How should I choose the right day care?

[sondacop]

My DD is a year and 2 months, she has been with my sister and her 3 babies since she was 6 mo. Now my sister is moving and I need to find a day care for DD. I hate putting her with strangers that their main concern is having her fit in to their daily activities. My policy has been "baby led" (sleep, bf, play) and I see structure as hampering imagination and limiting curiosity. I have seen various types of daycare: Family care - where a less educated provider has 5 multi age babies in her home (usually cheaper). Daycare - 6 babies to each caretaker, divided into age groups, lots of activities.
I always ask what the provider does when a child takes a toy from another, and I have gotten various responses. I have also observed a provider who asked a child to take a toy outside and was refused that she wouldn't speak to him.

I try to take in account that my baby is growing and her needs will change in ways I have not yet anticipated. Maybe she will need the structured challenge. Maybe she will get accustomed to a large amount of peers.

What guidelines should I use?

[just_lily]

The guidelines to follow are whatever is important to you. If you want more flexibility, you will probably find the in a home daycare. Personally I like multi-age environments because it is more like a family - the littles learn from the olders, and the olders develop caring and compassion towards the littles.

Licensing and inspections would be important to me, especially in a home daycare situation. Other people are more price sensitive, and can find cheaper care with an unlicensed person that they trust.

Unless you get a nanny, any kind of care you find is likely to have a routine that they follow. It really makes life easier. But at six months, the baby will probably be on a routine to themselves. I have never had a baby that young in my daycare (mat leave here is 12 months) but my own DD was that young when I started. She was probably 15 months old before she was really following the same routine as the olders. I can't imagine a care provider trying to make a baby wait to eat, for instance. I would much rather give a babe a bottle while the other kids played rather than listen to her cry!! I always tell parents not to worry about it, and we will adapt as we go. It is amazing how quickly kids fall into the routine though, and without any anxiety or distress on their part. The group mentality can be a big advantage here.

And I wouldn't necessarily assume that a home daycare provider has less education than in an institutional daycare. Where I live (Alberta) the government provides financial support to home daycare providers depending on their level of education. Providers with the highest level of education actually make way more money running their own home daycare than they would working in a daycare, unless they were in an administration position. But the people playing with your child every day may just have a certificate (around here anyway). So if education is important to you, make sure you ask the question - because you could really be surprised.

ETA: Oops, when I first read the OP I thought the baby was 6mo. But even at 14 months I wouldn't worry about routines too much.

And there are definitely reasons why people prefer bigger daycares, like the fact that an adult will never be alone with their child. I can understand that. So you really need to sit down and think about what is most important to you.

[betsyj]

What I looked for (and I have an awesome daycare) was the following:

1. Low staff turnover. At our daycare there has been only one staff member leave in three years (and her mother got cancer). That is the hallmark of a good place. If staff members are happy at what they do, the children usually are as well. And it speaks of a well run place.

2. The place is clean, friendly, and very child centered. While there are routines of course, the staff still rocks my son to sleep, children are fed according to their schedule (especially the babies!!), there is no weird diaper rule, the toys are cleaned, etc. My daycare has specific sinks for specific chores so it can really cut down on the yuckies.

3. They welcome you at ANY time-no exceptions.

4. They encourage lots of outdoor time.

5. They have a good sick policy that is fair and makes sense and is evenly applied.

Maybe I will think of some others.

[GISDiva]

I just wanted to chime in and say "Yeah, what betsyj said." We were lucky enough to find just that, but we pay the high end on the scale for it. but my son is sooo happy at day care, he's got a couple of boys he plays with regularly (they call them BFF's, which I think is hilarious). He's doing a gazillion art projects that we'd never do at home, being exposed to countless subjects, and all the lesson plans are posted and list out everything they did that day, which I think is another important thing - not so much what exactly each activity was, but that I can see what he did all day. Here outdoor time is actually mandated by the state, so there may be laws regarding that where you live too.

On a purely practical note, we had to go to a center because we don't have any family members as back up. Home-based care gets vacation and sick days too (as they should), so you need to either have a back up or have your jobs be flexible enough to be able to take those days off as well. Something to think about.

[Girlprof]

Originally Posted by betsyj

What I looked for (and I have an awesome daycare) was the following:

1. Low staff turnover. At our daycare there has been only one staff member leave in three years (and her mother got cancer). That is the hallmark of a good place. If staff members are happy at what they do, the children usually are as well. And it speaks of a well run place.

2. The place is clean, friendly, and very child centered. While there are routines of course, the staff still rocks my son to sleep, children are fed according to their schedule (especially the babies!!), there is no weird diaper rule, the toys are cleaned, etc. My daycare has specific sinks for specific chores so it can really cut down on the yuckies.

3. They welcome you at ANY time-no exceptions.

4. They encourage lots of outdoor time.

5. They have a good sick policy that is fair and makes sense and is evenly applied.

Maybe I will think of some others.

These are close to the things we wanted (and got, and pay for) as well. Also a low teacher-child ratio. Low staff turnover and an open door policy are probably the #1 indicators that things are going well there. I am one who is not comfortable with an adult alone with my kids so I didn't like the nanny idea even if we could have afforded it.

