. And he won't realize what he's missing, and he won't care.

For a neurologically normal child, I would COMPLETELY agree. We're hoping to give our daughter MUCH more freedom to self-direct and even unschool, she's only 3 but already is showing herself to be completely different than her older brother. But I'm not exaggerating to say that I believe that if I just left my son to self-direct, he'd end up homeless on the streets... and not really caring...

There's a lot about how he is that I just don't have time to get into. And yes, we are going to be getting some professional help, our first appointment is just a month away now... But in the meantime, he really does need quite specific scheduling and direction. It's actually only the past year or so that we've been doing more direction like this, and it's a WORLD of difference. When he was left more on his own, to make his own choices, not only did he get nothing accomplished (and I know that stuff that seems 'useless' isn't necessarily so), but he was grumpier, crankier, less cooperative, more belligerent... he was just lost and floundering. He needs a stable structure to work from.

We are working towards giving him more choices, more control -- every so often, we try something, see how it goes. Most of the time, he's great for one day, then back to lost and floundering. We keep trying to give him the tools and the lessons and help him realize the consequences, etc etc etc... so far, no dice.

[kittywitty]

I just want to say that I agree with the steps you are taking and understand. My ds is the same way. I think you're doing great. :bighug

Have you checked out the S'cool moves book? (I know you need more!) But there are some good exercises in there for focusing.

[Smithie]

Heh, tankgirl, sorry if I came off as preachy back there. You've obviously been down this fixation road already

Given all the additional detail you've provided about your ds' challenges and the things you've already tried, I think it's time to consider a trial of medication. It sounds like you have already got that visit to the specialist on your calendar!

My ds is not as severely affected as your ds, it sounds like, but there are certainly circumstances in which nothing BUT medication could make it possible for him to control his impulses, not matter what the consequences might be. If your son spends every day like that - I just can't imagine. How hard for him. How hard for you. I hope that you can get some help with that.

[Savoir Faire]

Forgive me, as I haven't gone through all the replies yet. But I agree with the TOO MUCH! Some of it seems redundant.

Let's see....You have music: Piano AND guitar practice. Plus recorder. Why not pick one for now and then you can move on to the other? Which does he like best? That would save up some time.

For arts and crafts, and I'm a super crafty person, I'm also thinking you're burning the candle at both ends. You've got form drawing, knitting, meet the masters, clay, painting and another craft. Again, cutting a few of those down can help.

Also, and this is just me, should yoga be required when he's already doing gymnastics....though I could see how this might be for the ADHD issues. (I'm ADD. I understand.)

I'm going to fool around with this on paper for a few minutes and see if I can figure something out. I'm sure people can help here...they definitely helped me with my schedule!

[Savoir Faire]

Also...just saw some talk of medication. I definitely DON'T want to start a debate on this (most of my friends don't know about mine) but I just started medication....at age 30.

A low dose. It has really changed my life. I feel much more calm and able to follow-through with things, where before I was just flitter here flutter there, oh look something shiny!

Also, I've been reading a book about "reality discipline," which it seems you're trying to do more of. If he starts goofing off at gymnastics, does he get to continue to practice?

What if an agreement with the coach was made that when he has stepped over the line-- whatever that may be--- he'll go sit with you for X amount of minutes?

As for the games....my problem is the computer. (Yes I know what I'm on.) Self regulation? Pretty much impossible. I've done it a zillion times and now I typically try to make it so that it is hard for me to get on during the day.

My daughter's "fix" is TV. We tried to do moderation. It didn't work. It didn't help. Finally, I just took away all her movies. She may get to watch one or so a week now and I have to be very careful that she doesn't watch for too long.

Those first three days weren't the greatest, but it has gotten better. It has helped change our lives.

[phathui5]

History/Lit -- Mosaic (~45 min)
Science -- NOEO (30 min)

I would alternate days with science and history. Maybe one week do history M/W/F and Science T/Th, then switch the next week.

[tankgirl73]

I used to do something like that, which is partly why we've been 2 years and still in the same science course... I've been trying to do it every day just to do a push to the end, we're almost done! Which would then free up time for something else, which probably would NOT be every day.

But I was thinking about the Mosaic, actually, just today. I realized that I'd been taking it as a given that it MUST be done every day, simply because it's one of those that is scheduled as "week 1, day 2", each day laid out, etc. Also he really enjoys it, so it made sense to do it every day.

But there really isn't a NEED to do it every day. I'm already greatly modifying the program from how it's written (since it's written for younger students), why can't I modify the weekly timetable as well? *duh*

I also realized that Mosaic is the "new thing" that put our previously-working-okay schedule off balance. It looked cool when I found it, so we gave it a try, we loved it, and it became part of our day. Really it became the foundation of our day -- we do Mosaic, plus these other things, rather than Mosaic being just one of the things.

I think I'd still like to return to that scenario, but maybe at least for now, while we're finishing NOEO at least, we'll do Mosaic less often, more like what we were doing before we started with the Mosaic.