Waiting to Adopt NON DDC ~ March 2010

[BeckC]

This is a "Non Due Date Club" for all the Mamas waiting to adopt kiddos, whether newborn or older. We can share our stories, encourage each other while we wait and be patient (or not) for our little ones to arrive.

Feel free to join in if you are waiting for a foster kiddo, a relative or an adoption in any stage. We're not trying to be exclusive at all. Mamas who don't have any kids yet but who are waiting to adopt or foster a kiddo are also welcome. Also feel free to chime in if you have previously adopted and have stories or advice to share.

Please keep this thread supportive and gentle. We all have different journeys and different ways of "getting there".

Here is the link to February's NON DDC

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Waiting to Adopt DDC Roll Call!!!


BeckC (Rebecca)
Domestic Transracial Newborn Adoption
Homestudy approved 8/09
Waiting to be matched

Whistler (Erin)
Domestic Transracial Newborn Adoption
Baby boy born on 9/29
Home on 10/9!

mamalemon
Domestic Newborn Adoption
Baby boy is home!

mamarhu
Foster/adoptive parent, hoping to adopt DFC
Maybe waiting for 5yo twins, sibs of DFC

tiffani
International African adoption
Received referral for 2.5 year old boy and 5 mo old girl!
Waiting on a court date

lamamax3
Domestic Newborn Adoption
Licensed and waiting to be matched
Applying for adoption through state

curliemama
Private domestic adoption
Baby girl is home!

HeatherAtHome (Heather)
Hoping to foster/adopt
Bought a house, renovating before starting the process

candm
International Haitian adoption
Finalized, our son and daughter are home!

crl (Catherine)
Updating homestudies for China and Kyrgyzstan
Homestudy for domestic adoption approved 12/09
Matched with an emom having a girl due in April

sesa70 (Theresa)
Domestic Transracial Infant Adoption
Homestudy approved 11/09
Waiting for a match

airmide_m
Beginning adoption process
Working on getting lawyer and homestudy right away

chanibell
International Adoption
Thinking stage for #2

angie6191
Hoping to adopt current foster kiddos
Starting process for domestic transracial newborn adoption
Approved 11/09

azedazobollis (Christine)
DD came home on December
Waiting for finalization

Polliwog (Beth)
Hoping to adopt DFD who is free for adoption
Next court date in Nov

DTmama1
Matched with sibling group from foster care
Ages 6, 9, 10, 11, and 13
Kids are moved in!

raqmykids (Raquel)
Transracial domestic adoption
Waiting for placement

someonenamedleah (Leah)
Domestic Transracial Infant Adoption
Baby boys born 1/09!

Alvenchrst
Foster/adopt
Working on paperwork

ftlmom2001
Domestic private adoption
Baby boy born 10/13

hdeering
Foster parents to 3 yo, 3 yo, and 5 month old.
Moving towards adoption with 2 out of 3, but maybe all 3.
TPR hearing for 1 or 2 of them in Jan.

excitedtobeamom
Adopting from Thailand
Waiting on referral (hopefully summer/fall 2010)

hi abbott
Working on agency paperwork

rebyell
Domestic adoption
Baby girl born 11/10/09
Baby is home!

Luv-my-boys
Special needs Foster/Adopt through state
Approved, Waiting for $$ to finish homestudy

Crpsmnwife
International adoption from Ethiopia
Homestudy completed
Waiting for approval

Ttoes
Domestic Newborn Adoption
Homestudy approved
Waiting to be matched

SimplyRochelle (Rochelle)
Hoping to adopt from foster care
Just starting the process

griffin2004
State Foster-to-Adopt Program
Waiting for a placement
Signed with private adoption attorney

christophersmom
Hoping to foster
Approved 10/09
Waiting for a placement

leahcar
Homestudy approved 07/09
Hoping to adopt an older child (girl)
Matched with a 9 year old girl

ladycop79 (Heather B)
Hoping to foster
Taking MAPP classes

Sbrinton (Sara)
International African Adoption
Researching agencies

mightyisis6874
Domestic Infant Adoption
Applying with agency
Waiting for homestudy

willowbean
Licensing for foster hoping to foster-adopt
Working on home study

Bella Catalina
Hoping to adopt from Ethiopia
Researching agencies

Veronika01
Hoping to adopt
Researching programs

MamaK (Kim)
Domestic Transracial Newborn Adoption
Homestudy approved 12/09
Waiting to be matched

azmomtoone
Researching domestic and foster-adopt

just_lily
Domestic Public Adoption
Waiting for approval

Armom
Adoption through state foster care system
Homestudy approved
Waiting to be matched with a 2-5 year old

miche28
Domestic private adoption newborn through 2 years
Waiting for approval

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Congratulations to Curliemama on her new daughter!

