need support and/or advice!

[petey44]

I'll try to make this short: I hate hate hate my job. I don't know if I hate teaching or just my school and administrators. I know for a fact that I hate the latter, I just don't know if I actually hate teaching or if I would maybe like it better elsewhere (I've been at the same place for all 3 years I've been teaching).
My dh is very insistent that I need to work for financial reasons. I disagree, but fine, whatever. I finally convinced him that there's a good chance I actually hate teaching, so I don't want to apply for different schools next year (besides, I CAN'T make it all the way until June where I am now). So, he agreed that it would be ok for me to apply for other jobs (I have two degrees, so there are other things I'm qualified for) that would pay up to $10,000 less. I started this process about 3 weeks ago.
I've heard nothing back. Well, I got a phone call from one organization I applied to. I returned the call, waited a few days and didn't hear back, so made a follow-up phone call. Still nothing, so I'm assuming I won't ever hear back from them.
I've struggled with depression and anxiety all of my life, and it's really kicked into high gear now. I don't want to take medication, as I still bf dd, but it's starting to look like I'm going to have to
I've called out the last few work days- I just can't go in there- it's horrible! But, dh isn't budging- I need to find a job before I can quit this one.
Please help- how am I supposed to get through a day? A week, month, however long it takes me to find another job? Should I go on medication? I'm so stressed and unhappy, I feel like it's taking a toll on dd and my relationship with her.
Thanks for reading and any advice would be appreciated!

[Autumn Moon]

While I understand the finances, it seems a little cruel to force you to stay in a job you absolutely hate ara

I wouldn't get on medication, but maybe set a date on your calendar as your "I'm done" date and explain to your husband that your goal is to make it until that day, and then move on, regardless of what the next step is. That way, you know there IS an end in sight, you can plan better, and you may feel a little more control over the situation.

Best of luck :heart

[crunchy_mommy]

Wow I did a double-take when I read this because it sounds exactly like something I'd write (right down to the depression/anxiety & 2 degrees). I also hate hate HATE my job & ended the day in tears half the time for the last 4 years. I struggle getting out of bed etc. but I am the main wage earner & we really do NEED my income just to pay our basic bills, though DH is working on finding a higher-paying job so I can quit. Do you have a budget? Is it truly possible for you to live on just your DH's income? If so, I would write out all the monthly expenses etc. & show your DH how you survive if you quit. If you CAN'T survive on one income, I'm not sure what to say, you'd be in the same boat as me. I know how tough it is doing this every day when you just hate it so much. I often call out sick for a day or two just to mentally calm myself... can you take a leave of absence? Could you get sick/disability leave with a doctor's note regarding the depression etc.? (These aren't options for me but maybe for you???) I hope you can figure something out.

[Carita]

the disability leave idea is a really good idea. Regardless, i would recommend seeing a therapist to talk out all your issues w/your job, wfinances, wDH. I found it really helpful as a first line of defense before trying medication while I was BFing.

Also is there any way you can remind yourself of the positive you are doing where you are? There are somethings you cna control about your job, and there are some things you can't. Focus on the things you can do - inspire your students, teach a student, remember to wish someone a happy birthday. Just write a list of 3 good things you will do each day and then at the end of the day write a list of all the positive things you did that day - even the little things.

And most of all, just keep applying away - with large parental investment into each application, just to keep knowing you are doing something in that direction. ((hugs))

[aleatha5]

I sympathize! I actually like what I do, but I know that it can be really tough when you have to work in hostile environments, or environments that aren't family friendly/flexible (my situation). I feel like it would make all the difference in the world to be able to work in a job without all the office politics!

So, I guess I'm trying to say , stay positive. What attracted you to teaching in the first place? If you think about it, deep down do you still like teaching? Is it all the other stuff (ie office politics, mean girls at work, etc) that make you hate what you do? I know that for me, I looked at what I do, and determined I do still like what I do, I just don't like the lack of family friendly atmosphere/flexibility in my job.

I also like the idea of counseling or finding a neutral time to talk to your DH. With my DH, I find that if I say, can we talk about my job and do a pros and cons and how do you think I should handle this type talk he is more receptive then if I say "I hate my job"

Good luck and I'm hoping for the best for you.

[petey44]

Thanks, everyone, for the kind words and helpful ideas. I did have a doctor's appt yesterday, for something completely unrelated. I broke down crying in the office and he wrote me a letter excusing me for the rest of the week. Not as long as short-term disability, but still a greatly appreciated break. Plus, I do have an interview at my old employer scheduled for tomorrow. I'm hoping it's not just a pity interview, and that an actual job offer will come of it.
When I go back on Monday, though, I do plan to just focus on my actual work and to try to be positive, especially with the students. To just let all the evil administration stuff go in one ear and out the other.
I think the issue with dh is that, for me to stay home would require big changes (like selling a car and moving, although we are going ot be moving in 2 months anyway). the thought of losing my income really scares him, and comes a lot from the instability that he was raised in. and, while we could make it work, other dreams of ours (get out of debt, buy a house) would be put on hold for longer, and he doesn't want that. so, I understand his point, and I agree that I should work, my focus is just on the right now. But we are on a budget, so I do think it's a good idea to use that as a guide to make a new, hypothetical budget to show him how our lives would look if I was out of work for some time. Maybe he would respond better to numbers on paper than just some random idea pulled out of the sky.
Crunchy mommy, I'm sorry you're in the same situation. You bear the additional burden of being the primary earner- I do hope you are able to create a better situation for yourself soon too!

[hildare]

I'm sorry you are having a difficult time. I've been there.
I can tell you that different schools have completely different atmospheres, and admin and teachers (just like students in your classroom) can create a good environment or a wretched one. Having worked in two different schools and for different principals I got to observe the difference a change in administration can make. You might actually like life a little better with a change in schools or grade levels, or something similar.
You could also make yourself a list of what you need to be happy.. and when you're looking at different schools, ASK about those things. Ask teachers on your interview panel directly what the atmosphere is like.
I have a friend going through something similar- she wants to walk out before June. I advise you not to do that. Stick it out till the end of the year.
Talk to your DH about options-- would you be interested in higher ed? Would going to graduate school help?
Hugs,

[pinuchkin]

I can't speak for your husband, but I tend to sympathize with him. I'm a primary wage earner, though I generally have liked my positions/career. DH worked full time when DD1 was small and we split schedules to avoid full-time daycare. He hated his job and schedule vehemently, complained about it frequently, and said he wanted to change. That went on for months, with me making sympathetic noises and helping him revise his resume. One day, he just quit. While I recognize now that he truly did need to quit for his own mental/physical health, and that I hadn't realized the depth of the impact on him of the prolonged job stress, him quitting was also a huge impact on me at that time, emotionally. It's a terrifying thing sometimes to be the one who truly cannot quit, no matter what, and it's also sometimes very angering to not have the "freedom" such as it is to be able to make that change. I was angry with him at many levels for months - possibly even years - after that because of jealousy that when I really hated my first job, I HAD to have something else lined up before I could change, period.

All that said, it sounds like your emotional response to your administration is feeding on some pretty deep wounds, and I second the PP's suggestions to see about a short-term mental disability leave while you get some real help (maybe start with counseling while still BFing?) and get yourself in a better position to support your applications?