Feeling rejected by 3 yr old

[frogautumn]

Here's the situation...my very soon to be 3 yr old DS #1 and I have always been ridiculously close. Being his mother has been the most amazing experience of my life.

We just had a new baby 4 months ago, and we all went though what seemed to be a normal adjustment period and it looked like DS had just turned a corner, but then this behavior just started popping up...he doesn't seem to want anything to do with me. Lately he will constantly say things like, "I don't like you, Mommy...stay away...you're not my friend."

Is this a normal developmental stage/gaining independence thing? A dealing with the new baby thing? I'm trying not to take it personally, but my heart is kind of breaking over here...

[MeepyCat]

I don't know whether it's a normal pre-schooler thing or a dealing with the new baby thing, I just know that it happens here too. Our DS is three next month, DD is five months old, and oh the preschooler drama. He's so emo right now, all that's missing is black fingernail polish and a journal full of overwraught poetry. He's growing, he's trying to master the potty (he has a ways to go), this is a very hormonal stage, and this morning, his preschool teachers pointed out that he's due for another set of molars. I know it's tough to get a good luck at their gums at this stage, but consider whether that's an issue - toothaches do make people grouchy. He's needed a phenomenal amount of both sleep (18 hours a day some days) and food lately.

My son can switch moods on a dime, but is always, always cranky when pooping. The worst of the snappish, get away from me mama behavior tends to coincide with bowel movements, so that's another thing to consider. (My current strategy is to offer the potty, and to leave him be - we haven't had a ton of trouble cleaning up poop, I'll just reappear with clean pants in a minute or three.)

Things are better if I don't engage too much with this mood. "I'm sorry you feel that way. I love you and I hope you feel better soon. I'm going to read this book/ do some laundry/ have a snack/ cook dinner. Want to come along?" If he's not encouraged in his grump, he will sometimes come out of it and be charming.

When he's in a good mood, he loves me very much. I try just to remember to take that more seriously to heart than the things he says when he's cranky.

[K1329]

I'm guessing that they all try this out at one point, or another. Especially when there are changes, like welcoming a new sibling! I would take your own advice and try not to take it personally. Whenever dd said something along those lines... such as "I don't love you"... I always replied simply, "Oh, well, I love you" with a smile, or something similar.

[almadianna]

I think this is age and having the new baby.

After I had Calvin it was hard. Kate did not want me to touch her for a while (other than for nursing of course ) and she wanted daddy... and nothing but daddy. It got better but it took a while. Even then she loved her brother and wanted him around all of the time... but she was mad at me.

Now they are used to each other and it is not a problem anymore with her being mad at me, but she has told me recently that she wants someone else to be her mommy.

I asked, "Do you not love me anymore?" She says, "yes I do but I love XXX more". This saturday she told me that she loved daddy more because he buys her berries when they go to the grocery store together and I dont...

I would not take anything that they say like that seriously. I hug her, love her, and remind her that I always will, even if she doesnt love me right now... then she hugs me and loves me back.

I honestly dont think that they completely understand what the word means at that age... so to me it is more like experimenting with boundaries and with the word itself.