How to handle screaming?

[azzeps]

Help me please! My 2 year old is screaming and I don't know how to handle it, or if it is normal. This morning, she started screaming because she didn't want me to get in the shower. She wanted me to play, and I told her I would after I showered, but that was not to her liking. She screamed the entire time I was in the shower (I took a quick one, obviously). When I got out, I held her and she finished crying/screaming, and then I was able to distract her a bit so that she wouldn't continue.

So how should I handle this kind of situation? Generally, if I ignore it, she will continue to scream, or eventually say "hold me!" and be comforted by that. But I had to take a shower, so I did ignore it completely today. I don't usually. I think she might be a bit "spirited" - she is very intense and persistent and has trouble sleeping.

Screaming is generally not acceptable behavior or not an acceptable way to express emotions in our culture. But I don't want her to grow up learning to "stuff" her feelings, or get depressed because she can't be angry, etc. Am I making sense here? I also realize she is 2 and while she is very verbal, it is still challenging for her to express emotions, I'm sure, or disappointment, or whatever. Is this just normal behavior? I feel like it is, but it seems a little extreme sometimes.

I just want to understand her better and understand how I can help her through difficult times like this.

Thanks!

[OTMomma]

In my experience, a 2 year old having a screaming fit is a pretty normal thing. It sounds like you handled it fine. I know some parents who make screaming children go to their rooms to calm down, I don't think that sends the right message to a 2 year old, that you need to express yourself only when you are alone. I think letting a child who needs to scream, and then comforting afterwards is what is needed at times.

I do know though, that at our house, screaming fits are often signs my child is getting sick, low blood sugar, is tired, or ate something that makes them feel bad- like Jello. Jello is evil. So if you find you are dealing with a lot of them, I would look for causes besides what set the child off.

Peace,

[twinergy]

We are going through the same here. My twins are almost 28 months now and recently had major sleep disruptions because of illness. DD had a 70 minute tantrum over crayons, but she clearly needed to nap at that point. I’ve had “The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers” around for several months and finally decided it was time to read it. It was a little intimidating at first because it’s 400 pages long, but after reading it I realized that only the first 100 pages are general information and the rest is just a reference section for specific problems. We are on day 2 of adjusting the kids sleep schedule so I can’t profess how well it has worked for us, but it is crammed full of useful suggestions.

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ETA: There is a sleep chart on page 12 of the preview link I posted above. If your DD isn't close to getting the recommended amount of sleep I highly recommend the book for you.

[azzeps]

Thanks so much Laura.

I've been thinking about it, and I know that me jumping in the shower first thing is kind of a new thing for her... usually Daddy is home and he will take her to get dressed while I shower, on the mornings that I work, and when I don't work, we go straight down to eat breakfast, but Daddy has been away on business for a week now, and I think that the change in routine, plus just the fact that he's gone, is affecting her. She's been pretty clingy this week when she isn't usually.

Thanks for the insight. I appreciate it.

[azzeps]

Twinergy, ummm, yes, I have that book... she did have a rough night last night. She was up several times before I brought her in bed with me, and then she slept until morning. I need to put a plan into action using that book because there are a lot of good ideas. I just need to implement them.

Good luck with your plan and let us know how it goes!

[_betsy_]

Oh, yes, that big of a disruption will bring on the undesirable behavior quickly (and loudly!)

If it's happening at very specific times of day or events, work around those predictable events. Why not bring her into the shower with you? I would probably say something like 'You sound disappointed and frustrated. You want me to play, but I need to take a shower. How about you come play in the shower while I get nice and clean?" If you don't want her to bathe then or she refuses, try having a special, interesting toy she only plays with in the bathroom while you shower. That way, she's engaged, and close to you, but not screaming and you still get to shower.

Sometimes it can be alleviated with some creative, out of the box problem solving on our parts. Sometimes, it's hunger or tired or thirsty, or slow to adapt to a transition/change in routine. (I try to remember HALT - Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired/Thirsty)

I found right around 2, DD1 needed lots more food than before, and more frequently. Probably because she cut down on nursing as often, and she had a huge growth spurt.