Witnessed accident

[dirtyhipegirl]

Hi,

I'm writing this to maybe get some support and comfort from all the mothering community, not to have anyone feel sorry for me. Last month I was walking my dd to the bus stop while also holding my 6 week old. She ran into the road and was struck by a car. She was in a coma and intensive care for a month, now we are back in the states in a rehab facility. I know there is a long road to recovery. As anyone mother would, I'm feeling a lot of guilt and seeing the accident in my head over and over. Anyone who might have been through something tramatic I could use any words of encouragment. I know time will heal the pain. Really my faith in God has got me through this more than anything.

[ElliesMomma]

i'm so sorry, that must have been horrible for all of you. thank god she survived. i hope in time and her continued recovery you can find forgiveness for yourself and let go of the guilt.

[momtoS]

HUGS.

Wishing your daughter a full recovery.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

s for a fast recovery.

[Amatullah0]

[homeschoolingmama]

Oh hun. I am so sorry.

It really can happen to anyone. I am VERY protective with my children.
One day my daughter (who was then about 4 or 5) was walking with us. My mom was doing cross guard for the school and waved at us. My daughter ran across the intersection thinking my mom was waving her over. In a split second she was flying across that street. Luckily the cars that were coming weren't close enough to hit her. She very well could have gotten hit.
Please try and be gentle with yourself. I can happen to any one of us.
I pray that your daughter heals and you can rid yourself of the guilt.

[DaughterOfKali]

I hope you are in therapy. My thoughts are with you and your daughter.

[karika]

I have bt. My son died. The guilt is not productive, though we feel it intensely. What helped me finally was to know that every soul chooses its path prior to birth. Nothing happens 'by accident' it is all part of creating conditions in which we can experience what our soul wanted to experience this time around (ours and the child's). http://www.sapphyr.net/largegems/littlesoul-thesun.htm

I found relief from the guilt (read I figured out what the guilt was about and why I didn't have to have it) after reading the works of Neale Donald Walsch and Deepak Chopra and Eckhart Tolle.

[riversong]

Hugs to you, mama. How scary. I hope your daughter is able to make a full recovery. I haven't been through this, but I can understand how it could happen in a flash.

Karika, I'm sorry for the loss of your son.

[Bethla]

Just wanted to let you know I'm a therapist in a large children's hospital. I see amazing recoveries everyday...even with kids who are injured critically. I pray your daughter is well soon.

[gothnurse3]

for you. I am so sorry and pray for healing for the whole family.

[dirtyhipegirl]

thank you all for your words of encouragment.

[gingsengmom]

I had something similar happen to me. My nephew {around 5 yrs at the time} and I were crossing the street. He had a toy in his other hand and as we were halfway across the street, the toy dropped, he jerked free of my hand, and ran back to retrieve the toy. I remember the sound of the yellow cab's tires braking against the asphalt. I remember it as clearly now as I did then. It was beyond a nightmare.

Because there were no other cars directly alongside of the cab, the driver was able to swerve and miss hitting him head on. My nephew had 2 broken legs which now I am thankful that it wasn't worse. From that day I learned to hold their wrists and not their hands when in a crowded place, crossing streets, etc. A painful price to pay.

Stay strong for yourself and your family. Take it one day, one minute at a time. I send you a warm and HUGE hug. Know that the collective strength of these well wishes is a very powerful and positive force.

[RheaSilva]

BIG HUGS to you, your little girl and the poor person who was driving the car. You are all in my thoughts; best wishes to all for a fast and full recovery.

[Cheshire]

My second son's birth was very traumatic, watching him be resuscitated over and over and then later removing him from life support set both my DH and me up for PTSD. I got to a point where I couldn't close my eyes without replaying it over and over again in my head. I would see it from every angle - what it was like for me, my husband, the healthcare providers and the most painful for me, what it must have been like for my perfect son.

We went to a counselor and it made such a difference. I couldn't reason my way out of it by myself. I agree with another poster that if you haven't already, consider counseling.

I'm glad your DD is doing better and here's to her (and your)continued recovery.

[sbgrace]

I'm so very sorry you are in such pain. I agree with others suggestions about counseling. Kids brains are so amazing--much better than adults at making new connections and healing.

