Single parent teachers?

[meandmine]

If you are a teacher and a single mom, how do you do it? I am fairly new to the field, having been home with my children prior to the separation (some day it will be a divorce)

I love what I do (I am a ES librarian), but I have a long commute (45 min ea. way) and I find I put in from 1-3 hours extra a day and then another 3-5 on the weekends.

It is just taking so much away from my children. Tonight was a rare night when I actually read three picture books with them.

How do you do it? Do you feel the same tension between work and the rest of your life that I do?

It would be great if ... I could just leave work at work. As it is I am always thinking about work and what needs to be done and working when I could be focused on my kids.

How about you -- let me know if there is a better way.

Thanks!

M

Advice, please.

[LoveOhm]

Hi meandmine! First things first I think librarians have one of the most challenging positions (in a good school) because they are assisting teachers, creating your own unique lessons and themes, assisting students directly with their projects, research or recreation reading items and all for several different ages and an entire school! That on 1 - 2 people could really be taxing - just think of the number of students you interact with vs. the number a teacher interacts with! So know as you move from librarian to teacher that may easy some of the load at least you would be working with one (maybe two) grades!

I know there are a few single teacher mamas on the board, hopefully they will see this thread and chime in!!! That said I find most teachers that I have met (married or not) struggle with the situation you describe especially at the beginning of their careers.

I'm student teaching and in college full-time to finish my BA and get my single subject credential all while parenting completely solo! Like you, I also absolutely LOVE the work I'm doing, especially when I'm in the classroom. The prep, paperwork & grading are not as much fun at this point while I'm still learning and striving to find my own groove. I have already made some decisions (based on advise given and my personal observations and goals) that I feel will help with work/life balance in my home as a solo mama.


1) I plan to teach in an independent school setting (ideally teaching in an independent girls' secondary school)! I decided standard public is not an option for my life as a solo mama even if it means less income.

I teach secondary English and with the local public school district there are 35-40 students per class and a full time load I believe is 5 classes which equals a ton of grading, not enough text, etc........while the school I am diligently working towards employment at has an average academic class size of 13 with a full time load being 4 classes for English and Science departments. Much better for work/life balance in my opinion!

In my area there are a fair amount of private and independent schools that pay quite nicely so it all depends on the school I get offered a position at...

2) I plan on my dd being enrolled in school close to my job! I saw on another board one teacher mama say the following about a school she applied for a teaching job at:

"I have a third grader one block down the street at the elementary school and I want to be close to him, so he can walk to my school after school. I want to make my room a place to go to learn and feel safe! If the high schoolers need to see me after school they can come see me and I don't have to worry about leaving to pick up my son!"

This really resonated with me! While my dd is young I could hire a student to go pick her up (most likely by car but possibly walking depending on the distance) and bring her back to the school so I can do my grading, advising clubs, etc.

A teacher mama on here has her son at the same school she works at, he goes to aftercare while she grades, preps, etc. She teaches ES so it works for them since I will be in secondary I will have to go with the above senario at best.

3) Seek wise council from those in your direct position. For me I found an online community of English teachers which has been a blessing in tips and tools for managing challenges that are particular to English teachers.

[LoveOhm]

Originally Posted by meandmine

I have a long commute (45 min ea. way) and I find I put in from 1-3 hours extra a day and then another 3-5 on the weekends.

I would look for positions closer to home or consider moving closer to your job. Your commute has come up as challenge before and it's clear you are unhappy with it so while you can't change it immediately you can actively look to change it. It does add 1.5 hours on to your work day.....

Originally Posted by meandmine

It is just taking so much away from my children. Tonight was a rare night when I actually read three picture books with them.

How do you do it? Do you feel the same tension between work and the rest of your life that I do?

I was very anti-schedule but it really helps me to have a rhythm I can count on and to know dd will be asleep by 7:30pm each night! Before we established a schedule some days we would read stories before bed, some nights we didn't brush teeth, etc. now all dd's daily needs are met and I still have time to do my work. So yes I took a page from SuperNanny's book (literally her book Ask Supernanny I'm not a fan of her show) and established a schedule.