[BeckC]

Our March NON DDC is up! And welcome to Armom and just_lily, our newest members.

[tiffani]

welcome armom and justlily!

Originally Posted by tiffani

we are waiting for a court date -- there is a couple there with their son, and they have their appointment with the embassy tomorrow. If they are issued a visa for their son, our lawyer will go ahead and request a court date for us. the embassy had put a hold on issuing visas, and we *think* that everything is sorted out, but this family tomorrow is the guinea pig test run at the embassy... we shall see!!!

no visa was issued, still working things out over there I guess, so no upcoming court date for us. sigh.

[Polliwog]

Originally Posted by tiffani

welcome armom and justlily!



no visa was issued, still working things out over there I guess, so no upcoming court date for us. sigh.

Sorry to hear that.

[Armom]

Thanks for the welcome! Just to clarify for the universe and anyone else keeping tabs, I am hoping to adopt a 2-5 year old but am open to a boy or a girl.

[mamarhu]

My latest observation: no matter how intensely I am waiting for one thing, the rest of life continues in the meantime.

[SundayCrepes]

bump

[HeatherAtHome]

I've been quiet lately seeing I haven't had a lot to talk about. I think it's the time of year, tired of winter, hoping for spring. Sometimes I prefer to not think about this stuff when it feels too far away. I posted on a separate thread about when to make the call to start fostering. I guess I just don't feel ready yet. I'm not proud of how our home looks now. It's great, but not finished. Ok, that started a list of things I'd like to improve first so I think I'll go ahead and write that list so I have something to check off in order to feel like we're moving forward.

Maybe I will make a 'feeler' call but I feel so nervous/excited/scared. Scared of being rejected, scared of change, scared of not being what these kids need. I think I've been planning on this for so long that I'm starting to over think the whole thing. I just need to DO IT.

[sesa70]

long winded non update

Originally Posted by mamarhu

My latest observation: no matter how intensely I am waiting for one thing, the rest of life continues in the meantime.

This is such a good observation! Thank you.

For me... I am just ready. Ready for the next step. Ready for our baby to come home. Ready for spring to emerge.

I am so tired of waiting. Emotionally drained. I feel like the last two years of our lives were spent in the pursuit of growing our family. And before that, it was a 3 year journey to our 2nd dd. Big chunks of the lives of our 2 children are mingled with the anxiety and tension of adding to our family. I feel like I haven't been able to fully enjoy their various life stages because of the emotional distraction of the process of adoption. That is why I know this will be our last child. That makes me very sad in many ways, but also a bit relieved that I won't have this cloud of anxiety over my head anymore. I just wish the whole process was easier... intense. Maybe it is just me, and our family's particular journey. It is just hard.

My 4 yr old dd has claimed our boy name. She cannot hear it without saying "thats my baby brother! He's coming home soon!" For some odd reason the two of us are convinced the next baby will be a boy Of course there is absolutely no way to know.

A good friend of mine is so supportive, bless her heart. She knows how hard this is for us, and she tries to make it positive. When she hears about a new baby being born, she is the first to say "Theresa is expecting a baby soon too" and she talks about our lives with our next chid with ease. I just wish I had her postivity and her vision.

I signed my dd up for preschool this fall. It will be 3 months before her 5th bday. I had originally wanted to homeschool her, but I realized I am just not cut out for it... at least not right now. Her and I have such similar personalities I think the best thing for her right now is this montessori school, which we both loved. I plan for her to attend for two years, and then we ca re evaluate. I sincerly hope that by then our next child has come home. I was hoping it would her something of her own to look forward to once there was a baby in the house taking up much of my time. She is a very active child and used to being on the go, although she seems equally excited and impatient for her sibling to come home. She asks nearly every day.

I have also started to work on the nursery. Very slowly, so as not to look at an empty room month after month. It was my first step in allowing myself to actually believe a baby would be living here someday.

