Let me start by saying I *know* that lots of things can and WILL change in the next 7 months, but I'm a planner and just need to get a sense of what ways I might gently encourage some changes in my son's habits/expectations, and what I should perhaps just accept as probably being less-than-ideal when the new baby arrives.
Current nighttime routine/happenings:
DS (23 months) nurses while we sing songs, usually has a snuggle with me, and then gets a hug and kiss before DH gets him to sleep in the Ergo (we've tried having DH just snuggle him, we've tried both of us or just me snuggling him to sleep - he cannot relax. He gets more and more wired and I often end up getting head-butted in the nose!). He usually falls asleep between 8:30 and 9. He's up at about 2AM and I have decided to nightwean him (because I've NO clue how I'd manage two nighttime nursers...), so I currently do not nurse him until about 4. So I go in and snuggle him at 2AM and am generally in there for the night (DH has tried to snuggle him back to sleep for this wake-up, but it involves a lot of screaming and I can hear it all through earplugs, so we'll try it periodically but for now it does not work).
He generally wakes to nurse at 4AM, sometimes not until closer to 6. Then he generally nurses around 6AM and is up for the day around 7AM (with another nursing).
My concerns:
So, obviously the first thing I'm working on is nightweaning - but very slowly. I'll probably push back the first night nursing by an hour a month and hope we don't get "stuck." Allowing me to not nurse him when he wakes up is a huge step for DS, so I'm trying not to push him too hard and end up with him resisting altogether. Before when we've tried this, there was clawing and screaming and he would get more hysterical than I've ever seen him otherwise!
Even if he nightweans, though...I won't be able to keep going in there and snuggling him back to sleep through wake-ups once the new baby arrives. I'm open to bringing him into my bed, but I don't think that will help (right now it doesn't work because I end up wedged between him and DH - add a newborn who needs to nurse on both sides and a mom who never figured out how to nurse with the "top" boob and it's just a disaster). I keep coming back to DS needing to learn to go back to sleep with DH instead of me.
Should I finish nightweaning him and see if he just wakes up less, and THEN address having DH go to him for nightwakings? Or should we sort of wait him out and have DH stay with him if he wakes up before he will get to nurse, so do them both at the sort of the same time? I'm fairly certain DS just won't sleep if DH goes in there even for a couple/few hours. He is pretty impressively stubborn (my kid...). And if he's not sleeping, no one will sleep because I can hear him from my bed.
Any thoughts/advice from mamas of 2 or more?
Current nighttime routine/happenings:
DS (23 months) nurses while we sing songs, usually has a snuggle with me, and then gets a hug and kiss before DH gets him to sleep in the Ergo (we've tried having DH just snuggle him, we've tried both of us or just me snuggling him to sleep - he cannot relax. He gets more and more wired and I often end up getting head-butted in the nose!). He usually falls asleep between 8:30 and 9. He's up at about 2AM and I have decided to nightwean him (because I've NO clue how I'd manage two nighttime nursers...), so I currently do not nurse him until about 4. So I go in and snuggle him at 2AM and am generally in there for the night (DH has tried to snuggle him back to sleep for this wake-up, but it involves a lot of screaming and I can hear it all through earplugs, so we'll try it periodically but for now it does not work).
He generally wakes to nurse at 4AM, sometimes not until closer to 6. Then he generally nurses around 6AM and is up for the day around 7AM (with another nursing).
My concerns:
So, obviously the first thing I'm working on is nightweaning - but very slowly. I'll probably push back the first night nursing by an hour a month and hope we don't get "stuck." Allowing me to not nurse him when he wakes up is a huge step for DS, so I'm trying not to push him too hard and end up with him resisting altogether. Before when we've tried this, there was clawing and screaming and he would get more hysterical than I've ever seen him otherwise!
Even if he nightweans, though...I won't be able to keep going in there and snuggling him back to sleep through wake-ups once the new baby arrives. I'm open to bringing him into my bed, but I don't think that will help (right now it doesn't work because I end up wedged between him and DH - add a newborn who needs to nurse on both sides and a mom who never figured out how to nurse with the "top" boob and it's just a disaster). I keep coming back to DS needing to learn to go back to sleep with DH instead of me.
Should I finish nightweaning him and see if he just wakes up less, and THEN address having DH go to him for nightwakings? Or should we sort of wait him out and have DH stay with him if he wakes up before he will get to nurse, so do them both at the sort of the same time? I'm fairly certain DS just won't sleep if DH goes in there even for a couple/few hours. He is pretty impressively stubborn (my kid...). And if he's not sleeping, no one will sleep because I can hear him from my bed.
Any thoughts/advice from mamas of 2 or more?