A consistent schedule and routine that includes an early bedtime for my dd ensures that I meet my obligations to school & work, but most importantly it allows me to make the time with my dd pleasant, loving and without mama being on edge. My dd gets the sleep (and attention) she needs so she is better behaved, I'm getting my work done so I am better able to be present with my dd and in the moment making our everyday time "quality" and not just rushed.

As a single parent nighttime could be lonely and possibly boring, but instead I'm able to do my school work, prep work and grading done at night and it gives me my evening to spend time with my significant other as well if I elect. I also stay very organized so I can grab one file or notebook and get something done quickly while dd is in a dance class, etc.

Another thing that I need to do more of is work out ---- it really does give me more energy which allows me to be more productive and helps calm my nerves which helps with parenting.

Originally Posted by meandmine

It would be great if ... I could just leave work at work. As it is I am always thinking about work and what needs to be done and working when I could be focused on my kids.

I do know some teachers who do all their work at the school but they all seem to work full days like 7am to 4-or-5pm most days and they are able to truly leave work at work. I don't like that for me personally but it works for some! I do like it in theory, but I like dd having an early bedtime more!

HTHs

[Holland73]

I am a solo mama, a 1st grade teacher in East Oakland, CA & am finishing my 3rd year of teaching.

In complete honesty to your question of whether I am feeling "the tension between work and the rest of my life"... no, I am not. In fact, I have so much time that I have decided to go back to grad school to pursue my ultimate passion, Counseling Psychology, in April.

So, how do I not feel that pressure? For me, it comes down to intentionally NOT becoming a martyr to my job, which would be SO EASY as a teacher. I refuse to work on the weekends, unless it is absolutely necessary. Report card and assessment periods being the absolute necessity for a few hours on the weekend. I don't stay longer than 2-3 hours after 'work hours' AND only do that 1-2 days a week. All other days, I leave the building within 30-40 minutes of dismissing students.

Additionally, I live exactly 4 minutes away from my school and my ds attends the adjoining school on our campus. We are two elementary schools on one campus... he goes to the adjoining school. So, we go to school together and leave together. Both are absolute godsends!!!

I am a very efficient and organized person by nature, which helps me tremendously. AND, as I have been teaching the same grade level now for a couple of years... planning and prep is a breeze.

I have found that I have to be very conscious about my time at work and at home. It is VERY easy to get sucked into this job... VERY EASY! For me, I had to make a very structured plan to balance all of my roles. It works for me and ds.

[Holland73]

Originally Posted by LoveOhm

Another thing that I need to do more of is work out ---- it really does give me more energy which allows me to be more productive and helps calm my nerves which helps with parenting.

Working out is my absolute sanity saver. There is NO WAY I could do what I am doing without working out.

Originally Posted by LoveOhm

I do know some teachers who do all their work at the school but they all seem to work full days like 7am to 4-or-5pm most days and they are able to truly leave work at work. I don't like that for me personally but it works for some! I do like it in theory, but I like dd having an early bedtime more!

HTHs

I am one of those teachers. I am at school by 8am and leave between 4-5pm... some afternoons earlier, some later. But, VERY rarely am I ever at school after 5pm, unless it is for Advisory meeting or a special function.

My ds also has an early bedtime... 8pm. Mainly, because he is 6.5 years old and needs the sleep. But, it sure is a blessing for me too.

[meandmine]

I admire all of you!

Thanks for sharing.

We are very structured, but there isn't enough time, I guess, especially if I moved bedtime to earlier than the current 8:30 pm.

I am hoping to move to a school closer to home, but in the meantime, I was interested in hearing whether other folks managed the rest of their time in a way that provided better balance.

Sounds like many of you do! Bravo!

Thank you for sharing your strategies!

M

[Chantelle691]

Chiming in late:

I teach at a middle school about ten minutes from my home. My dd goes to our local district - so two different districts. I teach middle school/she attends elementary school, so my school starts an hour and a half before hers does. I drive her to before school care each day.

