March 2010 Infertility One Thread - Page 2

[ladylaura]

Originally Posted by MrsD08

The doctor officially circled infertility for our consultation appointment. Does that mean it will go to the insurance filed under IF? What if insurance doesn't want to cover it? I only work part time and I just started a work at home business. There is no other way that we can get insurance, expcept through my husband. What are we going to do if insurance won't pay????? AHHHHHHH....I'm freaking out inside....

Consultations aren't usually too too expensive... $200?

If you need to do IUIs, they're not toooooo expensive... certainly far less expensive than IVF. Generally I think they're a few hundred dollars per procedure, and more if you have to take a lot of drugs.

Maine doesn't have any infertility coverage, but if your husband has insurance based in a state with mandated coverage, that might make a difference.

Don't freak out too much right now! Not all treatments are going to break the bank... You'll find a way.

[MrsD08]

Originally Posted by ladylaura

Ugh, sounds like you're really being put through hell... and your poor husband, not knowing if he'll be able to even get an SA when the time comes!

Our decision process went as such:

June 2008: sperm count = 200,000. Urologist couldn't figure out why. We knew we'd need IVF with ICSI. (Donor sperm was mentioned but we dismissed it)
December 2008: Met with an RE who ran a blood karyotype, which revealed a chromosomal translocation (his 13 and 14 chromosomes are fused together, making cell division a nightmare if the wrong number of 13s or 14s get transferred). We'd need IVF with ICSI and PGD.
April 2009: Finally got to try IVF. The cycle was cancelled because all embryos fertilized were abnormal.

That's when we decided to give up on using his sperm. Why? Well, the IVF with PGD route was to be able to pick out the normal embryos for transfer, but with my husband's translocation, there's a 50/50 chance that the baby could end up with the same genetic condition, thus meaning that baby would be infertile, too. We knew this going into the procedure, but then after going through IVF (which was hell on my body), we decided we didn't want to put our kid through that hell and that we'd always feel guilty if we knowingly produced someone who'd have to be infertile, too. It was a risk we were no longer willing to take. It took about a week to really be able to think seriously about donor sperm. We poked around on cryobank sites and looked for blogs by people using donor sperm. We thought a lot about what makes a father, and a LOT about how my husband would feel emotionally. He was against the idea when it was brought up back in summer 2008 but changed his mind once he realized we could be putting our own child through this.

My thoughts on a known donor? There was a very, very short list of people who we're close enough to/have the right kind of genes to even be remotely considered. And of the two on the list, one would definitely not be able to emotionally disconnect from the situation in the way he'd need to. I always thought I'd want a known donor, but we decided to go with donor sperm from an open donor, so that the kids can contact the donor if they want to when they're 18.

If I were you... I'd try to get to the point of an SA, and let the doctor bring it up. If that doesn't happen, you'll have to bring it up yourself. It won't be easy to get him to consider it, but guys feel like they're losing their manhood when they find they can't get their partner pregnant. My husband would be more than happy to email with your husband if it would help at all. Guys handle all of this completely differently than we do, and they rarely talk to each other, so maybe it would help.

Definitely feel free to PM me for more info if you need to, or respond here, whatever!!

Can you briefly explain ICSI and PGD? This is the 2nd time today that I've heard of ICSI, but I don't know anything about it. Before today, I've never heard of it...

What are the differences between getting an open known and an anonymous donor? When going through a sperm bank, are all the legalities taken care of?

There are 2 men I can think of that I'd want to ask and I'm very much on the fence about one of them, for genetic reasons. The other would be a good choice, but he's such a good friend that I can't how he'd respond to being asked AND he's married to one of my best friends. I haven't even mentioned these two men to DH.

I haven't read any blogs on people using donor sperm, but I have a few blog book marked for cryo-kids and it was really, really, really, really hard reading even just a few entries.

If other members want me to move these questions out of the forum and into a PM, let me know!

[ladylaura]

Originally Posted by MrsD08

Can you briefly explain ICSI and PGD? This is the 2nd time today that I've heard of ICSI, but I don't know anything about it. Before today, I've never heard of it...