I've carried guilt for various things w/ my kids. It serves no one good but it is often something that is part of the grief process that we go through whether the losses are huge or more manageable. You're grieving and I know it will do no good for me to tell you that it isn't your fault. (It isn't )

This is nothing like witnessing your child being struck by a vehicle but I wanted to share anyway in hopes it might give you some hope. My brother in law had a car accident and lived in trauma ICU for almost a week w/severe head trauma though he never regained consciousness. For a long time I could not think of him except for the hospital visions in my head. Every day it hovered over me like a dark cloud. He didn't look like himself there yet it seemed it was all my brain could remember. I struggled with questions about God and his role in our lives and answering prayers and the like. We were facing some serious stuff with my son health wise too and I was watching him suffer and grieving the loss of the future I had expected for him as well. Of course God never left me just like he never left Tom or my son. He loved me through it all. Yet it was a very dark time for a long time. I did take an antidepressant which helped. I should have sought therapy. But I'm telling you that in time things changed. I could close my eyes without the hospital visions haunting me. I could see guardrail without picturing him there. I remembered, instead, the Tom I knew before. That's what I remember now. I'm not saying that the other is gone or that I don't still cry over it. But there are far more sunny days and memories than the dark ones. I've had some intense grief for my son as well. But I don't think of his disease every time I see him now either though it's in my face every day. I just see Andrew and we live our new and unexpected life. It's not what I had hoped or would choose for him but I don't grieve like I did for so long. You are going to get there too. But you very likely need some help to deal with the memories and pain.

I will pray for you and your daughter and family.

[Fuamami]

That is a mother's worst nightmare, and I'm so glad she's recovering.

A former boss of mine was out of town on a business trip when her son got hit by a car while riding his bike. And, of course, she felt intense guilt for NOT being there. I think it's good that you're recognizing that guilt is both a natural emotion, and that there was nothing you could have done.

Oh, and her son recovered fully, after being in full-body traction for six weeks, and is now a healthy, normal teenager.

[Theia]

I am so sorry that happened to you OP, and everyone who shared really.

OP, have you read about PTSD? What you are describing, seeing the accident over and over is very like PTSD. PTSD is something that can be caused by witnessing a trauma, it doesn't have to actually be the individual that incurs the trauma. I am sure your guilt as a mother is probably complicating this as well. I suggest that you and your DD (when she is able to) both get counseling for dealing with this trauma. I have PTSD for a different reason, and it is not something to ignore or leave undiagnosed because it will come back to get you again later, like mine did. Please see if you can find a counselor who is specialized in PTSD, because I had seen counselors before who didn't diagnose my PTSD cuz I had ignored it so well. I am now seeing a counselor who specializes in PTSD and the work she does with me has helped so much more than any other counselor before.

Best wishes to you and your DD as you heal from this.

[tatangel19]

Hugs to you, mama. I don't know you, you don't know me, but by being part of MDC I know you love your kids more than life itself and your feelings must be overwhelming. Even thought we as a community can't always be at each others' sides IRL, I feel pretty comfortable speaking for all of us to say that we are all holding you and your families' hands. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me.

[HarperRose]

When I was 8 mos pregnant with my youngest (now 2), my oldest (then 7) was hit by a car.

In our situation, ds was coming out of a building to my van and a man was backing up.

I waved the man to go ahead and back up because I was waiting for ds. Right as he started backing up, I saw ds1's head bounding alongside the black car. The man didn't see ds, ds didn't see that the man was even moving, and bolted behind him. WHAM!

I SCREAMED in the car and honked the horn. Ds1 bounced up like a rubber ball, in tears, freaked out, but literally no damage aside from scraping his elbow and hitting his head on the ground.

When I watched it all happen, his head was on the ground, inches from the tire, and all I could envision was a watermelon being smashed. That's all I saw in my head for WEEKS. The what-if.

I also recommend therapy. It will help you process everything you're going through.

When ds was hit, I contacted his school (email) and told them what happened. They were VERY helpful and loving toward him, even taking extra time to talk to him about it if he felt the need.

This sucks, completely. You WILL be ok and you WILL work through this trauma. It takes time and professional help. Take care, ok? Take care of yourself & your kids as you get through this.