I wish we had more info about what happens on a daily basis at our place, as GISDiva does, but since we have everything else we want, we're happy.

[K1329]

You've gotten alot of great responses. I'd like to add, when viewing places, trust your gut instinct! Don't rely on curriculum, reputation alone. I was especially drawn to my dc's schools because of something hard to quantify... a good feeling. Kids/teachers smiling, saying "good morning", and just generally seeming like happy places. I've been turned away from places due to a "cold" approach towards parents and seemingly "grumpy" caregivers. One of the possible places I discounted came highly recommended by members of the community - many people told me their children thrived there. But, on my visits, parents didn't seem welcome and staff members didn't seem too happy. On the converse side, my ds attends a small non-licensed, non academic pre-school that is full of kind people.

After all, smiles are contagious!

[sondacop]

Still confused

Wow a lot for thought! I visited a family daycare today. It is licensed by the government and has supervisors and a curriculum. The women running it has years of experience, seems like a warm grandmotherly type. She has a nice yard with a plastic house; wagons and other outdoor toys. She showed me books, toys, play dough and crayons. She described the meals she prepares. She answered my questions about how she resolves conflicts - babies taking toys from each other, hitting and biting etc.
The things I didn't like:
* TV - she described it being used every day. (I don't think TV is educational or developmental in almost any way).
* I am sure DD would have a more various curriculum in a kindergarten, but being only 1 yo I am not sure it is yet that necessary - I can always transfer her when she is 2 or 3.
* The toys are old.
* The play room is small.
* Being alone with 5 kids might also be a problem. Like, if she is changing a baby's diaper and has her back to the other kids.

I know the supervisors are required to find a substitute when necessary (illness).
She told me she has two 2 yo, one 1yo and a 6 mo, that seems like a good span, more family-like. I plan to go back this week and observe her with the kids and meet them.

The other benefits are the relatively low price and it is very close to my office.

When visiting any of the kindergartens, I felt overwhelmed by the amount of kids. Even if the ratio is standered (1:6 or 1:5) it just seemed like a lot of kids in one area. Something about that does not seem right for DD yet. It also seems like the circumstance dictates the activities. Correct me if I am wrong, but, the need to "control" that amount of kids enforces the need for a more ridged structured day. In what way can the inclination of the kids be a factor in choosing the type of activities. I see all of the kids sitting nicely next to tables scribbling, and think, well what if DD doesn't want to scribble right now, can she wander over to a toy box? in a kindergarten wouldn't the answer be no, because the caregivers need the structure? In a small place I assume there would be more flexibility to meet the individual baby's' needs.

A lot of parents are very happy with the large kindergartens, they say the baby is happy. Each says that their chosen kindergarten is the best. I am sure each wants the best for their kid. But is the "best" appropriate?

[betsyj]

A lot of parents are very happy with the large kindergartens, they say the baby is happy. Each says that their chosen kindergarten is the best. I am sure each wants the best for their kid. But is the "best" appropriate?

But only you can decide that. Those of us who really love our daycares can tell you why we made the choice we made. But, that choice is of course going to be based on different factors.

I consciously chose to NOT consider a home based daycare. My reasons were many but it basically boiled down to me wanting my child in a public place that had been there for years, not a private home.

And you know kids enjoy some structure. We are not talking about a rigid set of rules that must be followed at all times. But, kids as they grow like to know what is going to happen, when lunch is going to be, when storytime will be, and when outdoor time will be.

So while our toddler room certainly has a lesson plan posted every day it is hardly set in stone. It is more like these are some goals we have, and we hope to accomplish them sometime soon.

[GISDiva]

While they do some structured activities, there's usually plenty of time for free play. Also, if a kid sees a whole table-full of kids doing one thing, chances are, they'll want to join in too from what I've experienced. I think those kinds of questions you have about how structured the day is and what is expected of the kids as far as participation are the right questions to ask of a caregiver.

You are exactly right in that you can always move her to a more structured place later on, there's nothing wrong with that either.

Oh, and as far as number of kids, under 2 in our state requires a 1:4 ratio, plus our center has floaters for extra help. I think that depends on local regulation, but seems pretty standard from what I understand, maybe I'm wrong...

[JessieBird]

You've gotten lots of specific advice and things to look for so I'll just give my top two more general tips:

1. Keep an open mind
2. Visit LOTS of places, including places you don't think you'll like

On number 1, when I launched into my first daycare search, I had a long list of very specific needs regarding the type of food, the schedule, the physical environment, the caregivers' values, etc. Well, the place we ended up choosing was nothing like what I thought I wanted. And it was FABULOUS. It was a good lesson in not judging a book by its cover if you know what I mean. It also taught me that children can thrive in a variety of environments with a variety of approaches from the adults around them.