What are the differences between getting an open known and an anonymous donor? When going through a sperm bank, are all the legalities taken care of?

ICSI is just when they physically grab a sperm and inject it directly into the egg during IVF. It's often used for people whose sperm would have trouble finding the egg on their own. In our case, with only 200,000 sperm, we needed help. PGD is a way to scan embryos for genetic abnormalities, if you know what to look for. In our case, we'd be looking for embryos with too many or too few 13 and 14 chromosomes. Others use it for selecting against the cystic fibrosis gene, for example.

An open donor is a donor that's anonymous until the child turns 18. So if you're worried your child will someday want to track down his donor, that's possible when the child is old enough. We chose this option because we didn't want to close our child off to that possibility and forever wonder about his genetic background. For us, we felt that men who chose to be open donors probably thought a little more about what he was doing than the average university student trying to make some extra money. An anonymous donor is 100% anonymous, and you and your child will never be able to find anything out about him. Some people like that; it wasn't for us. Using a sperm bank is great because they do extensive testing on the donors to make sure they're disease-free and ideal for donating. Everything is completely legal since they guys sign away on their sperm when they donate.

A known donor is a friend or relative who is willing to donate to you. They can either do a fresh donation, meaning they come with you to the clinic when you need them, or they donate at a bank and get frozen vials. There is not as much testing unless you order it, and then you probably have to pay for it. Moreover, you'll definitely want to get a lawyer involved and have this person sign away all their rights before you do anything. Even if they're a great friend, you really should do this. You also will have to talk about how that person will present himself in the child's life - will you tell the child from birth, keep it secret, have the guy be a close uncle? I'm personally against the secret choice, but that's because I see it the same way as adoption, and I don't think you should lie to a kid about being adopted, either.

Poke around California Cryobank's website (www.cryobank.com) if you want; they have a great FAQ page.

Hope that helps! And yes, we can move this to a PM if anyone objects, but I hope maybe others skim through this and think about donor sperm if it's something that might work for them in the future!

[ladylaura]

Originally Posted by MrsD08

I haven't read any blogs on people using donor sperm, but I have a few blog book marked for cryo-kids and it was really, really, really, really hard reading even just a few entries.

There are a few angry donor kids out there who are very, very vocal. They are considered extremists. Check out these blogs: http://di-dad.blogspot.com/, http://di-dads-speak-out.blogspot.com/, http://jwhite05.blogspot.com/

Also, you will raise your kids the way you want. You can only do your best and be as open with them as possible if you think that'll avoid the anger those donor kids feel.

[kristenok18]

I'm out, apparently. I thought I had the faintest of faint bfp yesterday morning, but tested again last night and this morning to bfn. And af is starting. I'm not sure if we'll be doing this again. 5.5yrs is a long time, and I am emotionally worn out.

[brichole1214]

Originally Posted by kristenok18

I'm out, apparently. I thought I had the faintest of faint bfp yesterday morning, but tested again last night and this morning to bfn. And af is starting. I'm not sure if we'll be doing this again. 5.5yrs is a long time, and I am emotionally worn out.

Aww sweetie...i'm so sorry I totally understand about being worn out emotionally, and i've only been TTC for almost 3 years!!!! You know if you wanna just vent we are here to listen ...or read....


MrsD08~ I'm sorry about your frustrations too. I know i don't completely understand the MIF part of it but i do know how frustrating it is to know that I don't release an egg on my own every month without the help of medication. I hope that you and your DH are able to finally get a sample together for another SA...and if you do end up having to use donor I pray that yall are able to decide together and agree on it without things going crazy for you guys. I know that even with just me being the one having the problems in my IF that me and my DH have had plenty of heated discussions and most of the time they lead back to the fact that I feel horrible that he's fine and 30 and may never have his own biological children. I am really praying for you guys!!!


Grapesbunch: I just wanted to say i'm praying for you guys too!!!


