wwyd?? Use credit to go to family wedding??

[MommyDOK]

My cousin is getting married later this year. It won't be a huge expense, but we don't have money saved for it. We are on a bare bones budget since dh got a paycut last year. We will probably have to use a credit card to go to it. The hotel is about $100/night for a few nights, meals, gas, dog boarding etc. We could stay w/ dh's brother, but he is a 90 minute drive away, so not very convenient, but still a place to spend the night.

I would like to see family since this is a wedding and haven't seen most of them since the last wedding, 7 years ago. Most of the cousins have had babies since then and would be fun to see everyone.

I just hate the idea of charging a trip. I don't know what to do. Part of me is frustrated bc this side of the family is very wealthy and could easily put all the nieces/nephews up in a hotel and buy our meals etc.

What do you think? I keep thinking of Dave Ramsey and his words about being a gazelle and how so people get mad, but that is the way it is.

[aircantu1]

How much later this year? Can you save the money for the trip before you go? That's really no different than paying it off after you go.

[yeahwhat]

Since you have several months to save, I'd start saving for it now. If you can't save enough to go with several months notice, how do you plan on paying off the credit cards with interest added? You can get creative and have a garage sale, pick up some temp work, etc.

There's also plenty of opportunities to cut back on expenses.
-Dog boarding vs. trading dog sitting with a friend (my parents do this with friends, even though they have to stay at the friends' house during their turn for dogsitting because of the number of dogs involved).
-Packing a cooler with sandwiches, drinks, and homemade snack foods vs. buying stuff along the way.
-Stay with your dh's brother for all except the night of the wedding and cut back on hotel costs.

[texmati]

Originally Posted by aircantu1

How much later this year? Can you save the money for the trip before you go? That's really no different than paying it off after you go.

This. I would try really hard to save up the money before the trip. I couldn't charge a vacation though.

I also wouldn't be frustrated that your wealthy family is not paying for the hotel. You don't necessarily know what their situation is, and I wouldn't expect family to finance your vacation. If you don't want to charge it, than I wouldn't go.

[MommyDOK]

thanks for the ideas. You're right, there is no difference between saving and charging, except the interest. We have a lot of upcoming expenses and are still not caught up from dh's lay off a few years ago...... I'm really torn.

I'm thinking we could take our dog if we stay at the bilaw. Our dog is kind of tricky bc she is a "runner" when the door is left open, so many friends are not interested in swapping, plus she chews and gets out of fenced yards.

This family is very wealthy, no debts, multiple houses, yacht, give their children gigantic monetary (six figures) gifts for weddings etc. I don't expect anyone to finance my vacation, but I do know it is hard for some wealthy people (in my family) to know what others go through each month. Even my own mother throws things into the cart at the grocery store w/ me and I'm thinking, "Are you going to pay for those fresh strawberries? bc they're not in our budget."

[xmysticprincessx]

So it would be about $800 or so to go to the wedding, including the hotel, gas, dog boarding, etc?

Do you have to stay at the hotel that everyone else is staying at? Maybe you could do priceline.com and name your own price for a hotel in the area. My grandparents get a hotel when they come visit us (we don't have room for them to stay here), and I've gotten them a 3 star hotel room fora bout $70 a night. Granted, it depends on the season, area, etc, but you should be able to get something reasonably.

We took a vacation last month, and even the Days Inn that we stayed at off the highway had a continental breakfast in the morning, basically coffee, cereal and milk, juices, bagels/toast/donuts, fruit, and oatmeal. If you got a hotel like that, that would save $20 or so each morning by not having to go out for breakfast.

I'd start saving money right now to go to the wedding. If you're only a few hundred dollars short, I'd charge the rest of it. This seems like a pretty low-budget vacation, and its always nice to see family who you haven't seen for years. Especially since it seems like extended families only get together for weddings and funerals, so its better to see everyone on happy terms.

[texmati]

Originally Posted by MommyDOK

This family is very wealthy, no debts, multiple houses, yacht, give their children gigantic monetary (six figures) gifts for weddings etc. I don't expect anyone to finance my vacation, but I do know it is hard for some wealthy people (in my family) to know what others go through each month. Even my own mother throws things into the cart at the grocery store w/ me and I'm thinking, "Are you going to pay for those fresh strawberries? bc they're not in our budget."

Sorry, I didn't mean to come off harsh. I know how difficult it can be, especially with the expectations of family.

It sounds like ya'll are having a tough year. Is it likely that there will be other weddings coming up?

[FloridaBorn]

I would "put up the poor mouth" as we call it in the South and see if a generous relative appears! It's not made up baloney... your family has suffered a pay cut and won't be able to attend without help. There's plenty of time to mention it subtly to relatives in the next few months over the phone.

[RunningMomTegan]

I went through this recently, although we are dual income and could afford an $800 trip.