On number 2, the best way to learn more about what's available, what's normal and what's not, as well as what your own personal deal-breakers are is to visit a lot of places. I mean more than a dozen. You might be pleasantly surprised by some of the places that you thought you'd hate. And the experience will help to hone your list of questions and your bs instinct. Also, it will give you a chance to see how your DD reacts in different environments (though taking her with you to a daycare a day might be a bit much, she should definitely visit the places on your short list).

Good luck, there is no underestimating how hard and stressful this decision can be.

[sondacop]

The ratio here is 1:5 or 1:6 (including floaters). I don't like that but anything else is extremely expensive.
I think that my main problem with structure vs free play is that it is hard for me to anticipate her near future needs, being a first time mom. I understand her needs now - a surrogate mother figure, accessible stimulating toys. She has only recently started to interact with other toddlers, I know this is normal for a baby 14 mo. I just can't imagine her being satisfied with peer interaction more than satisfaction from a surrogate mother. A kindergarten situation would be more peer geared.
I have been to dozens. I usually go on Friday when I am not at work, and I take her with me. Her reaction is dis-hearting. She clings to me and will not participate in anything. Even when I sit on the floor with the toys and kids she clings. Even places I have been back to 3 times with her she clings. This is probably what makes me more inclined to putting her in a situation similar to the currant one. She is now with my sister and her 3 kids ages 1-4.

I have to decide soon I need to place her by April.

[mbm]

We actually ended up placing DD (at 10 months) as the very first paying child in a newly opened home day care. The owner had been a preschool teacher, and then decided to stay home with her two children. It was a risk, but I just had a really good feeling about placing my DD there, and here's why:

She was very organized, with clear written policies and practices in place even though she was just starting out. and was able to explain the licensing process and requirements very clearly.

Her parenting style was similar to mine. This includes somewhat superficial things like breastfeeding, not watching TV during the day, plenty of outside time, healthy snacks, etc. But more importantly, she is a kind and patient mom who really enjoys her kids, and that came through even at our first meetings.

She had excellent references who gave her really genuine praise. One told me that if two babies needed cuddling, she always found a way to do it. Another told me the only complaint ever made about her was that her students sometimes got messy from art projects and outside play. (I don't mind!)

Even with all the good feelings, I was nervous at first. However, it was soon clear that DD is having a wonderful time there, and the daycare now has a full complement of five great kids.

It's so hard to take that leap! Hope this helps, and that you find somewhere wonderful.

[sondacop]

You were very lucky to find someone with a similar parenting style, I have yet to find that. My motto is "a clean toddler is a poor toddler", and I feel bad for all of the little kids that their mothers chase them away from potentially messy experiences. I buy only second hand clothes so I can care more about her experiencing the world than the clothes. If the stains don't come out - toss it. I tell the caregivers I expect her daily experiences to be written on her shirt.

This evening I took her to an indoor romper room. I could tell she was overwhelmed by the commotion and noise of the other kids. I still think that for now she needs a small environment. I might regret this in a month or so if she blossoms and would thrive better in a kindergarten environment, but on the other hand a more intimate place might be what would allow her to feel confident in the future.

Tomorrow morning I plan to take here to see a small family environment. I will observe the caregiver with the 4 babies with her, and I will see how DD reacts.

[Ellien C]

One thing to keep in mind is that you may not find a place that is JUST PERFECT. There may be some compromises you have to make - be it food, TV, discipline (time outs for example) or something else. You might also talk to the lady who used the TV. I know that in the US it is recommended that children under 2 get NO SCREEN time at all. She might be open to current child-development guidelines.

I think there is a good point that the so-called "best" is not necessarily best for everyone. All you can do is work to fulfull your girl's needs right now. If you need to make changes in the future, either you can do so, or your provider might be able to make those changes.

[fruitlove]

Great ideas! Thank you for sharing!

[sondacop]

Yes, I did talk to her about the TV, she probably promise me the moon till I sign up. Anyway, she uses the TV to occupy some of the kids while taking care of smaller ones. I don't like it but there is not much I can do.

I went back there today with DD. She was a lot less clingy, played with toys, did some drawing and played on the see-saw with one of the older girls. I am now sure that for now an intimate environment fits her needs. The caregiver is all for free play. I did not like the situation with the 5 mo, she was kept on her back. I sat next to her and put her on her belly and gave her toys. I would definitely not place an infant with this caregiver. She was good with the toddlers; hugging, smiling, encouraging, explaining. She gave options for breakfast. The toys are accessible and she brings down anything that is not. The play room is pleasant and there is a room next to it for sleeping, so she is more inclined to baby leading. She told me that she puts them to sleep at 12:00, but the younger ones get an extra morning sleeping period if they wish, and one of the older ones sleeps less, so she reads to him. I liked the flexibility. Some of the outdoor toys need replacing. There is a plastic house that DD thoroughly investigated. Lots of sun in this season and a grape vine will provide shade in the summer. They even have a pet turtle wandering the yard.
I think I will go back tomorrow and then make my final decision. I probably will transfer DD when she is older. I will watch to see if she is unhappy or bored. I will do my best to enrich her with activities she is missing out on by being in this environment. When she is ready to be with lots of kids, I will reconsider a structured environment.