Heck, i am praying for all of you ladies. I know that this journy is hard, and trying, and that there are so many different sides to IF it's hard to hit on every single part. I get so frustrated and irritated when each month I round my 43rd or 45th day of my cycle and af decides to show up. I feel like a total failure and I close myself off from DH and others while I try to cope with the fact that there was another month that I wasn't able to give my husband a child again....it's really hard to put into words. At least i know that yall understand what I feel. I did ask DH the other day if he would still love me if i was NEVER able to give him a child...and he just said that we would do whatever we had to to have a baby together. That wasn't exactly the answer I wanted so I kinda went off on him and said that my body was the one that was going through all of the treatments and that I REFUSE to go through the OHSS EVER again. I have never hurt so bad and i was so bloated that i looked 6 months pregnant. I was so mad at him for not saying that no matter what he would rather just have me than have a baby...but he didn't say that and it hurt me. Later he finally understood where i was going with that and he told me that he will love me regardless of if we are able to have children together or not. I just wonder if it's true or if he will try to find some little young girl to help him achive the goal of becoming a biological father. (sorry i'm on a roll today....not only am i going through this right now but the girl i was training at work messed up and put in the wrong address for a structure fire last week and I didn't catch it for 3-4 minutes and so we both got yelled at last thursday (on my birthday) and they called us yesterday morning to let us know that my trainee was fired and i'm on a 7 day suspension from work. But they have broken it up to where i am shorted on 2 of my paychecks and not just one..so i'm kinda freaked out and ill all at the same time because i have no idea what we are going to do until the end of april.)



OK anyways, sorry, i hope everyone has a good day!!!

[ladylaura]

Originally Posted by kristenok18

I'm out, apparently. I thought I had the faintest of faint bfp yesterday morning, but tested again last night and this morning to bfn. And af is starting. I'm not sure if we'll be doing this again. 5.5yrs is a long time, and I am emotionally worn out.

I'm so, so sorry to hear that. We're here for you.


Brandy - I hear you about the OHSS. I think I had a touch of that last year and it was HELL.

[MrsD08]

Laura~I only read a few entries and she hasn't posted since May of 2009, but this one seems good too-- http://dimom.typepad.com/my_weblog/ It's the Mom's perspective of DI/MFI. ETA: She calls herself Infertile, once removed. And I don't want to offend anyone, but I don't see her and her husband as infertile AT ALL, in the least bit...her husband had a voluntary vasectomy after having children with his first wife and for one reason or another did not have it reversed.... I hope I don't offend anyway...

[ladylaura]

Originally Posted by MrsD08

Laura~I only read a few entries and she hasn't posted since May of 2009, but this one seems good too--http://dimom.typepad.com/my_weblog/. It's the Mom's prespective of DI/MFI.

Oooh, awesome, I'll have to check that out! It's an ongoing learning process about how to handle all of the emotions involved...

[MrsD08]

Will you ladies tell your children how they were conceived, whether it's by donor insemination, IUI, IVF, ART, etc? I've been doing a lot of DI research today and I came across some children books on how to tell children how they were conceived. Here's one that touches upon all different ways of conceiving.

http://www.amazon.com/Recipes-How-Ba...ref=pd_sim_b_1

[ladylaura]

Originally Posted by MrsD08

Will you ladies tell your children how they were conceived, whether it's by donor insemination, IUI, IVF, ART, etc? I've been doing a lot of DI research today and I came across some children books on how to tell children how they were conceived. Here's one that touches upon all different ways of conceiving.

http://www.amazon.com/Recipes-How-Ba...ref=pd_sim_b_1

Definitely... I don't know yet how I'll work it in, but the plan is for my kids to know from birth. We'll tell our whole family too so they won't say anything that isn't true.

I'd even have told my kids if they were born via IVF and not donor sperm... I think it's important for them to know what I've gone through!

[minkajane]

We're way past the weekend, but I'll give my wrap-up for today anyway.