I've been teaching for 15 years so I've got my routine down where I get most of my work done during the school day and bring the rest home. My dd is 8.5, she and I can sit together in the evening and do our homework together. She has after school activities as well that I am able to attend. Since my school ends before hers does, I can actually meet her bus *most* days.

It's working out great for us. Good luck!

[LoveOhm]

Are you also in school meandmine? For some reason I thought you were currently working as a librarian until you go into teaching......

What about moving closer to the school you work at?

[meandmine]

Yep, taking classes for my license, but not to switch roles -- still will be a librarian, but need a teaching license. School adds to the challenge.

I just am hoping there is a way to keep work at work and that may not be possible as a teacher librarian. Afterall, we get all those weeks off other folks don't -- that may be the necessary trade-off. Not sure I can sustain it though -- creates significant stress and tension for me.

I am hoping to find a school closer to home to reduce the commute, but unlike teaching positions, there is only one librarian per school, so there aren't as many opportunities to move. I have an excellent reputation and my principal thinks I am gold so I hope I can find a good new spot closer for next year.

Thanks!

M

[Holland73]

Do you need a teaching license to be a librarian where you are? Man, I could only dream of having such a competent librarian in our school.

Our librarian doesn't even read stories during our library time. Additionally, I am the one doing all the student management during our 20 minute library period. All our librarian does is sit behind the desk, scan books and yell, "shhh" every 3-5 minutes. Very unfortunate, but we might not even have a librarian (and many other support positions) next year, due to budget cuts.

[meandmine]

Originally Posted by Holland73

Do you need a teaching license to be a librarian where you are?

Our librarian doesn't even read stories during our library time. Additionally, I am the one doing all the student management during our 20 minute library period. All our librarian does is sit behind the desk, scan books and yell, "shhh" every 3-5 minutes.

What you have is a paraprofessional -- a clerk -- not a librarian. Some districts put clerks in libraries and call them librarians, but they are clerks.

In my district librarians are licensed teachers with a library endorsement, or in my case a masters degree in library science.

I teach between 4-8 classes a day and assist students with research and co-teach with teachers. This year the technology person and I will co-teach a massive 5th grade global awareness technology project with all of fifth grade.

That is a librarian :-) (and now you know why I have a work-life balance issue :-))

M

[LoveOhm]

Originally Posted by meandmine

What you have is a paraprofessional -- a clerk -- not a librarian. Some districts put clerks in libraries and call them librarians, but they are clerks.

In my district librarians are licensed teachers with a library endorsement, or in my case a masters degree in library science.

I teach between 4-8 classes a day and assist students with research and co-teach with teachers. This year the technology person and I will co-teach a massive 5th grade global awareness technology project with all of fifth grade.

That is a librarian :-) (and now you know why I have a work-life balance issue :-))

M

Actually I am in Southern California and most of the schools I have observed (both public and private) librarians do pretty much what you describe ---- but I have been observing and am doing my student teaching in high income areas.

That said I know budget cuts really hit CA's education system so who knows if the school library at local public schools will be open at all.

I think the struggle with work / life balance as a teacher/educator really depends on finding your own groove, (as well as some years under your belt), your mind set and the school your in!!! Holland's comment about not allowing herself to be a martyr really speak to the mindset I think one needs to not simply survive but thrive in education. It's easy to give ive give in this field but set boundaries that work for you.

[Holland73]

Originally Posted by LoveOhm

Actually I am in Southern California and most of the schools I have observed (both public and private) librarians do pretty much what you describe ---- but I have been observing and am doing my student teaching in high income areas.

Just another reason why the rich stay rich and educated... and the poor (and racially diverse) have to continue their fight, fight, fight for equal education and rights.

This is what stresses, frustrates and saddens me EVERY DAY! The injustice and inequity for my amazing little people and their families.

Sorry to get OT, the CA education issues are weighing very heavily on me right now as we get ready to strike and fight this month.