However, all I could think about was how when I stop working this year, these kinds of trips won't be possible. My husband was the best man, but we had to pay for EVERYTHING. Hotel room, tux rental, etc, etc. My parents had the dog, so we saved on that.

I'd either do the suggestion of staying w/ BIL except the night of the wedding and bring a crate for the dog or follow FloridaBorn's advice and "mention" how much you want to come, but it looks to be out of the budget...

I don't think it occurs to families who never think about money what this sacrifice would mean for yours. That this trip is three months of groceries for you.

Good luck.

[Purple*Lotus]

No, I only use the credit card for emergencies. And it has to be a pretty big emergency for me to even use it then.

I would send a gift and wish them well. But I wouldn't put it on a credit card.

[mtm]

If you're still recovering from a layoff and don't have emergency savings, I would put it off. You'll enjoy it more when you can pay for it without adding stress/debt.

[sunflower.mama]

Originally Posted by mtm

If you're still recovering from a layoff and don't have emergency savings, I would put it off. You'll enjoy it more when you can pay for it without adding stress/debt.

??? I don't see how you put off going to a wedding Personally - I'd do it. Go that is. I did it last year in fact. It wasn't the most fun time ever, actually, cancel that. Planning it was stressful but the actual trip and wedding were a lot of fun. The groom is a very close family friend and godfather of my daughter. It would have been a life-long hurt not to go. We decided to live with the debt. But I have to admit that a "destination wedding" (which it was) last year seemed really frivilous and I heard a lot of his friends didn't go.

[mamabutterfly]

Personally, I'd go. I feel like life is too short not to see family, esp when it's been 7 years. People die, babies grow up; I really value reunion opportunities. To me a family wedding is really different from a regular 'vacation.'

Hope you can find a way to swing it that you feel comfortable with.

[pumpkin]

If it was a sibling's wedding I would find a way to go. Otherwise I would skip it.
I don't make it to every major family function. It just isn't feasible.

[lilyka]

start asking around. Surely someone can put you up. split a hotel room? stay at BIL. 90 minutes is not that far away, If you stay at a hotel definitely find somewhere cheaper. I have stayed in sweets before for $20 a night. yeah thats not a typo. priceline baby. and start saving. no way would I put it on a credit card.

My moms husband is dying. I am debating now weather or not I would be willing to put a trip for the funeral on the credit card. I don't think i would. (he is not my dad or even my step dad.) Someone would have to pay my way. a trip home costs a lot. $400 for gas alone, plus an oil change, plus expenses while I am there plus a week off work ($300). I have worked so hard to get out of debt. but have not had enough time to start saving for trips and emergancies.

[claddaghmom]

Check out slickdeals.net. They have a travel section. You can post and people will help you find deals. $800 for a few nights is steep. You could probably do airfare on that total.

I would charge it to a card for reward points and then pay it off immediately. I say don't go into debt. Try to trim down the expenses and save up for it.

I feel you though. I was just ranting on another thread about the weddings this year. People think we are made of money or something.

[MommyDOK]

Thank you all for your ideas and suggestions. Weddings are expensive, esp if you are in it (we are not) and some people expect a large expenditure and some people are understanding.

I'm trying to put my finger on why this cousin's wedding is pushing me over the top...is it our current finances? Jealousy of my cousins (many of them have been very financially successful, but I am a sahm by choice and therefore lower income)? The presumption that everyone will come and spend all the money at the fancy lodge they chose? Is our family really that close anyways? I was thinking about that one. WHen my cousin emailed me for my address, he didn't know we had moved---that move was 12 years ago!!! So my family is really not that close and I don't have a lot in common w/ any of them. When a cousin (on the other side) married, I sent a generous check and never looked back.

If my cousin were having a kidney transplant from another cousin and everyone got together for moral support, I don't think that would not bother me at all.

[velochic]

Can you stay at the BIL for most of the time and just be at the hotel for 1 or 2 nights right when the wedding is occurring?

If it were a sibling, I would probably go, otherwise probably not for anyone else if it put me in debt. A cousin? Probably not, but that is based on how close *I* am to my extended family. Sometimes cousins are as close or closer than siblings, so that is for you to judge. We spent 4-figures to attend my cousin's wedding a few years ago, but we didn't even have to take it from savings. If we had to have even taken it from our emergency fund/savings, I probably would have sent a decent gift and my well-wishes only.

[lilyka]

Seriously, if that is all the closer you are I wouldn't think twice about sending a small gift with a note of congratulations. All that expense aside I don't know that I would drive an hour to the wedding....Save your money for something fun with family you are close to.

[ltlmrs]

We did this one year, I was a bridesmaid to a very good friend and at the time didn't even think about *not* being there. We had no savings and put it on a credit card, cost over a thousand dollars when all was said and done even though we stayed with another friend. We got back and found out my husband was going to be laid off in two weeks time. We're still paying the credit card off.

I had a great time and was very happy to see my dear friend. But, all of the nice memories have been clouded by the constant weight on my shoulders from the disaster that became our finances.