Name: Mandy
Age: 26
TTC #: 2
CD: 21
DPO (if applicable): 6
Testing: Nothing until CD 33.
Trying Since: June 08
Plan for this Cycle: IUI #3, first time using Follistim. Fingers crossed and hoping for twins!
Thoughts: I ended up in the ER for 16 hours yesterday after the worst burst ovarian cyst I've ever had. It was a total nightmare start to finish, but I'm home now and feeling better. I'm nervous that if the IUI worked, the blood in my abdomen, messed up hormones, and stress from yesterday will hurt the baby or cause it not to implant.

Good news, though - the numbers were GREAT for DH's sample for the IUI compared to what we've had before and the doc said the sperm were very active after the washing. So we're really hopeful this month.

[Tear78]

Originally Posted by kristenok18

I'm out, apparently. I thought I had the faintest of faint bfp yesterday morning, but tested again last night and this morning to bfn. And af is starting. I'm not sure if we'll be doing this again. 5.5yrs is a long time, and I am emotionally worn out.

oh honey, I'm so sorry. It's so hard. I wish I could fix it for you, but I will have to just try with these darn inadequate smiley hugs.

[ladylaura]

Originally Posted by minkajane

I ended up in the ER for 16 hours yesterday after the worst burst ovarian cyst I've ever had. It was a total nightmare start to finish, but I'm home now and feeling better. I'm nervous that if the IUI worked, the blood in my abdomen, messed up hormones, and stress from yesterday will hurt the baby or cause it not to implant.

Good news, though - the numbers were GREAT for DH's sample for the IUI compared to what we've had before and the doc said the sperm were very active after the washing. So we're really hopeful this month.

Whoa - you've had a crazy few days! I'm glad you're feeling better now. And yay for the awesome numbers!!

[lesliesara63]

Originally Posted by kristenok18

I'm out, apparently. I thought I had the faintest of faint bfp yesterday morning, but tested again last night and this morning to bfn. And af is starting. I'm not sure if we'll be doing this again. 5.5yrs is a long time, and I am emotionally worn out.

Kristen I am so sorry. I was really hoping this was it for you. I really can't imagine hitting five years in this journey. Is IVF a possibility for you? I hope by some miracle that af is playing tricks on you.

Originally Posted by brichole1214

Aww sweetie...i'm so sorry I totally understand about being worn out emotionally, and i've only been TTC for almost 3 years!!!! You know if you wanna just vent we are here to listen ...or read....


MrsD08~ I'm sorry about your frustrations too. I know i don't completely understand the MIF part of it but i do know how frustrating it is to know that I don't release an egg on my own every month without the help of medication. I hope that you and your DH are able to finally get a sample together for another SA...and if you do end up having to use donor I pray that yall are able to decide together and agree on it without things going crazy for you guys. I know that even with just me being the one having the problems in my IF that me and my DH have had plenty of heated discussions and most of the time they lead back to the fact that I feel horrible that he's fine and 30 and may never have his own biological children. I am really praying for you guys!!!


Grapesbunch: I just wanted to say i'm praying for you guys too!!!


Heck, i am praying for all of you ladies. I know that this journy is hard, and trying, and that there are so many different sides to IF it's hard to hit on every single part. I get so frustrated and irritated when each month I round my 43rd or 45th day of my cycle and af decides to show up. I feel like a total failure and I close myself off from DH and others while I try to cope with the fact that there was another month that I wasn't able to give my husband a child again....it's really hard to put into words. At least i know that yall understand what I feel. I did ask DH the other day if he would still love me if i was NEVER able to give him a child...and he just said that we would do whatever we had to to have a baby together. That wasn't exactly the answer I wanted so I kinda went off on him and said that my body was the one that was going through all of the treatments and that I REFUSE to go through the OHSS EVER again. I have never hurt so bad and i was so bloated that i looked 6 months pregnant. I was so mad at him for not saying that no matter what he would rather just have me than have a baby...but he didn't say that and it hurt me. Later he finally understood where i was going with that and he told me that he will love me regardless of if we are able to have children together or not. I just wonder if it's true or if he will try to find some little young girl to help him achive the goal of becoming a biological father. (sorry i'm on a roll today....not only am i going through this right now but the girl i was training at work messed up and put in the wrong address for a structure fire last week and I didn't catch it for 3-4 minutes and so we both got yelled at last thursday (on my birthday) and they called us yesterday morning to let us know that my trainee was fired and i'm on a 7 day suspension from work. But they have broken it up to where i am shorted on 2 of my paychecks and not just one..so i'm kinda freaked out and ill all at the same time because i have no idea what we are going to do until the end of april.)



