Are you afraid to co-sleep for some reason?

[missmich]

I am. Sometimes I can be,well a bit strange when I sleep. Like well over 10 years ago now I was sleeping with my cat all cuddled in my arms and I woke up suddenly and looked at her. I saw a strange man in my bed so I punched him! Then I realized it was really my cat. Poor thing,but she seemed to know that I didn't mean to and she wasn't mad. Luckily I didn't punch her hard. I felt really bad after though

A few times I've had dreams where I was told to take my clothes off for some reason and in the morning my pj's are gone and it takes me a while to figure out why they have been thrown across the room.

Twice now (once a few weeks ago) I've woken up with sheets/blanket in my mouth b/c in my dreams I was eating!

[Avocado]

I'm sorry but the stories in your post made me

That said, I did have fears in the past about co-sleeping with really, really tiny newborns. But, I felt better about it as time went on. My reasons were not the same as yours though. I didn't really have a good reason, I guess.

[Theia]

Once about 6 weeks ago, I was having a dream and I was really angry in it. My 2yo DD was sleeping right next to me and must have moved. So I kicked at her before I woke up. Fortunately she crawls out of the blankets most nights, so she was on top of the blankets and I was under so the kick wasn't as bad as it could have been. In 2 years, that is the only upsetting event I have had in my cosleeping with her.

I'm not sure what to offer to you. If you feel that there are valid safety concerns with your behavior during sleep, maybe you should seek help for it before the baby arrives.

[Plummeting]

I do weird things in my sleep, too. I won't bore you with all the details, but I've definitely got stories to rival yours. For sure. However, I found that I just don't sleep as hard when sleeping with a newborn, so I don't really get into that stage of sleep where I'm doing weird things like that. Your sleep patterns change to mimic the newborns and you're constantly aware of them. It's a totally different sleep experience that is very difficult to explain to someone who hasn't already co-slept with their own baby.

Now once we were past the baby stage, I did have some weird incidents with DD. Once I hid her under the bed (she was 4 years old by then) because I dreamed I was hiding her from the Gestapo. Those types of things are more likely to happen when you haven't been getting enough sleep, for what it's worth. If I get enough sleep, all is well and normal.

[Theia]

Originally Posted by Plummeting

I do weird things in my sleep, too. I won't bore you with all the details, but I've definitely got stories to rival yours. For sure. However, I found that I just don't sleep as hard when sleeping with a newborn, so I don't really get into that stage of sleep where I'm doing weird things like that. Your sleep patterns change to mimic the newborns and you're constantly aware of them. It's a totally different sleep experience that is very difficult to explain to someone who hasn't already co-slept with their own baby.

Now once we were past the baby stage, I did have some weird incidents with DD. Once I hid her under the bed (she was 4 years old by then) because I dreamed I was hiding her from the Gestapo. Those types of things are more likely to happen when you haven't been getting enough sleep, for what it's worth. If I get enough sleep, all is well and normal.

The first paragraph is a good point, when DD was new, I felt like I never really slept, it was a strange in-between sleep and waking sleep. Newborns generally don't let you sleep for too long, well at least DD didn't let me. Every 2 hours like clockwork for the first few months.

And the second one..... that is too funny. At least your DD was 4yo by then so she wasn't a tiny baby. Wow, I've go nothing on weird sleep like you two.

[karika]

I think cosleeping is normal

Intentional cosleeping is necessary in this world of manufactured chemical furniture and things, IMO. Read up on how to do it safely, and if you are too nervous in beginning, don't beat yourself up if you put a bassinet beside you and keep your hand on baby.... some contact is better than none. you will soon see that your mommy half sleep is there....

[etsdtm99]

my DH use to have episodes like that. (dreamed there was a bee in the bed, threw everything out of the bed etc) but once he got use to cosleeping, they completely stopped and he hasn't had one in about 3.5 years .. also, moms have hormones that help them to co sleep safely.. if you were talking about a dad having these issues i would be much more concerned than mom having them in the past.. personally, i do best holding my newborn to sleep in the early weeks.. i sleep best, baby sleeps best, no weird dreams.. etc. when i tried to put baby in a crib by the bed, or even in one of those co-sleeping nest things in the middle of the bed, things didn't go so well, i would wake up freaking out about where the baby was, dream she was lost in the sheets etc.

[MeepyCat]

Co-sleeping is not a good plan for everyone. If you're not comfortable with it for any reason, then don't do it.

Babies do just fine in cribs and cradles and bassinets. The important thing about parenting is to find solutions that work for your family, not to mindlessly stick to a set of recommendations made by experts who haven't met you and know nothing about your circumstances.

[limette]

My dh used to be like that. I remember once he was sleeping behind me, he had his arm loosely hanging over my chest, my arm in between the two. He had been dreaming about an old woman stabbing him in the stomach. He moaned and clutched at his stomach and then pulled his arm (hard and fast) to my neck. He was putting the old woman in a headlock. It was a good thing my arm is the way.

That was the most memorable but he's done others, kicks while fighting ninjas etc. It was pretty frequent.

When dd1 was born I would put her between me and the wall just in case but his nighttime weirdness stopped. He hasn't acted out anything in his sleep since (4 years ago). Occasionally he talks in his sleep but that's it.

We both sleep more lightly knowing the kids are in bed so maybe that's why he doesn't do that anymore.

[MammaB21]

I don't think you should feel like you have to cosleep. There are situations that make it unsafe for an infant to co-sleep and if you are a very heavy sleeper, that might be something to consider. For us, it is the best decision. I feel pretty strongly that babies should be in your room at least, right by the bed. But if you don't feel comfortable actually co-sleeping, I'm sure you'll find something that works for the both of you.

