She's the "weird" kid...

[HarperRose]

And not weird in a quirky & fun way. She's 8 yrs old, middle child, and we just moved to another part of the country in November. She seems to enjoy it here and seems to be doing well.

The following behavior has all happened in the last few months and I don't know why. I don't know what to do for her to convince her NOT to act this way.

She kissed a classmates shoe in order to get a candy cane.
She slurped hot chocolate off the floor.
She sniffed the cat's butt.

We are trying to talk to her and tell her she is above this kind of behavior, don't act like that because she'll be made fun of, she's beautiful, wonderful, smart, great, we love her, etc. She's in therapy but her therapist left the practice suddenly (just a few days ago), so we're waiting for a new one. I didn't have an opportunity to address this with him (forgot about the shoe incident and the cat butt sniff happened just this afternoon) and now we're stuck.

What is going on???? What do I need to do for her??

ETA: As serious and disturbing as this is, I find myself laughing hysterically about her sniffing cat butts. I am not offended if others find the image hilarious, as well. Also, when questioned about it, she said she wanted to make sure the cat was wiping because she's showed him how to wipe the other day.

[zinemama]

Gosh, that's tough. I would keep doing what you're doing, only really, really really emphasizing that this kind of thing will lead to people thinking she's weird and making serious fun of her. And that kids don't tend to forget that kind of stuff - she's making a reputation now that will dog her for the rest of her schooling. It's unfortunate and cruel but very true.

[SunshineJ]

Ok I'm sorry but when I read the thread title on TAO I half wondered if it were a joke (about cat-butt sniffing). Actually, to be honest, the cat-butt sniffing part really does make sense from a kid perspective. Yeah, that's a bit odd, but I could totally see many girls I knew and know (and maybe, the girl I was at that age) trying to teach a cat proper bathroom hygeine and wanting to make sure the cat listened. That one has me the least concerned of any of them.

Kissing a shoe for a candy cane sounds like a double-dare you joke of some kind. Obviously I don't know the whole situation, but it may have been a situation to "prove" herself not a wimp to the other kids in some way. Elementary politics can be weird.

The hot chocolate incident would concern me. I'd approach it from the sanitary point of view on it.

Honestly overall it sounds like your dd is quirky and maybe in a strange way, but endearing as well. I don't have any other advice, but I couldn't read and not post.

[stormborn]

Honestly unless there's something else to the story that doesn't sound too worrysome to me. Dd8 and her friends can get pretty weird, esp in groups. I can totally see most of them daring each other to do any of that. Heck, last time they played hide and seek the 9 yo hid in the covered litter box.

I'm not saying you should encourage it but it sounds within the realm of 'normal' kid strangeness to me.

[WindyCityMom]

Originally Posted by stormborn

I'm not saying you should encourage it but it sounds within the realm of 'normal' kid strangeness to me.

That

[meemee]

wait a minute?!!! you mean none of you smelt your cat's butt as a child?

honestly i too find this in the realm of 'normal wierd' behaviour. i know you want her to not do it, but i think she is experimenting and trying to find out - social boundaries?!!!

this would make a GREAT thread in TAO.

[AllisonR]

Originally Posted by meemee

wait a minute?!!! you mean none of you smelt your cat's butt as a child?

honestly i too find this in the realm of 'normal wierd' behaviour. i know you want her to not do it, but i think she is experimenting and trying to find out - social boundaries?!!!

this would make a GREAT thread in TAO.

I didn't, but that is probably because we never had a cat. My dear friend M used to eat her cat's food, from about age 7 to 10. 30+ years later she is COMPLETELY straight-laced. I also think this is probably kid "normal-weirdness." Maybe your DD thought it was a waste of good chocolate to leave it on the floor!

[karika]

I wouldn't worry about it. I personally don't see it as bad. Perhaps she wanted to shock someone? Maybe she likes the attention of other kids thinking she is different? She has to be whoever she is and face the consequences of it. My dd1 will try to kiss our feet. If we make deal of it, she will try harder. Whatever you give attention to gets more of the same maybe?

[HarperRose]

Really? It's not too out-there?? I never did those things and I've always been the weird one. Maybe she's just a different brand of weird.

[sahmmie]

My dd picked up a lollipop that she had dropped in a grocery store and ate it! I was mortified. She also ate a jelly bean that she found on the floor at dance class. I told her many, many times that eating stuff off the floor can make you sick but she dismissed my warnings as "mom being over protective" until I showed her some icky pictures of bacteria on the internet. That cured her!