OK anyways, sorry, i hope everyone has a good day!!!

Brandi your dh sounds great. I think him loving you with/without a baby is a given. A lot of women want to hear that their dh's would do anything for them to have a baby and the dh's won't say it. I can just imagine the work stress right now. I used to work dispatch at the police dept (still work there, just not dispatch) and I would be having a heart attack about that! I can't believe they fired the trainee, that seems kind of harsh when she is still working under you. Don't worry something else will come up and you will be old news.

I'm 8dpo and got a bfn last night so the trigger shot must be gone. Now to wait the next few days until I can test.

[MrsD08]

I just wanted to say I love how in this forum we're testing early in our 2WW for totally different reasons than women in the other forums! AND you're not stressing over it!

Well, counting down, 4 weeks until the next appointment instead of 5. *sigh*

[ladylaura]

Speaking of the two week wait, where is everyone in their cycles right now? I'm at 8DPIUI. No crazy symptoms so far, though I really feel like I've felt twinges now and then throughout the past few days. Might all be in my head and I'm just more aware of things than usual. Also my face is breaking out earlier in my luteal phase than usual - it started a few days ago when normally it would start two days or so before my period. Fertility Friend gives me 31 points for early pregnancy signs. I don't really believe that means much, but I kind of have fun seeing if I get extra points each day.

I might give in and test on Tuesday (12DPIUI). Blood test is Thursday.

[lesliesara63]

Originally Posted by ladylaura

Speaking of the two week wait, where is everyone in their cycles right now? I'm at 8DPIUI. No crazy symptoms so far, though I really feel like I've felt twinges now and then throughout the past few days. Might all be in my head and I'm just more aware of things than usual. Also my face is breaking out earlier in my luteal phase than usual - it started a few days ago when normally it would start two days or so before my period. Fertility Friend gives me 31 points for early pregnancy signs. I don't really believe that means much, but I kind of have fun seeing if I get extra points each day.

I might give in and test on Tuesday (12DPIUI). Blood test is Thursday.

I'm 10dpiui today. I took a test this morning - bfn. I didn't really expect anything, but that big pile of cheap tests was just staring at me. Three days ago I had some twinges near the left ovary and a few since then. That's about it though. I'm not nearly as crazy as I usually am at this time in my cycle. Having a backup plan of going back to my old RE has calmed me down considerably. My skin is a disaster right now, but it has been for months. If only I could learn to keep my hands off of it.

[GrapesBunch]

I am 10 dpo today. Wednesday and Thursday I had a sharp pain above my belly button that came and went a couple of times through the day. I have had some twinges near my left ovary today and feel a little crampy (not bad, but noticeable). I've been weepy since last night (I watched The Office where Jim and Pam had the baby) and easily irritated today. I'd love to think these are pregnancy signs, but I'm afraid I'm not really feeling very different than before AF. Oh well! It would be really cool to go to the urologist with my husband for his SA Monday already knowing we are pregnant. I plan to test Monday if my temp is still up but may give in Saturday or Sunday if my chart convinces me that I'm pregnant.

Have a great weekend everyone! Good luck to those testing this weekend!

[brichole1214]

I'm on cd16 and should O sometime around the 17th to the 20th if i o on my own since we don't even go back to see my RE until the 12th. I think it would be great if i was able to O on my own and actually catch the eggie but we'll see if my body wants to work on it's own or if i'm going to have to start more medication this next week. I really hope he waits until the next cycle to give me any meds because i really won't have the money until next cycle. I hate these off days...i'm about to go mad!!! G/L to everyone this week...i hope we are able to finally get some good news!!! : )