With that said, I agree with some of the PP's that said that you might think differently when the baby actually arrives. You definitely don't sleep as soundly with a baby in the bed (or anywhere in the house....lol). It is also true that you will likely be very in tune with the baby and it's breathing, sleeping, and waking patterns. I found I would wake lightly even to the slightest movements DD made, especially those first couple of months. I'd recommend the book The No Cry Sleep Solution. It gives safety codes for co-sleeping and crib sleeping. It's also just simply helpful for finding your nighttime routine.

Things will play out the way they work for you and for baby. You might find that many things you plan on doing before baby gets here will change once the lo arrives.

[MaerynPearl]

I agree, its not for everyone but there are other options that are just as good! DF and I are planning on getting a crib for our little one that attaches to our bed at the same level as our bed... so the baby can be in the crib but still be so close that I can just reach out and bring them to me to feed.

[gcgirl]

Originally Posted by MeepyCat

Co-sleeping is not a good plan for everyone. If you're not comfortable with it for any reason, then don't do it.

Babies do just fine in cribs and cradles and bassinets. The important thing about parenting is to find solutions that work for your family, not to mindlessly stick to a set of recommendations made by experts who haven't met you and know nothing about your circumstances.

Totally. If you have a sleep disorder of any kind it may not be a good idea. I remember when I had sleep apnea, not only was I incredibly difficult to rouse, but I would also wake up and not know where I was, and I wouldn't always know that the half-naked guy in bed with me was my HUSBAND, and etc... In that state I would have considered cosleeping with a baby or any age child NOT an option.

There's absolutely NOTHING wrong with having a cosleeper bassinet or a crib in your room. Another option is having a sleep positioner or baby-box type thing in bed with you. DH and I use one for the very early weeks because we have a pillow top bed and I feel safer having a little extra protection there.

[MamaMonica]

Moved to Family Bed and Nighttime Parenting

[finn'smama]

Originally Posted by MeepyCat

Co-sleeping is not a good plan for everyone. If you're not comfortable with it for any reason, then don't do it.

Babies do just fine in cribs and cradles and bassinets. The important thing about parenting is to find solutions that work for your family, not to mindlessly stick to a set of recommendations made by experts who haven't met you and know nothing about your circumstances.

Totally agree...

I think it's best for a newb to be in the same room, but I think it's important to consider whether your sleeping habits are safe when deciding on whether to have them right next to you in bed.

[missmich]

I'll probably do both co-sleeping and have baby in the crib. I have a cat also to think about. She loves to sleep ON top of me. I'm not to worried about you know,punching her in the head since she can run away or scratch at me. I'm also not to worried about her sleeping on top of the baby,but she may get a little to close to the babies face since I let her her do this with me.

I'll be the only one here for my baby so I'm going to need all the sleep I can get and not have to worry about hurting my baby while we co sleep. I did co-sleep with little ones before,but for nap time on the couch,but that's different. I'll figure out a safe way to do the co-sleeping and baby will be fine in the crib the other nights.

[sapphire_chan]

Do you find, as I do, that weird dreams are more likely if you have a really deep sleep after getting extra tired? If so, it's going to be safer for you to co-sleep. Or at least side-car the crib so you don't have to get up to nurse. Then you'll be more rested. And waking slightly every 2 hours or so to nurse (okay, let's be honest, at first you'll wake up fully to every tiny sigh and spend all sorts of time just staring at the little sleeping face until you mentally kick yourself back to sleep ) will help you not get into the deep sleep state.

I've just started having dreams again, and I get TONS of sleep compared to some mamas.


Since you're already prone to crazy dreams, do you have any good ones now that you're pregnant? Or did pregnancy give you normal dreams in contrast to what it usually does?

[sapphire_chan]

You had the sheet dreams two weeks ago.

I wouldn't worry about strange dreams during pregnancy. Those happen to people who never have anything weirder than "I could fly" happen in their non-pregnant dreams.

[new2this]

Due to DH's sleep escapades is one of the reasons we decided against co sleeping. And I can't fathom telling him I want to do this deal with it and go sleep elsewhere...lol He has gotten better but particulary after he has been deployed or is under a lot of stress we go through this all the time. After my surgery my first night home I attempted to sleep in the bed and I got kneed at the surgical site. So off to the chair for me which was more comfortable for me anyways but still. The dog has been throw a few times as well.

Since we have no room in our bedroom we probably won't even be able to put a bassinet in there. But who knows we might try to switch it around but then that will leave the bed up against the wall and I know DH will refuse to sleeping by the wall. Make it so hard when we are limited on space. Good thing is the baby's room is right next to ours so that won't be much of an issue.

[karika]

Originally Posted by missmich

I'll probably do both co-sleeping and have baby in the crib. I have a cat also to think about. She loves to sleep ON top of me. I'm not to worried about you know,punching her in the head since she can run away or scratch at me. I'm also not to worried about her sleeping on top of the baby,but she may get a little to close to the babies face since I let her her do this with me.

I'll be the only one here for my baby so I'm going to need all the sleep I can get and not have to worry about hurting my baby while we co sleep. I did co-sleep with little ones before,but for nap time on the couch,but that's different. I'll figure out a safe way to do the co-sleeping and baby will be fine in the crib the other nights.

I would definitely keep the cat out of the room until the baby is older. It could sleep too close to baby's breathing space which would create a pocket of CO2.... and I have to say, I disagree with others, I believe cosleeping is integral to the development of a human. Another room is going to cause some issues for child later, even if it can't be pinpointed. People that have trouble being alone, feelings of abandonment.... if hubby is problem, I suggest sleeping somewhere else with the child. or, just have your own space in bed, with baby on side away from dh. sidecarring a crib is an excellent thing, because then you don't have to worry babe will fall off your bed, it is a bed extender....