The cat thing bugs me though. It's probably just me being queasy but I just can't imagine sticking my face anywhere near a cat's but! It's probably not a major cause for concern though. I'd just give her some good information about germs and how they make you sick, instead of trying to impress upon her that people may make fun of her or shame her for her quirky antics.

[beanma]

Yea, I've got a 9 yr old and I'm going to go with not too weird, too. My kids were kissing their own shoes in the car the other day (while they were on their feet). I told them to stop because they're dirty, but other than that it sounds within the realm of normal. I can totally see how other kids could make fun of her for it if they were the bullying teasing types, but I can also see how friends might join in, too.

[rhiOrion]

Saw this thread in the new posts.

When I was 9 years old my friend decided to hypnotize me. Waving some object in front of my face saying, "You're getting sleepy, very sleepy" and all of that.

So I pretended to be hypnotized. My friend commanded me to lick the parking lot.

So I did.

We still laugh about it, to this day. She says that for YEARS she believed that she had really hypnotized me

[One_Girl]

It sounds like something a child would do for attention. It may be that she is having a hard time making friends so she is doing really outlandish things in order to get their attention and strike up a conversation. If she isn't complaining about being teased then I think you should tell her when something she does could make her sick and leave it alone after that. Even telling her she could get sick will probably not have an impact unless she actually does get ill, but it is worth a try.

[nextcommercial]

Nine year olds are kind of weird anyway.

But I understand what you are really worried about. You are afraid that she is following others who aren't really even her real friends. Which is sad.

But, let her get through this weirdness, and just watch closely to make sure nobody is taking advantage of her willingness. But, other than that, don't let it bother you. If she's happy, it's all good.

[HarperRose]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial

Nine year olds are kind of weird anyway.

But I understand what you are really worried about. You are afraid that she is following others who aren't really even her real friends. Which is sad.

But, let her get through this weirdness, and just watch closely to make sure nobody is taking advantage of her willingness. But, other than that, don't let it bother you. If she's happy, it's all good.

Yes! This is exactly my concern. I don't want her to be made fun of ever.

It does sound like I may be overly concerned, though. I honestly thought, "OMG, what's wrong with her?!"

I really appreciate the feedback.

My mom told me I licked the rug when I was little...

[journeymom]

I licked the window screens once when I was a kid. I think I liked the texture. Not a proud memory, though!

Originally Posted by HarperRose

Really? It's not too out-there?? I never did those things and I've always been the weird one. Maybe she's just a different brand of weird.

Absolutely, her own brand of weird.

You might contemplate what you think this means about you if your dd is 'weird'. Do you think it reflects on you, Mom? (Yes, of course you probably wonder about that. We all do.)

[joensally]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial

Nine year olds are kind of weird anyway.

But I understand what you are really worried about. You are afraid that she is following others who aren't really even her real friends. Which is sad.

But, let her get through this weirdness, and just watch closely to make sure nobody is taking advantage of her willingness. But, other than that, don't let it bother you. If she's happy, it's all good.

This exactly!

One technique that works with my kids is perspective taking and what you're trying to communicate. The whole "what would you think if you saw someone..." and "what is the idea you want others to have of you?" If she wants people to laugh at her zany antics, then she's right on track .

[ecoteat]

Those behaviors alone aren't troubling to me. But if she was doing those goofy things AND having a hard time making and keeping friends, then I'd be a little concerned. I have taught from 3rd to 8th grade and I know how weird kids are. The frustrating thing is that one kid can slurp up cocoa and the other kids think it's funny (in a good way) and another kid can do the same exact thing and the others will think she's a freak and make fun of her. When kids do weird things while misreading social cues, then they have a hard time socially. But it sounds like your daughter is doing fine. I'd bet there are even weirder kids at her school!

[Catherine12]

I would be careful not to put "weirdness" in too negative a light. No one wants their kid to be made fun of, and it may be helpful for kids to be aware of how others view their actions. But I wouldn't want to inadvertently send the message "make sure your behavior conforms to your peers expectations or else you will be 'weird' and that's a bad thing to be." Because sometimes people have to be "weird" in someone's eyes in order to do what's right for them.

[jeteaa]

she shouldn't do those things because they are unsanitary not because she might be made fun of. If you follow the path of "you might me made fun of is you do XYZ"..... where is the line drawn. Should she not wear her favorite jumper that grandma made because she might be made fun of? should she not try out for the school play because she might be made fun of?