momma can't give affection to anyone but her!

[Cprem]

My almost 15 month daughter is starting to get soo jealous when I give anyone else affection. this could be hugging my husband, holding a friends baby, or even holding the cat!! Once she sees me doing any of these things, she immediately drops what she was doing comes over crying. She will stop once I pick her up and focus on her.

I think this is ridiculous and want to put a stop to it at once. Not sure how to handle. Any advice??? I'm a SAHM so she gets plenty of time with "momma"...

Any help is greatly appreciated! thanks for reading

[ann_of_loxley]

My son was like this as well at that age. More so with me holding babies than anything else (I was broody since he was 3 months old - I love holding babies! lol) - but it was also a rediculous kinda funny when he was jealous of me giving affection to 'daddy' too!

If I went around with a 'what I think' and 'what I do' attitude to everything - it would be rather selfish. Even if I think my DS needs/wants/behaviour is just flipping rediculous (and I often to think that - but he is 4 and I am not! lol). I look at what about it that bothers me - and work on that myself ('this bothers me because'...it may help to right it down? It may be a chance for you to heal as well from your childhood - giving you a path to reconnect with your own child). As my feelings/wants/desires/needs are compeltely seperate from my son. I feel it is always important to remember that.

So I chose to respect my sons feelings/wants/desires duing this time. This doesn't mean you have to completely self-sacrifice yourself - but it helps to be realistic. I was not going to die (nor was my son going to become a spoilt brat) if I just simply handed the baby back to its mother and attend to my sons feelings at that time. At the end of the day - what is a few days, months, even years in the course of their life with us? Not much!

I also feel it helps to talk about things - so that they may put words to it rather than just coming across as whingy. 'Are you feeling left out?' - 'Would you like a cuddle too?' - 'I love you and Daddy both so much - you are both so special to me - I love to cuddle both of you!'. It can help turn a situation that fills you with spiteful negative feelings into something playful and positive!

Everything is a phase - and they all pass. Trust me. (though of course are usually followed by a new phase! lmao - Keeping us on our toes right? hehe) What our children need during those tought times is patience, guidance, understanding, uncondtional love and just plain respect for the fact they are human like everyone else. Of course - this is always easier said than done but we all get there in the end!

[Cprem]

I'm of course all for respecting her as a person and her needs...though it can be overwhelming at times obviously. I see where you are coming from, though the healing from my own childhood and reconnecting part was a little extreme, though I guess i'll just take it for what it is.

Will hope this is just a phase and will not grow more intense. I think there needs to be a balance with "mom's" needs and "babies" .

now that she is taking a nap and I"m drinking coffee, i'm feeling much more relaxed about the whole thing

[ann_of_loxley]

though the healing from my own childhood and reconnecting part was a little extreme

Really? You may actually be surprised at how many of your triggers/buttons are connected to your own childhood experiences.

[sapphire_chan]

We end up doing a lot of group hugs. I won't stop hugging dh because Lina's trying to pry us apart, but one of us scoops her up and we all hug.

I don't dump the cat off my lap, but I wrap an arm around her and help her pet the kitty. (Which, although gentle, does frequently make the cat decide to be elsewhere, ah well...)


And it is a phase, my nephew turned 2 in July, back at Thanksgiving if his mom so much as said "hi Lina" he'd jump into her lap for cuddles. By the new year he wasn't doing that anymore.

[gretelmom]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

We end up doing a lot of group hugs. I won't stop hugging dh because Lina's trying to pry us apart, but one of us scoops her up and we all hug.

I don't dump the cat off my lap, but I wrap an arm around her and help her pet the kitty. (Which, although gentle, does frequently make the cat decide to be elsewhere, ah well...)


And it is a phase, my nephew turned 2 in July, back at Thanksgiving if his mom so much as said "hi Lina" he'd jump into her lap for cuddles. By the new year he wasn't doing that anymore.

I agree with this. I don't think you should stop hugging or holding whomever you're engaged with. Here's why:

My husband travels a lot for work. His brother and family live less than a mile from us and my sons are very close with their uncle. My BIL has a wife and one daughter the exact age as my DS1.

There are times when DH is gone for even up to a month and when DS sees his uncle he really, really needs some "man time" to wrestle or even just snuggle. When Niece would see her dad giving affection to my DS's, she would FLIP out and he would drop them and run to her (she's an only child). This was VERY hurtful to my kids and me, too! I got to a point where I just didn't want my kids to go over there, especially if DH wasn't with me to help with that situation... It wasn't fair to my kids to be rejected like that. In fact it makes my eyes fill thinking of it.

ANd it's been important for me to raise my children in a way that they learn to think of others' feelings too. And part of that compassion is to tell your child, "Right now I'm hugging your cousin and we'd love to hug you, too" and if DC doesn't want to engage like that, it's your DC's choice. And you can explain, "Your cousin would be sad if I put her down right now, so why don't you help me hug her?" Then your DC can see that there is lots of love, and you don't have to choose one at the expense of another.