Bothered by DH's overly-touchy/close uncle. - Page 6

[rayo de sol]

Originally Posted by WindyCityMom

My DH is now on board with me. He actually told me that awhile back, his cousin was living upstairs with his grandma, and his sister, then 10, reported excessive hugging that wouldn't stop- and no one tried to stop it either.

WindyCityMom, I'm so glad that your DH is taking this possible threat of sexual abuse seriously now.

So, you're saying that the creepy uncle was hugging the 10-year-old girl so much that it was bothering her?

Ack! Don't let him touch your DD anymore, please!

Or was it this cousin you mention who was disrespecting the 10-year-old? I'm confused. Is this a cousin that still lives in the same building?

Am I understanding that there are now two potentially creepy men in this house? Sorry in advance if I've got this all wrong!

Originally Posted by WindyCityMom

This freaked out my husband quite a bit, and he agreed that DD goes where we go.. MIL won't watch her unless we absolutely need her to. So the situation is partially under control for now I discussed with him many of the things discussed in this thread and it really helped him understand where I'm coming from. Thanks again!

The part I bolded above worries me. Does your MIL understand that the uncle is not to touch or be near or ever be left alone with DD? Does she truly get the danger of sexual abuse? Or is she in denial?

It doesn't really sound like a good idea to have MIL watching DD when the uncle is right there. Is there another babysitter you could use instead--preferably one in a different household so that the uncle wouldn't be around?

[4myfinn]

Originally Posted by rayo de sol

It doesn't really sound like a good idea to have MIL watching DD when the uncle is right there. Is there another babysitter you could use instead--preferably one in a different household so that the uncle wouldn't be around?

Yeah, I agree. I wouldn't let anyone in the house watch DD. Unless they're willing to accept that the uncle is a potential predator, keep them away from your daughter. It only takes a minute for her to be victimized. Anyone watching your daughter needs to be on guard, including the MIL.

[WindyCityMom]

no, not two of them in the house- the old one was DHs cousin and he moved out a few years ago (before we moved in). It was HIM with DHs sister (then 10yo), not the uncle that I'm speaking of.

The uncle works every day with FIL from very early in the morning until dinnertime.. so if there is need for MIL to watch DD during the morning hours that's better. Otherwise, DD will be with us. We're not going to let MIL watch her until we discuss this with her. She's very opinionated and I know this won't go over well.. I know it's ridiculous, not sure if it is denial or ignorance.

[Mulvah]

It is highly concerning that you're planning to stick around. I understand life circumstances, I do. However, if you and your husband are now convinced his uncle is a predator and treating it as fact, you really need to make an exit plan. IMO, you cannot expect someone else to protect your child(ren).

[Materfamilias]

I would be wigged out by this guy.
The taking the baby OUT OF THE HOUSE without my knowledge or consent would have been the deal breaker. The man would not be allowed to touch my DD after that. No way.

[rayo de sol]

Originally Posted by WindyCityMom

We're not going to let MIL watch her until we discuss this with her. She's very opinionated and I know this won't go over well.. I know it's ridiculous, not sure if it is denial or ignorance.

It sounds like your MIL might be in denial. Don't leave DD with MIL if MIL can't acknowledge any danger from Uncle.

There are a lot of people in denial about sexual abuse. In our culture it's a tradition for it to be taboo to talk about and acknowledge. It's just been in the last couple of decades that people have been slowly waking up to the reality.

Just know that the Uncle has been displaying classic sex offender grooming signs. Have you read Protecting the Gift yet? Would MIL read it?

I agree with others that you should really be working on a plan to move out. It is not feasible long-term for DD's safety to be living in the same house as a possible child molester. You really don't want to take chances like that.