Our agency gives our program an 'average' wait of about 1 year. Of course that doesn't mean much, given that we have seen families waiting for 2+ years (though I don't know the program they were in). We are not open to many risk factors, given our older dd's special needs we felt our plates were full in that department. I don't know if that is why things are not moving for us? We have not had our long profile shown once, nor have any Emoms inquired about us yet. It feels really dissapointing.

Anyway, sorry this somehow turned into a page long pitty party! LOL! I think once the weather warms up and the world starts to come back to life time will go quicker for me.

[lamamax3]

We are fairly certain that we are about to abandon our plans to adopt through the non-profit agency we are "waiting" with and start everything over to foster-to-adopt or straight adoption through OCS. Despite our sw's assurances that "it's not if, but when" because we think that perhaps she's using the word "when" in conjunction with infinity...at some point in the whole life of the universe, we might get chosen. For goodness sake, she doesn't even have any emoms in the minority program! The regular program places caucasian babies every month. At this point, we have out-waited the people in that program! How can she keep us stringing along? We are not waiting for a match; we are on a list as a backup.

Anyway, we should start classes next month. Not looking forward to going through an entirely new home study. Our older two kids sleep in their own beds in our room (their rooms are way upstairs; stupid "modern" floorplan) and our three year old sleeps with us. Our sw was cool with that, but I have heard that foster/adopt sw might not think that way. We will have to gather all of the same paperwork again, get doctors forms, etc. Not sure why they can't just add to our current home study, but I should expect it because despite all of the glowing adds you see online and the magazine articles extolling the virtues of adoption, the realities are made so difficult as to weed out all but the most insanely dedicated people (no offense, I include myself in that group ).

So, somehow I need to work through my anger and disappointment over the past two years and start the entire process over. We started when our youngest was 25 months old because we didn't want a large age gap, and everything I'd ever read claimed there was a serious need for adoptive parents for AA and bi-racial children. So glad I researched things for years before that

[BeckC]

I just wanted to let everyone know that I may be MIA for the next week or so. DH and I are headed to his home state to visit his family. His grandmother was recently diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer so we're going to see her and the rest of his family.

On an adoption note, I've had a very hard time feeling connected to this adoption. Things were great when we were filling out paperwork and I felt like we were on the path. But since we started waiting in August I've felt less like we're actually adopting a baby and more like a crazy woman who is just collecting baby stuff for a baby who is never going to be ours. Last night I was laying in bed thinking about the adoption and a feeling just hit me, a feeling that it was really going to happen. It was very matter of fact, a feeling that we really are going to have a baby and be parents, it's really going to happen. I wondered for a second when this would happen and October popped into my head. October 21 to be exact. I have no idea where that came from, but for just a second I felt very confident.

Obviously I'm not putting any bets on October 21 (lol) but I do feel a strange connection to it now. Just out of curiosity I went on a pregnancy website and did a due date calculator. A baby due on October 21 would be 7 weeks along. I signed up for weekly updates to follow along with "my baby". Is that weird? I would feel creepy following along with an actual woman's pregnancy, like I was claiming a baby who wasn't mine yet (if ever). This way I feel like I can connect with my baby, whoever s/he turns out to be without co-opting an expectant mom's pregnancy.

I hope I don't sound crazy, like one of those women who stick pillows under their shirt and pretend to be pregnant with the child they're planning to adopt. I know that the chances that my child will actually be born in October are slim (um 1 in 12? lol) And I know that my feelings last night were just my own way to form a connection to this hypothetical baby. I just feel like this is a way to keep hope alive and connect to my future child at the same time. Anyway, it seems to be working. I do feel my spirits buoyed a bit. And DH has enjoyed hearing how big a baby is from weeks 4-7 (poppy seed, sesame seed, lentil, blueberry lol)

So that's our update. I figured if anyone would understand it would be you guys.

[angie6191]

Hello everyone! It's been a difficult few months for us. Our foster children may be returned this month after over two years with us. It is heartbreaking- the 8 year old doesn't want to leave here, and the two year old only knows us as Mommy and Daddy. It's really hard for me to accept that they would return these children to someone with such an extensive CPS history, with no job, transportation, or housing. The law guardian finally met the children yesterday after all this time. I saw him in court last week and he had no idea what there names are or even that there are two of them! He talked to my fd for half an hour, but I don't know if she opened up to him.

On the adoption front, we have been shown a few times a month since November. Obviously not picked yet, but I am praying it happens soon for us. The stress is overwhelming at times.

