would you have more babies if you had help/nanny?

[azgirl]

We have one lovely child. He will be two this month. He was a 25-weeker who came home on O2 and monitors after 4.5 month in the NICU, so we had a tough start. I also had severe PPD. My husband is still reeling from the shock of parenthood. We are both pretty sensitive and like a calm life. Right now everything feels good. Life isn't perfect but we are (co) sleeping really well and our LO is a joy to be around.

I want more babies. I just do My husband would be happy with just one. He is worried about the chaos, the mess and the hassle of traveling with more than one if one is more spirited than our little guy. He is especially worried about my stress level and anxiety. Right now, I am in a really good place and it helps our little family buzz along nicely. I am fine by myself with DS even if my husband is working 12-16 hour days and I have family close by if I need a break (I sometimes have my sister come over and entertain DS while I take a shower etc.). I'm thinking two or three would be okay even if I had to hire a helper or a nanny. Is this a weird way to look at things? I am not talking about using a nanny for me to get alone time, just to lighten the load...We could also travel with help if we needed to. I don't know though, does having help really allow you to have more children with less stress? I always think it's weird when people bring a nanny on vacation with them, but that is just what I am thinking we could do....

[Samanthavv]

That's what my husband and I plan on doing. Two of our babysitters (both are currently sixteen) expressed that they really want to move out once they turn eighteen, and we have offered to let them live with us, in exchange for some help with kids and around the house. Lightening the load, so to speak.

[possum]

I think it seems reasonable. I don't think we were meant to raise children isolated in our homes for hours at a time day after day. and this seems like a reasonable solution to a problem created by modern society.

FWIW, we have delayed TTC another baby because we didn't have a support system of any kind and he was a very high needs little guy. My SILs who live very near family just don't get it, but hey, they have a great mom who lives in town and can be there for major or minor issues almost any time. They get a break. We, on the other hand, are always on - no one else is ever responsible for our child - EVER. If hiring help to relieve the intensity of parenthood were in our financial means, we might have TTCed earlier.

Melinda

[ears73]

...I definately would have them closer in age if I had help - tho the 12 year age gap this last time was a fluke, if I knew I had help I would have another within three years. At 36 my time has just about run out!

[welsh]

We live overseas so we have no support system and I have help. I'm a better Mother because of it.
We have a housekeeper/nanny who comes in 3 days a week.
I think it really helps if you find someone who will do housework too because somedays I want to have fun with DS or he might be clingy or something and I wouldn't want to pay a Nanny to sit around and read a magazine!
I'm pregnant so it's great to have someone to take DS to the playground so I can take a nap. Also I get her to prep for dinner (I like the actual cooking bit but handling raw meat, onions etc makes me nauseous right now!).
We have friends who take nannies on vacation. As tempting as it is, we wouldn't enjoy the lack of privacy. For this reason (mainly), and we do travel alot, we'll be limiting our family to 2 children.

[Peony]

Yes. I know I could easily talk DH into a 4th if we had live-in help. Alas, that is not in the budget for the forseeable future due to DD1's therapy bills. We have 3 children now and it is a lot of work, I work very part time and have to rely on sitters, DD2 watches far too much TV in order for me to get anything done. Another person helping would really lighten the load. We do not take vacation because it is just so much work with everyone. I am trying to plan our first vacation in years for this summer and honestly I keep thinking that maybe we should just just stay home again. My family lives nearby but I can't count on them helping very often, my mom will take DD2 about once a month for an appointment. When DH travels or works late which does happen all the time then life is just miserable at home.

NAKing, excuse typos

[Juvysen]

If I had a nanny, I might just keep on popping them out (although, this pregnancy has been more difficult on me). It's just so fascinating seeing what they look like and who they become...

[chimomma]

Originally Posted by possum

I think it seems reasonable. I don't think we were meant to raise children isolated in our homes for hours at a time day after day. and this seems like a reasonable solution to a problem created by modern society.

FWIW, we have delayed TTC another baby because we didn't have a support system of any kind and he was a very high needs little guy. My SILs who live very near family just don't get it, but hey, they have a great mom who lives in town and can be there for major or minor issues almost any time. They get a break. We, on the other hand, are always on - no one else is ever responsible for our child - EVER. If hiring help to relieve the intensity of parenthood were in our financial means, we might have TTCed earlier.

Melinda

If I had live in family helping, I would just have unlimited babies....lol. I wouldn't have more babies because I had a nanny, but I might get a nanny if I had too many babies too close together.

[SaraC]

If I had more household help then I would love another child or two. I feel "done" but I think having help can ease the burden a lot. I would have a house keeper if I could swing it and it would make parenting my children a lot easier since I wouldn't have to worry about that.

I say if you can afford it and it fits your family go for it
1

[dex_millie]

Originally Posted by possum

I think it seems reasonable. I don't think we were meant to raise children isolated in our homes for hours at a time day after day. and this seems like a reasonable solution to a problem created by modern society.

........................

: I think help would make a huge difference. I would have one or two more. It will make me less irriatble. I really believe we weren't meant for this type of isolation.

[MarineWife]

Absolutely! I have 3 boys, 19, 6 and 2. My 2yo is definitely spirited. He exhausts me. My dh is in the military and gone for months at a time. Things can get very rough for me. I would love to have another baby but am worried at this point that I'm overwhelmed. If I had help with light housework, someone to entertain the older kids while I took care of the baby, someone to entertain all the kids while I took a shower, I would not hesitate to have another baby.

[lovebeingamomma]

If you have the money I would do it. You're not asking her to raise your kids, just to help you out a little, which all moms need. In your case with the difficulties you had with the first I would also recommend you get a postpartum doula for the first weeks. Also a birth doula for the actual birth lowers the chances of postpartum depression, doesn't mean you won't have it, but it's something to look into. Blessings

[Kindermama]

Yes and we did!

Our last 2 (out of 4) were 16 months apart and we had a nanny FT for a year and PT for another year. The lack of privacy was a hard thing...but she eventually became part of the family in a way. I would do it again and we just might be looking into part-time afternoon help because of the after-school activities we seem to be adding to our schedule!

[momtoS]

If you have the money and find someone that fits your family go for it!

I have two and NO help at all. Most days I feel like a slave, cooking, cleaning, bringing them to music, swimming, library, etc. I have no time to do anything. I would love someone that could come and help out a little. Right now I am trying to organize stuff because we got some new furniture. It is hard to do with little ones around....if I had someone watching them it could be done in an afternoon instead of a couple of weeks here and there!

I am just a hamster on a wheel.......running and running and running and get nowhere!

GO for it!