Beck- I definitely do not think you are crazy!

[SundayCrepes]

Angie, very depressing about your fc's.

Beck, Throughout our entire wait for a baby I sang to it the same way I sang to our son when I was pregnant. Naturally it never felt the same. Then on August 5 I was mailing out letters to obstetricians seeking a match. I sang to our baby while doing it and this time I knew our baby heard me. She was born five days later and we were matched by one of the obstetricians I'd contacted via the letters I'd just sent out.

Sometimes we just feel things and they are right. (And if they're wrong, at least it made the waiting easier.)

[tiffani]

wow, things are rough around here! hugs to everyone in adoption limbo (or adoption hell, angie, I'm so sorry )

we're still waiting for news. story of my life.

[2xand2y]

Beck, I'm pretty much just a lurker here but I just wanted to say: You are not crazy!! My bestfriend's sister has struggled with infertility and had given up on ever being a mom. I met P when she came to visit my BFF fall. When I met her I got the overwhelming feeling that she was meant to be a mom and I began praying for her and her baby. Recently, she was contacted by an OB (who happens to be a distant family member of hers) about adopting a baby. When she met the birthmother she found out that she made her decision to make an adoption plan the same weekend I met P. Sometimes you just know! And, of course, like SC said even if you are wrong it makes the waiting easier. ((hugs))

[sesa70]

Well here is another of my 'im crabby and I have no good news' update posts

When we first got serious about starting the process, I had called all the agencies we were concidering and asked about their current estimated wait times. At that point (roughly 14 months ago) our current agency told me about 9 months. So, we started our homestudy. Fast forward to Nov of last year when we were homestudy approved and officially on the waitlist. I was told about a year. We have been waiting about 5 months now. I spoke to our councelor to check in last week, and I was told the wait is looking like 18 months to 2 years, and we should just 'hang in there'.

I feel so frustrated and angry. This is not what I had signed up for. One of the reasons we chose an AA program is because the wait times were not as drastic. Now, once our money and homestudy is invested in this agency, our wait time has doubled. And truly, there is nothing I can do about it.

So ya, not too happy around here

[alinae]

Hello, everyone I'm new and so excited to find this board.
My DH and I are doing an international adopt to Taiwan. We are currently waiting for our homestudy to be completed (praying it will be completed this month).

[sagewinna]

Dh and I went to an information night a few weeks ago and really liked the agency. We have some friends who adopted through them and were very happy with the people they worked with. We are completing out paperwork and I will take it in this week, then we are officially on the way!

We are doing foster adoption. I have no idea how long the wait is here in CA, but the home study part takes about 6 months. Many of the parents we know who fost-adopted waited 6-12 months after the homestudy, so...

Our kids are very excited, we told them last night that we had decided. We are all praying for our future child and for the birth/first parents.

It took us a long time to come to this decision, and I am happy that we are pursuing this and just full of questions and stuff.

[crpsmnwife]

Update and Agency Research

I was so warmed to see number of families waiting/considering/pursuing adoption on the thread this month. I'm sorry for those going through the really tough stuff :-( My thoughts and prayers are with each of you.

Our adoption update: Our homestudy has been approved, and our dossier has been completed. We are now waiting on our dossier to be translated so that we can officially begin our wait. I feel very strange. I mean ANYTHING could happen now. We could get a call in three weeks, or we could wait for 18 months. Either way, I know that it will happen when it's right - no sooner, and no later. (Hopefully typing that out will somehow help me to remember 6 months from now!)

Side note: I see some families who are considering international or African adoption are researching agencies. Please check out the yahoo group that is designated for just that purpose (researching agencies for international adoption). They have LOTS of very valuable information. We chose our agency for several reasons, the main one being that they are orphan-centered, not so much couple-seeking-a-baby-centered, if that makes any sense. And they had a pretty impeccable record. We feel 100% that they are on the up and up, and that's a great feeling when things can be so volatile with international adoption. Please keep looking until you find an agency that you really feel like you can TRUST with this intensely vulnerable time. And you are welcome to PM me for info on our agency if you want. Happy hunting!

I can't wait to hear more great news from everyone as the month goes on!

[sagewinna]

Oooh, you must be so excited CRPS! It's hard for me to not know exactly when things will happen, but so far I'm going with it ok. I know it will be different once we are through the homestudy though! lol